The Tumblr afterglow is starting to fade, and Yahoo is back to dumping money into oddball startups without any explanation. Why? Don't ask why.

Come in, close the floating glass door behind you and take a seat on the purple mitt chair. Laugh and high-five me as I tell you this: After a period of exponential growth from a single formica table into the hall of mirrors you find before you, the company has to rightsize.

It's about damn time. After an endless, occasionally entertaining—but mostly disconcerting—string of high-profile hacks, Twitter has finally introduced two-factor authentication to verify that yes, it is, in fact, you logging in.

The kind of CEO who posts dick pics of clients and orders his cofounder (and girlfriend, at the time) to “kiss the ring and listen to my billion dollar guidance,” does not go gently into that startup graveyard, even if his company is imploding around him.

Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer is plowing through a media tour with her newly adopted internet son David Karp. On everyone's mind is how Tumblr will reconcile its vast collection of rape porn GIFs with tween-friendly advertising—and the duo doesn't have much of an answer.

A staple of the Gilded Age 2.0 startup party, beyond custom stickers and a GIF photo booth, is the novelty cocktail. At last night's "Shin Digg" (get it?) in New York, the chic aggregator was serving gin-based middle fingers to one of its vocal critics.