With five days until Apple's 30th anniversary, a gaggle of news outlets are boldly writing the story we've never heard: "Apple is not like Microsoft!"

Honestly, Apple's gotten a teensy bit of superlative-laden press before. But the deification of Jobs soars to new, insane heights with a story in everyone's favorite tech mag, Vanity Fair. Michael Wolff — who took a lot of people's money in the dot-com boom, lost it, and wrote a book about it — drops to his knees in front of the Saint of Shiny Gadgets.

And what a vocabulary of worship! Here's a handy guide to:

Phrases Michael Wolff invented for Vanity Fair's Steve Jobs profile
¬ unbusinesses
¬ at-one-with-the-American-consumer golden gut
¬ official One-Eyed Man
¬ disorder-ish
¬ metrosexual-ish
¬ powerful boomer gene
¬ this virtual, transubstantiating age
¬ superhomes
¬ Two-jobs Jobs
¬ functional sainthood

Phrases Michael Wolff borrowed that Marshall McLuhan wants back. Now.
¬ The medium is the message.

iPod, therefore I am [Vanity Fair]

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