NICK DOUGLAS — Oh man, with the camcorder your girlfriend got you for Christmas, you're gonna make it BIG! Your online show will kick Leo Laporte's ass! Yes, you're making a —

Wait, you're gonna run another damn talking-head tech show? Give up now. Or try one of my show ideas (which, seriously, I will later kill myself for not charging you to use).

• Animal Land: The world needs a new Steve Irwin. Until it finds one, you'll do. You don't need crocs (hell, you don't want crocs); just stick your throat down a Doberman's fist. Yes, you read that right. You gotta do it up hardcore on AnimalLand.TV. Bonus: That domain is still available. Get it before Fox does.
• You Got Drunk'd: Hit the streets on a Saturday night and tape the kids stumbling out of clubs. Make them do stunts for dollar bills. It's Joe Francis meets Ashton Kutcher. It ain't classy, but it pays.
• Light Shit On Fire: Holy hell, watch this flameout. If you just try to replicate that, you'll make a hundred good episodes in the process.

  Note the beer at the end. That's your pre-production tool. Consider "Light Shit On Fire" the rural equivalent of "You Got Drunk'd."

• Urban spelunking: Find some local "urban explorers" and crack into some abandoned buildings with them. If you're careful and you don't get caught, you'll get major attention from high-profile blogs like Boing Boing, and you might discover pirate gold historical satisfaction.
• Machinima Classics: Not so good at original programming? Reproduce a classic Seinfeld episode in World of Warcraft. Do Arrested Development using Second Life. People will go nuts.

This is an installation of Diggbait, a daily column by Nick Douglas, who also writes for Eat the Press. He likes robots, words, and hospitalized kids (but was only kidding about putting them there).

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