For all you crybabies who complained that we quoted him out of context mwah mwah mwah, here's the long version of the short version of the wit and wisdom of John C. Dvorak. The guy impresses me, to be honest. He's made a career of pretending to have idiotic, badly-written contrarian opinions. He drives irony-challenged tech workers berserk. Their angry clicks turn Johnny the C's publishers a tidy profit. And like skunk-chasing dogs, the geekboys come back for more. After the jump, a Dvorak twofer: He tees off Apple and Google kooks in one post. Which I've edited, so you can get back to work.

The iPhone is being used more as a photo album than a phone, from what I can tell. People need to do Web searches from their phone, so they can, uh, get directions to the restaurant? They can simply use the phone itself to call the restaurant and ask!

There are no Google fanboys. There are no Google addicts. I cannot see that ever changing. People have had eons to program for the Windows smartphones and nothing has come of it. What's so different now?

Bonus video: Dvorak explains his geek-baiting formula. Inside an Apple store.

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