U.S. retail sales in January 2007 grew only 0.5 percent over the previous year. This is nigh unto a national disaster, if you ask the International Council of Shopping Centers. For the love of God, people, if you don't go to the mall, the terrorists will have won. It was the worst January since 1969 — and we all know what happened in 1968.

The Internet, thankfully, remained untouched by this shopping apocalypse. Online advertising behemoths Google and Microsoft say they haven't felt an oncoming recession at all. And even if there was one coming, Google cofounder Sergey Brin told analysts last week that Google would actually thrive in such a consumer belt-tightening environment. In hard times, consumers look for the best deals, and Google search provides them. Who does he expect to buy ads for "beans and rice" searches? Brin did not elaborate.

Going by Brin's theory, Wal-Mart should have done gangbusters. But no. The penny-pincher's paradise actually fared worse than most, growing 0.2 percent year over year.

(Photo by Cryostasis)

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