Why don't they just call it Web 2.0 Hoi Polloi? The conference for the rest of us, Web 2.0 Expo, opens today at Moscone West. While its swankier cousin, the Web 2.0 Summit, takes place at the whore-friendly Palace Hotel in November, the Expo still gives license to more than enough guys to splurge on a temporary girlfriend at their paid-by-work hotel room. Quick-thinking procrastinators can still find some sweet lady to keep them warm this week. iPhone-length assistance below:

• Look for "outcall only." You have the room, so narrow your search on sites like Eros Guide and TER to girls who are willing to do "outcall," or meet you at your hotel. If you need a date to dinner or a party, sometimes "outcall" covers that, as well — look for girls who book multi-hour appointments, or who offer a rate for a "night on the town."
• Crosscheck her reviews. Best bets for quick turnaround are girls who have reviews posted for the last few months. They're more likely to be available and taking new clients.
• If it takes more than two emails and two phone calls, bail. One email to ask if she's available, a second to confirm, a phone call to reconfirm the day of, and a second to give her directions on getting to your room. More than that is a red flag that she's too busy. If so, keep looking. Here's a sample email intro you can cut and paste:

  Hi there, [LADY NAME], I'm in town for just a few days at the Web 2.0 Expo, staying near Moscone at [HOTEL]. I found your ad via [SITE] and saw you were available in San Francisco. I have an evening free on [DATE] and [DATE] and would be happy to meet you for a drink in the bar first if that's what you prefer. Best way to get back in touch with me is this email, which I check [FREQUENCY]. Really looking forward to it, [YOUR NAME]

• Ask to be a fill-in. If all else fails, and if you can be available to see her with an hour's notice or so, you can ask to be on her waitlist. When a client cancels, we love to know there's someone else ready for us. Let her know how much notice you need, and how to reach you quickly. This is when you hit the ATM, call ahead to room service for extra towels and a bottle of wine, and ignore all calls but hers for the next few hours.

(Photo: Katie, who says she is available 24/7 in San Francisco)

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