Jessica Coen lectured Trojan about its cock ring, while Ryan Seacrest promised to make his way through the single ladies of the Eastern Seaboard. For the Twitterati, sexytime was awkward.

Peter Kafka of All Things D knew it wouldn't be the Mirror Awards without relentless heckling and/or inside joking.

New York's Jessica Coen inadvertently stumbled into Rite Aid's obfuscated products aisle.

Ryan Seacrast eagerly devoured on opportunity to reassert his heterosexuality.

Engadget's Ryan Block recontextualized himself.

Toure was robbed of a simple, formerly non-racist pleasure.

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Send an email to Ryan Tate, the author of this post, at ryan@gawker.com.