Donald Trump Is Giving Away 'Suitcases of Cash' to Promote His Startup

Name a type of business that Donald Trump could not improve by putting his face on top of it. If you said crowdfunding startup, you're wrong! (Typical loser.) The legitimate hairstyle choice is now gracing a crowdfunding site called FundAnything, proving that hoary business adage: 301st to market wins the race.

To demonstrate what a with-it, modern startup bro he is, Trump is using a promotional tactic last seen in a Rodney Dangerfield rerun on Comedy Central. This morning, Trump is planning on standing outside Trump Tower to give away three suitcases filled with cash. A press release states that other attendees will also be selected to receive "additional piles of money." Presumably those lucky beggars should Bring Your Own Receptacle.

Trump's tagline ("I'm giving away MONEY!") is a little misleading since he's charging more money than either Kickstarter or IndieGogo, but you know what they say about assumptions and asses.

Who knows, maybe one day a Trump property may need to raise money on this Trump platform, and the world shall witness true Trumpian ouroboros.

Update: Oh dear god, there was also a fish tank full of cash guarded by babes in FundAnything tank tops.

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