This is both the craziest and lamest outcome for the three floating mega-vessels covertly assembled by Google. San Francisco's KPIX 5 news team says the barges will serve as private showrooms and floating party zones for rich clientele.

When you think about dropping $1,500 on a face computer, a "party atmosphere" doesn't immediately come to mind—it's more of a "Robert Scoble air-drying, wistfully, very alone" kind of shindig. And yet:

A source who has been onboard the vessel, which is moored off San Francisco's Treasure Island under tight security, told KPIX 5 the first three floors are designed to serve as "dazzling showrooms" that can be outfitted with chrome features and floor lighting. There is an upper "party deck" meant to feature bars, lanais and other comforts so Google can fete its upscale customers.

Lanais! That's a fancy word. So it would go like this: Johnny Jerkoff boards a boat, cruises out somwhere into San Francisco Bay, boards the Boogie Barge, and drinks mai tais with Eric Schmidt and a bevy of polyamorous Glass Babes. Or something. Perfect for SF's secessionist chic set who can't be bothered socializing on dry land with unaccredited plebes.

If this is true, will Google's Mystery Party Barge be the new premiere spot for Silicon Valley social climbers? The crew at The Battery must be quaking in their premium hoodies right now.