Have You Ever Wondered What Sex Is Like with a Venture Capitalist?

No, but now you'll never need to: serial tech investor Brad Feld and his wife, Amy Batchelor, co-penned a self-help book titled Startup Life: Surviving and Thriving in a Relationship with an Entrepreneur. This is a problem most of us hope to never confront head-on, but just in case, here's what the fucking is like:

It turns out, Feld loves as he lives, with smooth sheets soaked in metrics, quantitative patterns, and predictive analysis.

Have You Ever Wondered What Sex Is Like with a Venture Capitalist?

Nothing gets a penis or vagina ready to collide into another one like "objective information." Really, none of the following words should ever appear in a discussion of healthy sex:

  • Spreadsheet
  • Data
  • Forestall
  • Frequency
  • Forestall
  • Tiny
  • Incremental
  • Cumulative
  • Patterns
  • "Blank piece of paper"

It's really a shame to be collecting data about your fuck habits, no matter what, be you an "entrepreneur" or a house painter. But the notion that deeply intimate information is both ripe for analysis and worth sharing with the world is just part of the greater Silicon Valley psychosis, and really, the least of your love problems if you're married into that life.