Henry Blodget Wants To KnowS

Since being banned from Wall Street, Business Insider CEO Henry Blodget uses his blog to ponder life's mysteries. What's the deal with Jews? Why are airplane seats the way they are? How about those people in the bathroom? Now, Gawker has exclusively accessed his latest, unpublished inquiry: Why are black people so angry?

We need to have a national conversation about race.

I realize this is super controversial. Some people will be offended.

But here goes.

I am white. I am “privileged.” I don’t have answers. I just have questions.

One question I have is, Why are the black people on TV so angry?

I'm talking about people like Rev. Al Sharpton and Donna Brazile. They're always angry about something. Same with the black actors, and black comedians, and the rappers. They all seem angry. Is that an act? I don’t know.

Even regular black people, when you see them on the news, they’re usually angry. They’re marching. They’re having a protest. Holding signs. Same with the viral video black people. Like the guy who rescued the sex slave girls in Ohio. Or Antoine Dodson, who scared off the rapist. Or the woman who escaped from the fire. And the woman who saw the hail storm. The camera starts rolling, and they get Angry with a capital A. They do that thing where they talk real loud.

Why?

I guess really I have two questions. One is why are the black people on TV so angry. Two is why are the regular black people, who are not TV, not angry. Is there something about TV cameras that makes black people angry?

###

Here in New York City I see black people every day on my way to work.

You cannot not see them. In some parts of New York almost everyone is black. Did you know that?

I don’t live in that part of New York City. But those people travel through my part of New York City to get to their jobs. The black people I see are not angry. Sometimes I am tempted to ask them, Why are you happy but the other ones are angry?

Is it because of slavery? Or segregation?

Those were terrible things. I could understand being angry about them. So is that it? I’m also an employer. I run a company. Some of my employees are black. I’ve wanted to ask them about this. But I don’t, because I’m afraid they’ll get angry. So this is a problem. Because now we can’t have the conversation. Because white people are afraid of black people. We’re afraid of offending them. Or, we’re just afraid period.

Do black people know that white people are afraid of them?

I think they do. I suspect that’s why they do that thing where they talk real loud.

But then what happens?

White people see a black guy on the street, and they’re afraid of black people, so they cross to the other side of the street. Then black people get angry about white people crossing the street! And they do that thing where they talk real loud.

Now we’re even more afraid of them.

###

I should point out that not all black people on TV are angry. President Obama never gets angry. Bryant Gumbel and Greg Gumbel, it’s hard to imagine them upset. Derek Jeter, Will Smith, Al Roker. Happy guys. But there’s the other end of the spectrum, the black people who are always angry. Like Cornel West. Is he ever not angry? You can put him on MSNBC to talk about global warming, or Syria, or the fine spring weather, or the Red Sox winning the World Series — he’ll find a way to be angry. Is he like that all the time? Does he come home at night and yell at his dog for sitting on the couch? Does he scream at toll booth attendants when he drives through a toll booth?

Or is he just mad when the TV camera comes on.

Kanye West is rich and famous, yet constantly pissed off. Same for Eminem. What’s their problem? Spike Lee gets paid to make movies. He’s won an Emmy, and has twice been nominated for Academy Award. He’s a global celebrity. He has court-side season ticket seats to the Knicks. And he’s furious! Wait, what?

Samuel L. Jackson. Does he ever play a role where he’s not pissed off at everyone? The only one I’ve seen was that Apple commercial, where he’s asking Siri to find him some organic mushrooms and remind him to chill his gazpacho. Right. Organic mushrooms and gazpacho. As if.

Tiger Woods. Always pissed.

LeBron James. Seething.

Venus and Serena. Angry and Angrier. Their father, forget about it.

Oprah Winfrey. White women love her. She’s like that one sassy black friend they wish they had in real life. Don’t be fooled, white ladies. If you and Oprah went camping, she’d wait for you to fall asleep, then set fire to the tent with you in it.

Why? Why all the anger?

As I said, I don’t have the answers. I’m just asking the question. Some people will say I’m just doing this to get clicks. Some people will post angry comments. Or send me hateful email. Some will wonder if I'm actually developmentally disabled, or just pretending to be. Some will pass this story around on Twitter and Facebook and tell everyone to come bash me in the comments.

Fine. Good. Let it happen. That’s a price I’m willing to pay.

Because we need to have this conversation.

Editor's note: This was of course not actually written by Henry Blodget.
Photo: Getty