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Jessica Simpson: It's Time to Say Goodbye

With her latest stab at relevancy—a new single and a VH1 show—Jessica Simpson is yet again being shoved down our collective gullet. It's time for this uninteresting, talentless person to take a hike. Forever! More »
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Weir's Conditions for Appearing in Vanity Fair: Must Be in Body Paint, Must be Gaga-esque

Weir explains his creative process. Jessica Simpson cries on Oprah's couch. John Mayer can't get a date. Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson grope each other in public. Johnny Depp fears mirrors. Tuesday gossip is the window to celebrity souls. More »

A Formal Offer of Employment for John Mayer, Gawker Columnist

On Friday evening, John Mayer publicly apologized to a gathered "at capacity" audience for the recent kerfuffle over his Playboy interview. We would like to now take this time to finally extend a formal employment offer for Mr. Mayer. More »
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CEO Demoted to Couch Surfer

The founder of bankrupt Veoh looked for a place to crash; Palm's chief flack cracked wise about the stock; and John Mayer saved himself from being heckled at the gym. The Twitterati adjusted to sudden reversals. More »

This Week In Tabloids: What Shiloh & Zahara Will Look Like In 10 Years, Revealed

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which Margaret and I read In Touch, Star, Us, Ok! and Life & Style, searching for "news." This week we found surreal, comedic entertainment: Forensic illustrations of the Jolie-Pitt kids in the year 2020! [Jezebel]
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Kim Kardashian Outs Air Marshal While on Plane, via Twitter (What Else)

Don't worry, she followed it up with "shhh." A Real Housewife gets bounced from Fashion Week. Kelly Osbourne and Peaches Geldof's elaborate dance of avoidance implodes. John Mayer's so far gone, even Oprah won't touch him. Wednesday gossip cometh. More »
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Paris Hilton May Have Gotten Drunk on Valentine's Day, Whereas Britney Spears Just Ate McDonald's

Unless it's a dance craze called "the boozy ostrich"? Madonna celebrates Carnival with Jesus Luz. Britney celebrates V-Day with saturated fats. Simon Monjack dismantles his Brittany Murphy charity. Heidi Montag finally moves her face. Monday's gossip roundup is hungover. More »
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The Brangelina Tree of Triumph: Shrubbery at its Finest

Brangelina's Tree of Triumph. Tila Tequila's new "head" problems. Carnie Wilson: still fat. Fashion week: still sucks. John Mayer: still accused of being a racist. A nekkied Snooki picture. A point for Axl Rose. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup: More »
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Ripping at John Mayer Like a Pack of Wolves

Rogert Ebert made John Mayer's quote personal; Jason Calacanis made John Mayer's quote professional; and Brooke Hammerling made John Mayer's quote menstrual. The Twitterati didn't need slurs to be insulting.
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