Startup CEO Offers 1,284 Slides In The Most Insane PowerPoint Ever

To mark the occasion of his 30th birthday, serial entrepreneur and occasional Harvard spammer Ryan Allis decided to give back to the world that had been so generous to him. So he made a PowerPoint.

A 1,284 slide PowerPoint titled "Lessons From My 20s."

It's what The Secret sounds like after you lock yourself in a conference room with a week's supply of Soylent and a whiteboard.

The fonts are real big.

Startup CEO Offers 1,284 Slides In The Most Insane PowerPoint Ever

In the past decade, Ryan Allis has sold an email and social media marketing startup for $170 million, served as a national co-chairperson of Technology for Obama (he has the photo ops to prove it), and he created a "global network of leaders and entrepreneurs under 40 who are creating a better world" by charging $850 "tuition." Oh, he completed one year of Harvard Business School, too.

But what's so special about Ryan Allis is that all the useless advice and nonsense business-speak spread out over 1,284 slides is delivered with the kind of evangelizing optimism that only a disciple of Singularity University and the culty Landmark Forum can provide.

This, my fellow students, is what they call good "learnings." Here are but a few:

Startup CEO Offers 1,284 Slides In The Most Insane PowerPoint Ever

Fact.

Startup CEO Offers 1,284 Slides In The Most Insane PowerPoint Ever

Choosing the contents to achieve said bulk is up to you. Ryan Allis cannot do everything.

Startup CEO Offers 1,284 Slides In The Most Insane PowerPoint Ever

Do the math.

Startup CEO Offers 1,284 Slides In The Most Insane PowerPoint Ever

You're welcome, @importantpeople.

Startup CEO Offers 1,284 Slides In The Most Insane PowerPoint Ever

Note to self: fact-check with @GeorgeLucas.

Startup CEO Offers 1,284 Slides In The Most Insane PowerPoint Ever

@GeorgeRRMartin?

Startup CEO Offers 1,284 Slides In The Most Insane PowerPoint Ever

Random friends be like "Doh, my arms hang down," but extraordinary friends be like, "Holy shit, I have a sword."

Startup CEO Offers 1,284 Slides In The Most Insane PowerPoint Ever

Sometimes that sword is a lightsaber.

Startup CEO Offers 1,284 Slides In The Most Insane PowerPoint Ever

NEVER. #LIMITLESS #BRADLEY COOPER

Startup CEO Offers 1,284 Slides In The Most Insane PowerPoint Ever


"More slides" is not an acceptable answer. Ryan Allis has already replenished the world's supply.

Startup CEO Offers 1,284 Slides In The Most Insane PowerPoint Ever

How does Nadia feel about ranking #6 on 1 Year Goals?

Startup CEO Offers 1,284 Slides In The Most Insane PowerPoint Ever

She feels great!

Startup CEO Offers 1,284 Slides In The Most Insane PowerPoint Ever


When you think about it, this is less a birthday present Ryan Allis gave himself and more like a party favor he gave to you.

Startup CEO Offers 1,284 Slides In The Most Insane PowerPoint Ever

Love life, learn "lots."

Startup CEO Offers 1,284 Slides In The Most Insane PowerPoint Ever

Yeah, why?

Startup CEO Offers 1,284 Slides In The Most Insane PowerPoint Ever

WHY???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Startup CEO Offers 1,284 Slides In The Most Insane PowerPoint Ever

BYOBulkyFedex.

Startup CEO Offers 1,284 Slides In The Most Insane PowerPoint Ever

Was creating this slidedeck on Ryan Allis' bucket list?

Startup CEO Offers 1,284 Slides In The Most Insane PowerPoint Ever

No, it was not.

Startup CEO Offers 1,284 Slides In The Most Insane PowerPoint Ever

Maybe you put them in the FedEx package.

Startup CEO Offers 1,284 Slides In The Most Insane PowerPoint Ever

Gross.

Startup CEO Offers 1,284 Slides In The Most Insane PowerPoint Ever

This is an orange.

Startup CEO Offers 1,284 Slides In The Most Insane PowerPoint Ever

Woof woof.

Startup CEO Offers 1,284 Slides In The Most Insane PowerPoint Ever

Well, this moment, and then the moments it takes to read 1,047 more slides.

Lessons From My 20s - By Ryan Allis by Ryan Allis

To contact the author of this post, please email nitasha@gawker.com.

[Image via Facebook]