It's not easy to innovate—no one ever said it'd be easy. You've got things like "reality" and "demand" stomping on your dreams for the next delivery laundry app. What makes it even worse is the hellish condition of cesspool San Francisco, as one startup founder laments. Let's offend everyone!
Last year, Peter Shih was admitted to Y-Combinator, the most exclusive startup incubator—basically bootcamp for enterprising geeks—and made a website called Celery, that processes online pre-orders. Fast forward a year, and he publishes this Medium manifesto of cultural myopia, asshologics, and general pathology:
10 Things I Hate About You
San Francisco Edition
This could've been good. There's a lot of fair criticism to level at San Francisco, beautiful as it is. But Shih doesn't see that beauty through a haze of "transvestites," "hypocrites," and "49ers." What's that last one? Let's find out:
Number one on Shih's urban hit list is "public transportation"—admittedly weaker than other major American cities. But it's really fucking up this guy's life:
Why the fuck would I want to go anywhere if I have to choose between spending an hour on a bus where homeless people publicly defecate or an equally enraging hour of circling the same 4 street blocks trying to find parking on a 45 degree hill.
Homeless people are just the worst, aren't they? Once they're priced out of places with roofs and running water by startuppers like Shih, can't they just go away?
San Francisco has some of the craziest homeless people I have ever seen in my life. Stop giving them money, you know they just buy alcohol and drugs with it right? Next time just hand them a handle of vodka and a pack of cigarettes, it’ll save everyone some trouble. I’m seriously tempted to start fucking with people and pay for homeless guys to ride the Powell street cable cars in the middle of the day, that ought to get the city’s attention.
Change will come to this planet of ours, and it starts with software-types like this. But first, a note to you fugmos acting like "a bitch all the time." Please, do not:
5. 49ersNo, not the football team, they’re great. I’m referring to all the girls who are obviously 4's and behave like they are 9's. Just because San Francisco has the worst Female to Male ratio in the known universe doesn’t give you the right to be a bitch all the time.
Shih doesn't even go out anymore:
Transvestite to Taxi ratio being quite literally off the charts – it is impossible to get home safely, especially if you live far from downtown.
Even the sky is terrible:
I hate how the weather here is like a woman who is constantly PMSing.
Oh yeah, and fuck you, people on bikes:
Stop being fucking hypocrites. If you want to share the road, then you need to respect the rules of the road and stop running stop signs and lights. Next time I see one of you fuckers bomb through a crosswalk and almost mow down a row of pedestrians I’m going to clothesline you.
You've been warned. Now watch me crush this beer.