Steve Jobs Is Not Alive in Rio Unless He Became a Hunting Writer

Despite a great deal of hard evidence, it looks like Steve Jobs has not escaped death and U.S. taxes in favor of a life in Rio de Janeiro: a Valleywag reader just wrote us to say they know Brazilian Steve, and he is actually named Andy.

I received the following email after posting what one Redditor claimed was former (dead?) Apple CEO Steven P. Jobs in Rio:

The individual in the picture is Andy Hahn, a former editor of Sport Fishing magazine. He's fighting an illness, (I think ms). I'm the former PR head for the company that produces Sport Fishing. Really great guy, nice to everyone.

Shortly after this first message, I was reached by Hahn himself:


I ain't Steve, but I am in Rio. And alive, dammit!

That photo was taken last Sunday (August 3) afternoon when my aide Luiz and I were strolling/rolling along Avenida Atlantica in Copacabana. Some nut on a skateboard whizzed past us, and Luiz said, "I think we were in the photo that guy just took."

"Did you stick out your tongue?" I asked.

"No, I made a mean face."

I have ALS (a debilitating neurological disease), hence the loss of muscle mass and need for a wheelchair. I wear a rigid neck brace because my neck muscles have become too weak to hold up my head.

The photo isn't well illuminated or razor sharp, so I forgive you for accusing me of wearing a "heinous floral print." That's a camouflage pattern called Seclusion 3D. I am, as SutefaniDeluxe states in his "spoiler alert" comment, an avid hunter.

All the PhotoShop experts who declare the image was altered can line up for generous servings of crow and humble pie. People often tell me I look like Steve Jobs—the frail, post-cancer Jobs, unfortunately.

Please address further questions to my agent, Mean Face Louie.

If Aaron Sorkin doesn't tap Hahn for his upcoming Jobs biopic, we all lose. Because really, look at this guy and tell me he is not possibly Steve Jobs:

Steve Jobs Is Not Alive in Rio Unless He Became a Hunting Writer

I mean, exactly.


Steve Jobs Is Not Alive in Rio Unless He Became a Hunting Writer

The outdoorsman and editor emeritus looks so much like Steve Jobs that we can't help but wonder: is this really Steve Jobs? Probably not, no. Then again, if you read his words, you see even greater similarities:

The only ones who regret our decision to go on that hunt are the doctor — we found a new one — and the original owner of the 7-foot black bear skin that now adorns our wall.

A charismatic man with little regard for living things: who's to say what's Steve Jobs and what's not? His spirit lives on, at least, in Copacabana.