Widen the streets, I'm back, bitches!

Just for today and tomorrow, you get one more taste of the salty juice of Nick Douglas, former Valleywag editor. Publisher Nick Denton is done editing the site, except to insert one-line items gushing about his new iPhone, and I assume new editor Owen Thomas wanted a long Independence Day break. (As if gays love America!) Today's agenda (Facebook bitching! Neologisms!) is below. Oh, also: I'm drinking a six-pack of Pabst today. More »

Valleywag's Digg Policy

Right! There's a new editor in town and he commanded that I tell you our new Digg policy! There'll be no more foolin' around here, so listen close! (Executive summary: We don't care what you digg, go nuts, but it's your funeral.) More »

Me and Bill Gates: Talking 'Bout Porsches, Breakin the Law, and Small "Gadget" Jokes

We just had a sit down with Bill Gates. And when I say we, I mean myself, Brian from Kotaku, Robert Scoble, Ryan from Engadget, and Chris from Joystiq. All friendly rivals. So, the meeting was like elimidate, with the 5 of us vying for his attention. Ryan took the lead and asked great technical questions about the future of Microsoft. [Gizmodo]

James Kim Update: Satellites, National Guard Enter Search

The search for James Kim is being expanded: Not only is the National Guard on their way, but a satellite is being rerouting to help spot the man. The eye-in-the-sky is GeoEye's Ikonos.

The satellite could record images of an area as large as 2,000 square kilometers. The cameras on the Ikonos boast a very high resolution, able to get a bead on objects 39 inches wide.

Satellites are the new Lassie. [Gizmodo]

Tech Editor Goes Missing: CNet's James Kim Lost In the Great Northwest

This Fall's deluge of gadget gossip must have left CNet's James Kim exhausted. So he finished his Zune review, and this past weekend went for a vacation drive up to the great Pacific Northwest with wife and kids. They've been missing since. [Gizmodo]

I'm back! Now here's a post from someone else

Wow, what a weekend! Pre-Halloween parties, another of those increasingly creepy Daylight Savings fallbacks that you don't even notice because your machines do it for you, and...and I don't have a third thing. More »

Housekeeping: You have 'til noon to mock Jon Schwartz

• Yes, Valleywag is alive today, just woke up late. Missed you too.
• At noon Pacific time, the best commenter on the Caption Sun CEO Jon Schwartz's Photo post will be awarded a copy of the book Stephanie's Ponytail. The worst commenter will get banned.
• Speaking of which, commenter Jeff Tidwell, you're banned for being boring. ejackson, you're banned for the link to your blog in every comment. Not because it's there, but because it's on Blogspot. Lame.

Loose Wires: Crash a VC party tonight

• Sources say venture capital firm Bridgescale is throwing a party for over 100 people at the Quadrus conference center on Sand Hill Road.
• Note to Alleywag applicants: We found writers for Friday and Sunday, thanks!
• Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen sells a chunk of his share in Dreamworks Animation, giving the New York Post a chance to drag up the worst possible photo of him (shown here), even worse than the shot of Yahoo CEO Terry Semel they rant the other day. Really, are they paying a kid with a camphone to sneak into meetings with these execs, or are they just blowing up 16x16 images? [New York Post]
• By the way, if you haven't been watching Bill Gates, the Microsoft founder is spending his days saving the world from AIDS. In other news, Mac fanboys still call him a devil because he built a crappy operating system. [Sci-Tech Today]
• Another Microsoft exec leaves to "spend more time with his family." Can we get a new alibi already, or has no one in tech actually learned to spend time with their families before they get unpopular at work and are shoved into retirement? [Register]
• No tech mogul for prez — Nextel cofounder and former Virginia governor Mark Warner announced today he won't enter the '08 race. [Washington Post]
• Dear Motley Fool: Shut up and eat your Grand Slam. [Motley Fool]

Valleywag seeks Alleywag: Be our New York correspondent

New Yorkers, we need you! Two events need Valleywag correspondents. Volunteers will write a quick (250-words-tops) report of each event or a particularly salient detail. If we like the write-up, they'll also be first in line for future Silicon Alley Valleywag work. To volunteer, e-mail tips@valleywag.com with "Alleywag" in the subject. More »

Valleywag Institutes Public Executions of Commenters

Our beloved bloodbrothers at fellow Gawker site Valleywag are getting serious with bullshit commenters, with an easy and final solution: taking them out and shooting them. Well, figuratively. Public executions? We like! [Gizmodo]

Comment cull: You're fired

Last week, the Gawker Media overlords told site editors that this new open comment system (the one whereby you — yes, you — can leave a comment, pick a username and password, and get invited to the exclusive comments club based on that comment's merit) is all well and good, but it's time to kick some birds out of the nest.* More »

Who do the to-do?

Finding stuff to do in Silicon Valley is hard. But whenever I go a few days without running one of the Valleywag to-do posts, someone e-mails me. "You'll do a to-do today, right? I need to know what parties to go to!" More »

Word up, Idolator

Rev up the awkward "new baby" metaphors, Gawker launched a new title today. Idolator is the music blog too hip for music blogs, complete with manifesto, glitzy logo (Is that a heart or is it the RIAA's bag of souls?), and a new spin on the Gawker cynicism you know and love. More »

We lowered the drawbridge: Everyone (witty, useful or fascinating) gets to comment!

We could call it "private beta," but we really kept invite-only comments at Valleywag (and all other Gawker Media titles) because, deep in our fuddy-duddy hearts, we didn't want to admit the wisdom of the crowds. Well, the bridge is down, but there's still a troll underneath. More »

Did you get your comment invite?

Did you get left behind on Valleywag's Comment Giveaway Day? If you sent an e-mail asking for a comment account on Tuesday, and you never got one, send a note to tips@valleywag.com. We'll get yours out to you right away. More »

Welcome Beth Gottfried, Valleywag's intern

Valleywag's search for an intern is over, and thank you to all the applicants. More »

Comment giveaway day!

Because everyone deserves a break, and because we've been so lax in answering some folks' requests for comment accounts, and because it looks like our comment invitation system finally works — today, everyone who asks for a comment account, gets one, no questions asked. More »

Wanted: Valleywag intern. Pay: none. Hours: fantastic.

The info streaming through Valleywag is getting overwhelming. To keep this gossip machine churning, I need an intern. More »

Please stand by

Something's screwy in our server, so the rest of Valleywag will be a touch late tonight. Hold tight and cancel your plans; you're stayin' up late to catch the last posts of the week. Meanwhile, fill out that reader survey for your chance to win an iPod Shuffle. (I know you have a Nano. The Shuffle's for your kids.) More »

Why Valleywag is slow today

Hey waggers, Valleywag's writer got mugged last night (and punched in the face. It was actually kind of awesome), so posting today might be slow and grumpy. But I'm gonna milk this for all the sympathy it's worth, so if you wanna make this an easy Friday for me, send in your juiciest tips to tips@valleywag.com. Each good tip today earns a comment account. More »

House cleaning: There's still time to win a Wacom tablet

• The "color the Flickr dots" contest closes tonight. Color in the two circles on the photo sharing site's new error message. Upload your art to Flickr and tag it "valleywag". The funniest artist (maybe Prentiss Riddle, whose entry is shown here) wins a Flickr pro account and a Valleywag comment account.
• This month's megacontest, "Make Valleywag worksafe," is open for submissions until Friday morning, when I'll show the entries. Make a CSS file (one that looks like generic office work) that can be applied to Valleywag.com. Send it to tips@valleywag.com. The best CSS file wins its maker a professional Wacom drawing tablet.
• Comments, by the way, are back up. Come join the snarkfest: e-mail tips@valleywag.com to beg for your own comment account.

Hold your wit

Sorry, folks, the comment system's smashed today. The techies are working hard to give you back your peanut gallery. In the meantime, why not fill out our reader survey?

Good morning, waggers!

I was told that Valleywag would be on Gawker Media's new blog system by today. It is. That should mean that all those comment accounts that kept breaking, work now. More »

Make Valleywag worksafe, win a Wacom tablet

Since a man got fired for reading Valleywag, it's time to solve the problem of office-hours wag-surfing. More »

Please stand by.

If you're seeing this message, you probably don't need to. Valleywag is loading wonky today, because the server went out and got trashed, came home with its junkie friends, beat me to a pulp, and apologized (all like "Oh baby I'm sorry I just get out of my head sometimes"). More »

Gawker Clips: Vlogging sucks a little less

Watch our movies, just don't call them vlogs — Gawker Media's proud to launch Gawker Clips, our collection of video from every Gawker title. Like a venture capitalist in rut, we'll take anything that moves — original or recommended content — and put it in one deliciously high-bandwidth page. If you squint, it's almost like TV! More »

Make the Valley summer jams mix

School's out, it's time for summer jams, Valley style! Send in your techie-centered (and otherwise appropriate) songs to tips@valleywag.com, subject "Summer jams." Mp3 files (or links to them) only. From this, we'll build a downloadable summer mix to play at the office. More »

What a wag wants: Who did Calacanis want to buy?

When leads need to be chased, bloggers aren't above begging. So here's what Valleywag wants from you: More »

Waggable supersource: Overhear something dirty!

[UPDATE: Fixed the link, but you gotta rename it with a .mp3. Yeah, it's stupid. Deal.] More »

Mopping up after the SloshCon

Web Infinity Plus One SloshCon recaps are pending. Meanwhile, if you went to this party last night, please read: More »

Web Infinity Plus One SloshCon: Thanks, sponsors!

Are you coming to this Thursday's Web Infinity Plus One SloshCon? Of course you are! It's free and there's an open bar! More »

Schwag watch and tips wanted

What Valleywag got: More »

Notes to self: We're less broken now.

• Sorry about the outage last hour. I was wrestling Steve Ballmer and we snapped a cord.
• Tipsters: If you want to be credited by name, let me know when you tip by e-mail. If you're aching for a self-inflicted firing, I won't stand in your way.
• Jason Calacanis: You were in San Francisco for a day and didn't call? The hurt runs deep, Jason. The hurt runs deep.
• Speaking of which, I could use a mole in AOL.
• Why hasn't anyone talked about Lloyd Braun (pictured, last seen looking quizzical) lately? In Hollywood (and he never really left Hollywood), the only thing worse than bad press is no press.

Valleywag now, apparently, available on Mobileplay

Yay, a new way to read Valleywag! According to this press release a friend forwarded me (score one for internal communication), Mobileplay now offers Valleywag on a free subscription basis. It's "highly scalable" and "fast and easy" (except the bit where you register, opt out of alerts, and download an app). More »

The Internet broke

If you've had trouble getting your morning Valleywag fix, I'd like to proudly pass the buck to Network Solutions, who suffered an outage. More »

Valleyschwag: Hiding the nakedness

Sometimes people send free things. An update to the Valleywag schwag watch: More »

Hi, friends of Jeremy Liew! Bear with us.

The tipster who panned Jeremy Liew (saying the AOL exec ruined the already dying Netscape brand) wasn't, of course, being fair. So Jeremy (pictured) took matters into his own hands, e-mailing his former Netscape reports and co-workers asking for positive comments on the post. More »

(Another) Valleywag writer wanted

Valleywag is looking to add another writer to expand our coverage of Silicon Valley and its re-inflated bubble insanity. Trade journalists won't be right for this — in truth, we'd rather you get most of your intel from instant messenger. More »

Remainders: Bullfights and bloat

Lifehacker gives corporate bull some toreador action by featuring Bullfighter, which strips the jargon from documents like a spellchecker. Favorite Bullfighter message: "Cliche, with a hint of arrogance and a dash of pompousness." [Lifehacker] More »