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Wake me when the recession is over
Layoffs suck. At least we're still alive. But still: Next week, I'll handle Valleywag all by myself while Owen takes an overdue vacation. Week after that, I'll be gone and Owen, my partner in misbehavior since 1996, will go back to early 2007's org chart: Owen Thomas, Owen Thomas, and Owen Thomas. (I have work, don't worry.) No crying allowed, but this is our last caption contest so please, please, make it a good one. We'll take the best comment and turn it into this post's permanent, permanent headline. Yesterday's winner is longtailwagsthevalley, for "I'm born lucky." (Photo by Jason Calacanis) -
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I'm born lucky
Anne Wojcicki, the wife of Sergey Brin, is exceedingly pregnant — and Brin himself has been spotted at the maternity ward. What will their baby look like? Wojcicki's genetic-testing startup, 23andMe, lets you spit into a vial and get a map to your genetic future. MakeMeBabies is not nearly as scientific, but we thought we'd run the couple's photos through to get a glimpse of their future progeny. Can you suggest a caption for the billionaire baby to be? The best will become the post's new headline. Yesterday's winner: "French blue shirt, khakis shortage hits Valley hard." (Image by MakeMeBabies) -
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French blue shirt, khakis shortage hits Valley hard
A tipster sent in this photo of Facebook's business-development team, taken in bubblier times at a September offsite in St. Helena, north of San Francisco, where they played a croquet tournament. (Rules about wearing white after Labor Day don't apply in northern California's bubbly clime.) Now more than ever, Facebook needs to develop a business; can this crowd swing their mallets? Suggest a caption in the comments; the best one will become the post's new headline. Yesterday's winner: godospoons for "Jerry Yang explains Internet to Best Buy employees." (Photo courtesy of a thoughtful tipster) -
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Jerry Yang explains Internet to Best Buy employees
Now that he's stepping down as Yahoo's CEO, will Jerry Yang ever take a public stage again, as he did at the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas last January? Suggest an appropriately elegiacal caption in the comments; the best will become the post's new headline. Yesterday's winner: ShreeCeto, for "Hey Jason! What's going on with your valuation?" (Photo by Yodel Anecdotal) -
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"Hey Jason! What's going on with your valuation?"
Tough times, frivolous junkets: That's the modus operandi of Jason Calacanis, the grandiloquent emailer-in-chief of Mahalo, the Internet's most overfunded Web directory. He and butler/assistant/videographer Tyler Crowley posed for a picture while on a trip to Japan taken shortly after he promised to curtail his travel schedule while laying off Mahalo staff. Can you think of a better caption? Leave it in the comments. The best one will become the post's new headline. Friday's winner: m0nty.au, for "Eric Schmidt's 20 percent time project." More » -
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Eric Schmidt's 20 percent time project
Google CEO Eric Schmidt, left, sits at a campaign event for Barack Obama in October. YouTube's growing role in politics makes Schmidt an unelected Washington player. Can you think of a better caption? Leave it in the comments. the best one will become the post's new headline. Yesterday's winner: jasonnellis, for "That's not a sweater, honey." (Photo by cjwoolridge) -
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That's not a sweater, honey
We certainly don't know what Mashable CEO Pete Cashmore does. We have even less of an idea how Adam Hirsch, the tech blog's COO, stays busy. Hand-cranking the site's server, perhaps, to save on electricity costs? In this just-unearthed Halloween photo sent in by a tipster, Hirsch seems to be short a piece of clothing. Can you think of a better caption? Leave it in the comments. The best will become the post's new headline. Yesterday's winner: kfury, for "We can see Google from our campus!" -
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"We can see Google from our campus!"
Is Jerry Yang the Barack Obama of Yahoo? Most employees at the flailing Web giant associate their fearless leader with hopelessness, not hope. The person who created these fliers, featuring Yang and cofounder David Filo, is either a wickedly vicious satirist, or a hapless true believer. Can you suggest a better caption in the comments? The best one will become the post's new headline. Yesterday's winner: trisomy21, for "But I need the Mac to find Cyprus on a map!" (Photo by Yodel Anecdotal) -
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"But I need the Mac to find Cyprus on a map!"
John Hodgman, the comedian and author better known for his role as "PC" in Apple ads, pretends to tussle with Brittany Bohnet. Bohnet, who worked for Apple as an on-campus marketing rep and now markets Google Maps, is better known for her appearance in the now-infamous Cyprus video. Note Hodgman's strangely girlish hands, which are barely bigger than Bohnet's. Can you put those facts together and come up with a better caption? The best will become the post's new headline. Yesterday's winner: actionhero11, for "The new free meal program at the Googleplex." (Photo via Brittany Bohnet's Tumblr) -
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The new free meal program at the Googleplex
This street vendor in Mumbai has a charming approach to marketing soft drinks. If you've got a better caption than me, post it in the comments. Friday's winner was cgsofly, for "I finally found what we have in common — we're attention whores." -
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"I finally found what we have in common — we're attention whores"
Hold on to that feeling! MySpace attempted to feign bubbliness last night with a Lionel Richie-headlined party at San Francisco's Old Mint. They even let in the competition: ubiquitous Facebooker Dave Morin is pictured here with iJustine, aka Justine Ezarik, the lifecasting personality, and, as commenter BowenDunlop helpfully notes, GeekSugar editor Heather Dale. Can you think of a better caption? Leave it in the comments. The best one will become the post's new headline. Yesterday's winner: Shadowlayer, for "Adidas: Run from your investors." (Photo by Brian Solis/Bub.blicio.us) -
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Adidas: Run from your investors
On stage at the Web 2.0 Summit conference, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg sported sneakers instead of his once-trademark Adidas slides. Come to think of it, when's the last time anyone spotted him wearing mandals? It's just another sign that Facebook isn't the same company it was a year ago. Got a better caption? Leave it in the comments. The best one will become the post's new headline. Yesterday's winner: m0nty.au, for "Help me, Anderson Cooper, you're our only hope!" (Photo by Brian Solis/Bub.blicio.us) -
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Help me Anderson Cooper, you're our only hope
CNN's cheesy hologram stunt for election night got star power from hip-hop artist Will.i.am, whose 3D image was beamed into CNN's studios for an interview with anchor Anderson Cooper. Will.i.am. compared it to Star Wars; Cooper corrected him, saying it was more like Star Trek. But anyone who remembers Princess Leia's holographic plea for help in star Wars knows Will.i.am had his sci-fi references straight. Can you think of a better caption? Leave it in the comments. The best one will become the post's new headline. Yesterday's winner: theodp, for suggesting Google CEO Eric Schmidt was thinking, "With my $1 salary, I'll be getting a tax cut!" -
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With my $1 salary, I'll be getting a tax cut!
Even before Google CEO Eric Schmidt officially endorsed Barack Obama, he was cozying up to the Democratic candidate. Take this interview in May, for example. What was Schmidt really thinking when this photograph was taken? Suggest a caption in the comments. The best one will become the post's new headline. Yesterday's winner: its_a_feature, for "Zack and Mari make a porno." -
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Zack and Mari make a porno
Zack Bogue, the well-dressed boy toy of Googler Marissa Mayer, always looks good in black. But the surprise in SFluxe's coverage of a recent masked ball is that Mayer does, too. Smart of her to adopt a more subdued palette in these dark economic times. Can you think of a better caption for the photo? Leave it in the comments. The best one will become the post's new headline. Friday's winner: Ted Dziuba, for "A final salute to the good times." (Photo by Drew Altizer via SFluxe) -
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A final salute to the good times
Got plans for Halloween? Some of the best parties have already happened, Flickr's photo streams tell me. This military pair had a gay old time in the Castro at Booty Call. Don't try heading to San Francisco's queerest part of town tonight, though; the City is still obstinately trying to ban Halloween from the neighborhood. Can you think of a better caption? Leave it in the comments. The best one will become the post's new headline. Yesterday's winner: WagCurious, for "Pirates of Silicon Valley." (Photo by Kevin Goebel) -
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Pirates of Silicon Valley
At Yahoo, life's a neverending, shareholder-funded party. Halloween started a day early for the troubled Web giant with a costume parade. What, are they giving employees Friday off to prepare for trick-or-treating? Not like anyone's working: Most Yahoos we know are trying to figure out if they're going to get laid off next month. Can you think of a better caption? Leave it in the comments. The best one will become the post's new headline. Yesterday's winner: DrewFinch, for "Steve Jobs must be on the Tesla waiting list, too." (Photo by Yodel Anecdotal) -
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Steve Jobs must be on the Tesla waiting list, too
What's wrong with this picture? That silver Mercedes almost certainly the Jobsmobile, iPhone Savior believes — except it's not parked in a handicapped spot. There's one right there, ripe for the parking! Here's a wild theory: Apple PR controller Katie Cotton is so concerned about continuing rumors about Jobs's health that she no longer permits him to take the blue spaces — lest someone think he actually needs one. Can you think of a better caption? Leave it in the comments. The best one will become the post's new headline. Yesterday's winner: null, for "It'd hit me." -
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It'd hit me
Laid-off sex blogger Violet Blue has resurfaced after her unpublishing. She appears to be in good spirits, debuting her Halloween costume as a naughty nun. Never mind that she should be the one getting her knuckles rapped for fibbing! We hear her departure from Fleshbot, Valleywag's smutty sister site, wasn't as consensual as she'd have you believe. Can you think of a better caption? Leave it in the comments. The best one will become the post's new headline. Yesterday's winner: nirreskeya, for "Elevation's new partners." (Photo by Scott Beale/Laughing Squid) -
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Elevation's new partners
Even Bono's privacy is an illusion. A picture of the U2 rocker (and venture-capital investor at Silicon Valley's Elevation Partners) with two comely teenagers, Hannah Emerson and Andrea Feick, was leaked to the Daily Mail via Facebook. (The site has notoriously bad security on its online photo albums. Know someone who knows someone who knows someone? You can see their pics, no problem.) We now understand why Wikipedia cofounder Jimmy Wales likes to pal around with Bono; great minds think below the belt. Can you think of a better caption? Leave it in the comments. The best one will become the post's new headline. Friday's winner: kgbeat, who turned Jason Calacanis's two-fingered salute into the answer to the question, "How many rounds of layoffs are planned at Mahalo?" -
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How many more rounds of layoffs are planned at Mahalo?
What was Mahalo CEO Jason Calacanis doing in the weeks running up to this company's layoffs? Traveling around the world, to destinations like the World Knowledge Forum in Seoul, Korea. In his how-to-lay-people-off memo, Calacanis also promised to cut back on his travel budget — which struck me as an admission that his trips to speak at conferences, often on subjects unrelated to his work at his Sequoia-funded Web directory, were being paid for by his investors. Can you think of a better caption? Leave it in the comments. The best one will become the post's new headline. Yesterday's winner: Ted Dziuba, for "Traffic is the new profit." (Photo by JoopDorresteijn) -
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Traffic is the new profit
We're not sure we buy Inc. magazine's cover math, any more than we believed BusinessWeek when that magazine told us Digg founder Kevin Rose was worth $60 million. But the cover is impressive. (As are Rose's biceps. Photoshop?) Your suggestions for captions are welcome in the comments; the best will become the post's new headline. Yesterday's winner: DrewFinch, for "All your data are belong to us." (Photo by aprilini) -
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All your data are belong to us
At last, the Googlephone is in the wild. But what else lurks as Google lurches into the wireless world? A photo of this giant robot, based on the logo for Google's Android operating system, was fittingly captured by a T-Mobile G1 phone running Android. Can you think of a better caption? Leave your suggestions in the comments, and the best will become the new headline. Yesterday's winner: LychorindaAristaeus, for "The face of a $747 strike price." (Photo by ericajoy) -
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The face of a $747 strike price
This summer, LiveJournal founder turned Google engineer Brad Fitzpatrick briefly sported a fu manchu, a facial-hair styling usually seen in old movies, gay porn, and old gay porn movies. His wistful expression seemed to capture today's end-of-an-era weltanschauung. Will his new pals at Google get trimmed away like his 'stache? Suggest a better caption in the comments, and the best one will become the post's new headline. Yesterday's winner: "Tesla's alternative energy: the tow truck," by Scalawag. (Photo by Brad Fitzpatrick) -
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Tesla's alternative energy: the tow truck
As Tesla Motors was closing its Detroit office and laying off as many as 100 employees, a tipster spotted this metaphor for the troubled electric automaker, once the brightest light of the Valley's nascent alt-energy business: a Tesla, presumably stalled out, getting towed on Highway 92. Can you think of a better caption? Leave it in the comments. The best one will become the post's new headline. Friday's winner, on the sight of the Queen of England checking out YouTube, was EnglishBloke: "'Has one made any money from this?'" -
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"Has one made any money from this?"
Queen visits YouTube! No, we're not talking about Ben Ling's new assignment at Google. Her Royal Highness visited Google's London offices, where she was met by YouTube founder Chad Hurley for this staged photo opportunity. Does she broadcast herself on the video site? Well, no, the Queen has people to do that for her, on her own Royal Channel. Can you suggest a better caption for the photo? Suggest it in the headlines. The best one will become the post's new headline. Yesterday's winner: "Does this turtelneck make me look thin?" by ThatKid. (Photo by Adrian Dennis/AP) -
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Does this turtleneck make me look thin?
GeekSugar editor Heather Dale was surprised and thrilled when Mrs. Steve Jobs walked up and sat down next to her at Apple's MacBook event in Cupertino Tuesday. Laurene Powell-Jobs has an apple.com email address, but can you think of the last time you've seen her in public? She does the Invisible Girl act better than Jessica Alba. Post your better caption in the comments. Best one becomes the new headline. Yesterday's winner: rwe112, for "Dressing up as Neo for Halloween is so 2000." -
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Dressing up as Neo for Halloween is so 2000
"Nice to see Marissa living large in a sharp economic downturn," snarks a tipster about the latest society outing of Marissa Mayer, Google's vice president in charge of the stuff people actually use, at the opening of Tory Burch's clothing boutique on Union Square's Maiden Lane. His anti-Marissa rant continues: More » -
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Shhh! I'm reading about the keynote!
The most telling photo from Gizmodo's live coverage at Apple's Cupertino product launch event today. I promise you this: If Apple PR ever goofs and lets Valleywag into a freaking Steve Jobs keynote, I'll keep my MacBook closed, turn off Twitter, and pay attention to The Man. Can you think of a better caption for this photo? Leave it in the comments. The best one will become the new headline. Yesterday's winner: WagCurious, for "You must be this tall to ride Alex Albrecht." (Photo by Gizmodo) -
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You must be this tall to ride Alex Albrecht
The bromance between Diggnation cohosts Alex Albrecht and Kevin Rose is so palpable, and same-sex marriage so trendy, that I was a bit surprised to hear that Albrecht was engaged to someone else. Aw, Kevin, I hope you don't feel jilted! Someone will make an honest man of you, someday. The two performed their Web show live on stage at the Future of Web Apps conference in London — which, we hear, was just like Cyprus but without the crystal-blue sea and the matching swimsuits. Can you think of a better caption? Leave it in the comments. The best will become the post's new headline. Friday's winner: franky, for "Mark Zuckerberg signs petition against new Facebook design." (Photo by jimjarmo) -
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Mark Zuckerberg signs petition against new Facebook design
Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg signs autographs at an event for developers in France. Can you think of a better caption for this photo? Leave it in the comments. The best one will become the post's new headline. Yesterday's winner: Scalawag, for "On Sequoia's firing line." (Photo by mauriz) -
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On Sequoia's firing line
What plots are the members of "Camp Cyprus," a group of young webheads, cooking up? Perhaps we'll read about them in a Wall Street Journal front-page A-hed, since reporter Jessica Vascellaro was on the scene, along with Wall Street-scion boyfriend Sam Lessin, the CEO of Drop.io. Can you think of a better caption? Leave it in the comments; the best one will become the new headline of the post. Yesterday's winner: TheChris2.0, for "McCain and Whitman unveil Social Security plan." (Photo by Sam Lessin) -
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McCain and Whitman unveil Social Security plan
If you were just laid off from eBay, will there be a job for you in five months when your severance runs out? For answers, consult the eBay-branded slot machines now up and running in Las Vegas. Licensing the eBay name is no doubt lucrative, but it's a bizarre branding move, since eBay's moving away from its are-you-feeling-lucky auctions in favor of fixed-price sales. Can you come up with a better caption? Leave it in the comments. The best one will become the post's new headline. Yesterday's loser: Anyone who suggested "Ich bin ein Wiener." Yesterday's winner: godospoons, for "No, you can't use it to SuperPoke Poland." (Photo by waldoj) -
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No, you can't use it to SuperPoke Poland
What was Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg doing in Germany, besides getting out of town while another college pal left his company? He was ostensibly guest-lecturing at the Technische Universität-Berlin, but we'll let your imagination run wild. Can you suggest a better caption for this photo? Do so in the comments. Monday's winner: johnyletter, for "I say we nuke the entire site from orbit." (Photo by cpthook) -
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I say we nuke the entire site from orbit
San Francisco's LoveFest 2008 took place this weekend, turning Civic Center Plaza into a sand-free version of Black Rock City. Want to hate the playas? Suggest a caption in the comments. The best one will become the post's new headline. Friday's winner: raincoaster, for "I thought I ordered the pearl necklace." (Photo by az1568) -
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"I thought I ordered the pearl necklace"
Go ahead. You know you want to vent. The best caption for this timeless photo of Gawker Media publisher Nick Denton getting pied will become the post's new headline. Yesterday's winner: "Vulgar ostentation never looked so good," by Valleywag alumnus Jordan Golson. -
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Vulgar ostentation never looked so good
At the center of a small armada, Kleiner Perkins VC Tom Perkins's three-masted superyacht Maltese Falcon took a turn around San Francisco Bay last weekend. It's currently anchored in Richardson's Bay north of Sausalito, and if you've got a couple hundred million around, you could probably convince Perkins to let you take it off his hands. This post needs a better headline like Perkins needs humility, so offer one up in the comments and we'll select our favorite to re-title the post with. "Mashable founder proves he loves brown sugar" from ResearchZilla was the cupcake that took the cake yesterday. (Photo by Chris Comparini) -
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Mashable founder proves he loves brown sugar
Young master Peter Cashmore of Mashable ditched the vest for the last party before repatriating to Blighty one step ahead of immigration officials. Here he's caught savoring a sweet cupcake with a come-hither glint in his eye. Proffer a different headline in the comments, and the most cunning linguist will be crowned with a new title on this post. Yesterday, emnem had the climactic entry with "Eric Shmidt and wife Wendy seen in Valleywag Green #61b335." (Photo by Andrew Mager) -
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Eric Schmidt and wife Wendy seen in Valleywag Green #61b335
Last week's opening gala for the new Renzo Piano-designed California Academy of Sciences building in Golden Gate Park was graced by Google CEO Eric Schmidt actually with wife Wendy Schmidt and Shawn Byers with Kleiner Perkins Caufield and Byers VC hubby Brook Byers. The Byers even had accessories crafted from the San Francisco Chronicle's funny pages. Care to craft a better headline? Leave it in the comments and we'll judge the entries harshly, promise. Yesterday "BoothRank == 0" from Athletic Supporter v0.42beta evaluated to true. (Photo by Catherine Bigelow/7x7) -
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BoothRank == 0
Google is a big believer in automation. But did it really mean to pay for prime real estate at a search conference and leave its booth unstaffed? A tipster says that a Google exhibit at last week's Enterprise Search Summit was devoid of Googlers as late as mid-morning on Thursday. Can you think of a better caption for this picture? If so, suggest it in the comments. The best one will become the new headline for this post. Friday's winner: ThatKid for "Reduced emissions from electric car offset by VCs' unwillingness to carpool." Read on for our tipster's report from the scene at Enterprise Search Summit: More »





































