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cubicle culture
Facebook Heckling Rampage By Kara Swisher
As co-host of the Wall Street Journal's $5,000/head D conference, reporter Kara Swisher demands best behavior from her guests. Invite her to your startup, though, and she'll taunt your chef, heckle bizdev and mock your taste. More » -
mysteries
Carol Bartz's Elusive New F-Bomb
Yahoo's delightfully potty-mouthed CEO dropped another one of her famous F-bombs on the Wall Street Journal's Kara Swisher at the D conference today. The Journal's been promoting the incident online, but can't seem to bring itself to air video of the cussing. More » -
twitterati
The WSJ's Twitterati Break All the Rules
Oh, the rebellious minions of Rupert Murdoch! The Wall Street Journal has issued precious new rules for how its reporters and editors must conduct themselves on social networks. They are, of course, being ignored. More » -
twitterati
The Twitterati Listen to Blowhard Electronica
This is the media life on Twitter: Readers daring to call on the phone, bloggers taking each other out to lunch, and blowhard predictions made about blowhard predictions! Today's Twitterati: More » -
media wars
Outrage: WSJ In Blog Duplicity Scandal
As any political campaign manager knows, sanctimonious attacks only invite a more outraged rebuttal. The Wall Street Journal's Google-slamming editor just learned how quickly anger boomerangs online. More » -
twitterati
Sarah Palin Lets the Twitterati Sleep in the Same Room
Twitter, the ideal medium for feigning emotion! Bonnie Fuller pretended to be shocked, Erick Schonfeld and Kara Swisher pretended to fight, and Sasha Frere-Jones pretended to function. Today's real fake tweets: More » -
conflicts of interest
WSJ Conference Organizer's Wife Secretly Running Google
Megan Smith, a Google executive little known outside Silicon Valley, is taking a high-profile role running the search engine's in-house charity. She's part of a power couple whose louder half is AllThingsD blogger Kara Swisher. More » -
yahoo
If only Yahoo would listen to Kara Swisher, she might stop emailing me
"Yahoo striking a Microsoft search deal first makes more sense" than closing a merger with AOL, writes overproductive BoomTown blogger Kara Swisher. Tracking the complicated, self-conflicting relationships between Yahoo, AOL, Microsoft and Google is like trying to read Prince Valiant without a cheat sheet. Swisher's latest megapost fills in more details, but doesn't lead to anything more definite than "both Yahoo and AOL have to get to the core of what they are and are going to be." Ah, more layoffs. -
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crash this bash
Disinvite your favorite reporter from the Google holiday party
It's becoming a holiday tradition: Google announces a holiday party for Silicon Valley reporters at its Mountain View headquarters, and Valleywag's invite gets mysteriously lost in Gmail's ever-canny spam filters. The invitation for the December 8 event, held again at the Googleplex's Cafe Slice, is nontransferable, so we can't accept any pass-along invites, alas. More » -
wedding announcements
Kara Swisher discloses she married Google exec
A disclosure statement is an odd place for a wedding announcement. But that is where conference organizer and AllThingsD blogger Kara Swisher has buried the news that she married her longtime partner, Google vice president Megan Smith, last night, before the passage of Proposition 8, California's gay marriage ban, made same-sex marriages illegal once more. (The couple had had previous ceremonies — including, while we're disclosing things, one that I attended — but this was the first one that was a legal marriage under California law.) This would be no one's business but their own, except for the fact that Swisher actively covers Google and its rivals. More » -
hires
Microsoft exec Jeff Dossett really joining Yahoo after all
Mountaineer, philanthropist, and longtime Microsoftie Jeff Dossett has a new claim to fame: He's brave enough to join Yahoo — but it took a while to convince him. Two months ago, Dossett, who joined Microsoft in 1991, went through a curious back-and-forth: BoomTown's Kara Swisher reported he was leaving Microsoft to join Yahoo. A Microsoft rep promptly denied the report, claiming Dossett was leaving a job at the software giant's MSN Web business, but looking at other opportunities within Microsoft. We could speculate about how Microsoft and Yahoo were bidding for Dossett's services, but the real lesson here is: Never, ever believe a Microsoft flack. Dossett replaces Scott Moore, who's leaving Yahoo as reported. -
meltdowns
Valley blowhards gush forth advice
Professional annoyance Kara Swisher, the BoomTown blogger, went to a how-to-survive-the-downturn gabfest, and all she got was this lousy video. Captured on her Flip camera: Mahalo CEO Jason Calacanis, who didn't predict the downturn; Nirav Tolia, the Epinions cofounder — an entrepreneur — who hasn't laid anyone off since the last bubble burst and is surely rusty; Google investor Ram Shriram, who has way too much money to care about such mundane affairs as a recession; and Fast Company videoblogger Robert Scoble, who is cheerfully clueless as ever. The bright side: If Scoble is saying companies need to conserve cash, perhaps we've hit a market bottom. -
Fright Masks
The 5 scariest people in Silicon Valley
Halloween's on a Friday. With people already more worried about keeping their jobs than actually doing them, you might as well plan on writing the workday off. Trying to figure out a clever costume in which to pester your remaining coworkers? Valleywag has done the work for you. Print up one of these masks, designed by Valleywag interim creative director Richard Blakeley, on the finest-quality office paper you can steal from the supply closet, follow our tips on how to act the part, and you're good to go. Select from our list: More » -
Fright Masks
Kara Swisher, obnoxious AllThingsD blogger
How to wear it: Soccer mom meets Castro lesbian, with a denim shirt and blue jeans. Oh, and a Pure Digital Flip camera. More » -
allthingsd
Kara Swisher's hiring criteria revealed
Eyebrows cocked? Smirk at the ready? Then you, sir, are qualified to tack on wry analysis to the day's news at AllThingsD.com. Good thing Peter Kafka, Kara Swisher's latest hire at the Dow Jones-backed tech blog, is a continent away from John Paczkowski, Swisher's incumbent snark machine. Put the two in the same office, and they might just spend all day raising their eyebrows at each other. -
peter kafka
Lazy reporter crowdsources new column
Peter Kafka is Kara Swisher's latest star hire at AllThingsD. She stole him from Silicon Alley Insider, where he worked with Henry Blodget. At SAI, Kafka always seemed to do fine without invoking the wisdom of the crowd. Why is Kara pushing him to go on and on about nothing? His first post was the standard Web 2.0 "Hello, world." His second takes 400 words to restate its own headline. Peter, here's my first and last free rewrite. Give me credit for not saying "Kafka-esque." More » -
yahoo
Jerry Yang's unpurple prose
Right now, a leader needs to do two things: Communicate clearly, act decisively, and project confidence. That's three things, but Jerry Yang can't even do one of them. In a two-part interview with Kara Swisher, Rupert Murdoch's pet eyeball-poker, Yang fails to sell, or even tell, Yahoo's story: More » -
great moments in journalism
Reporters learn Yahoo's secret plan: Copy Facebook
Don't call it a "social network" — the product that will save Yahoo is an "enhanced profile." Which just happens to look exactly like someone's profile page on Facebook or MySpace — friends, updates, and all of that. CNET News editor-in-chief Dan Farber got the PowerPoint deck, as did AllThingsD's Kara Swisher. Is it something they teach you in journalism school — that writing about tech involves fawning over something simply because it is new and you got to see it first? I never got to take that class. (Screenshot via Webware) -
meltdowns
Ron Conway's secret message decoded
"You better have a yearās worth of cash and a revenue model or youāre toast." There, now you don't have to sit through Kara Swisher's long, boring lunch with angel-investing mastermind Ron Conway. Swisher is one of tech's best reporters, as she never stops reminding us. She tidily quotes Conway's public story, "The game in this environment in survival until conditions change." That means a year's worth of cash and a revenue model. Swisher's own secret message: "I had lunch with well-known Silicon Valley investor Ron Conway." And we didn't! -
nerdfight
Kara Swisher vs. Google
The Justice Department met with Google and Yahoo's customers and competitors this week as it continues to build an antitrust case for its litigious hired gun Sandy Litvack. On top of that, Canada is now on Google's case too, having hired antitrust lawyer David Kent. Never heard of him, sure he's a hoser, eh. In response to all the haters, Google just made itself another enemy: Kara Swisher, the mean lesbian mommyblogger employed by Rupert Murdoch and partnered to Google executive Megan Smith. Fun times at home! More » -
peter kafka
Murdoch-owned tech site steals Henry Blodget's top blogger
The latest hire in online tech outlets smacks of cannibalism. Silicon Alley Insider, the vanity blog vehicle of former Wall Street stock analyst Henry Blodget, has lost managing editor Peter Kafka to AllThingsD, the vanity blog vehicle of Kara Swisher and Walt Mossberg. Dow Jones makes for a steadier parent than AlleyCorp, the tech-startup holding company of DoubleClick cofounder Kevin Ryan. But one would think Swisher, who confirms the hire and says Kafka will start at the end of October, might have first raided the vast hordes of reporters working in the faltering medium of print before feeding on her own kind. Let's just hope she lets Kafka get out more. -
great moments in pr
Facebook's Brandee Barker hides from camera while denying Microsoft buyout
BoomTown's Kara Swisher went to Palo Altoās MacArthur Park restaurant for a luncheon hosted by Germanyās Hubert Burda Media yesterday, the organizers of the DLD conference. A target of her shaky videocam work: Facebook flack Brandee Barker, who hid behind a fern. Asked if Microsoft was buying Facebook, Barker shouted, "Never!" Brave words, if not exactly consistent with Facebook's fiduciary duties to shareholders to consider all reasonable offers. Besides Barker, Swisher captured Silicon Valley figures like nerd chanteuse Randi Zuckerberg; Wired writer Steven Levy, fresh from his fly-on-the-wall writeup of the making of Google's Chrome browser; and layoff-happy Loic Le Meur. The crowd is shown descending into a happy drunkenness, giggling about Wall Street all the way down. After the jump, the full clip and a guide to the best moments: More » -
nerdfight
Michael Arrington mocked by Kara Swisher at Demo
In the war of words being fought between the organizers of the DemoFall and TechCrunch50 startup conferences, AllThingsD reporter Kara Swisher unleashed quite a salvo yesterday: "Being lectured on journalism ethics by Michael Arrington is like getting parenting tips from Britney Spears." Zing! She proceeds to call out the TechCrunch50 organizers attacks on Demo for what they are — "Marketing 101." Walt Mossberg was a bit more diplomatic, offering more subtle jabs like, "It never occurred to me not to come here [Demo]." Here at Valleywag, we maintainthe highest standards of impartiality through our willingness to get kicked out of any and all such events. -
superficial
Kara Swisher slaps bear, runs off to Alaska
After slapping our beloved sweaterbear Owen Thomas for his description of Sheryl Sandberg's "reign of terror" at Facebook, Kara Swisher has left the lower 48 and hopped on a boat bound for Alaska. While bears may seem cuddly, danger may lurk in their embrace. Since we wouldn't want anything bad to happen to our favorite mommyblogger, here are some helpful tips on bear safety from your friends here at Valleywag. (Photo by B Mully) -
yahoo
Yahoo shareholder meeting virtually empty
The Imperial Ballroom of the San Jose Fairmont, site of Yahoo's annual shareholder meeting, was nearly empty as the formalistic corporate-governance charade was about to start. The power went in and out, depriving reporters of electricity for their laptops, Kara Swisher reports on BoomTown. No, she did not resist the "power play" pun. (Photo by Kara Swisher) -
100-word version
Kara Swisher on Kara Swisher (oh, and some guy named Jerry)
AllThingsD's Kara Swisher spends an epic 1,367 words on Yahoo CEO Jerry Yang's complete personality makeover — and her pivotal role therein. The key words: More » -
yahoo raid
Jerry Yang talks to Kara Swisher — the end must be near
After avoiding the viciously loquacious Kara Swisher for a year — even at her big tech conference — normally mellow Yahoo founder Jerry Yang gave the AllThingsD reporter an earful. Yang says No Fucking Way will he hand the keys over to the comedy team of Carl Icahn and His Lack of a Plan B (I'm paraphrasing), in part because Yang doesn't trust that Microsoft, for all its talk, will actually buy Yahoo from Icahn. āAnd then what will shareholders be left with?" Yang fumes. "A weakened, Icahn-controlled Yahoo.ā The best possible outcome — we mean for us — will be a deathmatch proxy battle pitting Yang against Icahn at the August 1 shareholder meeting. (Photo by AP/Paul Sakuma) -
blogging for dollars
Who's Kara Swisher afraid of?
Ruthless reporter Kara Swisher didn't get invited to superbanker Herb Allen's annual VIP gathering in Sun Valley. So she's taking matters into her own hands and ... complaining on her blog? Kara, stop it. I've seen you in action. You're The Bride of tech reporting. When you enter the room, security guards flee. PR bunnies chew off their own heads rather than face you. You disembowel Old Boys Club members with questions so sharp they barely feel a thing until it's too late. So quit whining and man up, Kara. Just get yourself to Sun Valley. You'll get in. You'll have the head table before dinner is finished. I almost feel sorry for the poor sonsabitches they send to stop you. Send us your posts and we'll lazily relink them. Now GO. -
valleyspeak
At long last, Yahoo reorg to put employees out of their misery
Yahoo is about to perform that dreaded big-tech-company maneuver, the "reorg." For you young-uns who don't get why reorg is such a scary word: Think massive layoffs, lost mortgages, and people like your parents with no back-to-school money for brats like you. Multiply by 10,000-plus. I can only wish a soft landing for the folks who designed, built and shipped Yahoo's new search engine interface, and the marketers who dreamed up those radio ads that got me to ā I can't believe I'm admitting this on a blog ā actually use Yahoo to find stuff. More » -
techcrunch
TechCrunch's fun with public markets
Citing several unnamed sources, TechCrunch reported yesterday that merger talks between Microsoft and Yahoo were back on. Investors responded, buying Yahoo stock up 10.5 percent from the day's low to $23.71. Now CNBC says the rumors were false. Reporters' reporter Kara Swisher of BoomTown — who did a bit of reporting on the rumor and happily quashed it in a report today — admonished TechCrunch, writing that "anyone reporting on the situation should have been deeply cautious about floating rumors." But we wonder: Cautious for the sake of whom? Investors buying up stock based on a report citing anonymous sources, written by a blogger known to write about companies he invests in? Ms. Swisher, we're pretty sure those folks can't be helped. They're called "market inefficiencies" and they are who real investors exploit on their way to wealth. -
clips
Jeff Weiner's new bosses laugh about his funny name
Want to know how seriously venture capitalists take their entrepreneurs-in-residence, those CEO-wannabes they toss a paycheck at to keep them off the streets? Ask James Slavet and David Sze of Greylock Partners. In this clip, they get a good giggle with BoomTown's Kara Swisher over new hire Jeff Weiner's funny name. (Confused? Pronounced weener, "Weiner" is a homonym for the schoolyard word for penis.) Swisher: "This is the pair that sucked Weiner away from Yahoo. Not that it was hard." Sze: "Hah! It was enjoyable! I may do it again!" -
clips
What happens when Sarah Lacy interviews Kara Swisher? One long interruption
Tech Ticker's Sarah Lacy and BoomTown's Kara Swisher share a particular interviewing style: Badgering their subject into submission through interruptions, personal anecdotes, and swift corrections. The main difference is that Lacy smiles when she does it. The technique is effective with tech titans and media moguls, but did it work when Lacy interviewed Swisher? Check out the clip above to find out. -
gallery
Photos from Marissa Mayer's "Sex and the City" screening
CENTURY SAN FRANCISCO CENTRE 9 — Where are the girls? An event producer and I both nervously paced through the lobby. Where was Marissa Mayer? The Google executive had rented a theater for the 8:50 screening of Sex and the City, but she and 300 of her closest friends were nowhere to be seen. Late, of course — have you tried to walk the block-long distance between Mayer's Four Seasons penthouse and the Westfield Centre in a pair of Manolo Blahniks? Finally, I spotted someone I knew — gorgeous Googler Brittany Bohnet, girlfriend of Facebooker Dave Morin, above. ("People are saying I look like Charlotte," said Bohnet, pictured above. "Do you think so?" Yes. Cuter than Charlotte, actually. More » -
d6 live coverage
Rupert Murdoch spits for 23andMe? This we can't swallow
CARLSBAD, CA — In her bid to rob her new boss of all remaining dignity, conference organizer Kara Swisher has arranged to have gene-analysis startup 23andMe map aging media mogul Rupert Murdoch's chromosomes at the D6 conference, AllThingsD's John Paczkowski tells us. Come on. At 77, does he have any left? Leave the man's DNA alone, you mean lesbian! Swisher's DNA is also being tested, as is that of Googlers Eric Schmidt, Larry Page, and Sergey Brin. Brin's wife, Anne Wojcicki, is a cofounder of 23andMe; Brin provided the company a loan to get it off the ground. In a real-world DNA experiment, Wojcicki is expecting the couple's first child. -
d6 live coverage
Jerry Yang and Sue Decker try to evade Kara Swisher's clutches
CARLSBAD, CA — For most of their D conference interviews, Kara Swisher and Walt Mossberg trade off interview duties. But why was Mossberg the one to do the D6 interview with Yahoo CEO Jerry Yang and president Sue Decker? Swisher frequently covers Yahoo in her AllThingsD.com blog; I can't think of the last time Mossberg has typed the letters "y-a-h-o-o" in his gadget reviews. Here's my theory: Decker and Yang agreed to speak at D6, but only if Mossberg was the interviewer, not Swisher. Then Swisher tweaked them by asking a question — not on stage, but on video. If so, serves Yang and Decker right for not nailing down all the conditions. Think they'll be having words with Yahoo flack Jill Nash afterwards? (Photo by Asa Mathat/AllThingsD.com) -
caption contest
So, seriously, neither of you spray tan? Hahahaha
CARLSBAD, CA — D6 conference organizer Kara Swisher and bicoastal überflack Brooke Hammerling prepare to torment former Facebook COO Van Natta, who doesn't seem to mind. Can you suggest a better caption? Do so in the comments, but behave yourselves and be clever, or I'll ban all you filthy louts. The best one will become the new headline. Yesterday's winner: Jimmy the Saint, for "Sometimes that new iPhone is just a cigar." -
d6 live coverage
The passive-aggressive passion of Kara Swisher
Attempting to edit down Kara Swisher's epic two-part behind-the-scenes opus on the making of D6 into something more manageable, it was hard not to note a certain passive aggression. The deadpan delivery of criticisms quickly couched as attempts at humor, the needling of uncomfortable minions with the constant gaze of her camera and, above all, more than a little envy when it comes to the status her colleague at the Wall Street Journal Walt Mossberg enjoys. At one point, she even asks a staffer who grants access to the conference, "Are you dangling hope and then snatching it away, which was our instruction?" Yes, yes they are. -
blogging for dollars
Has Kara Swisher drugged John Paczkowski?
CARLSBAD, CA — One of the best things about AllThingsD.com is John Paczkowski, the site's sardonic tech blogger, whom Kara Swisher cleverly poached from the San Jose Mercury News's Good Morning Silicon Valley blog. At the D6 conference, there has been no sign of John Paczkowski — only an overly sincere reporter impersonating him. There is no speaker the normally acidic Paczkowski can't find something nice to say about. Who is this guy, and what has he done with the real John? More » -
nerdfight
Michael Arrington shut down by Kara Swisher's minion
CARLSBAD, CA — A rumor sweeping the press corps here at the D6 conference: TechCrunch's Michael Arrington was set to stream Bill Gates's presentation live, but organizer Kara Swisher, who wanted to keep video restricted to her AllThingsD.com website, put the kibosh on it. Arrington abandoned the effort, but cited "bandwidth issues," not Swisher's strongarming, as the reason. Update: In the comments, Swisher denies she personally asked Arrington to stop streaming and says it's "the first she's heard of this." But, as commenter Mr. E. notes, Arrington associate Loic Le Meur confirms via Twitter that a man who "wasn't nice" asked Arrington to stop recording. In a subsequent email, Swisher says Arrington should have known better: More » -
d6 live coverage
Security ejects Valleywag from D6 conference
CARLSBAD, CA — I wasn't just eighty-sixed, folks. No, I was eight-D6'd. There I was, charming my way through the crowd at the Wall Street Journal's D6 conference — why hello, Sir Howard Stringer of Sony! Oh, was that Steve Case? — when a woman announced herself as "in-house security" and informed me that "the client" had asked that I be shown the door. "The client" being Kara Swisher and Walt Mossberg, the conference organizers, and "the door" actually just the way to the hotel bar, where I'm having a lovely fruity beverage. And Swisher and Mossberg were too late with the bum rush. I'd already been working my camera for hours. While Bill Gates bores attendees with a preview of Windows Seven, Microsoft's latest attempt to annoy the majority of computer users, you can enjoy the snapshots I took. Among the nerdspotting: Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook and Max Levchin of Slide. More »






































