Gawker
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recap
The week that just wasn't funny
We make fun of everything here, even death. But it's still too soon to laugh over the three SiPort employees gunned down by a coworker, or the misguided teenager who overdosed live on Justin.tv. That said, next week will be open season on the newest little Googler and Barack Obama's Warcraft-addicted policymaker. Life goes on, and we have a job to do. (Photo by acaben)
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By Paul BoutinComment by FawnMacaroni: You forgot to mention the $700B evaporated from the stock market... more » | Other threads
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The week Valleywag got bigger than ever
Dear readers: Please don't overreact. Valleywag 2009 will have the exact same headcount as Valleywag 2007 — but an order of magnitude more readers. Owen Thomas will run the site all by himself, with me dropping in to blog once in a while. If anything, Owen (photo, left) will be meaner than before. Just look at this week. More »
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By Paul BoutinComment by Incognito: So what is wrong with Valleywag? Oh I got it, not enough butt and penis jokes, the classiest of... 3 Responses | Other threads
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The week we failed to disclose
Nobody wanted to fess up this week. Sergey Brin's journalist mother-in-law can't come out and say that she's in the tank for Google. Wall Street Journal conference organizer Kara Swisher won't confess that she's mean to Google precisely because the search engine employs her newly married spouse. And that's just the beginning. More » -
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The week we prepared to fall back
In theory, Fondue's two BlackBerrys will reset from Daylight Savings Time back to PST automatically this Sunday. In practice, she'll be sorry she ate the manual. Ah, if only we, too, were Jason Calacanis's bitch. The CEO of Mahalo, a bluster-powered search engine, treats his dogs better than his employees. Will Facebook join Mahalo in laying people off? More »
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Comment by deluxe2000plus: In my BlackBerry the time switch (in Germany) worked fine and all my Outlook appointments got moved properly (not... more » | Other threads
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The week we came out against Proposition 8
Valleywag's publisher, gay-owned Gawker Media, has yet to take a public stand on Proposition 8, California's proposed gay-marriage ban. But that's okay! Neither has Yahoo. But we're always in favor of man-on-man action — like the sweaty seat-wrestling that will come after Forbes.com merges with its print-magazine namesake. What other stories made us feel gay? More »
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By Owen ThomasComment by ThatKid: Well done, Owen. Who doesn't love gay jokes? 1 Responses | Other threads
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Lay off, already
Layoffs, layoffs, layoffs, layoffs, Elvis impersonator, report of layoffs disappears, layoffs, layoffs, layoffs by blog post, layoffs, layoffs, rumor of layoffs, layoffs, layoffs, PDF layoff. On a brighter note, Valleywag has hired Jason Calacanis, according to ZDNet. How was your week? (Screenshot from Jason Calacanis's Flickr)
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By Owen ThomasComment by Hey_mikey: The government didn't want to make the GI Bill too sweet because we didn't want to choke off the supply... 2 Responses | Other threads
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Two bulldogs for EVERYONE
Yeah, I know: The world is ending. You can flip through Sequoia Capital's 56-slide preso on it. Still, in the middle of what he dubbed the Startup Depression, Mahalo chatterbox-in-chief Jason Calacanis has added more staff-generated content. What Calacanis knows that Sequoia won't tell you: Up or down, a lot has to do with your ability to sell a story. Too bad your boss the wannabe general won't have to sell you on that "painful but necessary adjustments" story in the works. Keep those lame layoff memos coming. -
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You guys go on ahead, I'm fine
Is everyone done blogging about Valleywag's layoffs? I'm still here. I'm the "one other" the New York media deigned to mention. It's exactly like being the 80 percent of Yahoo that won't be laid off, if that 80 percent was one guy. Melissa, Jackson and Nicholas are good writers. All three will probably be making more money soon. For me, at least the rest of the week didn't hit so hard. Google's stock drop had no effect on my personal net worth — take that, Kara Swisher! Facebook's star engineer quit, but I've gotten used to the Ajax errors when I try to reply to high school friends at quarter to midnight. Anyway, next week I'll be here, Owen will be here, and hopefully you'll still be here. Keep those Steve Jobs heart attack tips coming. Those are the best. (Photo of Taurus the not-laid-off wonderdog by Jason Calacanis)
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By Paul BoutinComment by Rachel Marsden: WHAT THE F*CK IS TAURUS CALACANINE DOING AT AREA 51???!!! 2 Responses | Other threads
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A week that melted us down
The markets are imploding and Washington is dickering. What is Silicon Valley doing? Thinking about cupcakes, cutbacks, and cushy relationships with sources. Google's Larry Page is so out of touch that he went to D.C. to whine for more bandwidth for all of his Googlephones to come. And fabulously wealthy VC Tom Perkins? He's bringing his megayacht home, the better to sell it some even more nouveau rich guy to buy. Has he looked up Kevin Rose, we wonder? (Photo by sanfranannie)
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By Owen ThomasComment by eh_oh_hell: please, spend a couple of minutes and clip that dog's nails. more » | Other threads
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A week in which there was nothing wrong with that
After announcing a multimillion-dollar campaign featuring Jerry Seinfeld, Microsoft canned the comic's commercials with founder Bill Gates. Not "canned" as in "fired," but "canned" as in "put away for later." Maybe. eBay's also thinking about dumping StumbleUpon, the social something-or-other site it bought last year for $75 million. Facebook users want to trash the site's redesign. Sarah Palin seems to have deleted her hacked Yahoo Mail account. Amidst all of this relinquishing of things material and immaterial, some of our colleagues threw a party on a rooftop in New York. Here's an archive of the live coverage, via a Justin.tv feed: More » -
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A week in which we didn't cheat on Taurus and Fondue
TechCrunch50 was rigged. Rigged to make you fall in love with Taurus and Fondue all over again! Blah Girls founder Ashton Kutcher is working hard to keep up with the dynamic duo in this picture. We know, being an entrepreneur is risky — even Google cofounder Larry Page once hedged his bets early on, and now he's sponsoring space ships. Just don't overwork those engineers, get your teams working together, and keep your core audience happy. And remember to relax. So go crash tonight's Girl Talk concert at Yahoo and do the robot, Bill Gates-style. (Photo by TechCrunch50-2008)
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By Jackson WestComment by DanLar75: Cute or Do I mean pathetic and kinda gay for grown men? hmm... now im confused again, better take a... 1 Responses | Other threads
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Lazy from the heat
It's 92 degrees Fahrenheit here, and we haven't had a break all week. Our holiday Monday was disrupted by the accidental announcement of Google's new browser, Chrome, via a comic strip delivered a day early to a German blogger. The comic proved unreadable except to programmers, but 4chan Photoshops of it were huge. X-Files star David Duchovny turned himself in for rehab after acknowledging his ... um, porn addiction? That was funnier than the new Microsoft ads starring Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld. It was more serious than any of the coverage of the Republican national convention — our most clicked video was the footage of dancing delegates. From which we gather that it's not 92 in Minneapolis. (Photo by Jason Calacanis) -
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A week that left us feeling burnt
Bad Googler! No biscuit! We love Google's spin on our free-meals exposé this week: A detailed statistical analysis has revealed that some cafes are less heavily used for dinner, and so they're very scientifically closing them. The reality: A feud between Google and its food-service contractor, Bon Appétit, has led to such massive turnover in the ranks of Google's cooks that Larry and Sergey are struggling to put food on the table. No wonder they, and much of the rest of Google, have headed to the desert for Burning Man. Just two questions: Who's cooking their camp chow? And who's going to fix Gmail if it breaks down again this weekend? (Photo by Jason Calacanis)
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By Owen ThomasComment by Rachel Marsden: OMG THAT IS PATRICK!1!11!!! TORUS AND FONDOOZE BRUTHA!!!!1!!1!!11!!!! more » | Other threads
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A week we could have kissed
Will John McCain pick former eBay CEO Meg Whitman as his running mate? We can guess what a McCain-Whitman platform looks like: No new taxes, but higher listing fees. Valley Democrats, deeming the election a formality, are already lining up to be Obama's CTO. We think Robert Scoble's angling for the job, but Obama would be wise to consider how Seagate has fared as the sponsor of Scoble's videos. Who's going to get all these plum political positions? We'll read about it in tomorrow's papers — if there are any left. (Photo by AP/Dharapak, photoillustration by Paul Boutin)
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By Owen ThomasComment by Rachel Marsden: LMAO!!! Photo montages like this one are a major reason why I love this site! more » | Other threads
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A week we'd never lie about
Sheryl, Sheryl, Sheryl. It's been quite a week, for us and for Facebook's COO. Sheryl Sandberg isn't the kind to yell, like the 10 tyrants we featured this week. She's much more subtle than that. Or at least we thought she was, until she botched product marketer Ben Ling's high-profile return from Facebook to Google. Sheryl, sounds like you need some advice on how to end a relationship. May we suggest talking to Pownce's Leah Culver? (Photo by tifotter)
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By Owen ThomasComment by Jandek: A week in which no one posted cause gawker "ran out of money for the month" more » | Other threads
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A week in which we caught Olympic fever
We tried almost everything anyone suggested to find a cure for our Olympic fever, even watching Chinese state television in silence and hacking into YouTube before figuring out exactly how we are going to watch the summer games online. Gavin Newsom's too busy in Africa bumping uglies with his new wife to care, but such is life when you are rich. Newsom didn't propose via Google Street View, but his buddies Larry Page and Sergey Brin did ferry guests to the wedding — new wife Jennifer Siebel had better hope the marriage lasts, because otherwise, guess who's side the Mountain View search giant will take. Speaking of infidelity, Apple is selling iPhones with Windows Mobile devices, PayPal is spending more time with other lovers besides eBay, and Google seems about ready to dump that cheap slut AOL.(Photo by Tiff) -
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A week in which we didn't mention Jason Calacanis
Okay, we mentioned him once, briefly — still, not enough to keep Calacanis from demanding that we use a picture of his dogs Taurus and Fondue scarfing Pinkberry. Watch out, Calacanis, because if Obama wins those dogs might unionize and collectively bargain for more froyo. We're just glad the Southlanders survived the earthquake with their private parts intact so that they could live to self-destructively tweet away another day — everyone's doing it, even the Mars lander. And while science fiction novelist Orson Scott Card may have betrayed his gay fans, you can at least count on Justin.tv co-founder Justin Kan to keep lobbying publicly for a centerfold in Honcho — though, starlets aside, maybe young master Peter Cashmore of Mashable might sell more magazines.
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By Jackson WestComment by random_play: @Rachel Marsden: That's terrible! I love the dogs. Here's the whole horrifying story. Of course, Taurus kept a stiff upper... more » | Other threads
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Jackson West, please come home — all is forgiven
Why did I let Jackson West take a vacation? While our associate editor was away, we actually wrote something nice about Gavin Newsom — and he only had to save San Francisco from a rogue IT guy to do it! Microsoft's Windows chief, Kevin Johnson, ended up in Sunnyvale, Calif. — but not, as he'd hoped, in the corner office at Yahoo HQ. Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg flubbed more media interviews this week, prompting us to suggest he get help. Maybe he could take tips from the Internet-famous Julia Allison, who crashed his developers' conference? More »
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By Owen ThomasComment by BartKela: @mrfomoco: Yes, that's what blog comments are for! more » | Other threads
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A week in which we feel in love
Yes, ladies, there are apparently 110 eligible bachelor billionaires out there — not including Peter Thiel. Sergey Brin's taken, and too bad, because he finds the most thoughtful ways to funnel Google's money into his wife's company. Mission hipsters might not love Google, but within the Googleplex there's still plenty of hanky-panky. Maybe starving artists getting priced out of their apartments could get jobs at Yahoo, where Jerry loves you so much! (Photo by Andrew Mager)
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By Jackson WestComment by mrfomoco: Good grief, what a homely little bugger. The dog's no great beauty, either. more » | Other threads
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A week in which we didn't buy any iPhones
The Sun Valley summit gave the ultrarich the only reason they'll ever have to go to Idaho. Digg CEO Jay Adelson and Google cofounder Larry Page looked like they were having fun. Yahoo CEO Jerry Yang called Kara Swisher but he looks like he should have called his therapist after Rupert Murdoch says that he's not buying and neither is Microsoft. Meanwhile, YouTube hand-bans anyone who wants to go topless on the site, while Playboy plays up a bunch of bloggers who couldn't care less — why can't you all stop ruining the Internet! (Photo by Liam K) More »
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By Jackson WestComment by TimStreet: Wow, maybe I should drop a few pounds as well. Hey Scoble, Want to have a get in shape contest? more » | Other threads
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A week in which we sang the body electric
Sure, the English may have invented the national founding document, parliamentary democracy, the bicameral legislature and baited their bears to extinction with bulldogs. But who taught those bulldogs how to ride skateboards? Yanks from California. We just took one of the ten best fireworks displays from IAC's Vimeo and used Apple's genius Final Cut Pro to luma-key the footage over clips of skateboarding bulldogs found with Google search on YouTube. The audio quality isn't as good as it could be, but at least we're having more fun than evil foreigners — if not the olds.
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By Jackson WestComment by drinkwater: This is so beautiful! God bless America and danger dogs, too. more » | Other threads
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A week in which spellcheck failed us
I have to say, after a week spent putting up with everyone clamoring for our fearless leader Owen Thomas to return from a well-deserved vacation, no one will give him a warmer welcome back than I will — at times, I was almost ready to leave the Internet, Jakob Lodwick-style. If 101 was backed up more than usual, it was probably because of rubberneckers transfixed by the wreck that Yahoo has become. Sue Decker might finally be able to grab the wheel in a reorganization, but few employees seem to want to carpool with her, especially with Ash Patel riding shotgun. It's gotten so bad, they'll pick up any startup looking to hitchhike. Microsoft's board finally showed their relative wisdom, but they drove away in a cheaper lemon. (Photo by MarÃa Luisa Gómez)
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By Jackson WestComment by tootingbec: @BartKela: I think that raincoaster is trying to intrigue us by pointing out that Canadians, in at least one case,... more » | Other threads
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A week in which the inmates took over the asylum
Our fearless leader has left the building, leaving the two drunks, the whore and a madman in charge. Muwahahaha! Granted, none of are quite as eccentric as outgoing Yahoo Stewart Butterfield. Not that he's crazy for leaving Yahoo, a company falling apart at the seams, as more and more top talent flee leaving Sue Decker to rearrange the deck chairs. Hey, Microsoft's hiring, but good luck getting work — or daycare — at Google. In other news, Zivity flashes cause Girl Geek Dinner controversy, Tila Tequila wants a date with Mark Zuckerberg and Kevin Rose wants to achieve liquidity release with someone, anyone.(Photo by Eliot Phillips)
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By Jackson WestComment by jwegener: kevin rose link points to the wrong article more » | Other threads
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A week in which we laid low
We may not know who Kevin Rose is currently dating, but it isn't Marissa Mayer, who's still chaperoned by Zack Bogue — unless it's a business relationship we're discussing. And it ain't Leah Culver, one of the brave women working to make the world safe for beautiful engineers. At least he doesn't have a history of extorting escorts for free sex. Meanwhile, Yahoo debuted a new logo, though this is probably what they should have gone with. But hey, one of tech's ten worst CEOs, Jerry Yang, wants to hire us. I just hope they don't have a glass ceiling for those without MBAs like Microsoft does. More » -
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A week in which we came prepared
It's not just your privacy that's an illusion — with a few helpful tips, the privacy of Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan can be invaded! At least, more than usual. But then even Bill Clinton overshares these days. But an indictment unsealing reminded us sometimes the old ways of privacy invasion are still best. Because unlike Amazon.com, paper documents can boast 100 percent uptime. At least our readers have their priorities straight, with photos from gorgeous bride Randi Zuckerberg's wedding proving more popular than non-descript boxes from Apple in an East Bay parking lot. That said, we hope you had your goggles on this week, because it was raining men. (Photo by Ana MarÃa) -
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A week we squirmed our way through
What a week to be a geek! All the moguls went to the D conference, leaving San Francisco ripe for a Googler takeover — in fact, Marissa turned 33. Facebook's Sheryl Sandberg annoyed her ex-employees, while Microsoft's Steven Sinofsky bothered his current ones. Melissa Gira Grant left the Internet — but thankfully came back. Thank goodness — we were geting ready to chew our ears off.
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By Owen ThomasComment by paulrocks: Puppies! Fabulous adorable sweet puppies! I love the weekly dog post. more » | Other threads
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A week in which puppies equals pageviews
Presenting "the most beautiful bulldog pups ever," at least according to proud papa Clive Okill of Abbotsham, North Devon, England — after this week, we can't even begrudge the Daily Mail for a little pageview-baiting with the pups. We know what side our bread is bison-buttered on. And say what you will about the 'Wag, it ain't one of the ten worst entry-level tech gigs — so why not become our minion? After all, what could be more fun than finding all the YouTube stars Weezer sucked up to for publicity? We promise you'll be under less supervision than Jerry Yang, and we're not under any delusions that we coulda been Google, so you don't have to worry about getting sent to an ashram.
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By Jackson WestComment by Rachel Marsden: @Mouser_UK: "NO NO the Daily Mail is Obsessed with illegal immigrants..." Evidently not nearly obsessed enough. more » | Other threads
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A week in which we lapped it up
Sweet mother of mercy was it hot this week. Of course, those at the workplace rated best by Valleywag readers, Digg, can just reach into the company cooler for a cold one. I'm sure Jerry Yang could use a brew, as Microsoft shareholders are making it hot under his Yahoo polo collar. Too bad for thirsty Facebookers that their beer pong match with College Humor was canceled. Looking for air-conditioned bliss? Check out Larry Ellison at a theater near you. CNET shareholders can fan themselves with a cool $1.8 billion from CBS. And VCs spent a night trying to predict the weather at the Chruchill Club earlier this week. For those of you in Europe sunning yourselves topless? Remember, Google Street View only blurs faces.(Photo by L. E. MacDonald) -
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A week where we relished positive feedback
While we don't worship with the local cult of permanent positivity, we're human, too. Thankfully, our tipsters should us love daily, and their spirit of giving warms our cold, cold hearts even more than bulldogs, so thanks. Hopefully Mark Zuckerberg finds humility in India, or at least a sense of humor like Brad Fitzpatrick's. Michael Arrington and Graydon Carter sure haven't. Ambition is a form of hubris, so show your love and let them go, Google. Or else there will be no room for the talent Microsoft wants to poach. Keeping delusional managers out of loyalty will lead to a terrible work environment that won't attract real sales talent. We certainly love Gawker's ad sales team at least as much as our tipsters, because there's no positive feedback like a paycheck.(Photo by Jim Reynolds) More » -
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A week spent in frustrated anticipation of expected consummation
We were ready for Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer to make the first move on Saturday. We were ready on Wednesday. We were ready on Thursday. So was Xobni. So was Mad Ave. Google? Microsoft employees? Not so much, but Ballmer's a man, and men have needs. Maybe he's suffering from performance anxiety — sometimes it's hard to raise one's offer in public. Either way, Steve, be a gentleman and leave $3,000 on the dresser for Jerry — and $1.5 billion for all the other professionals at Yahoo. After all, the walker of Sunnyvale streets has a dealer and a new pimp to pay. -
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A week that saw Web 2.0 dethroned
Web 2.0 Expo this week persuaded that not only was Web 2.0 over, but saying it was over was over. To celebrate other Internet clichés, the 250 — that is to say, the 250 people on the Internet who matter to the 250 — decamped for ROFLcon in Massachusetts. Thank goodness, because some of us had actual work to do. Yahoo showed what it could do with its first-quarter earnings — which is to say, not much more than it had been doing before. Now Yahoos are bracing for more layoffs — when they're taking breaks from stealing credit and stabbing colleagues in the back. Facebookers, meanwhile, buzzed about a rumored feud between founders Mark Zuckerberg and Dustin Moskovitz. Moskovitz denied the tiff, but then displayed enough 'tude to explain why even the contentious Zuckerberg might want to stay away. Who wins the dyspeptic crown? Anyone who made it through this week. (Photo by AP/Kevin Sanders)
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By Owen ThomasComment by glycerin: @colintoal: I agree. And even worse, for a lot of these engineers there wasn't much in the results either. more » | Other threads
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A week that threw us a bone
At last, some news to chew on! Google's earnings stood out — but for all the wrong reasons, teaching its egotistical executives all the wrong lessons. Microsoft came out with a stupid sales video, and followed it with a stupider subscription-software plan. Is this the incompetent Yahoo's trying to avoid? Like Napster's Shawn Fanning, who must be wondering why Volkswagen hired him as a pitchman but never once mentioned his company's name, we're left enriched but bewildered. (Obligatory bulldog video still by Jason Calacanis) -
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A week we're glad to throw to the curb
This week, we all got out of town — only to get 86'd from a perfectly nice party. Microsoft might want to employ the bouncers we encountered on Yahoo's Jerry Yang, who just doesn't know how to leave gracefully. What to do? Well, if you're in New York, eject yourself from your couch and come meet us in the East Village. (Photo by daybostonterriers.com)
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By Owen ThomasComment by Michael Arrington: Calling me a slob was completely unnecessary. more » | Other threads
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A week when our hair wasn't the only mess
Let's be honest: We've all looked better. Microsoft is slowly figuring out what a mess Yahoo is. Google's not much better off, judging by one engineer's mullet. The bulldorable Jason Calacanis admitted his revenues don't appear very fabulous. RedEnvelope is getting downright ugly. But worry not! StyleDiary's Patricia Handschiegel explained why looking glamorous isn't a prerequisite for making money, even when selling a fashion website. Not sure if that will make my writers feel any happier about getting a haircut.
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By Owen ThomasComment by Patricia2: I did not trade my company for a job at Stylehive. It was sold for an undisclosed amount and equity,... more » | Other threads
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A week that had us coming back for more
No one could get enough this week. You loved looking at spam in 3D. Li Ka-shing doubled his money in Facebook to $120 million — even as Mark Zuckerberg's private photos got exposed through an old security hole. Palm took another bite from Apple's executive lineup. Another Mozilla developer turned up driving an expensive German car. DoubleClickers couldn't get enough of Google's free food. CNET couldn't lay off employees fast enough. And HR expert Jason Calacanis stuck his foot in his mouth once again. (Photo by jasoncalacanis)
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By Owen ThomasComment by mediawhoremeow: I know a VC guy into ethanol production in Brazil who could use this dog's skillz. more » | Other threads
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Everybody relax!
Jimmy Wales's Wikipedia may be falling apart, but he jetted off to Necker Island to hang out with Richard Branson. Julia Allison and her gal pals are warming up for their next visit to San Francisco. Billionaire Philippe Kahn downsized into an upscale trailer home. I'm with this bulldog, whose name is Google Lee — no, really! It's time for a massage.
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By Owen ThomasComment by random_play: More bulldog, less Julia Allison. Who am I kidding? More bulldog with Julia Allison. more » | Other threads
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A week when we all got paid
This was a week that started slow and ended with a bang. New York governor Eliot Spitzer got caught doing something that shouldn't surprise anyone, my boss developed a platonic crush on an gold-digging Platinum AmEx cardholder, and Randy Falco bought his way into the hearts of Bebo founders Michael and Xochi Birch. So much sex and money! Take a moment away with this skateboarding bulldog. May he bring as much joy to your life as Ashley Alexandra Dupre brought to Eliot Spitzer's. -
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You want deadly sins? We got 'em
How cute is this dog? You love animals, right? Then how come so many of you sickos flocked to look at that sick video of the Marines torturing that poor puppy? Thank God enough of you have your priorities straight—rich people are what makes us happy, especially young billionaires like Mark Zuckerberg. And sex: who doesn't want the price list for an evening of sensual pleasure? Ah, violence, money, sex — our work here is done. See you at Moose's, 4-8 p.m.
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Comment by rdldr1: Someone on Break made a "Puppies get revenge on Marine" Video. Funny stuff!; [www.break.com] more » | Other threads
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So here's the pitch: sex + Wikipedia + cupcakes - escorts = PROFIT!
Before we head to io9 Sci-Fi Glamazon Friday at Moose's, 4-8 p.m. today, we wanted to once again thank Ed Kohler for his Valleywag Sex (And Sponsor Posts) Filter, which Melissa Gira Grant says has enabled her to write whatever the heck she wants from now on. Meanwhile, we're still trolling for a copy of Marissa Mayer's cupcake spreadsheet. Despite myself, I found the Mahalo entry for cupcake helpful. But why does a search for cupcakes return entirely different results? Just trying to help here. Finally, thanks to every celebrity on Earth for not releasing a bedroom video this week.
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By Paul BoutinComment by sggrf: Nope, you're not alone in the way you think about this guy. I have a slightly different take. I don't... more » | Other threads
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