Gawker
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silicon valley users guide
Remember to pretend to go vote today
Statistically, your vote is a joke. Why bother? Because you get to skip out of work, that's why. Owen already gave a backhanded endorsement for a No on 8 vote, so I figure I get to do one, too: If you're a San Francisco voter, Melissa Gira Grant and I want you to vote Yes on K. Trust us, it's good for the escorts. Everybody wins, except a few cops who are getting it for free right now. -
silicon valley users guide
How not to sell an iPhone app
The founders of Tap Tap Tap, a developer of iPhone applications, have parted ways, and are putting their most successful app, Where To, up for sale. John Casasanta says he and Sophia Teuschler delayed the announcement for weeks because they had difficulty coming to terms for the split. Commentards are already lauding the pair's transparency, but the move doesn't speak well for their business sense. If you were selling a home, would you tell people at an open house that the sellers were divorcing? Just what a buyer wants: a negotiation with two parties who can't agree on anything themselves. -
silicon valley users guide
How to tip Valleywag: Smart gossip vs. dumb gossip
"She shows up at noon - often w/hangover and then pisses everyone off with snarky arrogance and then leaves early to have drinks back in SF with digerati latte crowd ..." Quick, who is this about? Right, it's about anybody, so nobody cares. Now that Valleywag is down to two people who've already spent 12 years bickering with each other, we're looking for more crowdsourced gossip. From you. As Squirrel Boy said the other day, "Brands are how you sort out the cesspool." Valleywag wants to be your tech gossip brand. You send it in, we make it public without getting you fired. Readers have told me they'd send more stuff if they knew what we wanted. Here's a 3-step guide to what makes a good story: More »
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By Paul BoutinComment by ifstone: We know your manager reads us. Considering the view counts and comment counts on ValleyWag, this seems unlikely. So, news tip: WSJ... 4 Responses | Other threads
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silicon valley users guide
How to dump your Web 2.0 girlfriend, boyfriend or whateverfriend
How do you deal with a derailed relationship that's still on Facebook — and Twitter, and Tumblr, and FriendFeed, and a couple dozen blogs? Recently-outsourced Valleywag writer Melissa Gira Grant wrote a how-to for chick-culture site The Frisky after dealing with a breakup firsthand. It's aimed at young women, but applies to anyone. I'm happy to report Melissa's writing is tight enough that she needs no 100-word version.
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By Paul BoutinComment by sample032: "whateverfriend" Ah, yes, like "interest in whatever," another staple of San Francisco sex lives. more » | Other threads
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silicon valley users guide
How to keep your company from looking stupid on Twitter
San Francisco-expat turned LA PR pro Jeremy Pepper wrote a long post documenting his exploration of Twitter as a company communications channel with the outside world. The advent of Twitter hasn't changed this much: I can still get paid to take a two page long, rambling essay by an expert and rewrite it to fit on a Post-It slapped to your monitor: More »
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By Paul BoutinComment by TheDestructionator: Methinks being on Twitter would make one's company look stupid. 1 Responses | Other threads
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silicon valley users guide
How to keep your IT department happy
The stories of Terry Childs and Roger Duronio — resentful IT workers who wreaked vengeance on their employers — make nontechnical managers wonder what they might do differently than the City of San Francisco's Department of Technology. What does it take to keep your IT resources happy? More » -
silicon valley users guide
Surviving the HP-EDS merger
As a by-product of its recent merger with EDS, Hewlett-Packard announced a layoff of more than 24,000 jobs, or almost 8 percent of its workforce. The cuts are highest in support divisions — accounting, information technology, human relations, procurement and legal. But the main rationale of the layoffs is to refocus the combined company's computer-services division on high-end consulting, not low-end gruntwork. What’s worse is the timeframe: job cuts take place over three years. If you work at HP or EDS, your office has now become a professional hospice unit. Adding to the workplace angst: Some at HP, we hear, are getting bonuses even as their colleagues get pink slips. For those fretting about the potential loss of income in these troubling times, we offer the following suggestions on finding your next job or coping with survivor’s guilt. More » -
silicon valley users guide
A solar power primer for entrepreneurs
Can't face the slog of another social network startup? Go solar! There'll be plenty of spending on solar panels in the coming decade, especially if Barack Obama gets his $150 billion wish for an alternative energy program. Dude, that's NASA-level money, and it could be yours. Here's the first three things you need to know so you don't look dumb: More »
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By Paul BoutinComment by ElmerGanjelf: The article does a good job covering solar photovoltaic (pv), but the bigger opportunity is in large concentrating solar thermal.... 1 Responses | Other threads
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self-promotion
5 rules for making a company video worth watching
Austin-based interactive ad agency Tocquigny embarrassed itself with a video meant to show prospective interns how fun it is to work at the company over the summer. Instead of showing how quirky and Internet-savvy Tocquigny was, it proved to be a turnoff — and a ripoff. Besides not copying someone else's work, what could Tocquigny have done differently? Using five examples the agency should have followed, we'll explain how to do a self-promotional corporate video right: More » -
silicon valley users guide
Instructions for coddling the antisocial genius in the next cubicle
Coders can be hard to get along with because they are geniuses with no time for people who do not help them solve the magnificent problems that occupy their magnificent minds. Or so explains one such a programmer on his blog, Learning Lisp. He writes that programmers need to be "steered" rather than "managed." They also need to be edited. Here's the post, cut from 2,200 words to just its most entertaining bits, below. More »
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Comment by ciscokidinsf: Whoa. I guess another programmer is looking for a legal argument in their defense of killing their boss. 2 Responses | Other threads
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silicon valley users guide
How to make phone calls on American Airlines' Wi-Fi
VOIP enthusiast and marketing guy Andy Abramson tricked his way around the content filters on American Airlines' new inflight broadband. Abramson succeeded in conducting a long voice call to a friend on an American flight by using Phweet, which embeds the call as an audio stream inside a Flash player inside your browser. "I don't mean a five-second hi. I mean, a real conversation." Aw, you didn't talk to the guy in the next seat?
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By Paul BoutinComment by johnfrombrooklyn: I hope he sits next to me on the next flight. I'll take it as a cue to start playing... more » | Other threads
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silicon valley users guide
How not to get your Gmail hacked
Last time someone came out with a Gmail exploit, it was possible to completely hijack your account with just email filters. This time around, hackers found a way to break into your account via "session" cookies. Mike Perry — a reverse-engineering specialist in San Francisco — is debuting a tool at Defcon that can sniff out the browser's cookies during your session of email crunching. When you click on links from inside email messages, website operators can use that Gmail cookie and be able to find out your account information and password. More »
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Comment by TheoboldCachu: I use gmail online as my main interface. I use a free program called Mailstore to backup my gmail... more » | Other threads
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silicon valley users guide
How to demo your company the Calacanis way
After sitting through 200 10-minute company pitches for his upcoming TechCrunch50 event, Mahalo Chief Opinionator Jason Calacanis emailed around a 2,500-word guide to presenting a new company and/or product, aimed at novice startup founders who haven't figured out the ropes yet. Having suffered through many such presos myself, I gave Calacanis Valleywag's highest honor: an edit. More »
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By Paul BoutinComment by Paul Boutin: @Figaro: True. I need someone to read TechCrunch so I don't have to. more » | Other threads
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silicon valley users guide
Apple's overtime dodge is common practice — are you being cheated?
Engineer David Walsh has brought suit against his employer, Apple, alleging that the company misclassified him and others as exempt from overtime pay. The practice is endemic across California, especially at startups. Local labor laws set a high bar for exempting employees from overtime pay, and non-exempt employees can become very expensive for companies which demand workaholic schedules. I was misclassified years ago when working as a Web producer for Williams-Sonoma and got a nice settlement check after a visit from the National Labor Relations Board. The notorious "EA Spouse" blogger helped shake up labor practices across the entire videogame industry. While stuck at your desk missing your legally required meal break, read below to see if you're exempt or non-exempt: More »
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By Jackson WestComment by raincoaster: @WilliamMarkFelt: No, they actually learned from the experience and completely overhauled the way they pay assistants. I should have included... more » | Other threads
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silicon valley users guide
Mac "genius" Joseph Teegardin shows you how not to get your next job
Monster.com is tiresome, Craigslist utterly hopeless. There surely is some way for frustrated up-and-comers to advance themselves. But Joseph Teegardin's method is not it. The self-described "Lead Mac Genius," who claims to oversee a team of 85 at Apple, has apparently placed an advertisement on Facebook, pictured here, which clicks through to his LinkedIn profile. Assuming the ad was really placed by Teegardin, not a prankster, it seems foolish. The one move one doesn't make in a job search is alerting your current employer that you're looking for a new gig — and the Teegardin ad has done just that. (Personal to Joseph, if you really are job-hunting, you might want to fix the typo in the URL for your Tumblr listed on LinkedIn.)
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By Owen ThomasComment by awesome_post: I think I have met this guy! Seems even more toolish in person, I am afraid. I like... more » | Other threads
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silicon valley users guide
How the analyst racket works
Technology beat reporters have a problem: They're required to quote experts, rather than making their own assessments of who's what is why. Armchair advice on business intelligence software flows like water out here, but readers want someone with implied credibility. Enter the analyst. Companies like Forrester or Jupiter — which Forrester just bought — create hefty reports punctuated by easy-to-grasp "magic quadrants." The one shown here ranks 14 companies by their "completeness of vision" and their "ability to execute" on business intelligence software. Since no one reads the full reports, it's important to upstart companies to get analysts to mention them to the press and add them to their magic quadrants. Gee, if only you could buy your way in. Good news: You can! More » -
silicon valley users guide
Want more traffic? Throw your widgets overboard
"Some blogs, like TechCrunch and Mashable are so loaded with widgets that they take at least 30 seconds to fully render," gripes a post by frequent Valleywag commenter Alan Wilensky. So true! When I was a website producer, I used to plot page load times versus daily pageviews. Load speed affected traffic — and hence revenue and brand reach— far more than I could convince my managers. More »
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By Paul BoutinComment by raincoaster: I'm sorry, but it is NOT widgets. It is ads. There is Flash everywhere, there are browser-hijacking scripts, there is AUTO-PLAYING YOUTUBE... more » | Other threads
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silicon valley users guide
Coping with Asperger's: A survival manual for Mark Zuckerberg
After Mark Zuckerberg's awkward Lesley Stahl interview on 60 Minutes, after his infamous SXSW keynote with Sarah Lacy and, finally, after yesterday's halting CNBC interview, it's time the poor suffering Facebook CEO got some help. Getting a copy of Marc Segar's "Coping: A Survival Guide for People with Asperger Syndrome and pointing out the relevant bits might do the trick. Even brassy Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg isn't gutsy enough for the job, we're betting, so we will. To be sure, we're not doctors. We don't know if Zuckerberg has Asperger's. But experts would agree, his obvious brilliance is as much a symptom as his inability to hold a conversation. And the advice below would seem to apply whether or not the diagnosis does. More »
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Comment by ChristianAndromache: Any Aspie who "maintains eye contact when listening or speaking for over two thirds of the time" would have no... more » | Other threads
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silicon valley users guide
10 questions to ask after getting a startup job offer
Twitter needs help staying up. Maybe that help is you! But before taking that job offer — or an offer from any startup — Venture Hacks has 10 questions you should ask. We've condensed their list down from 1,250 words to a version you can read comfortably on your iPhone 3G before your next interview, below. More »
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Comment by MagBas: "How much money do you have in the bank? How long will it last?" Wish I had asked that question before... more » | Other threads
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Tim the IT Guy
How to sell your company's secrets and not get caught
This week, the HP vice president indicted for leaking trade secrets from IBM, his former employeer, pleaded guilty. Dude, UR DOIN IT RONG. Atul Malhotra allegedly emailed the goods to a coworker, drawing a big red arrow back to his own forehead. Ready to cash in on your inside info? Follow this six-step plan. More » -
silicon valley users guide
LinkedIn cofounder Reid Hoffman needs Ted Dziuba's guide to weight loss
In today's Los Angeles Times, reporter Jessica Guynn calls LinkedIn founder, Facebook investor and PayPal veteran Reid Hoffman "Silicon Valley's biggest social networker." Guynn means that just the way you'd think, reporting that Hoffman gains about 10 pounds per year, refuses to see a trainer and "doesn't step on scales." Some might deem Guynn's language rude, but since Hoffman's unhealthy-seeming weight is exactly the kind of thing everyone in the Valley won't admit they talk about, we're rather glad she called attention to it. Fortunately for Hoffman, Persai cofounder Ted Dziuba is ready with an intervention. Lately, Dziuba's been writing servicey items about coder life on TedDziuba.com instead of eviscerating TechCrunch-covered startups on Uncov. A recent post is perfect for the rotund Hoffman. But at 725 words, "An engineer's guide to weight loss," the busy Hoffman will never take the time to read it. Below, a slimmer, 100-word version Hoffman can squeeze into his schedule. More »
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Comment by walliwag: That article was such a publicity stunt it made me feel greasy just reading it. Could it be any more... more » | Other threads
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silicon valley users guide
Hands-free cellphone laws kick in today
Beginning Tuesday morning, California drivers under 18 are forbidden from using a phone while driving. Drivers over 18 must use a hands-free device. I'm sure plenty of Valley wheeler-dealers will risk the $20 first-offense fine as "the cost of doing business." How very entrepreneurial of you. Since using a phone raises your risk of an accident to the same as driving drunk, why not crack a flask of Crown Royal while you're at it? It'll make the accident a lot less painful. More »
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By Paul BoutinComment by dotcomburnout: Gotta love Kalifornia. Why do people live there anyway? more » | Other threads
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silicon valley users guide
How to sell your software for $20,000 a pop
Weary of the ad-supported world of Web 2.0? Outside the echo chamber of Silicon Valley, there are software developers who write code that won't change the world, but that customers will pay real, five-figure license fees for — enough to sustain a growing, private business. It's all about finding a market that works and copying the competition. Call it anti-innovation. To explain how to do it, an entrepreneur named Bill wrote a blog post called "How to sell your software for $20,000." We've edited it down to a reasonable length below. Give the hoodie to Goodwill, say goodbye to your IPO dreams, and prepare to write the world's next great automated parking garage software. More »
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Comment by Shadowlayer: @Nicholas Carlson: I second the motion Just to add, another advantage of Web2.0 is that you can get hundreds of millions... more » | Other threads
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rockyou
A good way to tell RockYou you don't want to work there
Wantrepreneur Kyle Brady got a call from a recruiter the other day, he writes on his blog. The recruiter wanted Brady to take a job with widgetmaker RockYou. We thought the skeptics among you might appreciate Brady's response: More »
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Comment by Kyle Brady: [delayed response due to random login problems] I'm glad I'm not the only one who felt this way! @workingstiff: there were... more » | Other threads
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silicon valley users guide
Reader asks Valleywag about company t-shirt etiquette
An old joke about San Francisco's economy is that half the people are in the business of selling t-shirts to the other half. Any Valley denizen quickly accumulates a wide assortment of corporate logos in their laundry. But be careful which company's brand you're sporting around the office. More »
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By Jackson WestComment by matto: Protip: If you find yourself at work in a t-shirt, you should probably stop blogging and get back to QAing... more » | Other threads
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startups
Diary of a Failed Startup — the 100-word version
The problem with "17 mistakes startups make," is that the guy behind them, John Osher didn't make that many. He started Dr. John's SpinBrush and sold it to Proctor & Gamble for $475 million. Jonathan Tang, who writes "Diary of a Failed Startup," not only founded a company, GameClay, he actually failed because of his mistakes. His advice on how to not be like him, pared down to 100 words, below. More »
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Comment by Shadowlayer: @Ted Dziuba: Funny, no matter who I ask everybody agrees that the less VC you get the better. more » | Other threads
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John Osher
17 mistakes startups make — the 100-word version
In 1999 John Osher started Dr. John's SpinBrush to sell a $5 electric toothbrush. In 2001, he sold the company to Procter & Gamble for $475 million. Here are his "17 mistakes start-ups make" in 100 words. More »
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Comment by dwfrank: @MrMeem: I hope you meant that "Hire fast, fire slow" is a mistake... more » | Other threads
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silicon valley users guide
Yahoo resignation letter generator softens landing when jumping from sinking ship
In a MadLibs-style web form with simple multiple-choice drop-down menus, the DIY Yahoo Resignation Letter makes it so much easier to let your managers know that you've decided to blow the Sunnyvale popsicle stand. Not sure who's currently in charge? You can simply address your greeting to "whomever is running things today (sorry, the org chart Wiki is changing too fast for me to keep up)." You can thank freelance writer and Wired contributing editor Mathew Honan for the handy tool.
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By Jackson WestComment by macbeach: My browser still doesn't understand the "hhttp" protocol. Darn. more » | Other threads
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silicon valley users guide
How to get into the exclusive O'Reilly Foo Camp
Tim O'Reilly's annual summer camp out on his Sonoma County estate, Foo Camp, is invite-only and a hot ticket in Valley circles. With a temporary helipad being built on the grounds one year for Larry Page to drop in on a gas-guzzling whirlybird, it gets more posh by the year. And according to Twitter's Alex Payne, maybe a little more debauched as well. In other words, it's beginning to sound more and more like the Valley's answer to nearby Bohemian Grove. -
silicon valley users guide
How not to become a VC
Union Square Ventures backs growing startups like Twitter, Tumblr and Etsy and can claim successful exits from Del.icio.us, FeedBurner and Tacoda. All that success could make partner Fred Wilson's career a model for any aspiring VC. It shouldn't. At least, not according to Wilson. "I did it all wrong and got lucky," Wilson writes in post explaining how he got into the business. Wilson landed his first VC gig as an associate out of Wharton. By his reckoning, "for the next 10 years I kind of stumbled around the venture capital business." He couldn't find a sector to call his own until "I got lucky. The Internet came along. I didn't know anything about the business of the Internet. But then nobody else did either." More »
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Comment by Blackjack: Why shouldn't people try to be lucky like him, and look for a niche the Freds of the world aren't... more » | Other threads
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silicon valley users guide
How to destroy your enemies with social media
With his post "Destroy Enemies Using Social Media Tools," search-marketing blogger Marty Weintraub worries that a recent rash of posts claiming to teach people how to defend their reputations on the Web could just as well be used as a how-to for trashing people online. Well done, Marty! Bad guys of the Web, place your pinky in the corner of your mouth and proceed: More »
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Comment by jquipp: Whooooh horsie ... my post is by no means a definitive how-to guide for bad guys, but rather is more... more » | Other threads
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silicon valley users guide
How to avoid being a Facebook shill like VC David Sze
Greylock Partners VC David Sze is no doubt thrilled to have been caught endorsing Blackberry via Facebook. Such "social ads" are the very reason his firm invested in the social network. If you're more chary of inflating Facebook's valuation while giving a thumbs-up to its advertisers, here's how to keep Facebook's endorsement ads from appearing in your friends' News Feed. More »
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Comment by audiogeek6917: I hate to sound like the constant complaining type. But then again, do I really? I mean come on, think back... more » | Other threads
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silicon valley users guide
How to be a girl and a CEO, the 100-word version
For our post "How a girly girl made serious bank on her startup," Patricia Handschiegel — who did just that with her own startup, StyleDiary — told us that sometimes one has to let the girl's-girl image go. More often, though, a girl just has to make the most of the time she has. Handschiegel posted 573 words on "ways to cheat the system for when I'm too busy to get a manicure or to the spa." Here's a version of you can read on your BlackBerry Pearl: More »
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Comment by giania: I was all ready to be huffy and offended, then I actually looked at the article and all it actually... more » | Other threads
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silicon valley users guide
VC advice: The best way to ask for money is to actually ask for money
After reading a long email from a wantrepreneur who never gets around to asking for funding, VC blogger Fred Wilson relays the following advice from a friend on how to close a deal:The best advice my old man gave, and the advice he drilled most emphatically and repeatedly was, ASK FOR THE ORDER. You'd be amazed how many people talk to customers forever and never actually say ask for the order.
Fellow VC blogger and Half.com founder Josh Kopelman, advises, however, that "the way you ask is just as important as asking." Kopelman's anecdotal advice in 100 words: More »
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Comment by raincoaster: @Peteski: Hipsters can't punctuate: when you realize it's actually, "Don't forget to tip fuckers" it becomes much more ignorable. more » | Other threads
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silicon valley users guide
10 things Twitter users should not do
The best way to use Twitter is to text "off" to 40404, the service's SMS shortcut number. But failing that, as more and more of us seem to do, here's a list of 10 things Twitter users should not do, inspired by a set of tips at SheGeeks.net. Mostly, since annoying Twitter users are easy to ignore, these rules are for your own safety and sanity. Ignore them at your peril. More »
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Comment by CyndyA: @Zita Of course, follow everyone, make the Twerp list, and then get blocked by The 250! Makes TOTAL sense! more » | Other threads
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clips
VCs tell founders how not to get fired
In today's Tech Ticker episode, venture capitalists Sharon Wienbar and Pascal Levensohn explain to Sarah Lacy how entrepreneurs can avoid getting fired during a downturn. We watched and took notes. Below, the clip and notes on the VCs' six essential points: More »
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Comment by goog123: @ZukeZukeagreed - I had to stop watching after half a minute - her constant interruptions are just so annoying. Horrible... more » | Other threads
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silicon valley users guide
Bow before King Michael: Arrington explains to the peasants how to get on TechCrunch
TechCrunch founder Michael Arrington presents "tactical-level advice on getting press for your startup" in this full-length video from Omnisio of his Stanford speech Saturday. His level of candor (or "transparency" in Valleyspeak) surprised even me. He openly admits to playing quid pro quo with his sources — you supply the exclusives, he provides the fawning coverage to show investors. Journalists might sniff at Arrington's ethical judgment, but it works for him — as long as startups play by his rules. All this reminds me of Europe's last great monarch. More » -
silicon valley users guide
How to be a public figure the Hollywood way
Mark Zuckerberg dodged a bullet. His mug got featured on TMZ next to a picture of his secret mistress, and luckily she happened to be his actual girlfriend. Michael Arrington kicks Valleywag out of a party, giving our party report far more attention than it probably deserved. And Robert Scoble strikes a Roman Polanski-esque pose with an underage tech-starlet in his lap. As a captain of online industry, a hack covering the beat and a publicity-hungry B-lister, all three share one thing in common — they want the good stuff that comes with being public figures (free publicity, adoring fans, access to wealth) without the bad (salacious press, limited privacy and expensive hangers-on). The world, of course, doesn't work that way. So here's eight tips from the entertainment industry that might help them navigate the nascent perils of Internet fame. More » -
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By Paul BoutinComment by robinwauters: Where can I get his glasses? I don't actually need any, but I DO WANT more » | Other threads
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silicon valley users guide
How to read a tabloid newspaper
Tabloid newspapers are alien to the Valley. A scandal sheet like the New York Post rarely covers tech — and those are the only days you read it. We understand that it's jarring. Here's how to decode the Post's recent report on Microsoft's attempt to cobble together a Yahoo board. More »
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