Gawker
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ted dziuba
Uncov editor takes paternity leave from Web 2.0
"I'm going to be a father in March and need some stability, but also because I'm tired of the fight," whines Ted Dziuba, the formerly fearless voice of Web 2.0 hateblog Uncov. It's a lie. Ted loves a fight, but he's got a sixth sense of when to quit. The math major got his dream job at Google, then bailed on Google to start Persai with two friends. Now he's quitting Persai, recently renamed Pressflip, to get steady work for the kid. It's too early in the morning to roust him on IM, so I don't know if he'll continue writing his Fail and You column for The Register. My guess is he will, because Ted needs to complain and The Reg pays better than Denton.
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By Paul BoutinComment by seanpercival: Lets face it, he quit to avoid having to write the pressflip fail post on uncov. 1 Responses | Other threads
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blogging for dollars
Uncov relaunches with loser-generated content
The downturn has an upside: Uncov, the vicious startup blog run by Ted Dziuba and Kyle Shank, has returned to life. The twist in its new incarnation: Anyone can write for it, and the best takedowns of overfluffed ventures will be published to Uncov's homepage. We can better that offer: The best things published to Uncov's homepage may well get plucked from obscurity and featured on Valleywag.
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By Owen ThomasComment by m0nty.au: Are you going to pay Ted and/or the contributors for ripping off their content, Owen? Nah, didn't think so. 2 Responses | Other threads
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quotable
Another IT truth
"If there's one thing all engineers love to do, it's create APIs. It's so awesome because you can draw on a whiteboard and feel like you put in a good day's work." — The Register's Ted Dziuba on the proliferation of software platforms no one uses.
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By Paul BoutinComment by Spy from the Land of Rainpeople: My take was that the quotable is: "being bukkaked with tolerance and understanding." I can't imagine stateside publisher/editor letting this... 1 Responses | Other threads
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careers
Elite journalism school offers scholarship for programmers
Northwestern University's Medill School of Journalism, is offering to pay the tuition for hackers who want to turn themselves into hacks. "Are you a skilled programmer or Web developer? Are you interested in applying your talents to the challenge of creating a better-informed society? Do you want to learn how to find, analyze and present socially relevant information that engages media audiences?" More to the point, is your startup running short on funding? The official deadline has passed, but the school takes late applications on a space-available basis. Quick, grab this alternative financing before Ted Dziuba, the supremely sarcastic Pressflip cofounder who has a column in The Register, snaps it up.
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By Owen ThomasComment by garbanzo314: It's been interesting to see the dynamic between journalists and technologists in the news game. Journalists think that technologists are... 2 Responses | Other threads
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ted dziuba
Uncov blogger wins America's CTO contest
Narrowingly beating out Hans Reiser in a tight reader vote, The Register's newest columnist, Ted Dziuba, has won the IT snark site's poll for CTO of America. Yeah, it's stupid. But after reading all those bloggers who seriously expect Barack Obama to come to them for sage counsel, I needed a break.
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By Paul BoutinComment by loslosbaby: "Roger Alpha3, affirm operation PRESTOREMOVO on subject Dziuba. Affirmative, debrief deportation location code name SUPER 8 MOTEL ON LANKERSHEIM... more » | Other threads
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ted dziuba
The last thing the Internet needs: more solutions
Cherished crank Ted Dziuba, the cofounder of news-search startup Pressflip, still hates the Internet. His latest target: OpenID, a technology he accuses of being "too San Francisco" — all idealistic posturing, no practical application. OpenID is a universal user-authorization scheme created by Brad Fitzpatrick back when he was at LiveJournal. An average user, Dziuba complains, doesn't need OpenID if they want to have a shared login across multiple websites — they just use the same login and password across multiple websites. More »
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Comment by trevo: Its initiatives like this that create unneeded complexity in software. Take WSDL - a Web Service format for services to... 1 Responses | Other threads
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cleantech
IBM makes environment easy to bookmark and forget
"Energy-efficient computers powered by sunshine. This will be an instant hit," grouses chief bitterness officer Ted Dziuba in his latest opinion column for The Register. "There will be greenhouse gas output dashboards with neat little Ajax widgets." Mystery contributor theodp points out that IBM already sells it. -
iphone
So you've decided to be an iPhone developer — now what?
A year and some after the Facebook platform's launch, few of its widgetmakers have made any real money — unless you count the venture capital they've raised. Just a month after the iPhone 3G launch, Apple CEO Steve Jobs says that $30 million has already changed hands through the iTunes App Store. Even the guy behind the do-nothing "I Am Rich" application made a few thousand bucks. So you, wantrepreneur Web developer, you're thinking: Gee, I made, like, four-and-a-half Facebook Zombie widgets this past year. Maybe I should cook myself up an iPhone app. But hold on there, Steve Jobs Jr. Do you really know what you're getting yourself into? More » -
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ted dziuba
Uncov blogger lands column with The Register
Ted Dziuba — don't ask me how to pronounce it — was the brains behind Uncov, the blog that ruthlessly shadowed TechCrunch by bashing the technology of Web 2.0 startups. Ted's secret weapons: A math degree, a brief stint at Google, and a unique, hilarious writer's voice. I tried to get him to write for Valleywag or Wired, but it didn't happen. Instead, Ted will post every other week at UK-based IT infotainment site The Register. He'll make a fine American foil to The Reg's equally cynical Andrew Orlowski. We can't really call this a scoop, because we're sure Ted knew that mentioning his new gig in IRC was as good as posting it on Digg. Screengrab below. More »
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By Paul BoutinComment by Alaska Miller: I like how everyone is all up on Ted's nutz more » | Other threads
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silicon valley users guide
LinkedIn cofounder Reid Hoffman needs Ted Dziuba's guide to weight loss
In today's Los Angeles Times, reporter Jessica Guynn calls LinkedIn founder, Facebook investor and PayPal veteran Reid Hoffman "Silicon Valley's biggest social networker." Guynn means that just the way you'd think, reporting that Hoffman gains about 10 pounds per year, refuses to see a trainer and "doesn't step on scales." Some might deem Guynn's language rude, but since Hoffman's unhealthy-seeming weight is exactly the kind of thing everyone in the Valley won't admit they talk about, we're rather glad she called attention to it. Fortunately for Hoffman, Persai cofounder Ted Dziuba is ready with an intervention. Lately, Dziuba's been writing servicey items about coder life on TedDziuba.com instead of eviscerating TechCrunch-covered startups on Uncov. A recent post is perfect for the rotund Hoffman. But at 725 words, "An engineer's guide to weight loss," the busy Hoffman will never take the time to read it. Below, a slimmer, 100-word version Hoffman can squeeze into his schedule. More »
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Comment by walliwag: That article was such a publicity stunt it made me feel greasy just reading it. Could it be any more... more » | Other threads
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America, Fuck Yeah
Mahalo enables Freedom of Speech
We hold these Truths to be self-evident: Wikipedia's Tyranny of the Mob sucks. Every time I run an item about Jimmy Wales, my page gets hacked. So what about Jason Calacanis's pursuit of happiness over at Mahalo? Former Uncov blogger and army of one Ted Dziuba has posted a step-by-step pictorial guide to practicing your First Amendment rights using the search index's new open editorial system. Try this on Wikipedia, and someone from the armed and unregulated Militia of Truth will likely kill your edits on sight. But on Mahalo, only Calacanis's paid mercenaries will bother to fix pages. At $10 an hour, there's no way they'll be able to keep up. Let freedom ring! -
social networks
Facebook's new Lexicon feature lays site demographic bare
To track the frequency of words in Facebook Wall posts, the social network has created a Lexicon feature. Programmer-gadfly Ted Dziuba suggests this search: "pregnant, tequila."
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By Owen ThomasComment by ScalaWag: @Michael Arrington: So his pay will be half Jordan's. @Ted Dziuba: Just follow your passion and move to ValleyWag full-time. Give... more » | Other threads
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ted dziuba
Uncov editor switches to photo art
Terrible Ted's Photoshop remix of an Owen-and-Julia party shot is so good I had to pull it up out of the comments. -
software
Why Microsoft wants Yahoo — it's losing at paintball
Can Microsoft's army of programmers write software for the Web? Judging by a spate of recent outages, no. Hotmail, Messenger, and other services targeted at developers and partners have broken down recently. Which is bizarre: Writing an operating system is a vastly more complex affair than coding a website. "Like war versus paintball," says Ted Dziuba, the programmer and former editor of startup-debunker blog Uncov. Therein lies Microsoft's problem. Once you've trained to fight a real war, you can forget about winning at paintball. More »
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By Owen ThomasComment by Uncle-Sam's Littlle Helper: Owen are you completely "damaged" to put a photo of a paintball guy in a IIIrd Reich Wehrmacht uniform on... more » | Other threads
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caption contest
Leah Culver gives Kyle Shank the cupcake treatment
Former Uncov guy and Persai CEO Kyle Shank, at center, recovers from an unsolicited cupcake smearing by Pownce's Leah Culver. The attack, likely motivated by Uncov accomplice Ted Dziuba's frequent gibes directed at Culver, took place at Flickr's fourth birthday party. Flickr's Cal Henderson, right, is said to have served as Culver's accomplice. Speaking of, can anyone confirm whether Henderson and Culver are dating? The two were inseparable at SXSW. If so, snaps to Culver: We hear Henderson's website is highly scalable. (Photo by magerleagues)
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By Owen ThomasComment by eze: valleywag is full of good writers, and they also respect women. on the other hand, you misogynistic commenters suck for... more » | Other threads
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ec2
Amazon.com gives startups a 50-percent-off sale
Jeff Bezos likes to say he's in the business of delighting customers. And then he delivers that howling, hooting laugh. The latest guffaw-provoker: Amazon EC2, a service which lets startups run their programs on servers housed in Amazon.com's datacenters. When it launched, Amazon promised "the equivalent of a 1.7GHz x86 processor" — in other words, a fairly low-powered server, but at the cost of a dime an hour. Ted Dziuba, the acid-tongued former editor of Uncov, found that Amazon actually delivered half that performance. Why haven't you heard more about this? Likely because most of the me-too, slapdash websites making use of Amazon's EC2 aren't running anything more processor-intensive than an index-hit SQL select. More »
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By Owen ThomasComment by Figaro: @onethumb: You fail worse than your site. more » | Other threads
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valleywag calendar
Don't FAIL to meet Ted Dziuba at Moose's
What better way to celebrate a week of turning down TechCrunch job offers and reducing its writers to obscene Twitters than drinking at Moose's? Persai's Ted Dziuba is our guest of honor for tonight's Valleywag Friday. Read on for the rest of the calendar: More »
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Comment by flyover: Damn, you should have had this one actually in the valley. I can't make it to that part of... more » | Other threads
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duncan riley
TechCrunch races us to bottom, wins again
TechCrunch writer Duncan Riley offers a more colorful description of Persai programmer and Uncov blogger Ted Dziuba than I could ever, ever come up with. If you missed it, TechCrunch editor Michael Arrington recently tried unsuccessfully to hire Dziuba to port his Uncov-style nastiness to Arrington's platform. Style points to Riley for his use of c*nt. I had no idea he was a Unix guy.
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By Paul BoutinComment by bluelines: Reminds me of the time Andrew Lloyd Webber threatened to leave the UK if the Labour Party ever won an... more » | Other threads
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blogging for dollars
TechCrunch fails to hire Uncov editor
Give Michael Arrington credit: He tried to hire his worst best critic, Uncov editor Ted Dziuba, who spent several months shadowing TechCrunch posts with scathing, technically astute slams of Web 2.0 startups and their products. Arrington's offer sounds pretty sweet: "write a weekly or monthly column for us. we'll call it a counter balance to our hype. No rules or restrictions on what you write," was Arrington's email, according to Dziuba. But from what I know of Ted, he has two reasons not to take the offer. More »
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By Paul BoutinComment by Fusioned: Nevermind that TC forgets to pay their employees and send them their taxes A FUCKIN MONTH LATE. more » | Other threads
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developers, developers, developers
MySpace non-platform launches
MySpace has launched a so-called "developer platform," allowing glorified Web designers to write widgets slightly more sophisticated than a photo slideshow for the News Corp.-owned website. I asked Ted Dziuba of the late, lamented Uncov what he thought. Here's what he said:c++ standard library: developer platform
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By Owen ThomasComment by DeltaGuy: @raincoaster: MySpace's dominant tagline is "A Place for Friends." The tagline for their development platform is actually a nice play... more » | Other threads
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breakdowns
Pownce's botched launch reminds us why we miss Uncov
Last night Pownce attempted to launch live to the public, but instead launched FAIL, a tipster tells us in an email with this error message attached. No, this tipster is not Uncov's Ted Dziuba, the Leah Culver-despising hero of all real programmers. We ended all that. Nevertheless, Dziuba's definition of the site remains useful. More »
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Comment by clipless: What kind of website asks you to enter your new password only once? I might be god-like, but I've been... more » | Other threads
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quotable
"I am a little sad to see it go. But it had to be done. It's like breaking up with a girlfriend who's a fiend in the sack but she's batshit crazy and you know she'll just drive you nuts in the end." — Uncov writer Ted Dziuba explains why he decided to quit posting his nasty but technically astute takedowns of Web 2.0 startups. [Epicenter]
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By Paul BoutinComment by raincoaster: Men never break up with women like this, they just cheat on them. Don't ask me how I know. more » | Other threads
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the crunchies
Valleywag kills Uncov once and for all
Folks, it's my fault. I broke Uncov, the hysterically funny anti-TechCrunch which so ably dissects why startups fail. It all started with an innocent idea for a stunt: Send Ted Dziuba, Uncov's lead writer, to the Crunchies, to see what he made of the TechCrunch-sponsored startup awards show. "It will be a nonstop festival of fail," I promised him. Dziuba, after a bit of fussing, agreed. The result is classic Uncov: Dziuba chronicles the presenters' ineptitude and fittingly doesn't write about a single "winner" — predictably, he found them unworthy of mention. But I didn't expect this: "One more thing. This is the last Uncov. Ever. I have been getting tired of it, and this has been manifesting itself in my writing. After seeing the spectacle at the Crunchies, I think it's finally time to quit." Ted, you're just going to quit like that? Fail. -
party report
We wear our sunglasses at night
No, I don't understand Paul Boutin's fixation with Bono, either. But he brought a fistful of sunglasses to Moose's on Friday, and before we knew it, everyone was putting them on. The bar's lighting is already moody, and let me tell you, when you put on a pair of Bulgari, it gets murkier than an open-standards discussion list. Things got even geekier when the boys from Uncov rolled in. And then, out of nowhere — well, out of Las Vegas, really — Julia Allison and Meghan Asha showed up to glam up the evening. Did we say "happy hour"? Our apologies. We practically closed the place. Next Friday: Natali Del Conte's going-away party. More »
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By Owen ThomasComment by Patricia2: there will be no laptops at this friday's party people. damn you. more » | Other threads
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uncov
"The whole scene is like a little league game where everyone's a winner and everyone gets a trophy at the end. You've got people like Michael Arrington and Robert Scoble who are the coaches of the team and handing out the trophies, and then Uncov is like the creepy guy in the trench coat sitting in the stands." — Startupper Ted Dziuba tells Wired why his nasty little blog kicks the collective asses of the TechCrunch crowd. [Wired] -
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Comment by kraptek: Y'all only got 1:23 of footage? Special dispensation? Hmmm. more » | Other threads
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