Gawker
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ted dziuba
Uncov editor takes paternity leave from Web 2.0
"I'm going to be a father in March and need some stability, but also because I'm tired of the fight," whines Ted Dziuba, the formerly fearless voice of Web 2.0 hateblog Uncov. It's a lie. Ted loves a fight, but he's got a sixth sense of when to quit. The math major got his dream job at Google, then bailed on Google to start Persai with two friends. Now he's quitting Persai, recently renamed Pressflip, to get steady work for the kid. It's too early in the morning to roust him on IM, so I don't know if he'll continue writing his Fail and You column for The Register. My guess is he will, because Ted needs to complain and The Reg pays better than Denton.
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By Paul BoutinComment by seanpercival: Lets face it, he quit to avoid having to write the pressflip fail post on uncov. 1 Responses | Other threads
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blogging for dollars
Uncov relaunches with loser-generated content
The downturn has an upside: Uncov, the vicious startup blog run by Ted Dziuba and Kyle Shank, has returned to life. The twist in its new incarnation: Anyone can write for it, and the best takedowns of overfluffed ventures will be published to Uncov's homepage. We can better that offer: The best things published to Uncov's homepage may well get plucked from obscurity and featured on Valleywag.
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By Owen ThomasComment by m0nty.au: Are you going to pay Ted and/or the contributors for ripping off their content, Owen? Nah, didn't think so. 2 Responses | Other threads
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ted dziuba
Uncov blogger wins America's CTO contest
Narrowingly beating out Hans Reiser in a tight reader vote, The Register's newest columnist, Ted Dziuba, has won the IT snark site's poll for CTO of America. Yeah, it's stupid. But after reading all those bloggers who seriously expect Barack Obama to come to them for sage counsel, I needed a break.
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By Paul BoutinComment by loslosbaby: "Roger Alpha3, affirm operation PRESTOREMOVO on subject Dziuba. Affirmative, debrief deportation location code name SUPER 8 MOTEL ON LANKERSHEIM... more » | Other threads
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ted dziuba
Uncov blogger lands column with The Register
Ted Dziuba — don't ask me how to pronounce it — was the brains behind Uncov, the blog that ruthlessly shadowed TechCrunch by bashing the technology of Web 2.0 startups. Ted's secret weapons: A math degree, a brief stint at Google, and a unique, hilarious writer's voice. I tried to get him to write for Valleywag or Wired, but it didn't happen. Instead, Ted will post every other week at UK-based IT infotainment site The Register. He'll make a fine American foil to The Reg's equally cynical Andrew Orlowski. We can't really call this a scoop, because we're sure Ted knew that mentioning his new gig in IRC was as good as posting it on Digg. Screengrab below. More »
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By Paul BoutinComment by Alaska Miller: I like how everyone is all up on Ted's nutz more » | Other threads
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silicon valley users guide
LinkedIn cofounder Reid Hoffman needs Ted Dziuba's guide to weight loss
In today's Los Angeles Times, reporter Jessica Guynn calls LinkedIn founder, Facebook investor and PayPal veteran Reid Hoffman "Silicon Valley's biggest social networker." Guynn means that just the way you'd think, reporting that Hoffman gains about 10 pounds per year, refuses to see a trainer and "doesn't step on scales." Some might deem Guynn's language rude, but since Hoffman's unhealthy-seeming weight is exactly the kind of thing everyone in the Valley won't admit they talk about, we're rather glad she called attention to it. Fortunately for Hoffman, Persai cofounder Ted Dziuba is ready with an intervention. Lately, Dziuba's been writing servicey items about coder life on TedDziuba.com instead of eviscerating TechCrunch-covered startups on Uncov. A recent post is perfect for the rotund Hoffman. But at 725 words, "An engineer's guide to weight loss," the busy Hoffman will never take the time to read it. Below, a slimmer, 100-word version Hoffman can squeeze into his schedule. More »
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Comment by walliwag: That article was such a publicity stunt it made me feel greasy just reading it. Could it be any more... more » | Other threads
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ted dziuba
Uncov editor switches to photo art
Terrible Ted's Photoshop remix of an Owen-and-Julia party shot is so good I had to pull it up out of the comments. -
caption contest
Leah Culver gives Kyle Shank the cupcake treatment
Former Uncov guy and Persai CEO Kyle Shank, at center, recovers from an unsolicited cupcake smearing by Pownce's Leah Culver. The attack, likely motivated by Uncov accomplice Ted Dziuba's frequent gibes directed at Culver, took place at Flickr's fourth birthday party. Flickr's Cal Henderson, right, is said to have served as Culver's accomplice. Speaking of, can anyone confirm whether Henderson and Culver are dating? The two were inseparable at SXSW. If so, snaps to Culver: We hear Henderson's website is highly scalable. (Photo by magerleagues)
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By Owen ThomasComment by eze: valleywag is full of good writers, and they also respect women. on the other hand, you misogynistic commenters suck for... more » | Other threads
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blogging for dollars
TechCrunch fails to hire Uncov editor
Give Michael Arrington credit: He tried to hire his worst best critic, Uncov editor Ted Dziuba, who spent several months shadowing TechCrunch posts with scathing, technically astute slams of Web 2.0 startups and their products. Arrington's offer sounds pretty sweet: "write a weekly or monthly column for us. we'll call it a counter balance to our hype. No rules or restrictions on what you write," was Arrington's email, according to Dziuba. But from what I know of Ted, he has two reasons not to take the offer. More »
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By Paul BoutinComment by Fusioned: Nevermind that TC forgets to pay their employees and send them their taxes A FUCKIN MONTH LATE. more » | Other threads
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developers, developers, developers
MySpace non-platform launches
MySpace has launched a so-called "developer platform," allowing glorified Web designers to write widgets slightly more sophisticated than a photo slideshow for the News Corp.-owned website. I asked Ted Dziuba of the late, lamented Uncov what he thought. Here's what he said:c++ standard library: developer platform
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By Owen ThomasComment by DeltaGuy: @raincoaster: MySpace's dominant tagline is "A Place for Friends." The tagline for their development platform is actually a nice play... more » | Other threads
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persai
Uncov kids snub the big bloggers
Robert Scoble and TechCrunch are among the big names not invited to test-drive news-filtering service Persai, which launched this week as a private beta. If you read Valleywag obsessively, you may know Persai is the full-time project of the mean, mean kids behind Web 2.0 smackdown site Uncov. Did they leave Arrington and Scoble out as a PR strategy, I asked? Was the idea to build a groundswell of online coverage before appearing on TechCrunch? Were they seeking more technical reviewers? "No," CEO Kyle Shank replied. "It was just spite."
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By Paul BoutinComment by zerogee: @duncan: Do you mean that eventually you'll learn how to review? And how to write? more » | Other threads
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startups
Persai, the startup from the same guys who launched snarky tech blog Uncov, has launched an invitation-only beta. Recent screenshots don't show much change from the ones we saw last December: Google News, with a bit more orange. Fail? [Epicenter]
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By Owen ThomasComment by sample032: I see they used the same guy that they used for the uncov web design. I'm not sure on the actual... more » | Other threads
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recap
Dog day afternoon
We finally got our wish: Full-motion video of Fondue and Taurus from funtrepreneur Jason "link to mahalo.com goes here" Calacanis. The pups seem bored with it all, which fits this week: Uncov ceased publication, Digg's drama queens went on strike, and we couldn't get Julia Allison to reenact the screen-cleaning video. Come on, pups, we're going to Moose's. More »
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By Paul BoutinComment by seanpercival: @centernetworks No pages for them yet, just this: [www.mahalo.com] more » | Other threads
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quotable
"I am a little sad to see it go. But it had to be done. It's like breaking up with a girlfriend who's a fiend in the sack but she's batshit crazy and you know she'll just drive you nuts in the end." — Uncov writer Ted Dziuba explains why he decided to quit posting his nasty but technically astute takedowns of Web 2.0 startups. [Epicenter]
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By Paul BoutinComment by raincoaster: Men never break up with women like this, they just cheat on them. Don't ask me how I know. more » | Other threads
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the crunchies
Valleywag kills Uncov once and for all
Folks, it's my fault. I broke Uncov, the hysterically funny anti-TechCrunch which so ably dissects why startups fail. It all started with an innocent idea for a stunt: Send Ted Dziuba, Uncov's lead writer, to the Crunchies, to see what he made of the TechCrunch-sponsored startup awards show. "It will be a nonstop festival of fail," I promised him. Dziuba, after a bit of fussing, agreed. The result is classic Uncov: Dziuba chronicles the presenters' ineptitude and fittingly doesn't write about a single "winner" — predictably, he found them unworthy of mention. But I didn't expect this: "One more thing. This is the last Uncov. Ever. I have been getting tired of it, and this has been manifesting itself in my writing. After seeing the spectacle at the Crunchies, I think it's finally time to quit." Ted, you're just going to quit like that? Fail. -
party report
We wear our sunglasses at night
No, I don't understand Paul Boutin's fixation with Bono, either. But he brought a fistful of sunglasses to Moose's on Friday, and before we knew it, everyone was putting them on. The bar's lighting is already moody, and let me tell you, when you put on a pair of Bulgari, it gets murkier than an open-standards discussion list. Things got even geekier when the boys from Uncov rolled in. And then, out of nowhere — well, out of Las Vegas, really — Julia Allison and Meghan Asha showed up to glam up the evening. Did we say "happy hour"? Our apologies. We practically closed the place. Next Friday: Natali Del Conte's going-away party. More »
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By Owen ThomasComment by Patricia2: there will be no laptops at this friday's party people. damn you. more » | Other threads
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the chart
Web 2.0's Long Fail curve
I cracked. I read Uncov's latest on Pownce. I still don't know what Pownce is. More important is the post's Alexa chart. More » -
exclusive
Screenshots from Persai, Uncov guys' startup
The guys behind startup-trashing site Uncov have been working on their own company for the last few months now. It's called Persai, and it's some sort of machine-learning recommendation thingy — I don't know, I tune out whenever they start talking about it, and only pay attention again once they start repeating 4chan catchphrases. Anyway, a beta tester (where's my invite, Kyle?) leaked us a screenshot of the product in action. See it below, and feel free to mock. More »
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Comment by 0x6772: The fundamental problem I have with this and other web apps of its ilk (Google Reader, for example, which already... more » | Other threads
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silicon valley users guide
The funniest site you're still not reading
Uncov is a hot little site that posts cruelly funny reviews of the same Web 2.0 companies and products that appear on TechCrunch. People who read it think everyone else does, too. They're wrong. So: A newbie's intro to Uncov. More »
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By Paul BoutinComment by Scott: My favorite uncov post - the one I always send to new readers - was the Ikan post: [www.uncov.com] "You've got hardware... more » | Other threads
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quotable
"You want to give your kid a leg up? Read him bedtime stories from Kernighan and Ritchie. If you don't know what that is, it's time for you to leave the Uncov Internets and go back to the TechCrunch Internets." — Computer scientist turned Web 2.0 hitman Ted Dziuba. [Uncov]
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By Paul BoutinComment by cv: No. Abelson and Sussman, rather than Kernighan and Ritchie. Forest for the trees. more » | Other threads
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uncov
"The whole scene is like a little league game where everyone's a winner and everyone gets a trophy at the end. You've got people like Michael Arrington and Robert Scoble who are the coaches of the team and handing out the trophies, and then Uncov is like the creepy guy in the trench coat sitting in the stands." — Startupper Ted Dziuba tells Wired why his nasty little blog kicks the collective asses of the TechCrunch crowd. [Wired] -
crash this bash
Uncov needs cash to crash TechCrunch20 conference
The crew from Uncov, the sarcastic self-styled anti-TechCrunch, wants to attend TechCrunch20. That, of course, is the conference where TechCrunch editor Michael Arrington will bless us with 20 demonstrations of the hottest new startups. Uncov's editors say they want to ask the hard questions we all suspect won't be posed to Arrington's handpicked favorites. But attendance, alas, isn't free. Each ticket costs $2,495. So the "bunch of poor startup founders who write a marginally popular blog that doesn't have any advertising on it" are having a hard time making ends meet. If you don't want Uncov absent at the TechCrunch20 "jerkoff," you can make a donation. So far, they have raised a whopping $185! So they need your support. More »
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By Tim FaulknerComment by ChiefCynic: So where the other guys would just drop the "e," you guys drop the "e" AND the "r." F'in brilliant. more » | Other threads
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conflicts of interest
TechCrunch editor Michael Arrington has left the board of troubled start-up Foldera. Uncov states the situation eloquently: "This company has been fucked for awhile and the condom just broke." [uncov]
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Comment by Jeremy: @Owen Thomas: Owen, I wear Kangol, as do the Orthodox Jews of NYC. But, I wouldn't expect the kids to know... more » | Other threads
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investigations
The Uncov guys' startup, uncovered
Busted! Kyle Shank of Uncov, Valleywag's favorite startup-snark site, acted so coy when I asked him what he and coconspirators Ted Dziuba and Matt Kent were working on. But it turns out they've been hiding in plain sight all this time, as commenter bushido pointed out.. Shank's day job is CEO and founder of Persai, a recommendations system for the Internet, whatever that means. It sounds like exactly the kind of vague yet overweening ambition Uncov would mock, actually.
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By Owen ThomasComment by Figaro: Haha... this startup is shittier than Pownce! more » | Other threads
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Comment by kraptek: Y'all only got 1:23 of footage? Special dispensation? Hmmm. more » | Other threads
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comments
Someone order Wellsphere a waaahmbulance
Talk about your disproportionate responses. In answer to a 45-word item on Valleywag, employees and executives at Wellsphere, the poorly managed wellness portal savaged by Uncov, posted 1,800 words worth of comments. When a company takes up that much space to answer its critics, you know that the problems run deeper than mere logorrhea. Uncov has suffered a similar comments barrage, as has GigaOm, despite posting a mostly rah-rah story about the company. In the comments, Wellsphere executives offered their phone numbers and email addresses. Valleywag readers, I can only encourage you to take advantage of their offers.
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By Owen ThomasComment by HockeySticks: I like this one from the barrage: My experience at Wellsphere has been very pleasant. Wellsphere has a great mission, a... more » | Other threads
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failure
Wellsphere, an Internet-health startup, gets the velvet-glove treatment from TechCrunch — and a savage expose from Uncov. An ex-employee emails Valleywag to add this about Wellsphere CEO Ron Gutman: "The most despicable human being I've ever come into contact with." [Uncov]
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By Owen ThomasComment by Alaska Miller: I guess they spent most of their time making an Alicebot instead of working on the portal. more » | Other threads
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valleywag recommends
Uncov, the Web 2.0 reviewer with bite
NICK DOUGLAS — The best critic is a fellow creator. That's why it's satisfying to read pro-written blogs like logo-critiquing Brand New or advertising blog Adrants. In that vein, welcome Uncov, a Web 2.0 review blog by software engineers and comp sci geeks. In its first week, the authors of Uncov have already demonstrated skill and insight. For example, one author pointed out the big flaw in Meebo: the web-based IM client takes far more processor power than any user would tolerate from a desktop app. When you want an under-the-hood examination the user-reviewers at TechCrunch or Valleywag can't give you, try Uncov. (Photo: Hogbard)
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By Nick DouglasComment by Nick Douglas: @#$^#$%@# lolz. I'm in love with the intro from Uncov's latest review: Loopster is a web service that will supposedly bridge... more » | Other threads
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