Neel Shah, Page Six gossip and former Gawker and Radar-ite, was glad his phone didn't end up with the likes of his present or past employers. (He should be.)

Tech pundit and Berkeleyite Andrew Keen articulated an ideology of what might be called, if you're avoiding Rush Limbuagh-isms, "femifascism."

British Telecom's Kevin Marks hopes that's an iPhone you're discreetly working in your pocket.

Singer Weird Al Yankovic does this every time he flies.

Wired's Dylan Tweney is bookmarking your comments for future reference, haters.

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Tumblr founder David Karp ate dinner with some really famous people, but he's not one to brag, so you didn't hear it from him.

Celebrity healer Deepak Chopra really feels he made a connection with the entire Twitter Family, whoever that is.

Internet pundit Andrew Keen is not-so-quietly judging you.

Macho cyclist Lance Armstrong presumed to lecture the males of Twitter on how to be men. It was almost as though he had a surplus of testosterone in his system, which is nothing that would ever conceivably happen.

Actress Olivia Mumm is eagerly awaiting delivery of her slave from another country. Aren't we all, ho ho ho.

Did you witness the media elite tweet something indiscreet? Please email us your favorite tweets - or send us more Twitter usernames.

"We are all Scoble now," Keen writes. Who? Scoble, a tech blogger who gained a measure of microcelebrity when Microsoft hired him a few years ago, makes videos so boring that Fast Company, his most recent employer, fired him. His lackluster videojournalism was not why anyone paid attention to him, of course; they're more attracted by the spectacle of his incessant use of microblogging service Twitter, where he has 67,000 "followers."

Keen argues that we must all follow Scoble's example and cultivate meaningless relationships that allow us to promote our work — that, indeed, with the collapse of Wall Street and Detroit, self-promotion is the only industry America has left. It's a depressingly accurate thought: A nation of Scobles, never producing anything but distracting people from that emptiness at our core by constantly talking.

He's certainly trying his best himself, assiduously courting the Twitterati to promote his next book, and ridiculing authors who do not engage in self-promotion, like Jonathan Littel, the writer of Holocaust epic The Kindly Ones:

For writers, the great publishing transformation over the next few years has nothing to do with the Kindle 2 or anything other supposedly miraculous technological device. No, the real revolution will be in the way we writers can take advantage of all this new digital technology — blogs, Twitter, interactive television, Internet radio etc etc — to better promote ourselves and our work. All writers — from $1,000,000 lottery-winners like Littel to the tens of thousands of professional writers like myself living off much smaller advances — need to think of self-promotion, both in physical and digital form, as intrinsic to our value.

A shy writer in the 21st century is a starving writer. Diffidence is death. Littel should set a better example. Come to America, Jonathan, and tell us more about your epic Nazi book. It's actually surprisingly nice here.

Ah yes, that's what we need: 140-character tweets about the Holocaust.

For that reason, writes Keen in the Daily Beast, we should not spend billions of dollars upgrading U.S. Internet connections. Expanding broadband access to the great unwebbed, at a time when the economy is in the tank, will just lead to the spread of halfbaked conspiracy theories and the rise of populist anger.

Wait, what happened to blogs stopping the rise of Hitler? Oh, well, Keen's a bit of a snob: He doesn't like blogs, YouTube, MySpace, or basically anything on the Internet that anyone else likes. But we had no idea he was actually, provably stupid.

First of all, let's get real about the broadband plan. It's not going to get that many more people on the Internet. Already, 90 percent of U.S. Internet users are on broadband. The ones who aren't are mostly happy with their dial-up connections, which they use to check email and download photos of their grandkids. And people who aren't online are generally old rather than poor. Anyone a demagogue would want to reach, they already can today.

No, what the broadband stimulus package really amounts to a bailout for phone companies, which would otherwise have to spend their own money upgrading their networks for higher capacity. This, in turn, will allow for faster delivery of online video.

And who's going to pay for all that video? Why, advertisers. And finicky advertisers are far better regulators of loopy extremists than the government will ever be. They hate controversy! As do Internet companies, if only because it means having to spend money on customer-service personnel. So much easier to let the community flag a video as "offensive" and take it down.

So the Father Coughlins of the world will be left broadcasting low-resolution bile over the slowest of connections, constantly running into bandwidth caps. Meanwhile, safe, apolitical pablum will zip speedily over government-subsidized lines, safely narcotizing the masses. Sure, we have plenty to fear from a national broadband plan. But it's not Andrew Keen's racist, classist paranoia that he might run into someone poorer and less white than him in a chat room.

In this context pseudo-modernism lashes fantastically sophisticated technology to the pursuit of medieval barbarism – as in the uploading of videos of beheadings onto the internet, or the use of mobile phones to film torture in prisons.

Read it and you'll seem smarter at the next industry mixer, promise.

10. Tony Kornheiser: But only a bit, because god, what media personality hasn't tried to get a rise out of bloggers? Even Garry Trudeau did it.

9. Lee Siegel: The New Republic editor who coined the term "blogofascism" was fired for "blogodouchism" when he defended himself on his own blog using a fake commenter account. Slamming (liberal) bloggers was bad enough. But he got caught pumping himself up with messages like "Siegel is brave, brilliant, and wittier than [Jon] Stewart will ever be. Take that, you bunch of immature, abusive sheep." Yes, he called himself better than Jon Stewart in every way. With a fake name. On his blog. His defense: "I am too childlike to be immature."

8. Andrew Keen: His book, The Cult of the Amateur, is subtitled "How the Internet is Killing Our Culture and Assaulting Our Economy." Subtle! Keen argues that citizen-generated media is unadulterated crap and nothing good will ever shine on the Internet. If he toned it down, Keen would have an interesting viewpoint. But then he wouldn't have sold any copies.


7. Steve Jobs: Over a year after an apparent truce with rumor blogs, Apple shut down Think Secret, and the death of free speech for industry blogs caused a great outcry for about an hour before Fake Steve Jobs pretended Apple shut him down and probably sold an entire new book off that story.


6. Anna Wintour: Not a hater so much as a disdainer. But being disdained by the Vogue empress-in-chief is better than being ignored, and all she really did was avoid calling herself a blogger.


5. Microsoft: Apple was nothing; at least they're nice to the bloggers who just use their stuff. But after Microsoft (CEO Steve Ballmer pictured here) gave free laptops to bloggers and angry Internet users accused them of bribery, the company asked for the machines back. The recipients were not happy, but most gave them away to charity instead. I can imagine Microsoft giving a weak little "Tada!" like GOB from Arrested Development.


4. Dan Rather: The former news host treated bloggers rather well, considering it was conservative bloggers who started discrediting his reports on George Bush's sketchy military service records. Rather still insists that the records, which were also disputed by the Post and Times, have still not been proven false. Still, he lost his job shortly after the controversy.


3. Best Buy: It's kind of the friend of bloggers, because the incompetent retail chain makes so many great stories for angry consumer bloggers. Gawker Media's Consumerist has explained how Best Buy is basically a giant box of Fuck You. The founder of Best Buy's Geek Squad fix-it service, asked to defend himself, instead picked on Consumerist for running stories before he responded. Dude! The complaint gets one post, then your response gets another. WE CALL THAT BLOGGING.


2. George Bush: Ha! Ha! "Rumors on the Internets" joke! But honestly, when the House of Representatives didn't give the White House more spying power, Bush's press secretary blamed them for believing "the fantasies of left-wing bloggers." Miserable failure.


1. Cory Doctorow: Critics call bloggers self-centered, egomaniacal, and shrill. All of which kind of describes Cory Doctorow! The Boing Boing co-founder, one of four writers on one of the Internet's most influential blogs, writes plenty of cool stuff. But because he whines about consumer rights and copyright fairness as if they're equivalent to global warming and world poverty, and because he sometimes rips on annoying people in his daily life on his million-viewer blog without asking their side of the story, he's (maybe a bit unfairly) pegged as the biggest crank among bloggers. Oh bloggers, you fools, your enemy was yourself all the time! Now let me explain to you my evil plan and put you in a death machine that doesn't work.

Photos licensed from Getty Images, except: Siegel from NYT, Keen from Keen, Doctorow from Scott Beale

• Thanks to that health nut Steve Jobs, your kids are gonna get Hot Wheels and Barbies in every Happy Meal from now on — just as Jobs becomes Disney's biggest stockholder, the Mouse stops signing Happy Meal toy contracts with McDonald's. [ZDNet]
• With his excoriation of copyright freedom fighter Larry Lessig, pundit Andrew Keen confirms that besides being a flame-baiter, he's kind of a dick. [Andrew Keen]
• As Google gets better and better, the Register decides to take the subtle, calibrated perspective: "The worse Google gets, the more money it makes?" [Register]

And big brother Kotaku gets off the beanbag chair and blogs gaming mega-conf E3:

• Sega's releasing a new Golden Axe. Now that is a classic worth reviving, despite creepy memories of my brother always playing the chainmail bikini girl. [Kotaku]
• Live video of people reacting to Wii. (Dear Nintendo: Stop horning in on the stupid-wimpy-name industry. Love, Web 2.0.) [Kotaku]
• Oh hell, read the whole string of coverage. Tons of video, tons of use of the word "fuck."