I work for a fairly large ad network that competes with Google Adsense. A couple of days ago, a new employee was sportin' a Google shirt and I was a little upset. What's the protocol on this? People have brought in embroidered bags from the likes of eBay and Yahoo, which is understandable because the logos are smaller and bags have more utility than a t-shirt. We also have our own company shirts available. So what are the rules? Can you represent your previous companies and what if your previous company is a competitor?

The first rule is, wear something nicer than a t-shirt. A pressed, button-front shirt or blouse, for instance. Haven't had time to do laundry? Light sweaters over a wrinkled shirt have saved many a morning. In fact, keeping a light sweater at the office (along with a full change of clothes tucked in a drawer) can save many, many embarrassments, from inappropriate logos to coffee stains are a romp in the janitor's closet.

If you have to wear a t-shirt, be a team player. If you're going to wear a shirt from a previous employer, make sure it's not a direct competitor or a company with better pay and benefits — with turnover what it is in the Valley means managers are constantly on the lookout for disloyalty. Though if you actually have a job offer from the competition, feel free to play it up for a raise.

Other acceptable options would be companies that have tanked, startups you know are hot but your boss hasn't heard of (as long as they aren't challenging your business), something from Threadless, an independent local artist or designer or a concert souvenir from either a new and hot or ironically old band. That is, if it were acceptable to wear a t-shirt to work.

Mark Hurd. Does anyone there have his email address. I have issues I would love to say I emailed to him without any regard which we all know is exactly who he is as is all that work for his company. As we know, the attitude of a company filters from the top...

So you want to e-mail the CEO-chairman of Hewlett-Packard? Elite, as with all questions of etiquette, this is best answered by putting yourself in the other person's position. Mark Hurd doubtlessly gets plenty of e-mail each day, and more than enough inquiries from an aggressive press.

Furthermore, e-mailing just so you can be rejected puts you in kind of a spot. If Hurd doesn't respond, you still look like a dick — and if he does, well, now you're a real bad guy. If Hurd is able to fend off Congress and the press, he could take you out over e-mail with half his keyboard tied behind his back.

Now, some execs are famously approachable. Marissa Mayer's e-mail is just Marissa at Google. The friendly Google VP tries to respond to every e-mail she gets. Still, I'd bet the open-minded e-mails get a much better response than flames.

But in general, look at it this way: You know how stupid your family looks when they say "You work with computers! Can you fix my e-mail?" That's how you'll look when you approach a company head trying to attack them about your "issues."

I'm poking around into the weeds at the side of the road looking for a "Web 2.0" (don't—just don't) startup to get rich in, preferably in six to eight weeks. Any leads?

Good question, Broad. There are several routes to dot-com success, all following an archetypal pattern: the Dirty Rotten Scoundrel.

Stage 1: Pick a startup

• Find something carpetbagging VCs are salivating for and will pay you cash for. "Citizen Media" is hot this month, what with the $1.65 billion YouTube buyout and Sequoia Capital's $5 million investment in PopSugar. That'll put you in Content Land, a magical place where companies get millions but spend pennies on bloggers (who, thanks to a weak dollar, are cheaper than Chinese World-of-Warcraft gold farmers).
• Or for a technology bid, play with buzzwords: Ruby on Snails, Abuser-generated content, Anti-bacterial Ajax. The stupider the phrase, the more exciting the business — after all, no competitors!

Stage 2: Grab the cash

• Shop for gullible investors. Smart ones will turn you down. Venture capitalist Paul Kedrosky, for instance, answered the reader's question with "Buy a tri-state lottery ticket."
• One way to find these investors is to look at other silly startups and see who paid them millions. Which distracted investor at Y Combinator invested in Kiko despite the plethora of other, better web calendar startups?
• Or run a blog search on Technorati for the phrases of an investor who's caught the fever: "__ doesn't get it" is the best mark of a true believer, but also look for "we talk through blogs" (the notion is pretentious and the use of we shows the writer thinks Web 2.0 is a club) and "Web 3.0" (especially if your startup works on mobile phones or 3d).

Stage 3: Hit the circuit

• Stirr, SF Tech Sessions, SF New Tech, SV New Tech, SF Beta — you could not only schmooze every night of the week, you could demo your site to hundreds of young VC associates, biz-development pros, and flacks.
• Pick a persona: regular Joe who had an idea in the shower, bold innovator in the model of Google's Sergey Brin, or nerdy engineer (minus the anti-social part, unless you have a wingman to "force" you to meet investors).
• Your conversation partner is having a gin and tonic. You are having a Sprite — either discreetly order so no one knows you're the only sober one in the room, or always take your car. "Just a soda, sorry — driving."

Stage 4: Grab the cash, part 2

• This stage is a great option if you skimped on Stage 2. Bootstrapping your own company means you can find a buyer and keep the money for yourself.
• You did remember to weasel out of promising your partners and employees any money, right?
• Repeat after me: "My financial advisor advises me to decline a vesting requirement." Substitute with "attorney" or "yoga instructor" as necessary.
• No, you can't sell to Google. They may know how to buy a company like Dodgeball or Blogger and let it rot, but even a lousy purchase has to look great at first. Can you really fake it that well?
• Two words: News Corp.
• One word: Viacom.
• You can't have your funding and eat it too — it'll be damn hard to find a gullible investor and a gullible buyer, and all the paperwork will become evidence when your scam is finally uncovered.

Stage 5: Run away!

• Cook the books, open a secret account, transfer the money and book it.
• Exit strategy 1: Mexico.
• Exit strategy 2: Russia.
• Don't even think about it: New York City. They may be even more nuts over dot-coms out there, but they're all hucksters. You will be the soft guy with the money, and a mob of ravenous bloggers will sink their jaws into your larynx.

Of course, Valleywag's commenters will have their own evil ideas for netting a quick million or two. (Won't you, kids?)

I know Intel isn't a hot media company but are you able to shed any light on the impending cuts/layoff's at Intel? I'm curious as I have a few friends there who have been watching and waiting week after week for that axe to fall. According to some, certain managers are already clued-in as to who's going to get canned. But they're keeping their lips tight and not informing any of the employees. I've heard the axe is falling sometime next week, but inquiring minds want to know.

Well we're as clueless as he is — if you know who's getting laid off at Intel next week, give yourself a username and password and leave a comment, or e-mail tips@valleywag.com. Pseudonyms are accepted.

I am the co-founder of Kevo. We are launching in a few days. [Here they are.] Do you have a list of angel investors?

The search for an angel investor is a healthy part of every startup's growth. Angels are usually private individuals looking to invest thousands to hundreds of thousands in small companies in return for a share of ownership. They can be the only funding a company takes, or a step between bootstrapping and venture capital. Below, Sean Ness, the ringmaster at the monthly Stirr startup mixer, lists a host of angels for us (which we peppered with snark).

Individuals

• Ron Conway was the big daddy of them all, loved by some, hated by others for his role in the first boom. Here's some dirt on him. (Photo above by Dan Farber)
• Ram Shriram has taken his place.
• Josh Kopelman runs First Round Capital from Philadelphia.
• Aydin Senkut made his money from Google and word on the street is he just invests in lots of things, but doesn't know much. The Wall Street Journal's Pui-Wing Tam names him as one of a new generation of angels.
• Jeff Clavier is everywhere and pretty much meets with anyone interesting.
• Sun co-founder Andy Bechtolsheim wrote Google their first check (for a hundred grand).

Groups

• Band of Angels
• Sand Hill Angels
• The Angels' Forum

Got a question for Valleywag? E-mail tips@valleywag.com.

Our first letter comes from Eric, who writes:

I've been creating web ideas for over a year now and feel like I'm hitting a brick wall. My motivation to create and implement new ideas is slowly fading away because of my lack of contacts.

I'm writing to you because I've come up with a new idea that can revolution the way we do buying and selling online. I believe my idea could possibly be as big as Pierre's idea when he created EBay in 1995. But what's so good about this idea if I can't properly implement it with a great team? I was wondering if you could possibly give some words of advice on how a one man team can prosper in an industry like this. Or even better, refer anyone who you think would be interested in being part of a team that will create and innovate the way consumers buy and sell online.

After the jump, the sad truth: Ideas are worth zilch.

Dear Eric,

Your idea, whatever it is, could very well be revolutionary. It could shift the paradigm, flip the hierarchy, subvert the hegemony. But it's also nothing special.

Ask any creative person — especially a writer — for the most loathsome sentence in the world. (It's "You're past deadline.") But the second is "I have this great idea!"

Because that implies that hey, once the idea's there, the rest is just busywork, right? Throw some engineers in a room, slather some venture capital over the whole mess, and they'll spin ideas into gold. That thought process is what made the dot-com bubble. And this time around — yes, Virginia, there is a bubble — it won't work.

Oh, there's stupid money floating around. But this time, everyone smells it. In the first bubble, your only enemy was yourself — how could you fuck up your own deal?

This time, your enemy is every other half-competent engineer, entrepreneur, and visionary in the Valley and beyond. And there's one thing they all have: ideas.

In a crowd of smart, well-educated, and privileged people, ideas are the cheapest commodity. Even a drop-out gossip columnist can name five off the top of his head: Aggregated drama tracking; vertical search for statistics; a network of personality-based group webzines; weblog-driven desktop toys; a section in brick-and-mortar American Apparel stores for branded CafePress-style tees. Chances are, those ideas are already taken, tested, and rejected.

So take one piece of advice from this, Eric: If you want to build your idea, share it. If you're afraid someone will steal it, then how will you sell it? If a copycat could take you out, then nothing can turn your idea into a gravy train.

Sincerely,
Valleywag