"Bill Gates shocks Cambridge with open-collared shirt" said the Seattle Examiner, before calling the billionaire's wardrobe a "call to action for all laid back Seattle business executives, as well as tech geeks everywhere."

Quite the opposite, actually. Gates can go casual while accepting an honorary degree precisely because of his power; mere peons will find a highly irregular wardrobe has real consequences in the real world. It's the same deal with Gates' new ranch in a desolate stretch of Wyoming: you buy one if you're in such demand you must flee all large clusters of humans.

(UPDATE: The tie item originally appeared in TechFlash.)

(Video via Cambridge News; image by AP)

Gates is believed to acquired the ranch, Ima Lake Lodge, through his investment manager Jerry St. Dennis. The brokerage listing has been pulled from both the original website and Google's cache. Luckily, we finally tracked down an old copy on this new search engine called Bing, apparently run by some company called Microsoft. Nifty.

Judging by the PDF brochure attached to the $9 million listing, the 492-acre estate, just east of Yellowstone National Park, looks perfect for the sorts of rugged getaways older rich men seem so fond of, isolated in the woods, away from the teeming hordes of poors and employees, with time to contemplate new schemes and plans, enjoy the physical exertion of lifting one's own limbs, or maybe just roast marshmallows over burning piles of worthless U.S. currency.

It's enough to make one wonder if Gates, "retired" from Microsoft, is also done running around attacking people with mosquitoes and starting think tanks and just generally causing trouble.

Highlights:

We're pretty sure the buffalo head is not included; also, the kitchen looks dreadfully devoid of robots.

The resolution on those LEDs looks amazing.

The property, from a distance.

There's a "dairy house," which is actually a refurbished cabin. Perfect for frenemies like Steve Jobs

And a guest house, with five bedrooms, and a Ballmercaretaker's house, with two.

There are 12 stalls for horses; or, as Gates calls them, "ponies!"

Bill Gates and Microsoft have been desperately trying to come up with some way to challenge Google in search and Bing is their latest sure to go down in flames attempt. It's basically revamped version of Live Search, which was a revamped version of MSN Search, and both were epic failures in just about every possible way. But this time they're banking that they can brainwash the masses into thinking they're cooler than Google with their clever little name.

Microsoft's marketing gurus hope that Bing will evoke neither a type of cherry nor a strip club on "The Sopranos" but rather a sound - the ringing of a bell that signals the "aha" moment when a search leads to an answer.

The name is meant to conjure "the sound of found" as Bing helps people with complex tasks like shopping for a camera, said Yusuf Mehdi, senior vice president of Microsoft's online audience business group.

And if Bing turns into a verb like, say, Xerox, TiVo or, well, Google, that would be nice too. Steven A. Ballmer, Microsoft's chief executive, said Thursday that he liked Bing's potential to "verb up." Plus, he said, "it works globally, and doesn't have negative, unusual connotations."

But some outsiders think that the name Bing, well, sucks.

Peter Sealey, a former chief marketing officer at the Coca-Cola Company, said Microsoft should have picked a name that more directly connotes search.

"Bing has no equity; it signals nothing," Mr. Sealey said. "It is going to be an enormous expense to create an image for this thing called Bing."

Meanwhile, some tech people were already noting that Bing is also an unfortunate acronym: "But It's Not Google."

HA! How could they have not noticed that? And yeah, we're still all grossed out by the Bing connection to Sopranos strippers and Elizabeth Hurley's knocker-upper. Bing just screams social disease in our minds. And now this guy is probably going to sue them! You have failed AGAIN Microsoft.

Microsoft's Search For A Name Ends With a Bing [New York Times]

This sporting matchup may well be the one area where Microsoft is beating Google.

Mayer, 33, (top photo) complained to the Times:

"It hasn't shown up anywhere that I am really physically active," she says. "I ran the San Francisco half marathon this year. I did the Portland marathon. I went skiing just yesterday. I'm going to do the Birkebeiner, which is North America's longest cross-country ski race. That just shows you how much there are gaps."

Contrast that to Melinda French Gates, 44, (bottom photo) the former product manager who married billionaire cofounder Bill Gates and now helps run the couple's gigantic charity, who is far more modest, according to a profile in the March issue of Vogue:

Gates is a trim, athletic woman with luminous chestnut hair that falls freely to her shoulders. She has run marathons and climbed mountains, but one senses she considers such achievements too frivolous to dwell on.

Mayer placed in the bottom 10 percent of the Portland Marathon, and dead last in the Birkebeiner women's ski competition. Gates ran one leg of a three-leg relay marathon in 1:23:40.1, a respectable showing which placed her 37th out of 102 contestants.

Not to mention this: Mayer also dated her company's cofounder. But unlike Mrs. Gates, she didn't get him to put a ring on it.

"Good students are good at all things," Mayer said in front of a Times reporter. Silicon Valley's elite is still collectively howling with laughter over that line. It makes you wonder: In the school of life, which other classes is Mayer flunking?

(Photo of Mayer via Action Sports International; Gates via Vogue)

Ending malaria is a particular passion of Gates's, whose Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation has spent millions fighting the disease. But he apparently didn't feel like TED attendees were taking the threat seriously. "Not only poor people should experience this," Gates said as he let the bugs loose on his audience, according to Facebook manager Dave Morin. (eBay founder Pierre Omidyar and Twitter CEO Ev Williams confirm the report.)

A showman's way of making a point, perhaps. But it doesn't do much to undo Gates's reputation, borne out of the Microsoft antitrust investigations of the 1990s, that the man considers himself above the law. Doesn't California's Health and Safety Code have something to say about insect infestations?

(Photo by jurvetson)

What, hasn't he retired? Yes, but Microsoft's overgrown state is very much his fault.

The official reason is trite and predictable: "Economic uncertainty," Chris Liddell, Microsoft's chief financial officer, told analysts. And exactly wrong. The problem with Microsoft is its financial performance is all too predictable. It has grown so large, its products so woven into the modern way of business, that its sales wax and wane with the economy; Microsoft no longer controls its own destiny, as its army of libertarian-minded geeks would prefer.

Would it matter to its financial performance if Microsoft had 80,000 employees? 50,000? Or even 20,000 — the number gathered at Seattle's Safeco Field just eight years ago?

Microsoft's headcount today is a product of Gates's ego, not business reality. Having planted a computer on every desktop, he set his company's sights on people's living rooms (the Xbox game console), their Internet connections (MSN), and even their pockets (Windows Mobile cellphones). Yet Windows and Office remain the company's financial engines. Imagine if the company had just focused on those franchises. Shareholders would be far richer. And employees would be far happier. The only one who might be less than pleased is the company's bizarre billionaire founder, who's discontented by the idea of anyone selling technology he didn't invent. Now that he's left to pursue philanthropy, perhaps the company can get back to writing software.

These next gods will, like their predecessors, be people whose professional and private lives, and even personal appearance, are of equal importance to hordes of obsessed nerds. They're people whose creativity and willpower are presumed to steer the course of personal technology, with legions of engineers and programmers and designers and manufacturing experts carrying out their vision. The key is putting themselves out for all the public to behold, with the hopes of becoming revered by apostles who buy anything they unveil. Seeing as we're running low on golden calves, let's check out the current options:

APPLE
Tim Cook
People say Cook is the man who makes the beautiful products turn into a beautiful pile of money, and he actually took over Apple when Jobs was recovering from his first surgery. A southern gentleman, avid cyclist, iron-fisted boss, mysterious loner, emotionless decider—man, Cook is so easy to reduce to two-word stereotypical descriptors, he's bound for godhood. Even his name comes packaged in a suave but unforgettable two syllables. The catch of course is that he can't ascend the mighty throne of Apple until the big cheese retires or bows out due to health. Cook's trod the boards at Stevenotes before, but now he's holding back—or being held back—perhaps because if he becomes big boss, he'll need a fresh start. All eyes not on Steve are on this guy. Can he fill the shoes left open and be the forceful visionary that Jobs is?
Chance of Godhood? 75% with a few variables we'd rather not think about

Phil Schiller
Schiller has helped sell Apple products since forever, but the general impression is that he's best used as a right-hand man, a Boy Wonder to the real Batman. The mullet/beer gut combo probably doesn't do wonders for his public image, either, though "death diving" from 30 feet up like he did back in '99 isn't a bad way to entertain the fanboys. It's easy to forget that Phil used to be involved in product development, including notebooks, and some even credit him for the addition of the iPod's clickwheel. We also hear that the man can kick some ass behind the scenes. He might have what it takes to be the next product don of Apple, but the current hierarchy won't make it easy for him.
Chance of Godhood? 35% assuming the Apple board is thinking like we're thinking

MICROSOFT
Steve Ballmer
The Monkey Man act may work to get attention, to rally your troops and put fear in your enemies, but it's too easy to make fun of in Photoshop. This kind of attention has taken Ballmer pretty far along the road to godhood, but the public doesn't often see the quieter, shrewder Ballmer that we know exists. The key is this: He is not a code nerd, but a Harvard-educated marketing-and-sales guy. Being able to climb inside the mind of the Average Joe, typically oriented around useful features instead of sheer software power, is what Microsoft needs to limit bloat in product design. If Windows 7 is a success, we'll see the Bruce Banner in this Hulk, but if it's not, it'll be "BALLMER SMASH!!!!" and the end of Microsoft.
Chance of Godhood? 85% assuming Windows 7 erases the terrible memory of Vista

Robbie Bach
Microsoft's Entertainment and Devices boss has Xbox, Zune, Media Center and a lot of other potentially tasty toys in his workshop, and he's rumored to be the man who would replace Ballmer. What's most important here? His group accounts for most of the Microsoft products that don't suck. Word is, though, that the limited profitability of his group, today, limits the amount of respect he gets internally. We say the rest of the company should stop and see what he's doing right. He certainly understands the art of the keynote, strutting around and working the crowd with the shoulders-forward energy of a college football coach. He may be too good at sticking to the script, though. His cautious replies may be good for stockholders, but you can't inspire the masses without a little bit o' crazy.
Chance of Godhood? 70%, higher if he is heard matter-of-factly admitting that Windows Mobile sucks

SONY
Sir Howard Stringer
Usually you get the "sir" appended to your name after you live a wild and crazy life in the public eye, but this guy is only more and more in the spotlight each year. When he talks he brings delightful controversy and charisma, but he doesn't do enough with big crowds. How come no gloaty Blu-ray victory dance party? Chilling with Charlie Rose isn't a direct path to divinity, but showing up with Tom Hanks at CES is a start. Still, Sony needs to regain gadget clout, not remind the world that it's a piracy-fearing movie maker. One thing he has done is give the Japanese firm a leader who isn't afraid to lay off when the company is bloated with employees not pulling their weight, unlike traditional Japanese CEOs. And he encourages Japanese employees to work abroad to increase their understanding of the customers of the world. But he's also been working hard to unify the company's software and hardware development not only in each division, but across product groups. Only Apple and Microsoft have done this successfully, but Sony is actually making progress here, behind the scenes.
Chance of Godhood? 45% because it might just be too late for the guy—or for Sony

GOOGLE
Larry Page/Sergey Brin
Never mind that Google keeps more products in beta than it launches or that these two are tech titans already on the web. Their first foray into hardware was received lukewarmly. But Google is here to stay, and no matter what CEO Eric Schmidt does, these two dudes' faces will be the ones people think of. The last 60 years of tech are full of dynamic duos—Woz and Jobs, Hewlett and Packard, etc.—but unless you've got the timing of Martin and Lewis, it's hard to pull off a tandem keynote. It definitely doesn't help when you show up late wearing rollerblades. We just hope that the company can give their Android division the support it needs to compete with the companies full time in the gadget game, because Android is not only disruptive, but it's the ammo that the phone makers need to compete with the all-in-one giants from Redmond and Cupertino.
Chance of Godhood? 60%, could go up if they release more products, or undergo the operation Damon and Kinnear had in Stuck On You

ASUS
Jonney Shih
Netbook-revolutionary Asus is probably the company (companEee?) doing the most with Apple's old mantra, "think different." Their stuff coming out of Taiwan is radical and fun, and Jonney Shih, little known in these parts, is the sole capitano up top. He's not afraid to rock the microphone, but he keeps doing it at other people's events. Asus also makes a lot of notebooks for competitors, and has hardware expertise to spare. But in terms of software, they're still limited by a strong dependence on Windows for their notebooks. As for their weak brand presence in the mainstream: Dude, you got some cash, time to throw bigger parties of your own, and not just ones timed with CES. And take another page from Apple: Learn how to keep products secret until they're finished and shipping.
Chance of Godhood? 40%, more if he finds a good barber and a dealer of fine turtlenecks and presentation sweaters

HTC
Cher Wang
The phone maker who first teamed with Google and launched the T-Mobile G1 is chaired by, yep, a lady! Named Cher! Cher actually got her start selling computer parts for a computer company, and helped found HTC to realize the vision of the true handheld computer. Even if the HTC brand is only a few years old to consumers, HTC has been making phones for other companies for a while: One in every six phones sold in the US this year were from her factories. They'll grow stronger now that Android is here and Windows Mobile is (hopefully) in a period of major improvement, but their branding and design is still a bit on the chunky side. From the looks of her official corporate portrait, she could probably use a queer eye or two—I know I sound like a dick here, but sadly society does judge women more harshly than men on personal appearance. My guess is that as someone who emphasizes being a "devout Christian" in her bio, she'd probably frown on the whole "tech god" thing anyway.
Chance of Godhood? 30% since Cher's probably too busy to take our advice anyway—she also runs the chipmaker VIA

PALM
Ed Colligan
Colligan's generally stormy course at Palm's helm finally reached some smooth waters: He just unveiled Pre, a fresh, attractive take on the smartphone, bolstered by healthy chunks of DNA from Apple and other new smartphone platforms via the talent they aggressively poached. He's proven he has what it takes to make big aggressive changes with this handset, and get the right talent in place, just like Steve Jobs would. And Colligan isn't afraid to make bold brash statements, a requirement of godhood. But can he go all the way? Currently, his problem is with presenting—he's not all that memorable, which might actually be good if you're the guy who introduced the world to the Palm Foleo.
Chance of Godhood? 15% cuz did I mention he believed, not long ago, that Foleo would "redefine how people work"?

Jon Rubinstein
The "executive chairman" to Colligan's "president and CEO," it's hard to tell if Rubinstein is sitting on the throne or next to it. He has our vote. The man in charge of bringing about Palm's would-be salvation, the Pre, previously at Apple led development of the frickin' iPod (maybe you've heard of it), and has actually out Apple'd Apple with the UI in this new handset. And Rubinstein's team is one of the only in the world that is capable of revolutionizing cellphone operating systems. He keeps it cool on stage, reminding us a little of Nintendo's amiable US boss, Reggie Fils-Aime. And his more than passing resemblance to Jeff Goldblum is a plus, too. One limitation in Palm that both Rubinstein and Colligan have to face: Palm will never build an end to end personal tech environment the way Apple and Microsoft can, even if they are on par in terms of making interfaces from the future.
Chance of Godhood? 55%, but sky's the limit if he can shoo Colligan away

AMAZON
Jeff Bezos
Bezos already was a god—a dotcom god. Many of those other former household names are now mercifully forgotten, but Bezos still shows up on magazine covers. He recently heralded in the eradication of DRM from online music retailers to the applause of paying music customers. But what really surprised us, and earned him a place on this list was that he had such a grand vision of what the ebook should be—the replacement of the book—and the funding and drive to make it happen. But he should do more live appearances to drum up more mainstream excitement over software initiatives like the DRM-free MP3 store and video on demand. And he needs to keep Kindles in stock long enough for people to buy them. Most importantly, he's finally learning that tech gods are only as good as their next products. Just because Bezos understands books on a deep level doesn't mean he'll ever be able to do any other type of gadget besides E-Ink tablets. That's ultimately limiting when it comes to building next-generation personal tech ecosystems. In the meantime, where's my Kindle 2?
Chance of Godhood? 30% if he does more bragging in person, though that braying laugh of his could be a liability

DEKA/SEGWAY
Dean Kamen
Back in 2001, the rumor mill leading up to the launch of the Segway rivaled any Apple buzz. Before the product was even seen, people wrote about it being civilization-changing, and as important as the internet. Kamen's been on a roll (get it?) since then, not just developing the police Segway, the golf Segway and some kind of Segway footstool, but also perfecting a water purifying technology and a truly robotic prosthetic arm, all while greening up his own private island. He's did it all with few mainstream public appearances: Showing up at All Things D with a video of the robot arm—not the real thing—was a misstep in our minds, but appearing on Colbert with a working water purifier was definitely a sign of publicity (and worship) to come. If he can invent something for the gadget lovers of the world that is as bright and thoughtful and life changing as his humanitarian tech, he'd become the Jobs that Jobs wishes he was.
Chance of Godhood? A tragic 45%, seriously, this guy is Q, MacGyver and Hank Scorpio rolled into one—why isn't he a god already?

FACEBOOK
Mark Zuckerberg
The sad fact is that our whole world is shifting over from hardware to software. Sure, Kamens are still needed to make sure there's progress in mechanical devices, but our toys are less and less mechanical. Facebook is probably the best example of an internet platform that has stolen thunder from the gadget world. Trouble with Facebook is that it's big and amorphous, and the charming Zuckerberg needs a second act to propel him into the heavens. Still, he's like 13, with his whole life and a lot of money ahead. He'll think of something. But to be a Gadget God, he'll have to always depend on the hardware of others. At least until we have browsers in our brains with which we can access our social networks with.
Chance of Godhood? 95% even if it doesn't happen in my lifetime

These are all strong candidates, but the assumption is that there will, in fact, be new gadget gods. Maybe, like the ancient gods themselves, our new era doesn't have as much use for them. Maybe it's not just the transition to software, but the shift from bright ideas to massive team efforts. Or maybe Jobs and Gates are the kinds of guys that only come along once a century, and we're gonna have to wait a little longer for something that divine.

Future, Cupertino — After a long and fruitful tenure as CEO, Steve Jobs steps down in early 2009 to fanfare and industry fawning. Apple needs a new leader. It's time to choose your own adventure.

Much deliberation and coin tossing goes on in the back rooms of Apple. Their board of directors choose a person who they strongly believe can lead Apple into its next phase of growth, a person who can, at the very least, match Steve Jobs' product development whip cracking, if not his outsized public persona.

The board chooses...

• Jonathan Ive, Apple's Senior Vice President of Industrial Design. Turn to page 10.
• Phil Schiller, Apple's Senior Vice President of Worldwide Product Marketing. Turn to page 11.
• Tim Cook, Apple's Chief Operating Officer. Turn to page 12.
• Bill Gates, Super Rich Dude. Turn to page 13.
• Yourself, Super Poor Dude. Turn to page 14.

Choose Your Own Adventure is property of CYOA.com.

Microsoft has trademarked the name for Web search and a host of other services. Kumo is Japanese for "cloud" or "spider" — but really, it means nothing. And that's exactly what Microsoft needs: a brand of emptiness that it can fill with meaning.

Look at Microsoft's history of brand names: The Microsoft Network, swiftly shortened to "MSN"; then, all too briefly, "Start.com," which would have replaced MSN, but was abandoned just before launch; and then "Live," which has been tacked on to a host of Microsoft products and websites, but hasn't won over any Google users that we can detect.

Add to those layers of moribund brands the ever-present "Microsoft" and "Windows", and you get monstrosities like "Microsoft Windows Live Hotmail."

I'm pretty sure Microsoft's marketers will find a way to screw Kumo up, too. "MSN Kumo Messenger Buddy Spaces," anyone?

Apple, where cofounder Steve Jobs returned to power in 1998, is up 600 percent since the beginning of 2002. Amazon.com, where Jeff Bezos has reigned as CEO more or less uninterruptedly since the online retailer's founding, tripled its worth. Google, where cofounders Larry Page and Sergey Brin form a troika with hired-hand CEO Eric Schmidt, has also tripled in value since its inital public offering in 2004. These gains remain despite the stock market's punishing fall.

What about Yahoo, eBay, and Microsoft, where founders handed over the company to professional managers? They are all back where they started almost seven years ago. Under former CEO Terry Semel, Yahoo had a brief golden age in 2004, where it outperformed all the other big Internet companies; it ended just as Google began its relentless rise. Meg Whitman overstayed her welcome at eBay, presiding over its stagnation before handing over the CEO job to John Donahoe — like Whitman, also a management consultant by training. Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer has proven that he's no Bill Gates; the stock has flatlined under his leadership.

Under Yang, the stock has gone down, down, down, interrupted only by the hope that Microsoft might buy the company and in so doing, give its employees the leadership and sense of purpose they so desperately crave. Does that disprove the value of founders? No. Rather, it suggests that by abandoning his company when it was merely a toddler to be reared by strangers, that he was never much of a father figure to begin with.

"We talked and talked and talked and talked and paid no attention to anybody else. I started asking him a whole bunch of questions about his business, not expecting to understand any of it. He's a great teacher, and we couldn't stop talking," Buffett told the newspaper. "We were sort of ignoring all these important people, and Bill's father finally said, gently, that he'd prefer that we join in a little more." Then the conversation turned to sex and computers.

As the night wore on — Gates's helicopter had to fly before it got dark, and he let it go — Gates and Buffett grew more and more fascinated with each other. Buffett asked Gates about IBM and Gates told him to buy stock in Microsoft and Intel. Then, per the rules of the buddy-comedy genre, Gates objectified a woman. (The idea being, of course, to share a sexual course of thought without crossing any societal norms.) Says Buffett: "Bill started trying to convince me to get a computer."

I said I don't know what it's going to do for me. I don't care how my stock portfolio is doing every five minutes. And I can do my income taxes in my head. Gates said he would pick out the best-looking gal at Microsoft and send her to teach me how to use the computer. He would make it totally painless and pleasant. I told him, 'You've made me an offer I almost can't refuse, but I will refuse it.

Young Steve Jobs, Apple cofounder:

Jobs, older and thinner:

Young Bill Gates, Microsoft CEO:

Old Bill Gates, philanthropist:

Young Eric Schmidt, before he was Google's CEO:

Old Eric Schmidt:

Young Larry Ellison, Oracle CEO:

Old Larry Ellison:

Young Netscape cofounder Marc Andreessen:

Not quite as young Ning cofounder Marc Andreessen:

Only one man has escaped the effects of time. That is, of course, Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer:

Gates sold $350 million worth of shares in August and $2.54 billion worth in 2007, but even at that rate the 52-year old will sell his last Microsoft share right shortly after he's eligible for Social Security, the New York Post reports. Microsoft began a $30 billion stock buyback program in 2004, eventually increasing that round of repurchases to $40 billion.

I may well be too far down the rabbit hole to have any idea if the spots are having the desired warm-and-fuzzy effect on the populace. If anything, they serve to remind us of the opposite: That Gates and Microsoft are so out of touch, the company has to pay an advertising agency $300 million (and Seinfeld $10 million) to lend even the thinnest veneer of approachability. "Cool," presumably, would have cost extra.