1. LOLCats
"Those ladies who work at the reception desk in your office, they might be sharing these lolcats with their friends." — David McRaney, Wall Street Journal

This:

Equals:

2. Prom Queen
"Five girls will be nominated for Prom Queen, but only one of them will win. And on Prom Night, something terrible will happen." That's the plot of the would-be successor to LonelyGirl15, the indie series that launched with very little backing under guise of nonfiction, achieving an impressive stature as the first mainstream web-based narrative series. Prom Queen, hailed by some of the stupider media outlets as a guaranteed Internet blockbuster and LonelyGirl's heir, is a stale series which makes none of its predecessor's innovations and has none of its charm.

Unfortunately, the show is representative of where "New Media" money is going. Clever ventures that fund and promote good online content are struggling to survive. VH1 canned the promising network Acceptable.TV; many online shows like Clark and Michael (starring Arrested Development actor Michael Cera) made failed bids for TV before giving up altogether.

Yep, the future of online video looks like this:

3. Twitter
Twitter messages are frequent and boring, but not as frequent and boring as articles about how Twitter messages are frequent and boring.

4. Facebook
When I was in elementary school, there was one kid who spent all of recess dribbling a basketball, every day. He'd walk around, dribbling, doing nothing else. Everyone tried to get him to play freeze tag, or "Invade the Jungle Gym," or form a gang where everyone was named after an X-Man. And he was sick of all these frigging idiots and just wanted to dribble his ball. Well no matter how many people invite me to Bite Another Zombie, or Share My Movies, or Build a Super Friend Block Party, I just want to dribble my basketball.

Facebook is also a chance for all my high school friends to remind me how boring they are. Sorry, but if even I find you boring — and I spend all day building my Netflix queue and cleaning lint off of my body — then don't try to reconnect with me after six years.

5. YouTube comments
They're pathetic. See also: Digg comments, MySpace comments, and #3.

6. The computerized pleasure palace
Thanks to the Internet, I have a list of every film I want to see (thanks, Netflix); all the music I like and should like (thanks, Last.FM) and free copies thereof (Bittorrent and Limewire); every book I want for under ten bucks (Amazon, natch); beautiful photos of my friends (Flickr); fifty ways to reach my friends (AIM, e-mail, Skype, Facebook, Pownce, Hallmark E-cards, probably some sort of telegraph-by-web); and a form to fill out for local pizza delivery (I won't tell you or you'll clog up the system). I can also order an Ikea cushion for my sore ass.

7. Mobile sites
In case I'm away from the computer, I can still Be Efficient by using mobile sites to do half of what I normally want to do, at half the speed. When I walk down the street with my iPod on and my hands wrapped around my phone, it's like I'm in a computer game and everyone else is an enemy toadstool. Last week I jumped on a homeless person.

8. Webcomics
Not everyone will get this; it's a specialized condition, like an allergy. But for those of you that have it, clicking one of these links means you'll spend ten hours of your next week reading the entire archive of a webcomic: Dinosaur Comics, Dresden Codak, Achewood, Scary Go Round, Thinkin Lincoln, Wondermark

9. Anything you can do, I can do better

Source: Wondermark

Nick Douglas writes at Valleywag, Too Much Nick, and Look Shiny. He's writing a sitcom about a startup.

Andy Samberg: Before he was Timberlake's partner in "Dick in a Box" or one of the white boys in "Lazy Sunday," the SNL repertory player posted videos and songs at The Lonely Island. I recommend "The Heist" (a better white rap) and "The 'Bu" (a serial).

That Crazy Lady At Violent Acres: No one knows who she is, but she is insane. At the age of 6, she beat up a boy while screaming "I'LL EAT YOUR EYES!" She hasn't gotten calmer.

Skot at "Izzle pfaff!": A new find. From his blog: "I, however, am a fucking ninja for snow driving. I grew up in Idaho, motherfucker! I took driver's ed in eight inches of snow. How do I know it was eight inches of snow? I measured it with my dick. RAR!"

Ze Frank: The funniest videoblogger out there will end his show in March, and then he's off to Hollywood. While the average daily episode is good, the gold is in classic musical numbers like Hindsight is 20/20 and one-offs like "Fingers in Food."

Brad Neely: I first heard about this guy when he made "Washington," a video in which the first president ate opponents' brains and invented cocaine. (He'll kick you apart!) Neely now releases videos on the new Super Deluxe video site, including the better version of Sodom and Gomorrah.

Iggy Pop's roadie: He wrote a wicked concert rider for the band. "Required: 2 heavy duty floor-mounted fans. So I can wear a scarf and pretend to be in a Bon Jovi video."

David Malki: Writer of Wondermark, one of those delightful "classic clip art mashed with ironic modern sensibility" comics. Except funny.

Matthew Baldwin: The writer of Defective Yeti "puts the 'i' in 'teaim.'" Recent posts include the Pam spray solution to kids opening doorknobs, generational humor, and his ungrateful cats. It's not a gut-buster but a reliable chuckle.

Gabriel Delahaye: Known at his home blog, Corporate Casual, as Worker #3116, Delahaye writes passages like:

"When someone uses the word "funky" I feel like my ears are being date raped by a sad, sad man. Like...you go on a date with someone and they are just really lame and the date goes horrible and then later, when they are forcibly penetrating you, you're like "THIS GUY?! I'M BEING DATE RAPED BY THIS GUY?!" And if you're talking about something for which no other adjective seems appropriate, then maybe you should realize that NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT THAT THING."

Daniel Radosh: The New Yorker contributor responded to the magazine's reader-contributed caption contest by hosting his own anti-caption contest. Dig his analysis of Thomas Nelson's audio Bible casting decisions. "Samuel L. Jackson, motherfucker. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee. Not to mention, I've had it with these motherfuckin' snakes in this motherfuckin' garden."

Ryan North: Dinosaur Comics is, hands-down, the funniest daily comic online. Every day it's the same dinosaurs, in the same poses, with different dialogs.

Bob Powers: Girls Are Pretty, and Bob Powers has a thing for you to celebrate each day. Today, for example:

"Your Boyfriend Is An Expert Juggler Day!

He can juggle up to five small items at once. It is very impressive to children and simpler adults.

'Leave him,' your therapist says. 'People learn to juggle when they feel the need to maintain various deceptions. More often than not, a man who knows how to juggle has a secret wife and kids hidden someplace.'"

At Hewlett-Packard, a Chief Wounded by Divided Attention [NY Times]
Earlier: Mark Hurd too busy running company to run company [Valleywag]

At least twice when he had the opportunity — at meetings in July 2005 and in March 2006 — Mr. Hurd failed to ask critical questions about the methods in the leak investigation.

But some people close to him suggest — though they do not know for certain — that he failed to focus on the leak investigation partly because he was focused on getting the company fixed and partly because he regarded the search as the project of Patricia C. Dunn, the chairwoman.

At Hewlett-Packard, a Chief Wounded by Divided Attention [NY Times]

I am as tired of Rocketboom split-up news as you are.

I lied.

• The story of Amanda Congdon and Andrew Baron (and guest star Steve Jobs!) told in panels. EVERYTHING'S FUNNIER WITH COMICS! [Transparent Agenda]
• Blaugh, the un-comic by bloggers Chris Pirillo and Brad Fitzpatrick, puts an image in our brains that can only be worked out with years of therapy and Ze Frank shows. [Blaugh]
• Marketwatch reporter Frank Barnako is so over Amanda Congdon. Apparently she's hot? And apparently that's part of the reason a viewer base made of middle-class men watched her? This is all news to me. [Frank Barnako]
• Reading over everyone's suggestions for the next Rocketboom host...starting to see a trend...can't put my finger on it... [Michael Parekh]
• Elsewhere in vlogging, Carson Daly makes the first "saw you on YouTube" hire. She's cute, she's probably 16, Carson called her an "exciting package," and that's not at all creepy. [Video Podcasting News]

Happy Birthday, TechCrunch! Happy Birthday, Dave Winer's podcast!

In the final act of Waiting for Web 2.Godot (an original Valleywag comic), Timmy and Tommy set aside their differences, and the meaningless cycle of life continues.

Web 2.0 Service Mark Controversy (Tim responding this time) [O'Reilly Radar]
Sorry Tim [Tom Raftery]

Best. Sergey. Ever.

Dilbert [Official site]

Someone's been playing with Comic Life. A Flickr user named "Privateye" 'shopped up the shirtless shot of Naked Conversations authors Robert Scoble and Shel Israel. (That's JD Lasica's photo, first covered back here.)

After the jump, a comic made entirely of Riya Photo Search in-jokes.

Privateye's photos [Flickr]

For everyone who doesn't get it, Riya evangelist Tara Hunt is dating Flock evangelist Chris Messina. Apparently they're going all-raw-food. Riya's a pre-release person-recognition photo tool; Flock's a pre-release social browser. Marc Canter is the founder of Macromedia (and a strawberry).

Update: "Privateye" cracks a Larry Page hair joke.