<![CDATA[Gawker: valleywag, contests]]> http://tags.gawker.com/assets/base/img/thumbs140x140/gawker.com.png <![CDATA[Gawker: valleywag, contests]]> http://gawker.com/tag/valleywag/contests http://gawker.com/tag/valleywag/contests <![CDATA[It's The "Absurd Financial Product Some Rich Person Actually Bought" Contest!]]> Well look, the market is up again, how (pardon me) UTTERLY FUCKING RETARDED. What this means: another huge plunge is invariably in sight! Because the government achieved this by outlawing short-selling temporarily on all the big stocks you'd want to short, and what the hell are hedge funds supposed to do about that? Gawker tipsters all over financeland are predicting a protracted bloodbath over the next couple months as investors sign up to get their money out of hedge funds. Dozens could go bust. But hey, here is a silver lining: hedge funds are for rich people! (Well, not anymore, now that America is running the world's biggest hedge fund with our tax dollars.) But hedge funds used to be for only the rich, and with your help we can illustrate how rich people are stupid. Inspired by this story about an insane Merrill Lynch investment vehicle called NORMA one expert quoted in the Wall Street Journal called "a tangled hairball of risk", I'm holding the Awful Vodkas I Have Drank of the plutocracy, an "Absurd Financial Product Some Rich Person Actually Bought" contest. I asked one of our tipstering financiers about the most retarded investment vehicle he'd ever seen.

ABSURDISTBANKER: Last year, I built a fund that invested solely in a hedge fund, but it leveraged 2X to do it - so it was a leveraged vehicle to enhance returns on a leveraged equity long/short hedge fund
MOE:: oh god
a SINGLE hedge fund?
ABSURDISTBANKER: Yes
MOE: That is fucking nuts. Not even a "fund of funds." A fund of fund. A truly innovative investment strategy.
ABSURDISTBANKER: I remember saying to the product team that designed it
"People who buy this are insane"

Okay people, here is my attempt at an explanation: at some point everyone with money was all, "Wow. Buying regular stocks and bonds in a company is for suckers obviously, look at that stupid 'Internet' thing and you have to understand like seventy thousand different variables about all these companies. I just want my money to be safe. Putting my money in a hedge fund, now that is what genuine rich people I think are 'smart' do. Because I don't really want to be able to follow what is going on with my money, and the hedge funds won't tell me because I wouldn't understand anyway. But I'll feel good about it because only rich people get to invest in hedge funds, and we wouldn't be rich if we didn't make wise decisions about money."

And the hedge funds were all, "Yippee, money, and we get 1% of that upfront, but shit, how are we going to justify our colossal fees now that there are a trillion dollars of the market invested in hedge funds? Oh well, all these people want is for their money to safe so we will just make a few very safe bets infinitely more complicated because that is like 'adding value.' For instance even regular mortal rich people aren't allowed to buy fancy complex derivatives like credit default swaps unless they are very rich and incredibly pushy, and regular people are not allowed to borrow 50 times their net worth so they can make 50 times as much when their safe little trade yields a safe little return. Regular mortal people also can't usually 'short' stocks especially without buying them first so we will do that. You know, regular mortal rich people get a headache just thinking about all this crap, which is good, because if they thought about it long enough they would probably elect to never again pay a bunch of guys a 20% commission so a bunch of guys could borrow 5000% of their net worth to pay a few dozen guys making 1% commissions pooling together and splitting up and insuring and re-insuring thousands of 9% loans because, hello, that is just some Ponzi shit right there, just ask the last stupid rich person who invested in a 'FUND OF FUND.'"

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<![CDATA[Valleywag puts its money where your personal information is]]>

Valleywag's advertisers are so interested in you, it's a little creepy. Would a chance at winning a $300 prize salve your petty privacy concerns? If so, please take our new survey. It takes 10 minutes to complete, after which supplying your email address will enter you into a drawing for a $300 Visa gift card. Standard rules apply. The contest ends next Wednesday.

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<![CDATA[Survey says: Win a TomTom GPS unit]]> The revenue-producing rogues in Valleywag ad sales have ginned up a new survey, with prize attached: a TomTom One 3rd Edition GPS unit. To enter, take the survey, then send an email to surveys@gawker.com with the last question asked. Standard rules apply. Entries must be in by May 15 at midnight Pacific time. Do take the survey, won't you?

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<![CDATA[$300 says you'll tell our advertisers all your secrets]]> Some women will give up their passwords for chocolate; men will do the same for porn. Alas, we can offer you neither. But how about $300? Take this survey, add a throwaway email alias, and you'll be entered into a drawing for a $300 American Express gift card. Standard rules apply. Think of all the chocolate you can buy if you win. Or porn. Fill out the form; it should take 5-10 minutes. The contest ends today at 3 p.m. Pacific.

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<![CDATA[Valleywag advertisers deeply curious about you and your needs]]> Our advertisers really care what you think, or so they claim. Take this survey, cough up a freshly registered Yahoo Mail address, and you'll be entered into a drawing for a $300 American Express gift card. Standard rules apply. Go on, fill out the form; it should take 5-10 minutes. The contest ends Wednesday, April 23 at 3 p.m. Pacific.

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<![CDATA[Valleywag advertisers willing to pay small price for intimate details of your life]]> The devil-may-care punks who sell the ads which fund our lavish salaries have another hare-brained scheme: Take this survey, cough up a freshly registered Gmail dummy account address, and you'll be entered into a drawing for an Amazon Kindle. Standard rules apply. Your privacy is an illusion, but Jeff Bezos's lumpy e-book reader? All too real. Go on, answer the nice man's questions. The contest ends Monday at 2 p.m. Pacific.

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<![CDATA[Ajax voting machine redefines democracy]]> After casting my daily vote for The Crunchies awards, I wondered: How does the site stop me from voting more than once a day? Does it just set a cookie, even though that's the first thing any Web 2.0 geek who wants to hack the vote will think of? Can I delete my cookies from vote.crunchies.techcrunch.com and vote again, as many times as I want? Bingo: I can now state with confidence that Digg will sweep this event.

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<![CDATA[Vote early and often for latest Web 2.0 awards]]> Didn't TechCrunch just run some sort of honors event? They're holding another awards show in two weeks. The contest's Web 2.0 gimmick: The Crunchies' Ajaxified ballot lets everyone vote once a day, every day from sometime before Christmas until the contest closes a week from Saturday — a sort of Persistent People's Choice Awards. I predict Kevin Rose is going to win this one big-time.

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<![CDATA[Silicon Valley Girl #1: The lonely, horny geeks have chosen]]> leahculver.jpgI think this photo speaks for itself. Pownce cofounder Leah Culver — no, I don't know what Pownce does don't tell me LA LA LA — has trampled the competition at Dig a Silicon Valley Girl. Rocketing women's roles in the Valley 30 years backwards, the site proves all a gal needs to make it is a videoblog and/or an early-employee gig at Google. But special thanks to all the German Splunk admins who voted for a black-and-white headshot of my wife. You guys are dorks, but with class.

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<![CDATA[Vlog Hot: Epilogue]]> So yes, the Vlog Hot poll was hacked and scrapped in the semifinals, but we respect the need for closure. Therefore, after the jump, you can peruse the "final" vote tallies, such as they were. In related news, the fine acrylic statuette is back on! The gentlefolk at Zazzle offer these same excellent keepsakes without requiring a trip to some seedy mall studio à la Glamour Shots. So any contestants who made it to the finals — send a high-res photo of your desired subject, your preferred shipping address, and your preferred photo-imprinted farewell gift (deck of cards, pillowcase, or statuette) to tips@valleywag.com.





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<![CDATA[Vlog Hot: Hacked!]]> "Sport spirit does not have this number here anyhow no more." So true, those words, as written by Katrin Bauerfeind fan "codemonk" and badly if poignantly translated from the German by Babelfish. This refers to a Bauerfeind partisan (commenter "votekatrin") in our Vlog Hot poll who was so determined to see his gal win that he wrote a script to hack the totals, auto-submitting multiple votes per day by gaming the IP address. He/she even offered the script for download to interested parties. Thus our amusement-only poll is rendered even more superfluous than it might have been otherwise, if such can be imagined. The only fair thing to do, of course, is to suspend the poll and declare no winner, since all the heats are suspect at this point. And by nobody wins, we mean everybody wins!

It's hardly cricket to negate all the vlogger vote-stumping and sincere viewer appreciation, despite the corruption introduced by a bad apple or two. Therefore, everyone who made it to the semifinals gets to "win." Unfortunately, it turns out that lovely acrylic statuette requires an actual visit to the mall-based hell of Glamour Shots, so we can't make good on that prize. So just for simplicity's sake, anyone who made it into the semifinal rounds (all 16 of you) can choose from having the photo of your choice (you, your cat, your pet cactus, whatever) imprinted on either a deck of playing cards or a pillowcase, which are the two cheesiest gift options offered by the Kodak Easyshare Gallery. If you're one of the semifinalists, email the high-resolution photo of your choice, plus your preferred shipping address for your lovely parting gift, to tips@valleywag.com. Sorry this exercise in the democratic process ultimately broke down, but that's the Internet for you. Due congratulations and thanks to all our fine contestants.]]>
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<![CDATA[Vlog Hot: Boys Semifinals Heat 2]]> And for today's final semifinal in the Vlog Hot reader poll, here's your last serving of man-meat. Voting will run through this week and conclude at noon Eastern time on Sunday, March 11. You can vote in all heats once per day by clearing browser cookies from polls.gawker.com. In this installment, your choices are Ron Richards, Pedro Andrade, Chad Ruble, and Eric Rey. After the jump, crown your prince.

If you can't see the voting mechanism below, we can't help you. We don't know how it works either. You might try turning off firewalls and turning on cookies. Note that you can now vote more than once! And why not? You should be able to vote once per day in any of these polls, showing true devotion to your favorite vlogger by suborning the more casual, ephemeral love showered on her or his opponents. Again, if you have technical problems with that, don't call us. For amusement only, far as you're concerned.

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<![CDATA[Vlog Hot: Babes Semifinals Heat 2]]> Wrapping up the fair-sex semifinal side of our Vlog Hot reader poll, here are the last four females. Voting will run through this week and conclude at noon Eastern time on Sunday, March 11. You can vote in all heats once per day by clearing browser cookies from polls.gawker.com. This course of the menu includes Aida Mollenkamp, Kristin Reilly, Veronica Belmont, and Maria Sansone. Choose your future spouse after the jump.

If you can't see the voting mechanism below, we can't help you. We don't know how it works either. You might try turning off firewalls and turning on cookies. Note that you can now vote more than once! And why not? You should be able to vote once per day in any of these polls, showing true devotion to your favorite vlogger by suborning the more casual, ephemeral love showered on her or his opponents. Again, if you have technical problems with that, don't call us. For amusement only, far as you're concerned.

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<![CDATA[Vlog Hot: Boys Semifinals Heat 1]]> Continuing the semifinals in our Vlog Hot reader poll, here's the first log cabin full of hearty male specimens. Voting will run through this week and conclude at noon Eastern time on Sunday, March 11. You can vote in all heats once per day by clearing browser cookies from polls.gawker.com. In this heat, enjoy Kevin Nalts, Gary Vaynerchuk, Josh Shipp, and Jonathan London. Vote for your bestie after the jump.

If you can't see the voting mechanism below, we can't help you. We don't know how it works either. You might try turning off firewalls and turning on cookies. Note that you can now vote more than once! And why not? You should be able to vote once per day in any of these polls, showing true devotion to your favorite vlogger by suborning the more casual, ephemeral love showered on her or his opponents. Again, if you have technical problems with that, don't call us. For amusement only, far as you're concerned.

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<![CDATA[Vlog Hot: Babes Semifinals Heat 1]]> The first 16 heats of the Vlog Hot reader poll have concluded, so it's time for the semifinals — four heats of the top vote-getters (two heats of ladies, two heats of gents). Voting will run through this week and conclude at noon Eastern time on Sunday, March 11. You can vote in all heats once per day by clearing browser cookies from polls.gawker.com. The four semifinal heats will be announced throughout today. In this first heat of womens, we have Katrin Bauerfeind, Christine Gambito, Joanne Colan, and Adriana Gascoigne. Hit it after the jump.

If you can't see the voting mechanism below, we can't help you. We don't know how it works either. You might try turning off firewalls and turning on cookies. Note that you can now vote more than once! And why not? You should be able to vote once per day in any of these polls, showing true devotion to your favorite vlogger by suborning the more casual, ephemeral love showered on her or his opponents. Again, if you have technical problems with that, don't call us. For amusement only, far as you're concerned.

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<![CDATA[Vlog Hot: Last chance to vote]]> Voting in the first round of our Vlog Hot poll ends Sunday, March 4, at noon Eastern time. We've had a few shifts in the close races, but remember you can keep voting to support your vlog-crush. Vote once per day by clearing out your browser's cookies (specifically, the cookies from polls.gawker.com). Many of the (ostensibly) most popular vloggers are far behind due to devoted grassroots campaigns from the up-and-comers, so the field remains open. Semifinal rounds will open Monday, March 5. After the jump, a complete list of heats, contestants, and current vote leaders.

VLOG HOT STANDINGS
Current vote leaders are in bold. Voting closes noon Eastern time on Sunday, March 4. Semifinals begin Monday, March 5.

Newsbabes Heat 1 - Katrin Bauerfeind, Amanda Congdon, Zadi Diaz, Mary Katharine Ham, Lauren Love, Shauna.

Nerdboys Heat 1 - Randall Bennett, Josh Flanagan, Conor Kilpatrick, Heywood Jablome, Ron Richards.

Newsbabes Heat 2 - Lindsay Campbell, Joanne Colan, Liza de Guia, Leah Culver, Amber MacArthur.

Nerdboys Heat 2 - Alex Albrecht, Loren Feldman, Steve Garfield, Jonathan London, Kevin Rose, Gary Ruplinger.

Techbabes Heat 1 - Natali Del Conte, Iria Gallardo, Erin McNamara, Kristin Reilly, Irina Slutsky, Karina Stenquist.

Newsboys Heat 1 - Pedro Andrade, Alex Blagg, David Hauslaib, Drew Olanoff, George Oliphant.

Techbabes Heat 2 - Veronica Belmont, Cali Lewis, Caroline McCarthy, Molly Wood, Yue Xu.

Newsboys Heat 2 - Rich DeMuro, Rudy Jahchan, Daniel McVicar, Chad Ruble.

Glamazons Heat 1 - Violet Blue, Gala Darling, Adriana Gascoigne, Casey McKinnon, Sara Schaefer.

Wildcard Boys Heat 1 - Peter Bragiel, James Comans, Cyrlille de Lasteyrie, Ze Frank, Kary Rogers, Josh Shipp.

Glamazons Heat 2 - Brigitte Dale, Sara Gore, Micki Krimmel, Cecile Raubenheimer, Maria Sansone.

Wildcard Boys Heat 2 - Nick Douglas, Juan Falla, John Herman, Eric Rey, Bill Streeter.

Wildcard Babes Heat 1 - Brookers, Christine, Ximena Falla, Randi Jayne, Jenny Lee, Sarah Meyers.

Wildcard Boys Heat 3 - Greg Rose, Gabe Mac, Rick Rey, Chris Ritke, Gary Vaynerchuk.

Wildcard Babes Heat 2 - Jacqulyn Joy, Mary Matthews, Aida Mollenkamp, Uta Ritke, Eva Sollberger.

Wildcard Boys Heat 4 - Kevin Nalts, Chuck Olsen, Schlomo Rabinowitz, Christopher Witecki, Peter Zottolo.

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<![CDATA[Vlog Hot: Votes, close races, and upsets]]> Voting for the Vlog Hot video blogger hotness poll continues through this weekend; polls will close at noon Eastern time on Sunday, March 4. Semifinals will launch the following Monday. Many thousands of votes have already tallied, but note that even wide margins should be no deterrent, as everyone can vote once per day in all contests (just delete cookies from your browser, or specifically, delete cookies from polls.gawker.com, to vote anew daily). So energize your base and get out the vote. Several surprises in the making — popular kids Amanda Congdon and Ze Frank are getting trounced, for example. After the jump, a complete index of all open races and contestants, with the current favorite (as of this writing) highlighted in bold for each heat.

Newsbabes Heat 1 - Katrin Bauerfeind, Amanda Congdon, Zadi Diaz, Mary Katharine Ham, Lauren Love, Shauna.

Nerdboys Heat 1 - Randall Bennett, Josh Flanagan, Conor Kilpatrick, Heywood Jablome, Ron Richards.

Newsbabes Heat 2 - Lindsay Campbell, Joanne Colan, Liza de Guia, Leah Culver, Amber MacArthur.

Nerdboys Heat 2 - Alex Albrecht, Loren Feldman, Steve Garfield, Jonathan London, Kevin Rose, Gary Ruplinger.

Techbabes Heat 1 - Natali Del Conte, Iria Gallardo, Erin McNamara, Kristin Reilly, Irina Slutsky, Karina Stenquist.

Newsboys Heat 1 - Pedro Andrade, Alex Blagg, David Hauslaib, Drew Olanoff, George Oliphant.

Techbabes Heat 2 - Veronica Belmont, Cali Lewis, Caroline McCarthy, Molly Wood, Yue Xu.

Newsboys Heat 2 - Rich DeMuro, Rudy Jahchan, Daniel McVicar, Chad Ruble.

Glamazons Heat 1 - Violet Blue, Gala Darling, Adriana Gascoigne, Casey McKinnon, Sara Schaefer.

Wildcard Boys Heat 1 - Peter Bragiel, James Comans, Cyrlille de Lasteyrie, Ze Frank, Kary Rogers, Josh Shipp.

Glamazons Heat 2 - Brigitte Dale, Sara Gore, Micki Krimmel, Cecile Raubenheimer, Maria Sansone.

Wildcard Boys Heat 2 - Nick Douglas, Juan Falla, John Herman, Eric Rey, Bill Streeter.

Wildcard Babes Heat 1 - Brookers, Christine, Ximena Falla, Randi Jayne, Jenny Lee, Sarah Meyers.

Wildcard Boys Heat 3 - Greg Rose, Gabe Mac, Rick Rey, Chris Ritke, Gary Vaynerchuk.

Wildcard Babes Heat 2 - Jacqulyn Joy, Mary Matthews, Aida Mollenkamp, Uta Ritke, Eva Sollberger.

Wildcard Boys Heat 4 - Kevin Nalts, Chuck Olsen, Schlomo Rabinowitz, Christopher Witecki, Peter Zottolo.

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<![CDATA[Vlog Hot: Wildcard Boys Heat 4]]> And THIS, for real now, is the last heat. Jesus Christ, there's a lot people out there with time on their hands. Not that we don't fully support everything you do. But next time we'll just flip a coin. In this last incarnation of hotness, pick your fave from Kevin Nalts, Chuck Olsen, Schlomo Rabinowitz, Christopher Witecki, and Peter Zottolo. Do it, after the jump.

If you can't see the voting mechanism below, we can't help you. We don't know how it works either. You might try turning off firewalls and turning on cookies. Note that you can now vote more than once! And why not? You should be able to vote once per day in any of these polls, showing true devotion to your favorite vlogger by suborning the more casual, ephemeral love showered on her or his opponents. Again, if you have technical problems with that, don't call us. For amusement only, far as you're concerned.

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<![CDATA[Vlog Hot: Wildcard Babes Heat 2]]> Here at last is the last school of female fish, swimming their vloggy way to you for evaluation. (Sorry, it's been a very long day.) On the buffet are Jacqulyn Joy, Mary Matthews, Aida Mollenkamp, Uta Ritke, and Eva Sollberger. They await your vote after the jump.

If you can't see the voting mechanism below, we can't help you. We don't know how it works either. You might try turning off firewalls and turning on cookies. Note that you can now vote more than once! And why not? You should be able to vote once per day in any of these polls, showing true devotion to your favorite vlogger by suborning the more casual, ephemeral love showered on her or his opponents. Again, if you have technical problems with that, don't call us. For amusement only, far as you're concerned.

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<![CDATA[Vlog Hot: Wildcard Boys Heat 3]]> There's light at the end of the tunnel, but not before you render an opinion on another crop of aspiring videoblogging he-men. Well, okay, there's one more round of men after this, but really, that will be it. Promise. Don't hold that against Greg Rose, Gabe Mac, Rick Rey, Chris Ritke, and Gary Vaynerchuk. They have every right to be here, and are, after the jump, where they await your vote.

If you can't see the voting mechanism below, we can't help you. We don't know how it works either. You might try turning off firewalls and turning on cookies. Note that you can now vote more than once! And why not? You should be able to vote once per day in any of these polls, showing true devotion to your favorite vlogger by suborning the more casual, ephemeral love showered on her or his opponents. Again, if you have technical problems with that, don't call us. For amusement only, far as you're concerned.

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