Well, it's probably not as swash-buckling as it sounds, but Facebook did take down the poll and a Secret Service spokesman confirmed the site's cooperation in finding the perp: "We worked with Facebook to take it down, and we are currently investigating the matter."

Facebook, meanwhile, insists it will do everything in its power to find the pollster, and the company's policy spokesman used the occasion to distance the all powerful site from any and all responsibility, because polls are organized by a third-party:

People contact us all the time if they see things that are inappropriate. And we investigate all those reports. We take action by taking it down, by issuing a warning or by reporting it to law enforcement. At the same time, we want Facebook to be open to discuss ideas. We don't pre-approve postings.

As for the poll's results, those aren't being released.

Update: A man named Vann came out as the poll's mastermind, but gave few details about himself other than that he's an Obama supporter who lives on the West Coast but once lived in Illinois.

The New York Times tells everyone about it on today's front page, via a series of heartwarming and completely typical (we're sure) anecdotes:

• The Miami Airport returns about 30 percent of its lost and found items via the internet, including one person's missing urn of human remains ("inexplicably left... on top of a trash can at a departure gate").
• A Scottish hiker found a digital camera, circulated some pictures on Flickr, and figured out where the owner lived. A nearby Flickr user drove around until he found the house in question, and the camera was soon returned to its owner (a clumsy American, naturally).
  
• An engineer found a wallet in a 7-Eleven and, before turning it in to the cashier, photographed the driver's license on his iPhone. He found the college student that night on Facebook and emailed her directions to the wallet.
  
• A San Francisco woman got an email about her missing wallet before she knew it was gone, from a guy who found it on a bus and couldn't get a message to her through the robots at the credit card companies.
  
• One computer geek ("network engineer") apparently found the owner of wallet as he was holding it after finding it in a Whole Foods parking garage. He found the phone number of one of her friend's on a college website and asked her to alert the wallet owner.

This is a nice story in the Times, except for the fact that everyone will now assume they can find just whatever via the internet, thus clogging Facebook and Twitter and email inboxes with "Anyone find a..." or "I stumbled across this..." messages until it doesn't work for anyone. Come to think of it, have you seen our keys anywhere?? We just had them....

Everything ended happily — including for the drunk guy, a financial planner whose career might have been ruined had Mote pressed charges. AgencySpy has the long, convoluted tale of how Mote and a friend tracked down the thief at his apartment building and witnessed him piss himself as she reclaimed her belongings. It's a story best told in status updates:

Hiro Nakamura: The unimposing programmer who is forced to confront enemies and circumstances larger than himself. He's convinced he is a hero that can save the world. Has the power to manipulate the space-time continuum to travel through time. Jerry Yang, founder and CEO: The unimposing founder who is forced to confront lagging performance and competitors larger than himself. He's convinced he is a proper CEO that can save the company. If he could travel through time, he could have purchased Google and Facebook, and never, ever said the company has a 100-day plan.

Claire Bennet, "The Cheerleader": The high school cheerleader may not be the central character of heroes, but much of the plot revolves around her. Is nearly indestructible because of her ability to regenerate. Sue Decker, president: Decker may not have gotten the role of CEO, but the machinations within Yahoo revolve around her. No matter what is thrown at Decker, she always manages to survive and maintain a pivotal role.

Sylar: The villain of the series is hell-bent on destroying the world and has the ability to suck the powers of others. Jeff Weiner, vice president, Network division: Once former CEO Terry Semel's golden boy, Weiner has been blamed for many of Yahoo's failures; Weiner has an uncanny knack for acquiring additional responsibilities within the company as others defect.

Matt Parkman: Externally, he's a normal cop who's frequently beaten by the superior powers of other Heroes, but his superpower allows him to overhear the thoughts of everyone around him. David Filo: the forgotten cofounder takes a backseat to the other strong-willed executives, but he hears whispers all around him from complaining Yahoos.

Mohinder Suresh: The scientist may be central to unlocking the mysteries of the Heroes' powers. He often looks after the heroes despite lacking any powers of his own. Ash Patel, vice president of platforms and infrastructure: This software architect could be central to unraveling the many disparate Yahoo properties to unlock a cohesive technology strategy, but he lacks meaningful power within Yahoo's bureaucracy. Not to mention a single clue, or the power, employees say, to show up to work before 10 a.m.

Niki Sanders: Has superhuman strength and a dual personality. Jill Nash, chief communications officer: With the dwindling ranks in Yahoo's public relations department, it will take superhuman strength and a dual personality to handle Yahoo's employee morale and external press relations.

You know what? This is better than the TV show could ever be. Unlike Heroes where you know they'll eventually save the world, there's real suspense in whether or not Yahoo can save itself from total irrelevance.