Gawker: valleywag, holiday cheer

Disinvite your favorite reporter from the Google holiday party

Owen Thomas — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 17:40:00 EST

It's becoming a holiday tradition: Google announces a holiday party for Silicon Valley reporters at its Mountain View headquarters, and Valleywag's invite gets mysteriously lost in Gmail's ever-canny spam filters. The invitation for the December 8 event, held again at the Googleplex's Cafe Slice, is nontransferable, so we can't accept any pass-along invites, alas.

But here's a clever idea: The RSVP form allows you to suggest a colleague in your place. It would be a pity if jealous colleagues at, say, the New York Times filled out the form for John Markoff and suggested they attend in his place. I just declined on behalf of AllThingsD's Kara Swisher — though she could always crash as the guest of her wife, Google executive Megan Smith. Here's the full invite:

Celebrate the medical condition that makes Silicon Valley great

Owen Thomas — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 21:20:00 EDT

Today is World Autism Day. Three huzzahs for the personality disorder which drives our engines of innovation! Wikipedia has a list of contributors with Asperger's syndrome, a mild form of the disease.

Happy belated Easter, Valleywag readers!

Jordan Golson — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 17:40:00 EDT

A tipster links us to this Web 2.0 Easter Egg collection that winsome videoblogger iJustine made. I think this is pretty neat, if a little silly. We need more Web 2.0 cheerleaders — actual cheerleaders, not like Scoble. Have a look at the full collection after the jump.

(Photos by iJustine)

Forget your Document Freedom Day gift? No nookie for you!

Jackson West — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 19:40:00 EDT

Once a year, I have trouble falling asleep, I'm just so excited. I say my prayers to the developers of OpenOffice, slide under the covers and just lay there thinking about all the documents I'll get to open in the morning. There'll be text documents, and spreadsheets — maybe even presentation slides! Only after a few hours of listening for the pitter-patter of comma-separated reindeer do I finally fall asleep. Well, that day is here again this year — Document Freedom Day! Google's Zaheda Bhorat can hardly contain her glee:

So wherever you are, join the fun and support your freedom to access your information.

Seriously, though, shouldn't this just be called "Screw You, Microsoft! Day" or something?

Google's doodle dilemma

Jordan Golson — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 19:00:33 EDT

Google decorated its logo with a St. Patrick's Day doodle today, March 17, the traditional date on which the medieval missionary is honored. Unfortunately, the Pope shifted the holiday to last Saturday, the 15th, to prevent the holiday from falling during Holy Week. We suspect most observers will be too busy drinking green beer to notice, however. Also, it looks like they forgot the "E".

Happy Pi Day!

Jordan Golson — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 15:30:01 EDT

Pi Day, potentially the nerdiest of the nerd "'holidays", is celebrated on March 14 — 3/14. Larry and Sergey, we imagine, are celebrating it now with an organic, locally sourced pastry at the Googleplex's kitchens. (Photo by AP/Larry Crowe)

You people trust Google more than your own family

Nicholas Carlson — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 15:41:13 EST

As you gather with those you love to celebrate the New Year this evening and a cloying nostalgia grips you in the gut, consider this: You don't really give a shit what any of these people think about anything anyway. At least not according to the latest findings from Pew Internet researchers. 58 percent of you, they say, go to the Internet for answers on your toughest questions. Only 45 percent seek out friends and family members. So tonight, as the clock strikes midnight and you suddenly see that all those around you shall pass and fade with time, just remember: You weren't really that close anyway. (Photo by angela7dreams)

After falling each month since the summer,...

Nicholas Carlson — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 12:25:43 EST

After falling each month since the summer, a widely watched measure of consumer confidence finally rose again this December. The Conference Board, which conducted the survey of 5,000 American households, said the slight increase is due mostly to short-term optimism. Well, duh: it's the holidays. [The Conference Board]

How the corporations wished you a Merry Christmas

Nicholas Carlson — Wed, 26 Dec 2007 17:00:09 EST

A little snow, a wreath, maybe a dangling ornament or a couple presents. That's what you got this Christmas from corporate America. Meh. They don't make Season's Greetings like they used to. Check out this house ad from CBS and R.O. Blechman back in 1966. Then compare it to Mashable's collection of seasonal logos from Ask, AOL, Google, and Yahoo.

Amazon.com has its best holiday ever (again)

Jordan Golson — Wed, 26 Dec 2007 14:20:45 EST

It seems that every year is Amazon.com's "best year ever." That's no surprise given that the number of people shopping online is growing every year and a huge number of them shop at the 'zon. Every year, Amazon releases a list of holiday shopping minutiae, including popular items and details of a few interesting shipments. Here are the highlights:

When they were in stock, Amazon sold 17 Nintendo Wiis per second.
It shipped more than 99 percent of orders in time to meet holiday deadlines. Translation: Not quite one out of every hundred shoppers were screwed!
On "Green Monday," the peak of the season for e-commerce, the company sold 5.4 million items, an average of 62.5 items per second. Wait, so would that be 27 percent Nintendo Wiis?
On its peak shipping day, Amazon shipped over 3.9 million units.

(Photo by thomas pix)

Slackers fall another day behind us

Paul Boutin — Tue, 25 Dec 2007 14:13:51 EST

Who called a freaking holiday right in the middle of the last week of the sales year? Clearly, the in-duh-viduals who run HR aren't on a revenue-based compensation plan. If you're still working the deals and/or deliverables today, know you're not alone: 25,000 readers have hit Valleywag already and it's not even noon in Santa Clara. My wife is cranking out a new solutions guide, Dave Winer is on Twitter, and Gizmodo is posting like mad even though Denton gave them the day off. What are we eating in the Valley today? Everyone else's lunch. Merry Christmas, lusers.

Coffeehouse recon run

Paul Boutin — Tue, 25 Dec 2007 13:40:58 EST

Many Starbucks sites are open today. Tully's is hopping. Muddy Waters and most of the cafes on Valencia Street are online. But the traitors at Ritual Roasters have locked up and gone home. Same for the Peet's in Pac Heights. Worst offender: Whole Foods (!) is closed and I'm out of organic nutmeg for the veg-nog. Given the contempt and/or twittering condescension the NPR bluestaters in these places usually express for America's Christian demographic, I doubt they're staying home today because it's the baby Jesus' birthday. Clearly, the secularization of Christmas is worse than anyone thought.

There's no place like the colo for the holidays

Paul Boutin — Tue, 25 Dec 2007 13:29:28 EST

Do you think the Internet runs itself today? Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. Here's to the sysadmins. And while we're at it, the unthanked people at your local electric utility, for whom five-nines uptime isn't just a marketing slogan. Central Maine Power, take a bow!

(Photo: Getty Images)

Pagan San Francisco restaurants defy Christian holiday

Paul Boutin — Tue, 25 Dec 2007 12:54:43 EST

Goldmine! SF Station's list of restaurants open today. Besides all of Chinatown, that is. Scroll halfway down the page.

Christmastime for the Jews, family edition

Paul Boutin — Tue, 25 Dec 2007 10:47:36 EST

You're right, this whole Christmas thing is meshuginah. Shlep the rugrats over to Free Family Day today at the Contemporary Jewish Museum at Third and Harrison. If the Objectivists have anything happening today I'll post that, too.

Chinatown open for business

Paul Boutin — Tue, 25 Dec 2007 09:29:47 EST

Had enough Yuletide stupidity already? Head out to Fisherman's Wharf, ride the empty cable cars, drop in on an AA meeting, or try any of these other Xmas Day in Frisco suggestions.
(Photo by Don Danz)

Christmastime for the Jews

Paul Boutin — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 21:53:15 EST

The goyim are finally gone! 60's soul singer Darlene Love stars in this animated Saturday Night Live short on the one day a year the Tribe rules the streets.

Ho ho go home already

Owen Thomas — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 18:00:57 EST

Valleywag will return on December 26 — barring some hilarious Christmas-Day tech meltdown that calls us to our laptops. Enjoy spending the day debugging your parents' computers and installing your nephews and nieces' new peripherals.

We found the party photos

Paul Boutin — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 16:22:14 EST

In case you missed the Valleywag holiday party, James Yu's photoset on Flickr includes the animatronic reindeer, the extremely photographable Joey Wan, plus this shot of Valleywag's latest repurposed contributor, Ted from Uncov, agreeing with Megan Smith from Google that Web 2.0 has no grasp of native multi-threading. To the left, Surya from The Apprentice makes Owen funny-glasses Thomas laugh.

Google gets a piece of Feds' Santa-tracking racket

Tim Faulkner — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 13:48:17 EST

Every year, for one day, the North American Aerospace Defense Command, or Norad for short, gets the juiciest Web traffic one can expect on Christmas Eve. The government agency responsible for monitoring space for incoming nuclear missiles is also the official tracker of Santa Claus as he travels around the globe delivering presents to the world's children. But why should the government have a lock on holiday pageviews — especially with a Republican administration that claims to believe in the power of private enterprise?

Naturally, Christmas has been privatized. Google has "upgraded" Norad's old Flash-based tracker with its own Google Maps. Children who have gotten on Google's nice list by downloading Google Earth are treated to even more whiz and bang. And Norad's 3D animations make an appearance on YouTube.

But why is Google the only company to horn in on the Santa racket? It doesn't take satellite imagery, video infrastructure, or government authority to dupe kids into believing in Father Christmas. It may be only one day of each year, but we can think of innumerable Internet companies who could use the clicks. Next year we look forward to the Mahalo Santa Tracker, complete with bulldogs dragging the sleigh.