• Solve a problem, not a class of problems. It's okay to not have your product do everything, as long as it does something well. Many platforms started that way. Linux, The web, Rails Django, PHP.
• Set things up so you get that rush of accomplishment as you finish things. Pick a problem that's worth addressing and doesn't require a lot of support code to address it.
• I'd read the initial idea wasn't important. Thing is, the initial idea determines how the initial idea will change. An example is the choice to go into gaming at all. Out of college, that was what we were familiar with and passionate about. But gaming is overcrowded.
• Developing in a vacuum never works. Prove yourself wrong as soon as possible.
• Have a product that is useful on its own. Del.icio.us, for example - it's just a bookmark manager that happens to be more useful as more people use it.
• Prototype any 3rd-party libraries.
• If you're doing anything other than building your project and getting users, it's premature.
• The product will take longer than you expect.
• People have an incentive not to crush your dreams. Take everything they say with a grain of salt.
• Know your limitations. Apple, or Sun, or Google — founders of those companies concentrated on the areas that they were experts in.

(Photo by dierken)

1. Start the right kind of blog.

Your personal blog isn't good enough. Book deals for personal, story-telling blogs fizzled out a few years ago. There's just too much research for the publisher and no guarantee of mass appeal. The latest book deals look more like movie deals: A conceptual hook will draw people in even if some of the jokes fall flat. There are three kinds of blogs that recently got deals:

A. Whimsical Recognizable Aspects Of Everyday Life
Examples: Stuff White People Like, Postcards From Yo Momma
Likable, easy-to-understand blogs with a regular format. The title explains the whole concept. Make an idea you can explain in one short sentence. It's easy to market, easy to remember, easy to get blogged.
Suggestions: Ideas I Had In The Shower; Things My Kids Said

B. Unique Life Story That's Actually Many Short Stories
Example: The Secret Diary Of Steve Jobs
This is very tough, and I don't personally recommend it. You must either be a famous or extraordinary person or impersonate one. But you have to be a great writer too — there are two sites full of terrible spoof blogs.
Suggestions: Fake Obama; How I Was Actually Raised By Wolves

C. Tiny Works Of Art
Examples: Indexed, Barack Obama Is Your New Bicycle, I Can Has Cheezburger
The perfect grist for a coffee-table or "tiny" book. "Indexed" is just little jokes in the form of graphs, "Cheezburger" is of course photos with captions, and "Obama" is simply random slogans about how much the presidential candidate is a cool guy, kind of like "Chuck Norris Facts" (which also got a book deal). Again, stick to one format and fully explore it. If doing the same thing over and over wasn't a path to success, you'd never hear of Jackson Pollock or Dilbert.
Suggestions:

2. Discover yourself.
After a couple of weeks, you should have enough material to start spreading your blog around. Don't just wait to get discovered, but don't overmarket yourself. Put a copy of your blog on Tumblr and LiveJournal for readers that wouldn't otherwise follow you. (Since I started reading Tumblr blogs I find myself checking other blogs less.) Start following other people on those sites, which is less crass than commenting on normal blogs and putting your URL in your signature.
If your blog catches on there, you can start submitting to bigger blogs. But you might want to have a friend do it. I have a few regular tipsters who point me to good blogs by their friends. I'm more likely to follow their leads than someone self-promoting. Still, a well-written e-mail to Gawker's tipline might get you a mention. Same goes for Boing Boing. By that point linkbloggers like Jason Kottke and Rex Sorgatz will notice you if you're worthy.
If you do self-promote and no one picks it up, start over. (If you're reading this article, you're not in it for the love.)
Meanwhile back on your blog, don't stop writing. I stupidly gave up on my blog Bad Idea A Day just when people started to notice it. Now I'm restarting and I have to earn my readership from scratch. Also, have an about page so you're ready for Step 3.

3. Ask to meet an agent.
If your idea is wildly successful but no agent has called, find Kate Lee. The agent (who doesn't have an easily googleable home page) was profiled in the New Yorker in 2004 when blog book deals were still novel. Though Gawker didn't think the trend would stick, Lee kept selling blogger books. Last year she sold blogger Rachel Sklar's Jew-ish; this week she sold Postcards From Yo Momma, written by Jessica Grose of Jezebel and Gawker alum Doree Shafrir.
Of course you could talk to other agents; White People was sold by William Morris's Erin Malone.

So did it work? If not, try again. If so, go to hell you lucky bastard. I'll be spitting at you during your reading, next to the guy from White Whine.

1. Sell your cellphone contract.

2. Complain that service isn't up to par, file complaints with PUC, FTC, BBB, AG and cc them to the company.

3. Wait for the company to change its rates (like text-messaging), then call to cancel based on the material change of contract. These are usually for the default rates and you won't be able to cancel if you have a package that takes care of it... hint: so get rid of the package and call back.... Here's some recent rate changes and cancellation success stories:
Sprint
AT&T/Cingular
Verizon
T-Mobile
US Cellular

4. Move to an area outside the plan's coverage area.

5. Join the armed forces - you'll need to fax in a copy of your orders.

6. Die - someone will need to fax in your death certificate on your behalf. You'll be dead, but at least you're in heaven. iPhone heaven.

For more tips and war stories, check out our cellphones/cancellations tag.

Prelude: What's trolling?
Trolling is saying:

• All the people I like from the PodTech podcast network tell me they don't like their boring company.
• Technorati is a disappointing blog search engine (especially considering the outstanding team working there) that's lost its focus with weird features like "Where's the fire" and a daily "Buzz" show; it wants to become a portal, but it's doing this all wrong. Meanwhile the actual search engine sucks. Luckily for Technorati, so do all its competitors.
• Startup culture is boring because there aren't enough clever dicks like Weblogs, Inc. founder Jason Calacanis.
• Wired News bloggers think linking to Valleywag makes them look cool.

See what I did there?

Prevention: Don't stick your neck out.
Some of us just have to pick fights or declare ourselves king or something else that makes us a target. But if you can suppress this, you'll be hard to troll. For example, if TechCrunch or Valleywag ever wrecks itself, crowds will gather to laugh at the carnage and use our burning corpses to light marshmallows. If another Silicon Valley blog, Om Malik's GigaOM, went tits up, there'd be no glee. The other two are brash (TechCrunch's editor says he wants to replace CNET; Valleywag is just a dick to everyone); Om is just sane, strategic, a worker. Therefore, fewer trolls.

Response: Don't respond.
So someone trolled you, and you're pissed. You have a really great response. You're gonna take that troll down and make him cry! Geez, you are so playing into the game.

Do nothing. Repeat this to yourself. Then go do something unrelated. When anyone brings up the troll attack, say "Oh, I didn't really think about it" and change the subject. When they bring it up again, feign boredom. Not amusement (the laughter behind "Oh man, it's so great that they compared me to Bush!" rings hollow), not frustration at your idiot friend's persistence with this topic, but boredom. And a new topic.

If you must: The snappy comeback
Granted, some people are smart enough to craft a good response to a troll. How can you tell if you're one of them? Well, do you troll people? Are you strategic? Are you witty? Are other people reporting on the trolling incident and asking for comment? Jesse Oxfeld, then-editor of Valleywag's New York sister blog Gawker, could say "yes" to all this when fellow gossip blogger Perez Hilton published the phone numbers of him and his colleagues. So Oxfeld delivered dryly, "We're thrilled to see that [Perez] has learned to use the phone book."

Here's how to properly compose a comeback:

• Belittle the troll by belittling their attack. (Not their person; people have more sympathy for a person than for a dumb move.)
• Raise a good point. (Obvious but often missed.)
• Don't be self-righteous. (You lose the game.)
• Be witty. (If you're wittier than the troll, you win.)
• Don't attack in kind. (That just raises the stakes for round 2.)
• Consider saying "mea culpa." (Wittily.)
• Never let them see you bleed.

Photo: Genista. Nick Douglas writes for Valleywag, Prezzish, and Look Shiny. He's proud that after he criticized the awful programming of his last trolling victim, PodTech, the company responded with a front-page video that called him a cheap whore.

1. Pay Attention to overages

If you notice any overages thus far (#646# then send for mins, #674# then send for text) and your bill cycle isn't over yet, call customer care, ask them to upgrade your minutes/text plan/etc. Tell them to backdate it, if you don't need the large amount next month (we all have those off, busy months) then downgrade again....

(Photo: medalian1)

2. Make the reps notate EVERYTHING

First rule with this is going to have to be, make sure they notate EVERYTHING, if you have to, have them read back what they have, especially if you have been offered any sort of deal, supervisors will honor any notated offer when the rep goes to ask (like they will when they realize they cant do it), I've seen a lot of crazy deals happen with free phones, offers that didn't exist, etc, just because reps have messed up and put "offered free blackberry pearl" or something relevant in notes. I've also seen reps not backdate text/rateplans properly but because they notated it, I've been able to credit the overages.

3. The real retention department kicks in after you're a customer for 10 months

Once you've gone over 10 months of being with t-mobile, you're eligible to go to the real retention dept, any time before 10 months, you deal with customer care. Again, I've seen some crazy deals come from retention, special rate plans, phone deals, etc. (all of which WILL renew your contract, but some of the deals are quite worth it)

4. Don't call angry

We all get upset at incorrect charges, etc. but chances are if you come on the phone angry or yelling at the rep, you wont get what you want, there have been times I've told customers that due to them demanding things from me, and being rude, I wouldn't waive charges. Honesty helps your case sometimes as well. I was always more willing to help someone who recently changed plans and got overages than someone who repeatedly denied using the minutes calculated or say they never sent a text in their life, when in reality their children used AIM on their phone for a day.

5. 2-Year contracts are for suckers

Quite similar to the Verizon rep's comments, don't get 2 year contracts, usually its just a 50$ discount, with t-mobile every 11 months of active service, you get a full discount again. TRUST ME your nokia 6103 will NOT last 2 years. Pay the extra $50 and then you can upgrade in 11 months as opposed to 22. The sales rep will try to talk you out of this, because they get an extra payout for it, but it is not worth it.

6. Call the second you think your phone is lost

For the love of god, call in the second you notice its missing, even if it may be in the car. Why is this? Because you are responsible for all charges up until you called in to suspend it, meaning if someone made 10 calls to Guatemala then you called in, you would have to pay those 10, however if from the time the suspend button is hit and the line fully suspends, you're in the clear.

7. Upgrades

If you upgrade your phone in store and decide to return it within the 14 day trial period, make sure that sales rep memoes your account noting the price you paid, when it was returned, and make sure they call Customer Care to undo the contract extension. If you don't ask, they won't do it. It's that simple. Then, if you decide to upgrade later, and the sales rep hasn't done this, you're f'd as there is no paper trail to prove you returned your phone and undid the extension. You'll end up getting hosed on your next upgrade.

8. If you're looking to activate new service, do it at the end of the month and do it at a slower location.

Sales quotas with T-Mobile are a real bitch, and they have a new focus on "accountability," meaning if sales reps aren't meeting their quotas, they can now be fired (one of many reasons why I quit). If you buy your phone towards the end of the month and have a rep who's desperate for sales, he'll cut whatever deal he can to close the sale.

9. If the bill payment kiosk in your store is closed, it's because the sales manager in that store wants reps to offer you a new line of service when you come to pay your bill in person.

Avoid the hard sell and pay your bill online or in a store with a working kiosk.

10. Features are EVERYTHING to a sales rep at T-Mobile.

You are in a much better bargaining position for phone pricing if you're willing to add on a few features to your account. Then, just go to the website and cancel them.

11.Not happy with your rate plan, and are out of your contract?

Talk to customer care about "preferred" rate plans. They're a little known secret, and will not be proactively offered to you unless you ask.

12. T-Mobile sales reps are forbidden from saying anything disparaging about any handset in the store.

Do your homework before you go in. Reps know the specs of their phones, but they will not tell you that the RAZR is a hunk of crap, or that the DASH needs to be reset every two months or so.

13. MyFaves is a joke if you have a lot of friends who use T-Mobile.

All reps are aggressively selling MyFaves plans, and most people don't need them. If you have a lot of friends and family who use T-Mobile, just add the unlimited Mobile-to-Mobile for $6.99 and save yourself some money.

14. Even if you have T-Mobile Web or Unlimited Data service, Instant Messaging programs still use your SMS bucket, and are not part of your unlimited data plan.

15. You are ALWAYS eligible for a mail-in rebate.

Even if the rep discounts your phone down to $0, if there is a mail-in rebate for it, you just have to go to tmobilerebates.com and download the rebate form and send it in.

16. Phone insurance is a total scam.

You pay a $40, $70 or $110 deductible (depending on the model) for replacements, and they won't replace it in the store. You need to talk to Asurion (the insurance company) and not T-Mobile to get a replacement shipped to you. Once your shipment is confirmed, you'll need to get a replacement SIM card in the store, and if you're lucky, they might have a loaner phone for you, but that is extremely unlikely.

17. T-Mobile's security precautions are a joke.

Put a password on your account that only you know, and make sure Customer Care has a special instruction to verify either that password or a photo ID in store before anyone can access the account. Otherwise, anyone with the last four digits of your SSN has essentially full access to your account.

18. If you see the phone for free on the website, but don't see the phone in the store, that is a RED FLAG.

It means the phone sucks and they couldn't unload them in the store (Motorola PEBL, for example).

— BEN POPKEN

PREVIOUSLY:
10 Things We've Learned From 'Confessions of A Wireless Sales Rep'
8 Confessions Of A Former Verizon Sales Rep
7 Confessions of a Cingular Sales Rep
6 Confessions Of A Former Sprint Sales Rep
11 Confessions of a T-Mobile Sales Rep
8 Confessions of an Alltel Sales Rep

They're compatible. Right out the box, Macs and PCs use the same:
1. Wifi. Wireless Internet works the same with Macs and PCs.
2. Internet. The vast majority of web sites work on both systems.
3. E-mail. Every form of e-mail system (except Microsoft Exchange systems) works fine on Macs. The last couple of versions of the Mac operating system, OS X, support Exchange as well, using this setup.
4. MP3 files. This is the most common form of music files. (WAV files work too. For other forms, see below.)
5. DVDs and CDs. Watch the same movies, listen to the same albums.
6. MPG files. This is a popular video format.
7. ZIP files. Mac has an unzipper just like WinZip for these compressed files.
8. PDF files. Love 'em or hate 'em, you can use 'em.
9. Image files. All your bmp, jpg, gif and png files are just fine.
10. MOV files, a video format that's popular on the web, will work better than ever.

With a little software, Macs can run:
1. WMA and WMV files. These "Windows-only" music and video files work after installing Windows Media for Mac.
2. AVI files. These work best on VLC, a media player that can handle nearly every file on Windows or OS X. It's the only program you need for movies.
3. Office files (.doc, .xls, etc.). Just buy Microsoft Office as you would on a PC.
4. Photoshop files. Just, um, buy Photoshop.
5. Windows. Yep. You can install Windows and move any files and programs that still won't work on your Mac.

Dig these nifty programs:
1. Macs come with iPhoto, iMovie, and iTunes to handle your photos, movies and music in a friendlier way than the clunky systems on Windows. Of course, if you like files and folders (so do I!) you can keep handling your media that way.
2. Adium combines AIM, Yahoo IM, Google Talk, and a bundle of other instant messaging programs. It's slick, friendly, and customizable.
3. Firefox is a great internet browser for Windows and Mac. (You might also like the Mac's normal browser, Safari.)
4. Dashboard widgets are little programlets that can display the weather, an inbox, the white pages, flight info, how well your computer's doing, when Heroes is on next, and plenty of other information.
5. Quicksilver lets you start any program or open any file on your system by hitting a few keys (instead of digging through a programs folder or start menu).
6. Podworks lets you download music from an iPod to a Mac.
7. This is really just a super-useful feature that comes with OS X. Press apple-shift-4 to take a partial screenshot, just capturing the part of the screen you want. You drag and click, OS X drops the file onto your desktop. It's a great way to clip from pictures or show someone what's happening on your screen.
8. And there's so much more, on lists like this and this and this and this.

Isn't it nice when things just work?
1. The OS X operating system has four hotkeys that show your desktop, all your open programs, all the windows in one program, or your Dashboard widgets.
2. When you're watching a video and you use those hotkeys or minimize the video, it keeps playing on screen. Sweet.
3. Say you're moving some episodes of Heroes to a folder within a folder. If you click and drag them over, say, a folder marked "TV Shows," you can hold them there and "TV Shows" will open, so you can drag the files over to "Heroes." This way you don't have to crawl around selecting and re-selecting.
4. No draggable edges on your windows means that the edges of your programs are clickable. What does this do? Well, you can slide your mouse to the edge of the screen and use the scroll bar without accidentally shrinking the window instead.
5. How much power is left in your Mac laptop? Don't turn it on, just press the button on the case and watch the power meter light up.
6. Your software and hardware will feel beautiful. Macs don't have dangling hooks; the clips are embedded inside the laptops instead of sticking out; the power cords on the new models have that famous magnetic connection, so if you trip on the cord, it pulls out instead of dragging the Mac onto the floor.
7. None of those #$@%^ pop-up bubbles that tell you the same thing over and over.

No crashes.
1. Windows takes so much work just to keep it running. But Macs don't take maintenance. Viruses? Not much of a problem.
2. Defragging? Forget it.
3. Disk repair? Well, if you managed to whack this machine so hard that the built-in motion sensor didn't save your hard drive...
4. It's hard to crash a Mac. I drive my computers hard, so I made Windows crash every few weeks for years. I've owned a Mac for a year, and it's crashed once.

Stuff really does hook up easily.
1. Cameras and camcorders, which are increasingly shipped as plug-n-play since no one really needs the dorky software that comes with them, work smoothly with Macs. (I personally recommend this line of camcorders from Sanyo.)
2. External hard drives are a breeze too. Just make sure the box doesn't say "Windows only." Most, such as the My Book, work smoothly with Macs.
3. Scroll areas on trackpads? Ew. Those get in the way unless you stare at your trackpad as you use it. That's why Apple's laptops scroll when you drag two fingers, no matter where on the trackpad you are.
4. I'll admit one thing: It's hard for a geek to find a good Mac mouse. If you're not a fan of Apple's standard-issue Mighty Mouse, spring for this nifty Logitech mouse. Even if you just use your computer to surf the web, you'll love the extra two buttons that save you from finding the "back" and "forward" keys.

All the other Mac users will love you.
1. When you're sharing an Internet connection, they'll mooch your iTunes playlist. But that's fine; they can only listen when you let them.
2. They'll want to share tips.
3. They'll have stories to tell.
4. They may get smug about it. Please don't encourage them; just gently tell them the truth: You're a normal person.

Optional time-saver: Instead of reading the sources below by going to the different sites, consider reading the RSS fees on Google Reader or Bloglines.

1. Skim the headlines of these top news sources:
Digg: Technology (Ranked by most popular, so you can quit halfway down)
Techmeme (Same as above, but also note the recent stories in the right column)
GigaOM (Industry/business news)
Engadget (Gadget news)

2. Skim these sources for commentary:
Paul Kedrosky's Infectious Greed
Valleywag (Really — it's newsy now)
Techdirt

3. Read these mainstream sources:
CNET News
NY Times Technology
Financial Times

4. Once or twice a week, check in with these sources:
BusinessWeek
Wired News
Wired Magazine

5. Once a week, listen to this podcast during your commute: This Week in Tech

During your daily skimming, pick one to three news stories and one to three commentaries to read all the way through. If a story starts boring you, quit it — all the good info was in the first paragraph, and you'll only retain what interests you.

The beauty of this collection is that between the blogs, aggregators, and mainstream news you'll cover most every story. Techmeme is particularly good at collecting news from myriad sources, which will help if you find time to read more.

Diggers: You may also want to read How to be a jerk about Web 2.0.

Update: Karl Martino suggests you save 15 of those minutes by visiting PopURLs and Original Signal. You could also plug your own set of feeds into Netvibes for the same effect.

10. Count down. It's not a dramatic technique, it's just proper form, like punctuation and grammar.
9. Start strong, end strong. This is where Letterman fails: number one is always a weak item, chosen for its length. You're probably writing your list for Internet reading, so you want people to remember the good bits (and show their friends). They'll remember the first and last items.
8. Build a pattern by using the same sort of joke, or referring to the same extraneous thing, at least three times.
7. Don't get cutesy and self-referential. It wastes 10% of your space.
6. Theme #1: Make your list actionable. "Ten ways to __." Then if you run out by #3, you still have a solid how-to. (By the way, now is about time for instance #2 of that joke.)
5. Theme #2: Focus on something that pisses you off. "10 Things I Hate About You" is the Ur-list. Or try a sarcastic take on what pisses other people off, like "10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage Will Ruin Society."
4. Theme #3: Tie disparate cultural elements together. For example, various robots. Everyone will recognize one, no one will recognize all, and discussion will ensue.
3. To that end, leave room for a clever reader to add items. Have a comment form, so when someone outdoes you, they're doing it on your site.
2. Include pictures if you can.
1. As with any attention-getting piece, link it up. If you do it right, you're showing you "did research" and didn't just "steal from your friends."

This is an installment of Diggbait, a daily column by Nick Douglas, who also writes for Eat the Press.

1. Starting at 6. This is an awful time for two reasons: It makes everyone rush from work (wait, who even leaves work before 6?) and it cuts right into dinnertime. People will come late. (Disclosure: I will be late either way.) If you must, at least don't leave guests with:
2. No food. If an event begins from 5 to 7:30 and goes longer than an hour, people will be skipping or delaying dinner. That will distract them. Plan catering ahead and advertise that you have done so. It's not crass, it's providing for your guests.
3. No booze. You probably need liquor, and it probably needs to be free. This only applies in a stand-up, social event — though wine is tasteful after a lecture. In fact, when is wine not tasteful?

4. Scant attendance. No one likes to be part of a sparse crowd in a big room. (Maybe you shouldn't have scheduled for 6.) Get your fliers out there, invite a block of people. Just don't seed an event with local grad-schoolers getting class credit or an office memo titled "mandatory." That's like telling someone to be your friend, and it will only make you enemies.
5. Boring speakers. It's okay to have some; not everyone's an entertainer. That's why you invite an MC or panelist who is. But for a panel, ensure that at least two of your informed speakers are also entertaining. Ask someone who's heard them speak or search them on YouTube.
6. Running too long. Notice there is no Cutting too short. I have never been at an event that cut too short.
7. No afterparty. Granted, I've been at events that cleared out too quickly. Let people mill about. If the venue has another event booked, arrange a second location and inform everyone in the pre-event publicity or an onstage announcement. If the event's really good, an exclusive afterparty is acceptable. At this point, refer to another Valleywag guide: Do tech people do drugs?

This is the third installment of Diggbait, a daily column about life in the tech world. Earlier, Diggbait covered the eight people you meet on Digg.com and how clicking the button below buys toys for hospitalized children. Photo by Thomas Hawk.

• The speakers: Heavyweights like Google CEO Eric Schmidt, Amazon founder Jeff Bezos, and venture capitalist Ram Shiram. They're here to prove their relevance to those enamored with Web 2.0. They also attracted the lesser-known speakers — going onstage with Bezos is like opening a concert for Death Cab.
• The attendees: Three types: starfuckers, schmoozers, and cynics. The starfuckers will take notes on Schmidt's talk. The schmoozers will call the home office on Wednesday for a refill of business cards. The cynics will open an IRC chatroom (a "backchannel") to mock the presenters.
• The venue: San Francisco's Palace Hotel. Posh, and conveniently located across the street from the House of Shields, a classic bar owned by local videoblogger Schlomo Rabinowitz and popular with the cynics.
• The local Starbucks: Line out the door all week. Suck it up and drink the hotel's coffee.
• The talks: Expect the bold names to spout vapid but quotable lines about community and the future. Expect the filler presenters to explain their products — a careful ritual, as the presenter must not admit that no one knows what his or her product — Ning, for example — does.
• The name: O'Reilly is officially renaming this from "conference" to "summit," to distinguish it from O'Reilly's "expo" coming up next spring. +5 pretension bonus.

What Alessi meant, of course, was "We are so behind." Maybe there's an equipment shortage, or maybe they're just running on the Microsoft launch schedule. But for future reference, here's a list of ways to cover your ass.

• When: You want to stonewall reporters on an insightful question. Say: "We are currently investigating the matter internally." Risk: You investigate, you commit fraud while doing so, and your CEO ends up stonewalling Congress, which is not so easy.
• When: Someone leaked how much you spent on an acquisition. Say: "We do not comment on rumors or speculation." Risk: Reminding everyone that you thrive on rumors and speculation.
• When: You need to divert attention from your upcoming iPhone. Say: "Here's the new iPod nano (Product) RED!" Risk: None, you're Apple, you're golden.

Blu-ray's Hardware Woes Stacking Up [Slashdot]

Today, TechCrunch writer Marshall Kirkpatrick wrote an entire entry about Zooomr's upload limits. Why was this newsworthy? Because Zooomr compared its new limits to the smaller ones at a major competitor, Yahoo's Flickr.

TechCrunch loves a good David-beats-Goliath story, and pitting a two-man startup (18-year-old Kristopher Tate and photographer-spokesman Thomas Hawk, pictured) against the robust property of Internet giant Yahoo turns a boring upgrade into an item.

There are, of course, more reasons. I've seen Tate and Hawk attend more and more dot-com parties, building friendships with other party-circuit regulars like TechCrunch founder Michael Arrington.

And Tate made a brilliant move hiring Hawk, a talented photographer who delights fellow party-goers by shooting portraits — which he publishes on Zooomr. The upshot: Everyone enjoys Hawk's flattering photos and Zooomr gets a halo effect. Meanwhile, everyone meets Hawk, who introduces them to Tate.

So a startup can get attention from TechCrunch two ways:

• Spin every small step as a victory over the competition.
• Learn a party trick.

Zooomr Doubles Flickr's Monthly Photo Upload Limits [TechCrunch; photo by Thomas Hawk]

I'm poking around into the weeds at the side of the road looking for a "Web 2.0" (don't—just don't) startup to get rich in, preferably in six to eight weeks. Any leads?

Good question, Broad. There are several routes to dot-com success, all following an archetypal pattern: the Dirty Rotten Scoundrel.

Stage 1: Pick a startup

• Find something carpetbagging VCs are salivating for and will pay you cash for. "Citizen Media" is hot this month, what with the $1.65 billion YouTube buyout and Sequoia Capital's $5 million investment in PopSugar. That'll put you in Content Land, a magical place where companies get millions but spend pennies on bloggers (who, thanks to a weak dollar, are cheaper than Chinese World-of-Warcraft gold farmers).
• Or for a technology bid, play with buzzwords: Ruby on Snails, Abuser-generated content, Anti-bacterial Ajax. The stupider the phrase, the more exciting the business — after all, no competitors!

Stage 2: Grab the cash

• Shop for gullible investors. Smart ones will turn you down. Venture capitalist Paul Kedrosky, for instance, answered the reader's question with "Buy a tri-state lottery ticket."
• One way to find these investors is to look at other silly startups and see who paid them millions. Which distracted investor at Y Combinator invested in Kiko despite the plethora of other, better web calendar startups?
• Or run a blog search on Technorati for the phrases of an investor who's caught the fever: "__ doesn't get it" is the best mark of a true believer, but also look for "we talk through blogs" (the notion is pretentious and the use of we shows the writer thinks Web 2.0 is a club) and "Web 3.0" (especially if your startup works on mobile phones or 3d).

Stage 3: Hit the circuit

• Stirr, SF Tech Sessions, SF New Tech, SV New Tech, SF Beta — you could not only schmooze every night of the week, you could demo your site to hundreds of young VC associates, biz-development pros, and flacks.
• Pick a persona: regular Joe who had an idea in the shower, bold innovator in the model of Google's Sergey Brin, or nerdy engineer (minus the anti-social part, unless you have a wingman to "force" you to meet investors).
• Your conversation partner is having a gin and tonic. You are having a Sprite — either discreetly order so no one knows you're the only sober one in the room, or always take your car. "Just a soda, sorry — driving."

Stage 4: Grab the cash, part 2

• This stage is a great option if you skimped on Stage 2. Bootstrapping your own company means you can find a buyer and keep the money for yourself.
• You did remember to weasel out of promising your partners and employees any money, right?
• Repeat after me: "My financial advisor advises me to decline a vesting requirement." Substitute with "attorney" or "yoga instructor" as necessary.
• No, you can't sell to Google. They may know how to buy a company like Dodgeball or Blogger and let it rot, but even a lousy purchase has to look great at first. Can you really fake it that well?
• Two words: News Corp.
• One word: Viacom.
• You can't have your funding and eat it too — it'll be damn hard to find a gullible investor and a gullible buyer, and all the paperwork will become evidence when your scam is finally uncovered.

Stage 5: Run away!

• Cook the books, open a secret account, transfer the money and book it.
• Exit strategy 1: Mexico.
• Exit strategy 2: Russia.
• Don't even think about it: New York City. They may be even more nuts over dot-coms out there, but they're all hucksters. You will be the soft guy with the money, and a mob of ravenous bloggers will sink their jaws into your larynx.

Of course, Valleywag's commenters will have their own evil ideas for netting a quick million or two. (Won't you, kids?)

• "Am I the only one that is struggling to work from home?" asks someone who lists problems such as weird sleeping patterns, loneliness, and distraction. Dozens respond — some recommend clearly separating the home office from the rest of the house, others share tips on finding outside office space. [Joel on Software]
• Programmer and Y Combinator venture firm member Paul Graham outlines an eighteen-part essay on mistakes that kill startups, including "single founder," "hiring bad programmers," "raising too little money," and "raising too much money." [Paul Graham]
• Hold meetings at the local cafe at your own risk, but follow rules from blogger Liz Gannes. (For instance, pick a cafe without loud music.) [Web Worker Daily]
• Venture capitalist Paul Kedrosky lists airport survival tricks: avoid lines with strollers and wheelchairs, and sit outside premium lounges to mooch free wifi. [Paul Kedrosky]

Fortune calls Google's co-founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin, and CEO Eric Schmidt, a triumvirate. But it's certainly not an equal one. Larry and Sergey have always really been in charge, with Eric around mostly to pacify investors. The magazine's recent cover story, "Chaos by Design," refers to a few Google deals brokered or inspired by Sergey Brin (the purchase of what became Google Earth, a $900 million advertising deal), while ignoring the lesser deals made by Eric Schmidt (such as a deal to include Google data in Intuit's Quickbooks accounting software).

And therein lies the litmus test. If Sergey makes a deal, it's meaningful (if not company-changing.) If Larry makes a deal, he's really Sergey in disguise. But Eric? Don't mind him. His deals seem to start when he sees a fellow exec at a barbecue and says, "You know, we should really do a project together."

Chaos by Design [Fortune]
Earlier: Deal or No Deal: Why is Google announcing so many partnerships? [Valleywag]

Asking a computer science major to fix your computer is like asking a premed to prescribe you medicine or asking a history major what he did last night. They might know the answer, but it might also be a pretty bad idea.

Next time a barmate asks you to come over and make Counterstrike work, just slap 'em with this page — or, if they're datable, brush up on Windows for Dummies.

I'm a computer scientist, not your tech support [Princetonian]