Everyone who attends will receive an award, and everyone's a presenter, making the event more of a party than a PodTech egofest. Gary Vaynerchuck of WineLibraryTV will cohost the event scheduled for November 30 somewhere in Los Angeles. Sounds all right to me. If you're going to celebrate loser-generated content, the least you can do is not have it run by a loser-generated company.

Pogue attempts to pack the supposed evenhandedness of a gadget review into his song-and-dance routine, with tiresome results. And in the end, all you remember is the disgraceful spectacle of a Timesman bawling at the top of his lungs, "I want an iPhone!" Gee, David, we thought a call to Apple PR chief Katie Cotton would have scratched that itch a long time ago.

"Dontcha," by contrast, captures the most essential point about the iPhone: It turns its owners into monsters, imbuing them with a false sense of their own importance and sex appeal. The spectacle of geeks attempting to rap and perform dance hip-hop moves perfectly captures the inflated sense of self the iPhone lends. The video, directed by recent L.A. transplant Nora McDevitt, has a cast of microstars: Randi Jayne, the force behind "Valleyfreude" and sister of Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg; David Prager, COO of online-video startup Revision3; and Irina Slutsky of Geek Entertainment TV. (Jayne, Prager, and Slutsky also produced the video.) Jayne, in particular, shines, getting the Britney Spears wind-machine treatment as she disses the Sidekick, the Razr, and other cell phones that just aren't as hot. It almost — almost — made me want to buy one, something the endless Apple hype parade has yet to achieve.

"I thought all these egos would be bouncing off of each other," said Marianne from Treasure Island, "but this has been so warm and supportive. It's not about awards, it's more about celebrating new technologies." She was referring to the Vloggies, held Saturday night at the Swedish American Hall, and she was right about the atmosphere.

Going into this videoblog award show, I braced myself for an evening of cinematic navel-gazing, expecting clip after clip of disembodied faces staring into the camera, focused on their own reflection in the lens instead of communicating to an audience. I was pleasantly surprised. To me, the Vloggies clearly illustrated the varied world of internet video and, in a way, brought rationality to a medium easily construed as ridiculous.

On the other hand, Marianne was dressed as a fluffy yellow duck.

Jerry Zucker: "You like these jokes? I got a hundred more that we cut from "Naked Gun 33 1/3." [Laughing Squid]

In a sign of the vlogosphere's influence, actual famous people attended the show. Jerry Zucker, creator of Airplane! and The Naked Gun opened the night with a great speech (recorded here) about the beginning of his moviemaking career, drawing parallels to the world of vlogging. Daniel McVicar from The Bold and the Beautiful (and the McVlog) and Irina Slutsky from the vlog Geek Entertainment Television (who also organized the event for podcast company PodTech) very capably co-hosted the red-carpet affair.

Daniel McVicar shows his "doh" face while Irina Slutsky spies a cute guy in the audience. [Laughing Squid]

The usual group of internet celebrities showed up in support, including Scoble Show namesake Robert Scoble and Diggnation vlogger (and digg.com founder) Kevin Rose. Conspicuously absent from the ceremony were a few familiar Vlogerati, like ex-Rocketboom queen Amanda Cogdon and Favorite Male Vlogger Ze Frank (who sent Marianne the duck in his stead).

Big check, little prize. [Laughing Squid]

Alive in Baghdad was the big winner. This fantastic site - which takes a look at daily life in a war zone through interviews with Iraqi citizens - won a total of 7 Vloggies, including Judges' Favorite Vlog. Along with Josh Wolf, People's Choice winner for Favorite Male Vlogger, Alive in Baghdad demonstrates the capacity for internet videos to go beyond entertainment into true journalistic inquiry. In honor of its win, the Intel Corporation presented vlogger Brian Conley with a scant $2,000. It was enough to fund one Intel Core2Duo laptop, true, but the ridiculous size of the novelty check made the donation look meager in comparison. Given the state of the Iraqi power supply, I hope that Intel can cough up, at the very least, a solar battery charger and satellite internet connection, and throw in a couple flak jackets for the journalists.

Ask a Ninja co-creator Kent Nichols shows off his unstoppable "double-fisted statues" maneuver. [Thomas Hawk]

Slight snafus haunted the night. The audio went out on Ze Frank's taped acceptance speech and the dubbing was delayed all night, making every video look like a 1970s kung-fu movie. Patrons at the open bar talked over Brian Conley's moving speech, and an overabundance of hungry party guests picked over scant appetizers at the afterparty at Café du Nord. On the whole, however, the hosts and presenters kept the show moving and the crowd entertained. One person at the mike even offered to tap dance for the audience when a clip refused to play.

Andrew Baron tries to show the ducky what traffic really means. [Chuckumentary]

One thing that struck me as odd: Andrew Baron, the producer of Rocketboom, accepted the Judge's Favorite News Vlog with a dark-haired beauty by his side - curiously, Rocketboom host Joanne Colan was back in New York working on some "TV stuff." Baron won the Ego Prize of the night for invoking Woody Allen in a condescending speech that managed to accept the honor while assuring the audience that he was really superior to all this nerdy stuff. Later on, he continued his pissing contest with Ze Frank by pretending to vanquish Marianne the duck in a tasteless photo op.

Valleywag party score: This event's ready for its close-up.

The "Vloggies" re-used statuettes from the "Goatses." [Laughing Squid]

Unless noted, photos are by Scott Beale of Laughing Squid. See his photo gallery: The Vloggies: Photo gallery [Laughing Squid]
Also see Thomas Hawk's gallery: Photos from the 2006 Vloggies [Zooomr]

On Geek Entertainment TV, the fun video blog hosted by faux-clueless Irina Slutsky (a master at cutting through buzzwords and making tech sound dirty), dot-com billionaire Mark Cuban recaps his talk to the Consumer Electronics Association. Topics include MySpace perverts, drunk e-mail checking, advanced TV tech, and how his startup Broadcast.com was different from YouTube (sure it was: YouTube is actually worth something).

Mark wants you to watch CuTube [Geek Entertainment TV]

Last night, Digg founder Kevin Rose and pals celebrated the relaunch of his Revision 3 online TV network with a party at Mighty, a San Fran venue currently sporting sculptures of flying underwear (really. Don't know why). Scott Beale provides the photos below.

Photog Thomas Hawk shows off his full head of hair to Digg coder Owen Byrne. Owen is only smiling to lure Thomas closer; in the next unphotographed moment he whips out a switchblade and forcibly scalps Thomas.

Can you spot the ass pat?

Say hi to Valleywag's new party correspondent, Megan McCarthy! (Really! If you see her at a party, be nice, cause she's got the gossip power!)

"Stupid (mumble) geeks, (mumble) "The System is Down" (mumble) fifty-five times (mumble) burn this place down."

"Does anyone want Kevin Rose to sign their breasts? Anyone? Please don't make us pick Om Malik, we did him last time."

"Color me unimpressed; this is so not as fun as the last 'Project Runway.'"

If you ask video star Dr. Tiki to "write you a prescription" one more time, he will kick you in half.

Heeeeere's Johnny!

Vloggers Kent Nichols and Irina Slutsky left early to form a death metal punk band.

Revision3 Launch Party [Laughing Squid]

• Yarrr, talk like a pirate today. Especially if you work at Bittorrent. [Talk Like a Pirate Day]
• Take the afternoon off to see TechReach International demonstrate rapid communications deployment in a simulated emergency situation. Starts at 1 in Intuit's parking lot. [Upcoming]
• Are you the kind of sicko who goes to Stones concerts to see if Mick will finally have a heart attack on stage? Then get a front seat for MobiTV's talk at the MIT/Stanford Venture Lab, "Television Breaks Out of the Box: The Mad Rush to go Mobile." When will MobiTV's founders realize, "Holy shit, I just got another $70 million in financing, and I have to give my investors at least a double return on that," causing their brains to spontaneously combust? Maybe onstage, and you'll be left to tell the tale! [MIT/Stanford VLAB]
• The dull title of "New Trends in Media Distribution" belies the fun that videoblogger Irina Slutsky (of Geek Entertainment TV) and GigaOM tech blogger Liz Gannes bring to tonight's panel in downtown San Francisco. [Upcoming]

That's right, I'm talking about the Bubble.

Today's Bubble Threat Level is Elevated. The causes:

• The Valley's best on-camera snarkers just sold out to the bubbliest podcast company, PodTech. Blogger Robert Scoble, who just left Microsoft for PodTech, hired Eddie Codel and Irina Slutsky of Geek Entertainment TV. Some say it's their wit and experience, but everyone knows it's just because Eddie's got great tits. [Laughing Squid]
• Mark Cuban, who sold Broadcast.com to Yahoo for $5.7 billion, is calling the Internet overhyped. This is like Paris Hilton saying there are too many fake celebrities. [Mark Cuban]
• Cartoonist Hugh MacLeod has invaded Chicago with his wine-shilling art. [Flickr]

Photo: "it was this big" [vvt on Flickr]

Valleywag's first SloshCon at the House of Shields was so successful that my hangover's having baby hangovers. Remember the live-audience interviews and speeches on the game plan? Scrapped. We didn't want to ruin the vibe (half the crowd had arrived in the first 20 minutes), so we all kept on drinking and bullshitting one-on-one. (Top photo by Jeremiah Owyang)

Tag your Flickr'd party photos with "SloshCon" — just like the Mopping Up post says.

Irina Slutsky, host of Geek Entertainment TV, and Amber MacArthur, host of commandN and Call For Help — 66% of the blond vlogosphere. [Irina Slutsky]

Irina was overheard telling GETV producer Eddie Codel, "You need to feed me or videotape me, right now!" And who wouldn't gladly do both?

"So your claims to fame are a snarky site called Fucked Company, a nearly fucked company called AdBrite, and recording yourself in various costumes and, most disturbingly of all, your undressed body? And she is willing to date you?" Pud: "Yes." "Oh my God you're my hero." [Adam Engelhart]

A bewildered Jeff Veen points in bewilderment as TechCrunch's Michael Arrington and I (the tiny one) re-enact a favorite Arrington pose. [Brian Oberkirch]

Arrington says he made the first shocker when Tara Hunt went around at a party, telling everyone to do it. At the time he had no idea what the gesture meant. (Sure, Michael, sure.)

A friend of Jeff, by the way, greeted me with "So you're the one who almost fucked up Jeff's Measure Map deal?" (Yes. Yes I am.)

Famous awesome people who showed: Philip "Pud" Kaplan (a Valleywag favorite this week), TV star Amber MacArthur, Jon Grubb and Thor Muller (the Lennon and McCartney of Rubyred Labs), and Michael Arrington (Web 2.0's war correspondent)

Famous less awesome people who must have had a sudden emergency, like, their entire hometown just blew up: Digg founder Kevin Rose

See more of these webstars! Click past the jump!

Rubyred Labs and Valleyschwag co-founder Jonathan Grubb tastes like magic ice cream. [Adam Engelhart]

"Aaaaaah Pud, that's the best man-boy-love joke ever!" [Adam Engelhart]

Technorati principal engineer Kevin Marks and fresh Google hire Catspaw stare into the laptop photobooth of a fellow #joiito IRC chatter (that's at irc.freenode.net), Other Maciej, who has a whole gallery of liberally applied Photoshop effects from the party. [Other Maciej]

Best thing about geek parties is, if you're bored, you can just find a laptop and surf some animal porn. [Adam Engelhart

We had a webcast and a backchannel chat up in honor of the sober vicarious party-goers living in the middle of nowhere (read: not in the Valley). [Adam Engelhart]

Valleywag does Top Gun: "Too close for shots, I'm switching to beer." [Jeremiah Owyang]

That smile says "I don't know they're winding up for a Roxbury hip slam." [Adam Engelhart

Thanks for hanging out, Silicon Valley! Come back in the fall for "SloshCon 2: The Disappointingly Boring But More Productive Sequel!"

Flickr Galleries:
Other Maciej [Flickr]
Jeremiah Owyang [Flickr]
Adam Engelhart [Flickr]

Everyone from the Internet will be there. Will you?

Here's the game plan:

• Drinking starts at 9. Events start at 9:30ish.
• BRING YOUR CAMERA. Or microphone. Or camphone. Or camcorder. We're gonna hold a very special event with all this equipment, and it will make you a better person.
• I'll interview programming superstar David Weekly, whose "you call it stalking, I call it preparedness" service SingleStat.us is turning into a microcosm of the Valley. (We'll explain why.)
• Geek Entertainment TV host Irina Slutsky will interview someone awesome. That someone will probably be dragged, screaming, to the stage.
• The rest of the night is yours. It's open-mike night for anything and everything you have to say about the Internet. Meanwhile, just hang out — that's what conferences are for.

So come knock a few back and yell about the Net. But if you're not funny, we'll throw our drinks at you — after all, they're free.

Web Infinity Plus One: The SloshCon [Upcoming]
Photo: Cheers [Ken Douglas on Flickr]

Vlogging will make them famous:

• Jay Dedman (pictured), personal vlogger
• Jerry, story vlogger
• Amanda Congdon, Rocketboom vlog anchor (and that guy Andrew Baron, her producer)
• J.D. Lasica, Ourmedia sharing-site owner
• Susan Kirkpatrick, personal vlogger
• Irina Slutsky, Geek Entertainment TV vlog anchor (and Eddie Codel, her producer)

Vlogging will make them even less famous:

• Tom Green, roadkill eater

Video bloggers claim spotlight [SF Chronicle]

But it still can't get no respect. At the latest AP party, Irina Slutsky of Geek Entertainment TV quizzed notables like HOT or NOT's James Hong and 43 Folders blogger Merlin Mann. The question: "What is Adaptive Path?" The answers: guerillas, life choices, navigating water, and maybe a beverage.

What is Adaptive Path? [GETV]

BitTorrent founder Bram Cohen reportedly helped nudge his brother Ross out of his CTO spot. Om connects Bram's move to the p2p tool's recent VC round, which might call for some legitimization of BitTorrent.

Is BitTorrent quietly Napsterizing itself by purging the old staff? That would explain why Bram got so touchy with GETV correspondent Irina Slutsky at his convention, CodeCon. Said Bram to Irina: "Can you ask me about something other than BitTorrent? I actually do other stuff other than BitTorrent."

Cohen vs. Cohen at BitTorrent [Om Malik]
Don't ask Bram Cohen about BitTorrent [GETV]

Irina Slutsky is unaware of the impending doom that is Jake. Her fate, after the jump.

Jake: "Well, Irina, after I defused the dirty bomb and saved a small African tribe from destruction, I took a photo of myself and hand-delivered it to TIME. Sorry, just a second, the Pulitzer people are calling."

Joshua Kinberg (developer for media aggregator FireAnt) replays his "home videos."

And from Kristie Wells:

Dogster's Ted Rheingold: "No, I'm pretty sure Ferretster is not a viable spin-off."

Meanwhile, at a pre-pre-Supernova dinner:

Macromedia co-founder Marc Canter: "My social network is THIS BIG."

Photos:
1-3: Scott Beale [Laughing Squid]
4: Kristie Wells [Flickr]
5: Geodog [Flickr]