Gawker: valleywag, john c dvorak

"He's got this big thing in Berlin which looks like the, you know, something Hitler would put together"

Paul Boutin — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 16:40:00 EDT

A moment of pity for professional blowhard John C. Dvorak. The guy had built an enviable career out of baiting Apple evangelists. Now that Apple pisses off its own customers, Dvorak needs to look elsewhere for someone to offend. His first target: The Obamatards who pack the Bay Area, stumping for Barack as fervently as they once did for Steve Jobs. By loosely comparing Obama's Berlin campaign event to Hitler's Nuremberg Rallies, Dvorak has proven it possible to break Godwin's Law, the no-Hitler rule of the Internet. Check out this audio clip from a podcast with Adam Curry [MP3]. Dvorak breaks through the Hitler barrier and keeps on going as bravely as Chuck Yeager cracking the speed of sound. It's impressive, but only until you realize a thousand talk radio hosts have been doing it all day for years. (Photo by AP/Jens Meyer)

Cranky geek loves the smell of his own content

Tim Faulkner — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 13:35:47 EDT

Why has professional tech curmudgeon John C. Dvorak changed his initial opinion of Joost, the Internet television service? Why, because it now contains his own content. In his January review of Joost, Dvorak summed up the offering in "two words: it stinks." Dvorak complained about Joost's tracking of user habits for advertising purposes and background interruptions from the application. But he reserved his largest complaint for the content offerings: "The only content is infomercials for last-gen rock bands with emphasis on Green Day and its Hitler Youth-style concerts." Dvorak warned that if Joost didn't focus on content, it would soon "be a memory." Now that Dvorak's CrankyGeeks has its own Joost channel, we're sure the hard-to-please reviewer loves the smell of Joost's stinky content. Sniffing your own armpits again, eh, John?

Another reason to hate Podshow

Tim Faulkner — Tue, 29 May 2007 16:44:59 EDT

TIM FAULKNER — John C. Dvorak has been named VP & Managing Editor of PodShow TECH, the technology channel of the podcasting network created by Adam Curry and Ron Bloom. The curmudgeonly and possibly eternal techno-journalist also will host his own podcast dubbed Tech5.

CEO Ron Bloom suggests we'll finally be getting the tech podcast we've been waiting for:

Typical technology channels are really just listings of programming, featuring boring talking heads or uninformed rants. PodShow TECH will feature personality driven content with a healthy dose of attitude... fair, but not necessarily impartial... accurate but also exciting."

Is Bloom ignorant of most tech podcasts? Or his own company's Geek Brief TV? Or is he pulling a Curry claiming innovation and originality where there is none? And calling Dvorak "exciting"? The notoriously anti-Apple journalist may be "outspoken" but never exciting. The marriage of pervasive, annoying, and irrelevant John C. Dvorak to the PodShow network is a match made in heaven... for Curry, Bloom, and Dvorak, that is. For the user... a marriage forged in the fires of hell.

John Battelle's finger photo

Chris Mohney — Fri, 16 Feb 2007 13:00:31 EST

Dan Fost at the San Francisco Chronicle at last discovers the provenance of this legendary pic of Federated Media's John Battelle. Turns out that the photo originally emanated — like so much in tech news — from the machinations of John Dvorak. It dates from Battelle's Industry Standard days, taken by Dvorak during one of Battelle's infamous "money-wasting Friday parties." Dvorak photoshopped the pic to look like black-and-white film, gave it the Register, and presto: net artifact for the ages.

Pirates of Silicon Valley II: Our Candidates for the Cast

Nick Douglas — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 16:29:50 EST

NICK DOUGLAS — While dust gathers on our old VHS copies of Pirates of Silicon Valley (for us, Noah Wyle's career hit its high point with his role as Steve Jobs), it's time to cast the sequel. Starring the Daily Show's Demetri Martin as Digg founder Kevin Rose, Jason Bateman as Diggnation co-host Alex Albrecht and Rush Limbaugh as John C. Dvorak, the show also includes stars playing Bill Gates, Rupert Murdoch, Merlin Mann, and Google's Marissa Mayer.

Alex Albrecht, Diggnation: Jason Bateman, Arrested Development

John C. Dvorak, Cranky Geeks: Rush Limbaugh

Chad Hurley, YouTube: Tobey Maguire

Leo Laporte, This Week in Tech: Anthony Hopkins

Merlin Mann, 43 Folders: Brandon Routh, Superman

Robert Scoble, Podtech: Philip Seymour Hoffman, Capote

Marissa Mayer, Google: Sarah Paulson, Studio 60

Bill Gates: Rick Moranis

Rupert Murdoch, News Corp: Philip Baker Hall, Magnolia

Kevin Rose: Demetri Martin, Daily Show

Photos: With a few exceptions, geeks by Scott Beale; stars by Associated Press

TWiT Time: Ready, Clench!

Nick Douglas — Wed, 11 Oct 2006 14:32:17 EDT

Gottfried the Intern wraps up another episode of Leo Laporte's online talk show, This Week in Tech.

In this week's Netcast (Ready, Clench), Leo talks to the gang about Windows Vista, MySpace, Chinese Bloggers, and why Google won't buy YouTube. (Oops!)

Paul Thurrott, a Microsoft suit, plugs the final test version (called RC2) of Windows Vista. How's it different from the first version? One new icon and some minimal cosmetic stuff, but hey, Microsoft is offering a free RC2 download right now for a limited time. To be expired very soon with the release of Vista, which should be in stores some time before the holiday season.
John C. Dvorak, a frequent TWiT panel member, says the Google buy-out of YouTube rumors are "bogus." It's like the Friendster story about the site being in talks to get bought out. Score: Dvorak 0, reality 1.
The World Trade Organization demands that Russians adhere to the legal distribution of mp3s. Russian Reaction: Hell no! And according to Dvorak, the Russians can get away with it that because they have all the oil in the world stored there. So, wait, why are we in Iraq again?
17.5 Million Bloggers in China and 90% of Koreans have blogs. Yeah, ok. Remind me why we care who has a MySpace page?
Leo Laporte has a MySpace page. Tee Hee.
Forget the hype. Leo is NOT in fact trademarking "netcast."

Loose Wires: How about Kevin Mitnick for president?

Nick Douglas — Tue, 12 Sep 2006 19:44:25 EDT

Tech reporter John C. Dvorak says hacker Kevin Mitnick should become chairman of Hewlett-Packard. Har har. That's the tech equivalent of "Christopher Walken for President." [Dvorak Uncensored]
Speaking of HP, news site ZDNet compiled a nifty FAQ for the records-snooping scandal that answers "How did all of this come to light?" and "Could my employer do this to me?" [ZDNet]
The Associated Press runs an equally nifty timeline, which cleared up some dates we got wrong. (For example, the AP notes that investigators got Tom Perkins's records around early February.) [Forbes]
Tom Anderson, known for loving Asian ladies, wasn't just a Friendster member before he co-founded MySpace. The white boy also made a profile at social site Asian Avenue. [Asian Avenue]
Now that iTunes automatically finds album covers for users' music, Flickr user David Parmet is collecting all the albums it gets wrong. [Flickr]

Dvorak shoots for another bait-and-switch

Nick Douglas — Mon, 19 Jun 2006 21:51:02 EDT

PC Magazine columnist John C. Dvorak follows up the "How I bait Mac users" video (which whipped bloggers into a frenzy) with an "I'm sorry, I'm flabbergasted" column. Now Dvorak says that his baiting trick only worked three times in his career — and that he's amazed how many people blew up at this video.

For those of you who just walked into the room, step 1 of Dvorak's self-proclaimed formula is, well, to whip bloggers into a frenzy. Step 2 is to "act flabbergasted." Now all that's left is step 3: reverse the position and apologize.

Clever, really, if a little sad that Dvorak's own formula is the seed for his latest string of half-assed columns. This time, he says, "There will be no followup to this column and no apologies." Really, Dvorak, you think you can resist squeezing a final column from this affair? The lede is pre-written: "I didn't want to do this, but the public outcry forced me to reconsider my own outline of my method."

Dvorak Reveals Old Formula, Panic Ensues [PC Magazine]

Podcast SparkNotes: AOL's Calacanis on This Week in Tech

Nick Douglas — Tue, 13 Jun 2006 16:36:05 EDT

Some people can't let up on AOL exec Jason Calacanis. Readers are begging for a mention of the Weblogs, Inc. founder's appearance on major podcast This Week in Tech. (One TWiT commenter wrote, "Keep that flaming drama queen off your show.") So here, instead of wasting over an hour listening, read these hastily scribbled Valleywag show notes. (If you really must hear, here's the mp3.

5:30: Cranky pundit John C. Dvorak brings up that old cat vs. ceiling fan video. Cute, Dvorak, but as old as "America's Funniest Home Videos."
11:50: Rocketboom creator Andrew Baron says that vlogging frees us from watching just a few movies and TV shows. Because of vlogging — "now we get to see a lot of sucky stuff," says Dvorak.
14:00-20:00: Skip it, unless you're really into defining the word "vlog." Feel the bored pain in Dvorak's voice.
23:00: Calacanis makes a funny — "Oh, it was on Techmeme and Digg, so it must be true!" Is this what everyone calls obnoxious? Or are they mad because Jason's right?

28:00: Talk soup.
30:00: Andrew Baron doesn't understand polls. God, Andrew, not to be mean, but if you don't have anything to add...
33:00: Old-school blogger Dave Winer gets on stage and goes zero-to-self-obsessed in 30 seconds.
40:00: Thank God, they brought in the ninja. Unfortunately, they make him share the stage with the eight talking heads. Come to think of it, instead of listening to this, watch Ask a Ninja.
48:30: Jason's idea of the best job ever is working in underwear. Little known fact: Jason's heros are all underwear models.
54:00: Aw, shout-out to the boss. Thanks, Andy Baron.
55:00: Andy talks about ads in Rocketboom. Hey, remember when part of the indie-ness of the Internet was that no one had to sell out and stuff the content full of ads? Good times.
57:00: Jason to Andy about Rocketboom: "Just because you're first doesn't mean you'll be the best." Does Andy have a second show? Yep, he just launched a kids' show.
59:00: Skip the rest. Skip everything before now too.

Conclusion 1: On this show, Calacanis is more smart than annoying.
Conclusion 2: Can we just get Calacanis and John C. Dvorak in a room? Call it TWiT: Witty troll edition.

TWiT: Vloggercon [Official page]
Photo: twitSF10W [Jachbla on Flickr]

Morning video: John Dvorak trolls Mac fans for fun and profit

Nick Douglas — Mon, 12 Jun 2006 10:00:00 EDT

PC Magazine columnist and veteran tech pundit John C Dvorak explains his Mac-fan baiting method in this video by Dave Winer. The best part isn't Dvorak admitting that he writes like a weasel (duh), nor that he's saying all this in the San Fran Apple store. It's cameraman Dave Winer asking "what the point" is.

Dave, Dave, hasn't blogging taught you anything? The point is: In ad-funded publishing, there's no such thing as bad pageviews.

Found this out-of-synch YouTube vid on Slashdot, where the commenters are riffing with Apple store elevator jokes. "An elevator with the Mac UI would have just one button "THERE". I mean, after all, I'm already HERE."

Dvorak admits to trolling Mac users [Scripting.com via Slashdot]

Geek Gone Feral: John C. Dvorak

Nick Douglas — Wed, 31 May 2006 11:00:00 EDT

I originally read the title of this romance novel mockup, featuring landmark tech journalist John C. Dvorak, as "Spanky Geeks." Just sayin'.

John C. Dvorak @ ZippyCentury [Google Pages, um, page]

Where are the baiters?

Nick Douglas — Fri, 26 May 2006 16:15:58 EDT

As the Register's Andrew Orlowski flies back to England, it's time to check up on the other trolls of tech — the real journalists, fake journalists, and — ugh — bloggers.

	Big fish	Big catch	Last spotted
Andrew Orlowski, The Register	Google, Wikipedia, and Microsoft	Accused of misquoting Google CEO Eric Schmidt for a "Google in crisis" story	Moving from San Fran to England
John C. Dvorak, PC Magazine	Mac users	Predicted Apple would adopt Windows. Boot Camp makes him half-right.	Co-hosting the TWiT podcast
Mark Pilgrim, Dive into Mark	Dave Winer	Invented the Winer Number abuse tracker and the Winer Watcher retraction tracker	Not on Winer's OPML
Chris Coulter, a million little mailing lists	Robert Scoble	Teamed up with Orlowski in 2002 to mock innocent Microsoft blogger Beth Goza	Rejected by an ad agency for being "overqualified and too aggressive"
Theo DP, more little mailing lists	Jeff Bezos, Tim O'Reilly	Baited the tech publishing overlord O'Reilly via Valleywag	Snickering at O'Reilly's Web 2.0 trademark
ConFonz, Valleywag correspondent	Lousy conferences	Outed gaming king Will Wright as a non-hand-washer	Wishing he was already at Gnomedex

Geek out: We'll miss you, Orlowski

Nick Douglas — Fri, 26 May 2006 15:08:21 EDT

Hacks and flacks wished Andrew Orlowski (pictured, the one with his hair on top) farewell last night with a calm happy hour at the Edinburgh Castle Pub. His exit dilutes the pool of Valley journalism, as the Register reporter was a long-time snarker and Google hound (one confident enough to snub Google Press Day). Now, after five years in the Valley, he's headed back to England.

At Orlowski's goodbye party last night, the crowd included John Gilmore (Sun employee #5 and the creator of alt.* on Usenet), long-time Apple troll John C. Dvorak, and ZDNet reporter Dan Farber. Even the NYT's John Markoff broke away from his crowd of screaming fangirls to raise a glass for Orlowski. Spark PR picked up the tab and fixed the guy-girl ratio. As 'wag readers know, PR ladies are the coolest.

After the jump, more photos from Farber.

"Hey Dvorak, make that face you made when you finally got spam today."

"And how many times have you awkwardly commented on Leo Laporte's delivery during This Week in Tech?"

With the death of TechTV, Screen Savers host Patrick Norton had to trade his leather briefcase for a Jansport backpack.

Photos: Andrew Orlowski Send Off [Dan Farber on Flickr]

To-Do: Meet Markoff, the LJ guy, your maker

Nick Douglas — Thu, 25 May 2006 15:30:28 EDT

Great weekend ahead, and I'm not just saying that 'cause Valleywag takes a half-day tomorrow. Here — meet someone important by Memorial Day and pump 'em for info.

Thursday night: The bigshots and crackpots of consumer tech journalism wish Register journalist Andrew Orlowski a warm goodbye at the Edinburgh Castle Pub. Mosey up to the NYT's John Markoff and order Mac fanboy-baiter John C. Dvorak a drink — when he's really drunk, Dvorak gets totally coherent. [Dvorak.org/Orlowski]
Thursday night: Attendees at tonight's wine tasting in Redwood City include Brad the LiveJournal founder, Hugh the business card cartoonist, and Niniane the Google blogger. I'm cancelling (gotta wish Orlowski goodbye, right?), so e-mail Kai Chang to try for my spot on the guest list. [Evite]
Friday through Sunday: As previously pimped here, it's Winecamp! Register for 60 bucks, and that's just to pay for the food. The business plan: After the crowd gets drunk on free wine, organizer Chris Messina converts everyone to Scientology. [Winecamp]

Tech podcasts that aren't boring

ndouglas — Mon, 06 Feb 2006 21:11:23 EST

Another Gillmor Gang podcast, another hour and a half of white guys saying "um." If your ears aren't bleeding within five minutes, you'll at least want to walk in and SHAKE these guys when they get distracted and start talking about Darwinism. Blogger (and Tinfinger CEO) Paul Montgomery says just what we're all thinking: cut it down! And Steve, shut up!

Well, until the Gillmor Gang takes a public speaking class, here are three better tech podcasts:

Diggnation: Digg's Kevin Rose and Alex Albrecht discovered the magic ingredient to podcast excitement: alcohol. On each weekly podcast (or vidcast), Kevin and Alex drink beer and cover the week's top stories from their bookmark community.

Buzz Out Loud: It's just ten minutes. What can you screw up in ten minutes? CNet Hosts Tom Merritt and Molly Wood take phone calls and e-mail from listeners to mix things up.

Om and Niall PodSessions: Not roll-on-the-floor funny, but a decent 22 minutes and rich with insider info, not just opinions.

This Week in Tech: There's no way to oversell this show. TWiT deserves its title of "the world's most listened to podcast" thanks to John C. Dvorak's "friendly curmudgeon" attitude, great guests like Kevin Rose (yes, podcasts are as incestuous as blogs), and Leo Laporte's silliness as a ringleader.

Gillmor Gang [Gillmor.podshow.com]
Scoops of vanilla perception [Tinfinger]