1. Hippies Absolutely.
   
2. Yuppies Tragically.
   
3. Rednecks Surprisingly.
   
4. Software engineers See "Yuppies."
   
5. Retirees They already have RVs, after all.
   
6. Frat boys See "Yuppies."
   
7. Fetishists See "Software engineers."
   
8. Burners See "Frat boys."

1. LOLCats
"Those ladies who work at the reception desk in your office, they might be sharing these lolcats with their friends." — David McRaney, Wall Street Journal

This:

Equals:

2. Prom Queen
"Five girls will be nominated for Prom Queen, but only one of them will win. And on Prom Night, something terrible will happen." That's the plot of the would-be successor to LonelyGirl15, the indie series that launched with very little backing under guise of nonfiction, achieving an impressive stature as the first mainstream web-based narrative series. Prom Queen, hailed by some of the stupider media outlets as a guaranteed Internet blockbuster and LonelyGirl's heir, is a stale series which makes none of its predecessor's innovations and has none of its charm.

Unfortunately, the show is representative of where "New Media" money is going. Clever ventures that fund and promote good online content are struggling to survive. VH1 canned the promising network Acceptable.TV; many online shows like Clark and Michael (starring Arrested Development actor Michael Cera) made failed bids for TV before giving up altogether.

Yep, the future of online video looks like this:

3. Twitter
Twitter messages are frequent and boring, but not as frequent and boring as articles about how Twitter messages are frequent and boring.

4. Facebook
When I was in elementary school, there was one kid who spent all of recess dribbling a basketball, every day. He'd walk around, dribbling, doing nothing else. Everyone tried to get him to play freeze tag, or "Invade the Jungle Gym," or form a gang where everyone was named after an X-Man. And he was sick of all these frigging idiots and just wanted to dribble his ball. Well no matter how many people invite me to Bite Another Zombie, or Share My Movies, or Build a Super Friend Block Party, I just want to dribble my basketball.

Facebook is also a chance for all my high school friends to remind me how boring they are. Sorry, but if even I find you boring — and I spend all day building my Netflix queue and cleaning lint off of my body — then don't try to reconnect with me after six years.

5. YouTube comments
They're pathetic. See also: Digg comments, MySpace comments, and #3.

6. The computerized pleasure palace
Thanks to the Internet, I have a list of every film I want to see (thanks, Netflix); all the music I like and should like (thanks, Last.FM) and free copies thereof (Bittorrent and Limewire); every book I want for under ten bucks (Amazon, natch); beautiful photos of my friends (Flickr); fifty ways to reach my friends (AIM, e-mail, Skype, Facebook, Pownce, Hallmark E-cards, probably some sort of telegraph-by-web); and a form to fill out for local pizza delivery (I won't tell you or you'll clog up the system). I can also order an Ikea cushion for my sore ass.

7. Mobile sites
In case I'm away from the computer, I can still Be Efficient by using mobile sites to do half of what I normally want to do, at half the speed. When I walk down the street with my iPod on and my hands wrapped around my phone, it's like I'm in a computer game and everyone else is an enemy toadstool. Last week I jumped on a homeless person.

8. Webcomics
Not everyone will get this; it's a specialized condition, like an allergy. But for those of you that have it, clicking one of these links means you'll spend ten hours of your next week reading the entire archive of a webcomic: Dinosaur Comics, Dresden Codak, Achewood, Scary Go Round, Thinkin Lincoln, Wondermark

9. Anything you can do, I can do better

Source: Wondermark

Nick Douglas writes at Valleywag, Too Much Nick, and Look Shiny. He's writing a sitcom about a startup.

Valleywag's first SloshCon at the House of Shields was so successful that my hangover's having baby hangovers. Remember the live-audience interviews and speeches on the game plan? Scrapped. We didn't want to ruin the vibe (half the crowd had arrived in the first 20 minutes), so we all kept on drinking and bullshitting one-on-one. (Top photo by Jeremiah Owyang)

Tag your Flickr'd party photos with "SloshCon" — just like the Mopping Up post says.

Irina Slutsky, host of Geek Entertainment TV, and Amber MacArthur, host of commandN and Call For Help — 66% of the blond vlogosphere. [Irina Slutsky]

Irina was overheard telling GETV producer Eddie Codel, "You need to feed me or videotape me, right now!" And who wouldn't gladly do both?

"So your claims to fame are a snarky site called Fucked Company, a nearly fucked company called AdBrite, and recording yourself in various costumes and, most disturbingly of all, your undressed body? And she is willing to date you?" Pud: "Yes." "Oh my God you're my hero." [Adam Engelhart]

A bewildered Jeff Veen points in bewilderment as TechCrunch's Michael Arrington and I (the tiny one) re-enact a favorite Arrington pose. [Brian Oberkirch]

Arrington says he made the first shocker when Tara Hunt went around at a party, telling everyone to do it. At the time he had no idea what the gesture meant. (Sure, Michael, sure.)

A friend of Jeff, by the way, greeted me with "So you're the one who almost fucked up Jeff's Measure Map deal?" (Yes. Yes I am.)

Famous awesome people who showed: Philip "Pud" Kaplan (a Valleywag favorite this week), TV star Amber MacArthur, Jon Grubb and Thor Muller (the Lennon and McCartney of Rubyred Labs), and Michael Arrington (Web 2.0's war correspondent)

Famous less awesome people who must have had a sudden emergency, like, their entire hometown just blew up: Digg founder Kevin Rose

See more of these webstars! Click past the jump!

Rubyred Labs and Valleyschwag co-founder Jonathan Grubb tastes like magic ice cream. [Adam Engelhart]

"Aaaaaah Pud, that's the best man-boy-love joke ever!" [Adam Engelhart]

Technorati principal engineer Kevin Marks and fresh Google hire Catspaw stare into the laptop photobooth of a fellow #joiito IRC chatter (that's at irc.freenode.net), Other Maciej, who has a whole gallery of liberally applied Photoshop effects from the party. [Other Maciej]

Best thing about geek parties is, if you're bored, you can just find a laptop and surf some animal porn. [Adam Engelhart

We had a webcast and a backchannel chat up in honor of the sober vicarious party-goers living in the middle of nowhere (read: not in the Valley). [Adam Engelhart]

Valleywag does Top Gun: "Too close for shots, I'm switching to beer." [Jeremiah Owyang]

That smile says "I don't know they're winding up for a Roxbury hip slam." [Adam Engelhart

Thanks for hanging out, Silicon Valley! Come back in the fall for "SloshCon 2: The Disappointingly Boring But More Productive Sequel!"

Flickr Galleries:
Other Maciej [Flickr]
Jeremiah Owyang [Flickr]
Adam Engelhart [Flickr]

• Title: Web 2.0 has a local address
• Subtitle: South Park, the neighborhood that fostered the dot-com boom, is back
• Trend angle: San Fran is back too — the whole Valley is back. And this time the businesses are real.
• Poster children: Adaptive Path, Rubyred Labs, Wired, Technorati, VideoEgg, Mule Design Studio, and other tech companies from Bryant to Brannan, Second Street to Third Street
• Photos: Aerial shot infographic, kids in the park, street signs, and Rubyred's Thor Muller at the Cereal Bar.
• Lead: South Park startup Rubyred Labs has a trendy Cereal Bar.
• Sources: Scott Beale (Laughing Squid founder, photographed the Cereal Bar); Janice Fraser (CEO of South Park stalwart Adaptive Path); Matt Sanchez (CEO of startup VideoEgg); Jesse Blout (mayor's director of economic development); Jeffrey O'Brien (a senior editor of long-time South Parker Wired Magazine); Neighborhoodparks.org; Max Applegarth (owner of local cafe Caffe Centro); Jonathan Nelson (founder of online marketing agency Organic); Jonathan Wright (from burnout dot-com BigWords.com); Maggie Mason (mighty blogger and writer); Elvis Jessie Presley (homeless man); Jonathan Grubb (Rubyred co-founder and cereal analyst); Amy and Thor Muller (Rubyred co-founders and Noe Valley baby-raisers)
• Best line: "I saw 20-year-olds in head-to-toe Prada and said, 'This cannot last'" — Maggie Mason
• WTF: The tumbleweed story

Web 2.0 has a local address [SF Chronicle]

Web-and-mobile design firm Rubyred Labs held its regular Cereal Bar breakfast this morning. This week's cereal social (held every Monday at Rubyred's office in SF's Soma district) was documented by camera-not-for-hire Scott Beale.

Also present was SF Chronicle writer Dan Fost, doing a piece on Rubyred Labs. Will the article be long, insightful, and feature large photos of the beautiful people at Rubyred? Of course. The only question is which section the piece will dominate: Business and Tech or the Datebook?

Neighbor Adaptive Path's Amanda Willoughby: "It's the only startup with a dress code and a two-drink minimum."

Co-founder Jonathan Grubb: "Damn it, we always run out of Fruity Pebbles."

After the jump, Rubyred dumps the whole "web design" deal for a catering gig.

Photos: Rubyred Labs' Cerealbar Photos [Laughing Squid]

Co-founder Thor Muller: "We're switching our business model to 'classic diner.'"

Thor: "More accurately, we're switching to a 'party venue' model."

Final co-founder Amy Muller: "Actually, we're all going to model. We're shooting for the next American Apparel catalog."

As hard as everyone tries to party, a meeting breaks out.

Tired of camps about actual from-scratch products, Valley developers, pundits, and businessfolk mixed it up at Mashup Camp, the two-day "unconference" about remixed tech. Laughing Squid tentaclemaster Scott Beale kindly let me abuse his pics from Monday.

Blogger Doc Searls rocks out the Microsoft-lanyard-Firefox-shirt mashup: business in front, party in the back.

"You'd think I'd shave it off, but when I'm in my bowler and three-piece it looks divine."

White-hat lawyers, Mucho Camp invasion, and the hippest user-experience expert in the Valley — all after the jump.

Technorati's Niall Kennedy: "Seriously, you say it through that thing and I'll pay you ten bucks." David Berlind: "For ten bucks? You're on."

"Larry Lessig totally hearts the RIAA!"

He didn't even see the hand until his face was firm in its grip.

The goatse-ing of an entire audience proves disappointing.

Scott visits the nearby Meebo headquarters. "I don't know how he got in here, but I need him evacuated before he takes a photo of the blank whiteboard."

Preserved for posterity, a dot-com geek.

Lawyer Larry Lessig cannot believe you asked about the Eldred case.

Members of the nearby Mucho Camp join the Mashup crowd. But they are still indie, so they will code standing up.

When it's time to blog the camp, everyone cheats off ZDNet's Dan Farber.

Doc Searls: "Hey, my award, don't touch!"

"Psst. You. Wanna buy a mashup of Marilyn Manson and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir?"

That's not even special ice. That is the bioluminescence of Jonathan Grubb's face.

Mashup Camp photos [Laughing Squid]
Mashup Camp [MashupCamp.com]