The articles are shit.
"Bad behavior in the blogosphere!" "How this kid made $60 million in 18 months!" "Web Celeb 25!" Wow, those headlines (from the Chron, BusinessWeek, and Forbes respectively) make more sense with the added exclamation marks. Switch the nouns and they'd all fit in the Enquirer.

The tones within are just as noxious. Forbes writes about the "web celebs": "From bloggers to podcasters to YouTube stars, these are the people who are creating the digital world from the bottom up." Of course, they're just cribbing from TIME: "For seizing the reins of the global media, for founding and framing the new digital democracy, for working for nothing and beating the pros at their own game, TIME's Person of the Year for 2006 is you." Gag me with a bottle of Diet Coke and Mentos.

Someone's fuzzy on the concepts.
Covering the death threats against blogger Kathy Sierra, the BBC reported, "The police are investigating while the blogosphere has launched its own enquiry." I'm imagining the writers of Boing Boing, Gawker and Perez Hilton putting down their PowerBooks and shouting "No time to blog, men! We're here to form a posse!"

Treating the "blogosphere" as an entity is like saying "the drama world is excited about its production of Cats." "TV went to Darfur for a special report." "Today France baked a baguette." Screwing up concepts is a journalistic specialty; reporters still struggle to understand hacking, censorship, piracy, net neutrality (okay, no one understands net neutrality), anonymity, and the very idea of one person putting content on another person's site (like, you know, a comment). Almost — but not quite — grasping an Internet concept is a journalistic tradition as old as Internet itself.

Old and busted, meet the new hotness.
Know what's bad about paper? Paper's slow. Paper can't tell you that OMG Steve Jobs is pulling out the long-awaited iPhone on stage right this second. Hell, even TV couldn't bring a bulky setup into Jobs's Macworld keynote to tell you that. Yes, I'm one of those jackasses who believes blogging is The Future Of Journalism. Not because we write any better (we're even worse) or because we're any more honest (we're liars). But there are enough of us to refute each other, point out the good bits, and throw the winners onto Digg.

We're not any closer to the truth. We're just closer to the facts.

Photo: birdtoes. Nick Douglas writes for Valleywag, Blogebrity, and Look Shiny. He'll turn around and do a newspaper column if they budge on the tie-and-boxers rule.

Email to journalists from a software company too small and probably too nice to pick on:

> We would like to offer you a free evaluation license for ____. We,
> of course, hope that you write something about it, and we believe
> that it will be interesting and relevant to your client base.

What this basically says is: "We also sent this mail to a bunch of professional analysts, consultants, and ghost writers who get paid a lot more than you."

This company needs a separate email list for starving freelance writers like me. Then they can email us the edited version of this pitch that ends with, "We, of course, hope that you write something about it, because we believe it could score you a book deal! Maybe even a TV show!"

Focusing a bit too hard on CEO Jim Buckmaster. Focusing like a hypnosis patient gazing into Jim's swinging wristwatch.

Why doesn't Craigslist run banner ads? Ah, because the users didn't ask for them. Why not pull more profit? Money's not important. When Jim explains it, it's all...so...convincing...

Maybe it's something in the lunch Jim and wife-and-publicist Susan Best offer WSJ writer Brian Carney that makes him so beholden to Jim's words:

"Craigslist free classifieds [...] certainly pose challenges to the newspaper industry as far as being able to raise their profitability over time." Many in newspaper publishing would consider that an understatement. But Mr. Buckmaster is sanguine: "The demise of the newspaper has been overstated." Phew. I expel a nervous chuckle of relief.

So much for hard-hitting reporting — "Oh, your enemies' fears are unfounded? Whew, glad to hear it!" Jim, will you please teach us your Jedi mind trick?

Zen and the Art of Classified Advertising [WSJ]

For those of you who just walked into the room, step 1 of Dvorak's self-proclaimed formula is, well, to whip bloggers into a frenzy. Step 2 is to "act flabbergasted." Now all that's left is step 3: reverse the position and apologize.

Clever, really, if a little sad that Dvorak's own formula is the seed for his latest string of half-assed columns. This time, he says, "There will be no followup to this column and no apologies." Really, Dvorak, you think you can resist squeezing a final column from this affair? The lede is pre-written: "I didn't want to do this, but the public outcry forced me to reconsider my own outline of my method."

Dvorak Reveals Old Formula, Panic Ensues [PC Magazine]

PC Magazine columnist and veteran tech pundit John C Dvorak explains his Mac-fan baiting method in this video by Dave Winer. The best part isn't Dvorak admitting that he writes like a weasel (duh), nor that he's saying all this in the San Fran Apple store. It's cameraman Dave Winer asking "what the point" is.

Dave, Dave, hasn't blogging taught you anything? The point is: In ad-funded publishing, there's no such thing as bad pageviews.

Found this out-of-synch YouTube vid on Slashdot, where the commenters are riffing with Apple store elevator jokes. "An elevator with the Mac UI would have just one button "THERE". I mean, after all, I'm already HERE."

Dvorak admits to trolling Mac users [Scripting.com via Slashdot]

• All headlines about Yahoo must start with "Yahoo for..." If Yahoo ever gets involved in Cocoa Puffs, this will be the best headline ever.
• Every response to a TechCrunch review by Michael Arrington must say "Mikey likes it!" This is regardless of whether Mikey likes whatever's being discussed.
• Drinking game! Every time ZDNet columnist and entrepreneur Steve Gillmor (pictured here disturbingly sober) says "attention" (hint: as often as Keanu Reeves says "whoa"), take a shot. Version for teetotallers: Drink every time Steve makes sense.
• More articles about about Google's Sergey Brin getting snubbed.
• More puff pieces about young men starting companies! Barely legal boys! Barely legal boys! (Starting to realize why male Valley journalists don't get laid?)

• Bloglines founder Mark Fletcher is leaving the RSS reader and diving into the conference scene. You'll probably — ugh — see him on a panel soon. [Personal blog]
• Brent Woodward is headed to prison. The exec from San Jose hardware company Lightwave Microsystems got two years for selling a backup tape full of his employer's trade secrets, joining the throngs of guys throughout history who got in trouble for indiscreet mix tapes. [Mercury News]
• Chicago-based superstar dev house 37signals is getting shot for an Apple Pro profile video (part of a series about sexy people using Apple stuff). [IM tip]
• And according to a Time Inc. press release, one of Wired's senior editors is moving to Fortune. Everybody else getting booted in the Wired staff shuffle had best get their game plans straight. [E-mail]

• In a fit of business brilliance, Microsoft launched a paid PC care service, thus profiting from the shittiness of its own products. [Australian IT]
• Who's the "limited audience" for Google's new spreadsheet program? I hope it's John Hodgman. [Associated Press]
• New York Post gossip Lloyd Grove stalks Oracle CEO Larry Ellison by boat. His yacht, the Rising Sun, was last seen in Nice. [NY Daily News]
• Mr. Fucked Company is...fucked. Former dot-com schadenfreuder Philip Kaplan says his exit as Adbrite CEO was a mutual agreement. [CNET]
• Today in "A Million Tiny Google Screw-ups": journalist Jon Udell gets the runaround from the anal-retentive Google PR team. [InfoWorld]

Spinergy: An attempt to feign corporate synergy through artful PR.
Funlawful: "Popular and possibly illegal."
Journoballistic: Part of the fourth estate, mad as hell, and not gonna take it any more.
SloshCon: Ever played Sloshball, which is softball where everyone has a beer in their hands? Translate that to speaking at a conference.

After Years of Pushing Synergy, Time Warner Inc. Says Enough [WSJ]
Russian Download Site Is Popular and Possibly Illegal [NYT]
NUJ calls for Yahoo boycott [Reuters]
Speak at Valleywag's Web I+1 SloshCon [Valleywag]

John C. Dvorak @ ZippyCentury [Google Pages, um, page]

This past weekend, Chris and I (as well as a huge number of other people) were behind a very successful WineCamp, yet, when reported by the media, Chris was the only one mentioned as being behind it.

Funny, Tara, that sounds familiar. Kinda like Fost's note before heading to Winecamp:

The event is part of Chris Messina's Bar Camp un-conferences.

Oh really, Dan? So Barcamp's founding fathers —

Andy Smith (back left), Ryan King (back right), Tantek Celik (front left), Matt Mullenweg (front right), and the Eris Stassi (founding mother, not pictured) — Chris (center, squinting) didn't mention them when you fact-checked with him?

You...you did fact-check about Barcamp, right? I hear fact-checking separates real journalists from unreliable blogs like Valleywag.

Sometimes, being a PiC really sucks [Tara Hunt]
TECH CHRONICLES [Dan Fost at SF Chronicle]
Photo: BarCampPlanners, where are you now? [Ryan King on Flickr via the ryan king]

Reporters should not only read their own feeds, they should read all feeds of all publications, professional or amateur in their areas of expertise.

Comment by Dave Winer on Suw Charman's "How many news outlet staff actually read their own RSS feeds?" [Corante]

Hacks and flacks wished Andrew Orlowski (pictured, the one with his hair on top) farewell last night with a calm happy hour at the Edinburgh Castle Pub. His exit dilutes the pool of Valley journalism, as the Register reporter was a long-time snarker and Google hound (one confident enough to snub Google Press Day). Now, after five years in the Valley, he's headed back to England.

At Orlowski's goodbye party last night, the crowd included John Gilmore (Sun employee #5 and the creator of alt.* on Usenet), long-time Apple troll John C. Dvorak, and ZDNet reporter Dan Farber. Even the NYT's John Markoff broke away from his crowd of screaming fangirls to raise a glass for Orlowski. Spark PR picked up the tab and fixed the guy-girl ratio. As 'wag readers know, PR ladies are the coolest.

After the jump, more photos from Farber.

"Hey Dvorak, make that face you made when you finally got spam today."

"And how many times have you awkwardly commented on Leo Laporte's delivery during This Week in Tech?"

With the death of TechTV, Screen Savers host Patrick Norton had to trade his leather briefcase for a Jansport backpack.

Photos: Andrew Orlowski Send Off [Dan Farber on Flickr]

• Thursday night: The bigshots and crackpots of consumer tech journalism wish Register journalist Andrew Orlowski a warm goodbye at the Edinburgh Castle Pub. Mosey up to the NYT's John Markoff and order Mac fanboy-baiter John C. Dvorak a drink — when he's really drunk, Dvorak gets totally coherent. [Dvorak.org/Orlowski]
• Thursday night: Attendees at tonight's wine tasting in Redwood City include Brad the LiveJournal founder, Hugh the business card cartoonist, and Niniane the Google blogger. I'm cancelling (gotta wish Orlowski goodbye, right?), so e-mail Kai Chang to try for my spot on the guest list. [Evite]
• Friday through Sunday: As previously pimped here, it's Winecamp! Register for 60 bucks, and that's just to pay for the food. The business plan: After the crowd gets drunk on free wine, organizer Chris Messina converts everyone to Scientology. [Winecamp]

Major props to tech outlet Wired News for posting loads of evidence of a secret AT&T spying room. And more props for doing so the same day that Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said that the government can prosecute journalists for publishing classified info.

But man, the biggest props go for running the story with three large photos of an empty room.

Whistle-Blower's Evidence, Uncut [Wired News]

A shoe-gazing BusinessWeek blogger, one of so many obsessed with Steve Jobs' wardrobe, noticed that Jobsy wore Nike Moires at the Apple-Nike deal announcement. That's a switch from his usual New Balance 991 GLs, says the Steve-watcher.

Nike and Apple have been in talks for months. One reader has speculated that Jobs could have been wearing Nikes at the iPod Hifi announcement. But as seen above, a Getty Images search brings up no shots of Steve below the ankles. What's up with the press conspiracy to hide Jobs' shoes? For shame, tech journalists — this is like the legendary Bowtie Cover-Up of '82.

Today Steve Wore Nikes [BusinessWeek]

There are plenty of reasons that the press needs, if not a good hate-on, at least a swat. The St. Paul Pioneer Press demonstrates one reason — the press is easily amused — by calling ex-Sun CEO Scott McNealy (pictured here finding jokes on chests) "funny", "brash", and "outspoken" in the lede to a recap of his tepid talk at the U of Saint Thomas.

"Now Microsoft, it likes to say it shares, but if they said that here today to you, you'd be throwing things down at them," he said, glancing up at the people in the balcony of the college's new Schulze Hall in Minneapolis. "And IBM, what has it shared? Invoices?"

Cue the rimshot.

That rimshot line could be wry bored commentary if it weren't for the cheesy lede. As could the following:

"Give all 6 billion people a Dell computer — think of the global warming!" he said. "Minnesota would be three feet deep in water — it would be the land of one lake."

Rimshot.

If you have to simulate musical joke alerts in a news piece, just don't print the gags at all.

Potshots, rimshots at McNealy talk [Pioneer Press]

>To the Newsroom:
>
> Business Day has an opening for a technology reporter in the San
> Francisco bureau. For more details from Larry Ingrassia and Kevin
> McKenna, click on Ahead of The Times.
>
>thanks,
>grace

The tipster, tapped into a whole different gossip stream, says, "Good news for all those WSJ bureau reporters about to be axed!"

After the jump, header info for curious data-miners.

>X-Authentication-Warning: ml1.nytimes.com: majordomo set sender to
>[xxx]@nytimes.com using -f
>X-Sender: [xxx]@smtp-store.nytimes.com
>Date: Tue, 23 May 2006 10:07:23 -0400
>To: [xxx]@nytimes.com
>From: Grace Wong <[xxx]@nytimes.com>
>Subject: Technology Reporter Wanted in Business Day
>X-NYTOriginatingHost: ml1.nytimes.com, 170.149.207.45
>Sender: [xxx]@nytimes.com
>
>
>To the Newsroom:
>
> Business Day has an opening for a technology reporter in the San
> Francisco bureau. For more details from Larry Ingrassia and Kevin
> McKenna, click on Ahead of The Times.
>
>thanks,
>grace
>

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