Numa Numa: 27.28 million hits now. Wowzers. If you are Gary Brolsma, the Numa Numa guy, you can only go two ways: fight your destiny and retreat into yourself—which would exact a high social cost, but let you retain your fundamental humanity—or embrace it and pimp it as much as possible. Gary's chosen option #2, as you can see, because here he is with that Geico gecko, going 'viral' and generally being a one-trick pony like some Harlem Globetrotter who would really love to tell the kids about the dangers of drugs and alcohol, but all they want to see is that half-court trick shot. The point is, never ever do anything popular on the internet, or you can kiss your ass goodbye.

1. No one's ever worn a digital watch.
2. "I'm Rick James, bitch" is just something old people say.
3. To relax, they've always turned on the nightly news. The news has always been delivered by comedians.
4. They don't know what a LOLCat is or why it talks that way.
5. They've always been able to use a cell phone on a plane.
6. Tattoos have always been normal.
7. Mr. Rogers has never taken them to the Land of Make-Believe.
8. Good sitcoms have never had laugh tracks.
9. Apple has always been a big deal, as have Google and Facebook.
10. They've never paid for a classified ad.
11. They've never danced to "Numa Numa."
12. Who's Mario?
13. Katie Couric has still never been a respected news anchor.
14. Kids have always had their own phones.
15. They've never "missed" a TV show that they couldn't watch an hour later.
16. Movies have always come in the mail.
17. They've never licked a stamp.
18. Americans have always worried about Muslims.
19. They don't care if Tony Soprano died, if Ross and Rachel ever got together, who got to be a millionaire, or who was a Cylon.
20. Lindsay Lohan was never innocent.
21. They've never read "People" Magazine.
22. They don't remember Castro or why he was ever a big deal.
23. What's a mousepad?
24. "Lord of the Rings" looks fake and the effects are laughable.
25. Andy Samberg has always been a movie star.
26. The Olsen Twins have always been legal, but it's still creepy to want Mary-Kate.
27. There's never been smoking in restaurants.
28. Saturday Night Live's good stuff has always been made for the Internet.
29. Pop stars have always worked with rappers.
30. Perez Hilton has always been on TV.
31. Computers have never been beige.
32. Role-playing games have always been played on the Internet. What's a 20-sided die?
33. All TVs are "high definition."
34. They've never had to pull over for directions.
35. Cafes have always been a place to work on a laptop.
36. The "dot-com bust" means as much to them as the Great Depression.
37. Ipods have always come with a phone.
38. Global warming has always been a major voter issue, and Republicans have always acknowledged it.
39. Vice presidents have never been useless.
40. Quarters have never all looked the same.
41. Abe Vigoda is still alive.