(Photo and video by Scott Beale / Laughing Squid)

Valleywag: When did you first get involved with Burning Man?

Addis: I first attended in 1996 with [a group called] Cyberbus. I went in 1996, 1997, and 1998. In 1997, I helped build The Man, and I participated in the burn as security.

Valleywag: Why did you stop going?

Addis: I started to believe that because of the way the event itself was transforming, I started to see thatBurning Man's social impact and efficacy in having a substantial role in domestic policy and personal growth was nil. Burning Man had degenerated into a postindustrial disco.

Valleywag: So why'd you go this year?

Addis: friend of mine from Los Angeles, a photographer, goaded me into going. He asked me why I wasn't going, in front of a group of friends. And I said the only reason I would go was ... "blank." The only reason I went was to keep my word to a friend of mine.

Valleywag: "Blank?" By "blank," do you mean "to burn down The Man?"

Addis: It has to be "blank," I'm on charges. You can't print that.

Valleywag: In your statement, you attributed the actions to an operative of "Black Rock Intelligence." Is this a real group? If so, how long has it existed?

Addis: Black Rock Intelligence was founded in August 1998.

Valleywag: And what's its goal?

Addis: The gross violation of individual liberties in the name of the preservation of Larry Harvey [the founder of Burning Man]. Black Rock Intelligence has believed that Larry is a danger to himself, and the danger increases the closer he gets to a microphone. We figured we could save him from a severe case of amoebic dysentery if not diarrhea of the mouth.

Valleywag: Come on.

Addis: If the torching of Burning Man was a prank, follow this through to its logical conclusion.

Valleywag: What's your plan now? Where are you headed?

Addis: I'll be back in my apartment tonight. My arraignment is on the 25th of September, at 9:30 a.m.

Valleywag: How do you intend to defend yourself?

Addis: With a lawyer.

Valleywag: Isn't it true that you're a lawyer yourself?

Addis: I am a retired intellectual property litigator and a twice-ordained minister of the Universal Life Church and the Church of the Subgenius.

Valleywag: Any words for the people at Burning Man this year?

Addis: Have a great time. I think it's an incredible opportunity for a unique experience and community bonding and to consider their emotions and the catharsis possible now. People who got their early got to see two Men burn for one low price.

Valleywag: And do they have you to thank for that?

Addis: Black Rock Intelligence takes credit for that two-for-one offer.

Hi, folks. This is the *alleged* arsonist/douchebag/attention whore himself, writing you from Fernley, NV, where I have been chilling out for a couple of days.

Having read your various comments, a few things should be addressed. First, this operation was extensively planned well in advance, and the number one thing to Black Rock Intelligence was that NO ONE be hurt. If you people actually knew us, you'd know that we have an extensive background in doing things exactly like this. In fact, we were on the ground for some thirty minutes before ascent, scoping the scene and clearing people in order to minimize any possiblity of injury to others. We were aided by several people who were recruited on the playa the night of this burn (BRI has no idea who they are, so don't bother asking).

Second, the operation was planned in conjunction with the lunar eclipse because Black Rock Intelligence knew that another event at the trash fence would draw the bulk of lunatics to it, rather than to the Man. In fact, one of our peripheral operatives aided in getting as many people to the fence event as possible to help BRI achieve its goal of zero injuries.

Third, word went out across the playa days in advance that Black Rock Intelligence was pulling this op. This word continued to go out right up to the moment that our chief operator began the arduous climb up the guide wire. As you can all see from the results, BRI performed flawlessly in this regard.

We could give a fuck less what you all think of us for doing this. Most of you are newbies who have been drawn in by the semi-religious nature of the event, or maybe just the easy drugs and easier sex. You have nothing to offer the event other than your fucking money and obedience. You spend the rest of your lives in mortal fear of everything that insurance companies tell you to fear, and pretend that you're free and clear because you spend four days at a desert bacchanal where spinelessness is not only encouraged but genetically replicated for implementation in successive generations. In short, you are the swine of which Thompson spoke. Get over yourselves.

Some of us live quite well without fear. Doing so requires the ultimate in what Burning Man used to represent: personal responsibility and individual liberty. That's all been lost in the last decade of Burning Man's history. Consider this operation a history lesson that was desperately needed.

One final note: Black Rock Intelligence has been permanently disbanded. All other operatives have made the ultimate sacrifice by swallowing their L-pills to avoid being captured alive. I am the sole surviving member of BRI and ask that you respect my mourning period for those who gave their lives so that this operation was a complete success.

Paul D. Addis
Fernley, NV

In other news, a two-story tall pink birthday cake with flaming-candle sails just drove past, its full complement of fur- and leather-clad passengers lustily singing choruses of "What Do You Do With A Drunken Raver?" So it's not all bad.

Our day began in the usual Black Rock fashion. We awoke to the sound of Reverend David Apocalypse, a campmate, San Francisco ne'er-do-well, and former carnival freak, shouting "Fire in the Hole!" This, of course, right before his miniature black-powder cannon exploded somewhere near the breakfast table. Invigorated by morning air and adrenaline, we went on a reconnaissance stroll through town today to pick up the local flavor.

At Mad Scientist Camp, where the motto is "Better Living Through Reckless Science", we encountered the Chakratron, a giant clear polymer Buddha bedecked internally with madly oscillating sparkly lights. "Paul Addis just took the fall!" said Scott "Gaspo" Gasparian, creator of the Chakratron. "It was really the art piece burning a hole through the man with its Third Eye!"

We would have spoken further, but just then a nearly naked woman with an enormous set of clear-acrylic, green-tea-filled breasts and a fluffy marabou strapless G-string (yeah — we wondered how that works as well) gave a lap dance to an onlooker as he sucked antioxidant-rich deliciousness from her rubber nipples.

Yes, really. What's that? You're buying your ticket for next year already?

We would have commented on that, but our tirade was interrupted by a gout of flame erupting from a steam-powered runabout zipping across the dusty expanse of desert in front of us. The runabout had a tall, Victorian riverboat-style tower and gorgeously decorated wrought-iron wheels, and was powered by a serious-looking man in a pith helmet. Clearly a steampunk — a flavor of cyberpunk who embraces 19th-century cutting-edge tech, rather than the 21st-century variety.

It was at that point that the rear tire of our bicycle blew out, and we were forced to seek repair. Fear not, though. Our adventures in Wackyland will continue.

(Photo by Scott Beale / Laughing Squid)

The facts as they stand are thus: Addis climbed to the left foot of the man armed with fireworks of some kind, lit them, and set The Man prematurely aflame. Local police now have him in custody, and word is that Burning Man organizers are going to press charges to the fullest.

We speculate that had it been up to Burning Man's Department of Public Works, the notoriously hardcore, grizzled crew that spends months in the desert to construct, tear down, and clean up Black Rock City, the perp would have been hogtied with electroluminescent wire — a popular art-car decoration — and torn to shreds by a sunburned, stinky, enraged mob underneath The Man's smoldering embers. But for now, vigilantes do not rule the streets of Burning Man.

Rick Abruzzo, an acquaintance of Addis (and former Valleywag correspondent), mentioned that Addis had been asking for a flare gun or similar object the evening before The Man lit up. Not that anyone obliged. Acquaintances say of Addis, "He has all the ambition to be a Hunter S. Thompson, but without the elegance."

One witness, who also did not wish to be named, said she actually saw Addis setting the blaze, and was told that he had been bragging about it beforehand to some campmates. The campmates were apparently also the ones who turned him in.

The Man lit up close to 3 a.m. Tuesday morning, amid screams of horror and enthusiasm. Emergency crews plowed their way through gawking bicyclists, art car drivers, naked people, fire spinners, and assorted other playatards, and fought the blaze, dowsing the area in water before attacking the fire itself. The crowd was evenly split between bloodthirsty chanting of "Burn The Man!" and lamenting that their mellow was, like, totally being harshed.

Organizers on Burning Man Information Radio, the local, temporary broadcaster, state that they have the resolve and the material to rebuild the man in time for Saturday's destined incineration. Sources say that they are inspecting the underlying structure for water and fire damage, and will begin rebuilding today.