For each time you did the following in the last thirty days:

1 point

• Asked for a digg
• Added someone on Facebook the day you met them
• Visited MySpace
• IMed someone asking who they are
• Messaged someone on a site like Facebook when you could have called or e-mailed
• Used a "Sent from my Blackberry/iPhone/etc." e-mail signature
• Discussed an Apple rumor
• Made a joke about fonts

2 points

• Commented on a blog just to say you liked or hated something
• Posted a Craigslist missed connection
• Used MySpace
• Submitted your own blog post to Digg
• Asked someone to blog you
• Added to a Wikipedia talk page
• Bought a Threadless T-shirt

3 points

• Told a personal story in a Yelp review
• Used Tumblr
• Gave a bad review on Amazon to a book written over thirty years ago
• Added a celebrity on Facebook
• Made a YouTube response video
• Twittered about your blog
• Got fake-married on Facebook
• Friended someone on MySpace, LinkedIn, Friendster, or Yahoo 360
• Asked anyone to tag anything

4 points

• Invited someone to add their photo to a Flickr group
• Invited someone to a Facebook app
• Vlogged
• Made a Facebook event that wasn't really an event
• Blogged about dealing with someone in the service industry
• E-mailed a press release
• Wrote "why do I care" in a blog comment

Death Round: 20 points

• Sent an unneeded "reply to all"
• Sold someone's contact info
• Played Second Life
• Rickrolled someone
• Reviewed your own book on Amazon
• Complained that someone reblogged a third party's content without crediting you for finding it first
• Said the word "microcelebrity"
• Invited your whole address book to something
• Talked like a LOLcat in real life

Results
0-10: Get the hell off my blog. But first digg my story.
11-15: You must feel great about yourself. Add twenty points for taking the quiz.
16-25: Very mediocre. Why are you reading this on your Playstation? Go play GTA IV.
26-40: All your Tumblr posts are stolen from other people's blogs. Your Twitters are about Twitter. But somehow all the YouTube clips you IM me are two years old.
41+: All my base are belong to you. Oh god, you probably laughed at that. You can haz the finger, jackass.

Picture: A very funny College Humor article. Before you go, I was serious about the digg.

A: Moscone sandwiches and Aroma Blend coffee from the nice silver. Eaten in space that felt a bit like dining in an empty blimp hanger.

B: Palace Hotel "free itemn onry!" (Sorry, racism doesn't come across well in type). Three items: Kobe beef sliders, three-pieces-of-lettuce-in-a-cardboard-bucket-with-some-parmaisan-cheese-and-a-cup-of-dressing, mint fruit salad, worms in a chinese bucket, and rice crispy treats. The best part here is watching guys in suits eat Snap Crackle and Pop.

C: Harry Denton's Starlight martini followed by ten minutes of vomiting in the lovely bathroom facilities of room 1602, which the cleaning lady has run screaming from only moments before.

Answers after the jump — RSS readers, shield your eyes!

A: Informatica World

B: Salesforce.com's 5 hour sales pitch

C: JP Morgan Technology Conference

Sharpen your schadenfreude — no cheating with Fucked Company — and guess which companies got scooped up, and which were left at the bottom of the barrel. (I got 17. You?)

Acquired or expired? [Cerado.com]

But the real problem: what does this quiz have to do with Newsweek's "Putting the 'We' in Web" cover story? If someone can honestly answer "What browser do you use?" with "What's a browser," they have no business taking a web quiz anyway. So here's the real quiz — user-generated, if you will — that Newsweek should have run.

1. How many times did you check in on Dodgeball last week? Take a half-point for each.

2. Take a point for each social-network site where you have a profile:
- MySpace
- Facebook
- LinkedIn
- Yahoo 360
- 43 People
- Consumating (two points, you damn hipster)
- Friendster (extra point if you deleted it in protest)
- Dogster or Catster
- Tribe
- Orkut (on second thought, subtract a point)

3. Take two points for each community site you're on:
- Upcoming
- Flickr
- YouTube
- Buzznet
- Last.fm
- Odeo
- Digg
- del.icio.us
- Metafilter

After the jump, finish the quiz (or get offline and, I don't know, play baseball, or whatever you non-web people do).

How geeky are you? [Newsweek]

4. Who cares how many friends you think you have? Add a tenth-point for every Flickr user who counts you as a contact.

5. Take a point for each blog post you made today.

6. Open your feed reader; divide your unread items by 100 and round off. Add those points, dude.

7. Grab five points for every private beta you're in.

8. Do you have Flickr clusters? Take a point for each one. One bonus point if you have a preferred Flickr tag other than your full name.

9. Own your own dot-com? Five points. Dot-org? Six points.

10. And if you've registered a joke site (FancyTrousers.com, anyone?), grab five more points.

11. Four points for every place you own on Plazes.

12. Three points if you've been tagged on Riya.

13. One point for every thing you bought, sold, or fucked through Craigslist.

Now add those points up, divide by your Google employee number, and figure out where you fall:

0-9: Look, since you're not actually doing anything, Valleywag's looking for a writer...
10-19: So you have a few old Fakester accounts, and you lurk in Casual Encounters. Either get a life, or give up and dive in.
20-29: Well aren't you special, Ms. Didn't-drink-the-Kool-Aid.
30-39: Okay, count your dot-net and that'll put you over 40.
40-49: Good job. Now stop reading blogs and call that hottie from Consumating.
50-59: Can danah boyd please touch you?
60+: Mena Trott, get the hell out of my quiz.