Socketside heard Cruise was the buyer of an $18 million mansion in the ritzy Sea Cliff neighborhood. NBC Bay Area soon pointed out that, if that's true, Cruise's neighbors would be Robin Williams, Cheech Marin and the guitarist from Metallica. It's like the Bay Area's very own stunted little fog-swept Beverly Hills. But many locals will remember that the Church of Scientology was on the hunt for "apparent expansion" space starting in 2006, nosing around the once countercultural North Beach neighborhood.

So is Cruise, the alleged inspirer of Scientology beat-downs, spearheading a renewed expansion campaign by the cult to which he belongs? Maybe, or maybe said SF mansion is just being bought by another local tech exec like Oracle CEO Larry Ellison, per a SocketSite update:

Another reader quickly notes the mailing address for the purchasing LLC ("Tawaraya") is that of "a high-end accounting firm in Walnut Creek" which happens to advise Larry Ellison (amongst others). And The Real Estalker adds, "Tawaraya is a super posh and searingly expensive, 300-year old ryokan–which is essentially a Japanese bed and breakfast sort of place–located in Kyoto" which is rather Ellison-esque.

Oh great, more Larry Ellison dick waving. Don't we at least deserve some fresh megalomaniac mansion owners, out here?

Yes, type "tom cruise is gay" into Google and you get sponsored links to Gayvacationtravel.com — book your gay cowboy cruise today!
Even entering something innocuous like "tom cruise is handsome," and again Google thinks I'm either interested in learning more about Tom Cruise or going sailing with the gays.

Anonymous
This loose group of Internet vigilantes (vaguely centered around, but not officially connected to, the site 4chan) often harasses unsavory but small-time people, but they did help with the arrest of pedophile Chris Forcand. Their usual tactic is a simple denial of service attack like the one against Scientology.org, but they occasionally get more sophisticated; members tell me they plan to hoist banners above some Church branches. Inspired by the release of Tom Cruise's secret Scientology video and the Church's attempts to suppress it, Anon promises an all-out war in the following hokey but entertaining video:

Digg
The users are less aggressive, but Digg is a promotion machine for stories users feel are overlooked by the media. They love to stick it to the man, and they love the freedom of information. That's why the many popular Scientology criticisms on Digg focus on the Church's history of censorship. Digg promoted the Cruise video, but they gave much more love to the Church's takedown letter to Gawker.

YouTube
The Church got the Cruise video removed from the site, but within a few days a new copy was up. Meanwhile there are plenty of parodies less likely to be deleted. The Church may have plenty of money to litigate, but if it tries to force the issue with YouTube, it'll find itself up against Google, which loves fighting bogus copyright claims.

YTMND
The site is usually just a jumble of in-jokes, but after several users mocked Scientology's mythology, user Smoothmedia designed a presentation accusing the Church of destroying several lives and harassing critics. There's a copy on YouTube (which was popular on Digg, natch):

Mainstream media has criticized the Church too, but the most famous examples are parodies from comedy shows like South Park (in an episode later censored by Comedy Central) and Craig Ferguson's Late Late Show (which still didn't run footage from the actual video). Maybe media outlets don't want to lose pull with Cruise and his celebrity friends, or maybe they just don't care, but the Internet's doing a great job exposing the dangers of the cult. Thank Xenu for immature Internet teenagers!

How is Terry Semel recovering from his recently ended and embattled tenure as Yahoo's chief executive? Apparently, he is hanging out with Hollywood buddy, Tom Cruise. Nobody can cheer you up like the laughing, smiling, and hypnotic movie star and Scientologist (if you aren't personally repulsed by the actor). And Tom's such a good listener (when he's not talking, that is). [Photo credit Pop Sugar.]

• Checking in with everyone's favorite accused killer that's contributed to the Linux kernel: Mr. Reiser's alibi got a lot better, as his dead wife's ex-lover confessed to killing 8 people. Fire up your Google and plug in Sean Sturgeon. Who knows, he may be the guy who wrote to the SEC like a forth grader. back story in a /. comment.
• Why is Terry Semel commenting on Tom Cruise's relationship?
• Speaking of comments, check out this doozie on the Wall Street Journal's Deal Journal blog. A fellow by the name of Thomas accuses the blog of fumbling the Microhoo! football. Far be it from the Fonz to criticize bad journalism, but pointing and staring is allowed. Is Thomas a crackpot?
• And speaking of Microhoo! we have a very serious question to ask you, our beloved and sweet smelling readers: Will Steve Ballmer convert to Scientology? Our money is on "Yes!"

• All the millionaires are long gone. Or at least they've been promoted enough that you don't have them blasting their audiophile make-you-weep $3000 speakers from the next cubicle.
• It's Hollywood, babe. When's the last time Tom Cruise visited Google and arm-wrestled the CEO?
• No, at Google, you have to say hi to MC Hammer — "No, it's cool, Hammer, you're still popular. What was the line...can't...can't hit this? Touch this? Good line."
• Googlers are so damn uppity. Oh, they act all laid back, but then you're chatting around the cafeteria and you name-drop, like, Arrested Development, and they're all "Oh I don't have a TV." Or if they do, the Tivo's stuck on "Battlestar Galactica."
• You're gonna get fat at Google. There. I said it. You can't control yourself, so the free food will kill you.
• Oh shut up, you would not use the exercycle and the swimming pool. You'd just roll the M&M's cart over to your desk and gorge.
• At Google, you've gotta pretend to like Sergey's t-shirt. Which would be okay if he wasn't always asking, "Does this make me look fat?"

Earlier: Yahoo intern shows why Google is more fun than Yahoo [Valleywag]
Photo: Cruise and Semel arm wrestle [maidelba at Flickr]

Source: Bees on Flickr

Source: Ernie on Flickr

Source: Ernie on Flickr

Source: AnaSofia on Flickr

I'm sensing some alienation and hostility from you, Yahoo. We have a course that can take care of that.

Yep, looks like this couch-jumping phenom might be the thing to finally put Yahoo Inc. on the map. After the jump, Access Hollywood uses the same guy's photos. Oh, you little citizen journalist! Dan Gillmor must be so proud.

My Tom Cruise Photos on Inside Edition [stevenp on YouTube]

Another highlight: seeing Access Hollywood map Tom Cruise's couch-jumpings without the Yahoo Maps API.

My Tom Cruise Photos on Access Hollywood [stevenp on YouTube]

Whenever I see the name "Jim Allchin" I keep thinking it's the alias Bruce Campbell uses when staying near where he's shooting a movie.

Floater wants to crash Google's bash:

Sounds like a good party. Think I'll be able to do a "reverse merger" with someone's "taint curve," though?

Oh, that wasn't Tom Cruise? Regine gets these celebrities confused sometimes:

Did the Target dog get a similar reception when that corporation visited Yahoo?

Blackjack steals the show:

The Top Ten ways you know it's time to bail out of your failing dot-com:

10) Feminine products in restroom replaced with advertisements for The Pill and The Patch.
9) Your guest speaker for the influential speakers series isn't Tom Cruise, but Tom Poston.
8) Eccentric billionaire leadership decides new employees have to fetch real lava for the company's tchotchke lava lamps.
7) Mike Arrington would rather payoff than write about your company on a bet.
6) The CEO writes an open letter to a stronger company's CEO begging him to merge the two firms' operating systems.
5) A consultant recommends that your firm should take on iTunes with a digital music service; management agrees.
4) Your executive management team just came back from an outsourcing capital like India with the kind of afterglow usually seen on someone after sex.
3) Your $70k per year boss and his $120k per year boss begin telling $35k staffers that they are overpaid despite doing the work of three people.
2) Then: IPOs. Now: employee plasma drives to raise cash and pay the utility bills for the office.

And the number one reason you should know it's time to bail out of your dot-com...
1) You are reading this post because you haven't had any real work to do for a couple of weeks!

Brilliant! If you're witty too, tell tips@valleywag.com, and you just may join the club.

Just heard that Tom Cruise just showed up at Helio (Sky Dayton's new wireless gig in LA) This was about 30 minutes ago.

As gleefully reported earlier, Earthlink founder Sky Dayton's been a longtime supper of the Scientology Kool-aid. When two high-level Church followers get this close, does the building become a conduit for Gozer the Destructor to unleash hell upon the world?

Earlier: Yahoo goes crazy for Cruise [Valleywag]
And: Auditing Sky Dayton [Valleywag]

After the jump, Cruise shows off a pregnant Katie, Terry Semel does the "oh, I'm just cute and clumsy" bit with his earpiece, and the Yahooparazzi attack.

More documented proof that Tom Cruise does exist, as does Katie Holmes, as does the candidate for Most Disturbed Child in Hollywood:

At the end of the next vid, watch Tom Cruise whip off his earpiece — then see Yahoo CEO Terry Semel struggle for a bit with his. Rather endearing, really.

Finally, for your obsessive desktop wallpapering (Cruise! Yahoo! You're in heaven!), Abhishek Dan and maidelba have fine Flickr photo sets of the event.

Tom Cruise @ Yahoo! - Girl Gone Wild [mistermiyage on YouTube]
Tom Cruise @ Yahoo [VoceNation on YouTube]
Tom Cruisey [dontlookatmeee on YouTube]
Tom Cruise@Yahoo [Abhishek Dan on Flickr]
Tom Cruise @ Yahoo! [maidelba on Flickr]
Earlier: Liveblogging Tom Cruise [Valleywag]

Tom Cruise just made it to Yahoo HQ for his Q&A time, says my man on the scene. And he brought Katie! "Just a few more weeks" til the baby, sez Tom.

Before Tom made it, Yahoo CEO Terry Semel gave a warm-up, telling the crowd of Yahoos that "hell no," they didn't pay Tom to come ("He does a 20mil movie and gets a big part of the gross so he's doing just fine"), and that Top Gun boy flew himself in today.

My Yahoo correspondent liveblogs via IM, after the jump.

Photo: ZoneTag Photo Tuesday 12:42:06 [rnair on Flickr]

12:46: creative commons question
ie the remix etc is it a threat or an opportunity?
tom: the potential of the creation of it is excitign. not a threat at all.
hm. terry is talking about protecting people's rights and believing in that. sseemd an oblique anti cc but not sure
tom hints at something "i don't know if you want to talk about it right now or not. it's up to you terry"
paramount and tom are putting some exclusive content on yahoo
more than that would be giving away trade secretes

12:39: terry is talking a lot more than tom
terry's telling an old tale of terry and tom
tom: "don't you remember? the guy with the harpoon ..."
terry: "i'm not gonna go there"

12:05: Terry: what got you into planes. was it top gun?
tc: 17 i had a phoeo of a spitfire and a mustang
tc: i always wanted to fly as a kid
had the gi joes... have you heard this story? i'm gonna tell it again
always wanted adventure when i was a kid. at that time it was safe to do that
had this gi joe with a plastic parachute that you could throw up and it would paracuhte down
made his own parashiute from bedsheets and rope
moved monkey bars
climbed top of garage
threw his gi joe as a wind check
threw the sheets/rope up and jumped off
knees went rocketing past him and his head hits the ground at the same time
he sees stars like acme cartoons and final though "my mother is going to kill me when she sees me here" befor eunconsciousness

12:02: crazy people taking pictures / i think i'm just gonna wait for flickr
12:01: he does his own stunts
12:00: they kiss

The Yahooer who passed on this internal e-mail regarding Tom Cruise's Tuesday campus visit says: "It's like we're expecting royalty (or something close) on campus tomorrow for chrissake! I don't recall (although I could be wrong) getting an email like this when the Governator was here."

Subject: Tom Cruise @ URL's - Tuesday, 3/21

IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDING THE TOM CRUISE EVENT:

WE WILL EVACUATE AND CLOSE URL'S AT 9:45A.M. ANY YAHOOS SEATED IN URL'S AT 9:45 WILL BE ASKED TO LEAVE. THE DOORS WILL RE-OPEN FOR SEATING AROUND 10: 00A.M. Yahoos are permitted to wait in line outside URL's. ONLY MARKED DOORS WILL BE OPEN FOR ENTRY SO BE SURE TO STAND IN LINE AT THE APPROPRIATE DOOR.

FAQ's:

How many people may attend?
Once we open the doors, Yahoos will be welcomed into URL's on a first -come first -serve basis until we reach the capacity. "Capacity" is defined by the fire code and prohibits Yahoo! from filling all of the standing room areas. Once we have reached capactiy, the doors will be closed. If you are interested in watching Mr. Cruise's talk on a monitor, we will have an overflow area on the 2nd floor of building C and will also play a live feed on Backyard and on the TVs in the lobbies and coffee bars. If you wish to view the event from C2, please line-up at the doors near the stairs to C2.

Who is permitted to attend?
All Yahoos (and Yahoos only) are permitted to attend the event. You must show a purple, yellow or blue Yahoo! badge to be admitted into URL's. Friends, relatives, reporters, etc. will not be permitted to attend the event.

After the jump: When can I get back into URL's and eat lunch, damn it.

Photo: Terry Semel (Yahoo CEO), Joanna Stevens (Yahoo spokesperson), Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes [Joanna Stevens on Flickr]

What time can I get in?
THE DOORS WILL OPEN FOR SEATING AT AROUND 10:00A.M. Yahoos are permitted to wait in line outside URL's. ONLY MARKED DOORS WILL BE OPEN FOR ENTRY SO BE SURE TO STAND IN LINE AT THE APPROPRIATE DOOR. URL's will stop serving breakfast and close at 9: 45a.m. and the coffee bar in building C will close at 9:40a.m.

Will there be an opportunity for autographs?
No, due to the tight schedule, time will not permit for autographs or photo opportunities.

I am coming from the mission college buildings, will there be extra shuttles?
Yes, there are extra shuttle buses from mission college from 9am - noon. Space is available in URL's on a first come first serve basis.

What if it rains?
There is a possibility it may be raining while Yahoos wait in line outside URL's so dress appropriately and bring those umbrellas!

Can we reserve a seat?
No, you may not enter URL's early and reserve a seat. A very limited number of seats will be reserved for event related needs and the remainder of the chairs are open seating. Anyone who arrives in URL's early to save a seat will be asked to leave when we close URL's at 9:45a.m. Once the doors re-open, it is first-come, first- serve and you may not save seats.

Will Tom be answering questions?
Questions have already been submitted through Backyard and Mr. Cruise will be answering as many as we have time for.

How long is the event?
We expect the event to last until about 11:15/11:30. After that, we ask everyone to exit URL's quickly so we can re-set the cafeteria for lunch time seating. Mr. Cruise will not be staying in URL's after the event.

What time can I get lunch at URL's?
URL's will open for lunch approximately 15 minutes after the end of the event.

That was over fast. Yahoo's talent acquisition lead says this Tom Cruise poster is fake.

Jason Calacanis is just the next in a line of Netscape kings. Former Netscape exec Susan Mernit blogs, "It seems like Netscape has had 5 strategies—and almost as many GMs—in 5 years." So it's a real pass-fail test for Jason: fix this broken little division, or show he's just another schlub.

Federated Media Publishing sticks up a tech portal page. Commence countdown to angry non-member backlash.

Earlier on Valleywag:
Tom Cruise Audits Yahoo [Today]
Netscape is the new Digg [Thursday]
FM Publishing might add a portal page [Feb 24]

Tomorrow's speech at Yahoo HQ (bring your camphones) isn't Tom Cruise's only speech to the company. On the 29th, he hits Yahoo Mission College in Santa Clara, according to this flyer. (Yes, his headshot's taped or Photoshopped on. The rest looks real. And Yahoo's Big Thinkers page is out of date.)

The big surprise: Tommy boy's talking about Scientology. Guess Terry Semel, whatever star power he used to get Cruise at Yahoo in the first place, couldn't work the Scientology add-on out of the contract.

Handy psycho seminar tip: In est, the speaker screams and you can't leave for the bathroom. In Scientology, Tom Cruise screams and you wet your pants.

Yahoo! Distinguished Speaker Series: Tom Cruise [rnair on Flickr]

Two Yahoos already shared their disdain for upcoming Yahoo speaker Tom Cruise. Another mails in:

"I am asking for my $7.00 & two hours of my life back for Magnolia."

Yahoos with comment accounts, what do you plan to ask (or whisper to your neighbor and snicker)? Yahoos without comment accounts: e-mail tips@valleywag.com and get one.

Yesterday: Tom Cruise to invade Yahoo [Valleywag]
Pictured: Tom Cruise and Yahoo CEO Terry Semel at CES — "I'm a big fan of your work, Terry. 'Run, Forrest, run!'"

The Yahoo! influential speakers group is bringing Tom Cruise into Yahoo! next week. They are also asking for questions to be submitted. Honestly, I can t think of a one that wouldn t offend him. I plan to get there early though. It should be a fun train wreck to watch. As someone else said, are we getting the couches scotchguarded? Those shoe prints can be hard to get out.

But seriously, are there any other questions other than are you gay? and would you be willing to not talk publicly about your relationship for a while? PLEASE? ? While I think he would blow up at the questions, I would equally expect him to flip out on questions like what is your favorite color? or don t you think Battlefield Earth was a really lame book?

Tipster #2:

tom cruise is appearing at the yahoo! campus, march 21st 10.30am as part of their "influential speakers" series. As you can imagine, this is getting a lot of laughs at yahoo inc. right now.

we work pretty hard here to generate revenue for this company, which then goes and spends it on lining some scientoligist cunt's pockets.

Now I'd make a clever scientology reference, but haven't they all been made?