Evan Williams invented Twitter, and now he's invented the ultimate Twitter review, in which you don't even need to watch the movie in question.

Political writer Chris Lehmann got a preview screening of the post apocalypse. In line at the supermarket, naturally.

Director Kevin Smith, hopeless romantic.

Advice columnist Penelope Trunk was dreaming of a White (Lie) Hannukkah.

"No really, have another. It's deductible!"

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Lindsay Lohan continued to roll with a classy, sober crowd.

Actor Sara Gilbert's snark is the gift that keeps on giving.

TOO LATE, MEDIA CONSULTANT JEFF JARVIS.

Did Martha Stewart call each housekeeper this morning and instruct them on what fleece to wear? What else does she use her "big bowl" for? What sorrow is she drowning is such a staggering trough of eggnog? The domestic media mogul's holiday tweet raised more questions than it answered.

It's called sugar, AP. Give journo-geek Tom Cheredar a little of it, already.

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Niche Media's Jason Binn is in love with the idea of child labor.

Nick Denton, the richest man at Gawker Media, was not above reveling in a New York Times writer's misfortune. He really didn't like that article, apparently.

Fox News Channel's Molly Stark Dean is glad she doesn't have to deal with spoiled, insulated children of wealth, at her conservative news network, owned by Rupert Murdoch and his kids.

The National Organization for Women is not at all impressed by your sex "app," Cosmo.

MC Hammer approves of white venture capitalist rap battles. Who knew?

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If Wired's Joe Brown did want to be a bitch about it, what word, worse than "appalled," would he have have used to describe Roger Ebert's typos? Just ascking (ahem).

Joel Madden will buy fellow singer Kesha's forthcoming album, so don't get all upset. He just wanted everyone to know it will probably be terrible, is all.

Rehab doctor Drew Pinsky took the first step: Admitting he has a problem.

David Carr may have written that he was "strong for [my] posse" at the New York Times, and then said the Wall Street Journal was "blending journalism and politics," be he wasn't trying to start a fight with the rival newspaper. I mean, what does he look like, a Wall Street Journal editor, or something?

CNET's Caroline McCarthy spent some of her working hours at the sort of "tasting event" that doesn't get you too hammered to work. No fun.

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Christmas almost came early this year for Mashable's Ben Parr. Ben, you've got to tell us who this was. Pay the gift forward.

And dysfunctional family recriminations came early this holiday season for recently departed Wall Street Journal reporter Rebecca Dana.

Listen people, when you see Matt Cutts of Google — yes, that Matt Cuts — in the supermarket, or maybe at Cannes, or just straight bathing in groupie adulation by the pool, remember to just be cool, like it's not a huge emotional deal for you. Resist the urge to take his picture and sell it for six figures to OK!.

Somewhere in this tweet, about a no-doubt fascinating conversation between a woman blessed by genetics and familial luck into a lifetime of opulent wealth, and a rapper who overcame a childhood in the ghetto and repeated music industry swindles by dint of sheer hard work, determination and musical aptitude — somewhere in that exchange at a record executive's holiday party is a full book, if not a movie. Just try and imagine how this might have gone, dialog wise.

It takes literally decades to work up to a passively braggy tweet of this caliber. Watch Arianna and learn.

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Senator Cair McCaskill (D, Missouri) would like you to know she wasn't accepting a bribe from her lover in the cafeteria today. Everything in Congress is so hard.

Cinephile journalist Kristopher Tapley has had it with his idiot mailman.

No one can make a cocktail <a href="http://twitter.com/susanorlThe Huffington Post's Jason Linkins has alleged that Air America's Ana Marie Cox touched him unexpectedly. Show us, on the doll. (Not Ana's doll.)

Always with the Twitter self promotion, New York Times' Brian Stelter.

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Facebook flack Brandee Barker decided to illustrate precisely why some status updates should not be shared with the world: her icy Twitter exchange with Twitter Inc. investor and former Google exec Chris Sacca was enabled and amplified by content shared with "Everyone" — the kind Facebook now advocates. (read from the bottom up).

Staffers at CBS' CNET are stockpiling food, according to tech blogger Caroline McCarthy. So much for this recession's supposed new media exceptionalism.

Lalawag's Sean Percival can tell you first-hand that while Paris might be the romantic "The City of Light," it runs on cold hard cash, same as New York.

Forbes' reporter-turned-code-monkey Taylor Buley let the difference between writing about tech news and writing about tech really sink in.

Serena Williams got her nails done... so she can shove things down your fucking throat! (On television shopping channels.)

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NPR's Daniel Schorr, who once worked with Edward R. Murrow, gave a heartfelt goodbye to his typewriter. On Twitter! Wow.

People were also talking about striking out in new directions at the New York Times, on buyout day.

Writer and ex Valleywagger Melissa Gira Grant has no fucking time. Or, rather, no "non fucking" time. It's fucking overwhelming!

Blogger and entrepreneur Tom Bridge isn't asking for a perfectly ordered society. Just the basics.

The Wall Street Journal's Colleen Debaise really appreciates your interview for her video "Creating Buzz," owner of Bill's Bar & Burger. Here, have some "check [it] out" buzz!

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Just a taste, here, of how Salon's Scott Rosenberg rolls, w/r/t Bay Area females. Line forms to the left, ladies.

Did Nicole Richie just call fracking Big Bird a "has been?" Yes, yes she did. But at least the reality TV starlet offered to basically hook BB up with a three-way, or drugs, or whatever, while she was at it.

A low-income donut worker trying to eat healthy played a starring role in Debbie Gibsons' personal irony opera.

Philip "Fuckedcompany" Kaplan is starting to feel self-conscious about his oral fixation.

The New Yorker's Susan Orlean is, presumably, frantically adding books on nirvana and emotional euphoria to her Amazon wish list. The war histories are right out.

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Touré's forthcoming listicle "The Five Absolute Best Times to Cheat on Your Wife" will be published in the February 2010 edition of Esquire, along with a companion internet video, "Listen, I Didn't Really Write That, Honey, I Swear, There Must Have Been, Like, a Production Error, Or Something."

After shaming Google's CEO, Twitter's self-appointed mogul bully, Anil Dash, set his sights on IAC's Barry Diller.

You've heard of "'Fuck Me' boots?" Geek TV godess Olivia Munn has, "fuck you, rain, I'm bearing skin" boots.

Between the unwelcome headwinds and frigid homecoming, flitty Silicon Valley flack Brooke Hammerling discovered it's hard being bicoastal.

Milo Yiannopoulos gave newly-reformed teetotaler (and fellow Brit tech writer) Paul Carr some chaos for his birthday. Hopefully not that variety that stains the carpet and passes out on the couch.

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Given the celebratory tone of her prior tweet, we're guessing writer Louise Bolton meant "pissed" in the traditional British sense. At least she made the last train! Otherwise she might have gotten additionally pissed.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the Atlantic, the Chicago Tribune's Michael Hawthorne was just getting his own winter celebration started.

Oh look: almost all of the most annoying rich young people are concentrated in one city! It's finally to safe to go to all those restaurants and clubs you probably don't go to anyway. Ain't winter grand?

PBS' Mark Glaser misses the days where you only had to worry about running into drunken beggar journalists in the streets. It seems like that was only several weeks ago, doesn't it?

Amid all the Friday drunkenness, VentureBeat's Dean Takahashi reminded everyone to get their heads sober and straight before going on camera. Looking at you, CNBC.

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Shopping blogger Maggie Mason was not in the market for a happy ending, you two.

Hunter Walker, the media blogger-turned-j-schooler, is determined to tackle the more advanced source relations lessons. Pro tip: Avoid using the word "hit piece" with this guy.

Macworld's Heather Kelly livened up an everyday "what I'm snacking on" tweet with a crucial dash of creepy.

Video blogger Molly McAleer may have been converted into one of those activists who hurls bodily fluids at fur-wearing ladies.

Studio execs are the appetizer, Clooney is the dessert. Just another lesson in Hollywood dinner etiquette from film blogger Kristopher Tapley.

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After being caught in the bloodbath after Bloomberg took over BusinessWeek, Shirley Brady bumped into the editor installed in said purge and proclaimed him a "nice guy." By which she presumably meant, "did not lay me off a second time." (So awkward.)

New York new media jester Loren Feldman sent his regards to that groom who updated his Facebook and Twitter status at the altar. The belligerence was its own gift, really.

San Francisco arts writer Louis Peitzman has half a mind to form a gang or some shit. A gang comprised entirely of humans.

Starlet Holly Madison confidently put herself forward as a culinary role model. Or whatever the opposite of that would be.

She may be known primarily for dating Lindsay Lohan, but DJ Samantha Ronson is still important enough to have her tweets edited, by Twitter Inc. Wait, what??

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The New York Times' philanthropy reporter was caught unawares by Twitter's philanthropy campaign. Even after it was explained to her, she still disapproved.

The Onion's Baratunde Thurston is ready to put Jack Dorsey's iPhone credit-card reader to the oldest test a payments system can undergo.

Wired.com's Alexis Madrigal communed with the collective OMFG.

Actor Kevin Smith kept trying to entice a member of that "God Hates Fags" church into a threesome with another woman. God does love persistence!

Actress Lisa Rinna's husband will henceforth confess to NOTHING.

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The most "polite" thing about Rob Thomas' snub of the president was probably the way he tweeted it years later for maximum humiliation.

Tech entrepreneur Jack Dorsey hearts Twitter. Whoever invented that thing deserves mad props.

Jennifer 8. Lee may work for the New York Times, but her sometime Googler-boyfriend Craig Silverstein actually prefers the bagels in Montreal. A lot. Fact checking is called for, clearly.

Judging from this posting at Overheard Newsroom, there's at least one reporter out there whose pitches are WAY more engrossing than yours. Or whose blowjobs are WAY worse. Either way.

Sarah Silverman might be depressed, but at least she started a cool Twitter-tag meme.

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Neel Shah, Page Six gossip and former Gawker and Radar-ite, was glad his phone didn't end up with the likes of his present or past employers. (He should be.)

Tech pundit and Berkeleyite Andrew Keen articulated an ideology of what might be called, if you're avoiding Rush Limbuagh-isms, "femifascism."

British Telecom's Kevin Marks hopes that's an iPhone you're discreetly working in your pocket.

Singer Weird Al Yankovic does this every time he flies.

Wired's Dylan Tweney is bookmarking your comments for future reference, haters.

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Twitter engineer Alex Payne is, needless to say, not impressed with Google's new "Chrome" operating system.

Financial writer Heidi Moore is, needless to say, as unimpressed with Best Buy as Alex Payne.

CNET's Rafe Needleman is, needless to say, as unimpressed with sleazy sales tactics as Hedi Moore, as unimpressed with Google Chrome as Alex Payne and, for all his angst, unable to even ask for a refund.

The Onion's Joe Randazzo wants you doing blow by the time he returns to this bathroom an hour from now, or there's going to be hell to pay.

The Huffington Post's Jason Links accused Mediaite of having ZERO Tumblarity. Or maybe negative Tumblarity. Ya, that bad.

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Singer Adam Lambert issued Out a non-dential denial about him purposely keeping lady fans in denial about his not-very-well-hidden-or-surprising homosexuality.

Writer and enthusiastic Michael Chabon sexer Ayelet Waldman cannot get over her ability to procrastinate. All thanks to Twitter.

Would-be lifecasting mogul Julia Allison is not above talking about her period if it means promoting her new TV pilot thing.

...and Mediaite's Rachel Sklar is not above talking about her lack of pants if it means promoting her sense of humor.

Dancer Lacy Mae Schwimmer dropped the phrase "ouivey." We can only assume that's what chic French Jews say when they stub out their clove cigarettes in an angsty but blasé manner. Explain it to us sometime, Lacey.

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Playgirl's Daniel Nardicio turned the tables on CNN.

Kirstie Alley, meanwhile, wants a piece of a certain NBC redhead.

Fortune's Philip Elmer-DeWitt passed along some good old fashioned bitching about Mike Arrinton, the TechCrunch publisher, from Kevin Rose, the Dig founder (and former CNET personality).

30 Rock's Grizz and Dot-com have a very specific niche within the show: bringing the funny.

Geek TV host Olivia Munn confirmed that it's an "ASS WORLD." So true.

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Slate's John Dickerson complained about the "lying on your expense report" part of his job. He's presumably OK with the "have work give you money under false pretenses" part.

The New York Times David Carr, meanwhile, provided some perspective on the terrible ordeal of expene reports.

When she's not having such a rough time, singer Mary J. Blige will look back on tweets like "people always understand estimate my intelligents" and laugh.

Yes, that was really actress Haylie Duff in your spin class.

A sloppy copy/paste job made George W. Bush's cousin sound like a critic of Sarah Palin's recent media appearances.

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