Somehow, the brilliant webcast of the Valleywag SloshCon is now a video file with no video. But that just makes this audio track of 88 minutes from upstairs at the party that much cooler — now you can play match-the-quote and build your own waggables all weekend long!

Magical SloshCon waggable supersource mp3

Thanks to all the sponsors who made this hangover possible!

$10 Supreme Platinum Sponsor: Supr.c.ilio.us
$100 Sponsors: Automattic; Mena Trott of Six Apart; Gabriel Venture Partners; Digg; STIRR Network; Laughing Squid; Misc. Books and Press; SustainableWebsites
$200 sponsor: Radiohandi
$250 sponsors: Topix.net; Gawker Media

The SID conference was a bit like walking into Asian gangbang night at the Golden Lotus. The honkies were far outnumbered here, and the giant plasma screens on every aisle of the show floor were hued with a distinctly yellow tint. even the press room was empty, and the attendees signed in on the media list were few and far between. At least the Wall Street Journal sent someone over.

Anyway, the conference itself showed off some amazing new technology in the area of preventing sperm from staining monitors. Many of the companies at the show were allowing patrons to bash their screens with hammers, spill water on them, and wag their cocks at the PR women, just to prove that they could take all the abuse.

Of course, that show ended at 2, and the ConFonz was forced to hide out in various Market Street bars until the freebies started flowing at the House of Shields. But once those liberal libations began flowing, the evening took a decidedly different turn.

O RLY ConFonz? After the jump, the Fonz proves he's a picky liquor drinker.

For starters, there's something deeply disturbing about watching that young ValleyWag editor be treated like a king. Women were throwing themselves at his zipper, men were handing him beverages, and everyone was waiting for this wee Willy Wonka to take charge of the festivities. For Christ's sake, people, a year ago he couldn't even get into this place because they card!

Not to look the free booze in its mouth, but the bartenders at the House of Shields were obviously suffering from some sort of degenerative brain diseases. Their drinks tasted like horse piss all night long. Your humble Conference Fonzie has trouble keeping his eyes open this morning, thanks to the strong taste of paint thinner in his swollen mouth.

And what happened to all those planned events, and doings, and presentations. As it stands, SloshCon did not meet the ConFonz's lofty standards for what does make a conference. This, instead, was sponsored drinking. An admirable event, nevertheless, it was nothing like an Expo. Unless you were trying to find out more information about how many people can fit into a joint with a 49-person-limit sign by the bar.

Next time there's a SloshCon, it needs to be A: in a larger place (Craig Newmark felt up some serious ConFonz groin... Or... was that Craig? If not, then who was groping the Fonz's little Chotchie?) B: In a bar with decent booze and booze slingers, and C: on a Friday night instead of Thursday.

Right now, half of the startups in Sillicon Valley aren't getting any work done because their management is all puking in the women's room. Of course, since there are no women at these startups, no one will ever be the wiser.

• Tag all Flickr photos with "SloshCon". "Valleywag" and "HouseofShields" are good tags too.
• I lost my new silver Fisher Space Pen. Did anyone find it?
• Someone left a Sybase WorkSpace schwag ethernet cable. E-mail nick at valleywag dot com to get it back.
• Sean Ness: Nice Web 3.0 t-shirt. Everyone who's been asking: It's for sale.

Yes, the Web Infinity Plus One SloshCon at the House of Shields went swimmingly — after doing two shots straight away, we cancelled all the events.

Valleywag's gonna go drink some water and cradle his head for a while, so sit tight, and stay tuned for photos and a ConFonz review.

Earlier: Web Infinity Plus One SloshCon: The final warning [Valleywag]

• Bring your camera or camphone.
• Think of something witty to shout about technology.

If you aren't:

• Join the backchannel, #sloshcon at irc.freenode.net (thanks Dan!).
• Watch here for a live webcast.

• Free booze
• Could be over 100 attendees
• See the first live-audience taping of Geek Entertainment TV
• No demos
• See Digg founder Kevin Rose, the Valleyschwaggers of Rubyred Labs, House of Shields owner Schlomo Rabinowitz, and commandN vlogger and Call for Help TV co-host Amber MacArthur!
• Rumor is, there's a contingent of sexy PR ladies dropping in.
• Two hundred dollar sponsor Radiohandi is topping off that giant beer tab.
• We're webcasting like it's 1999!

Web Infinity Plus One: The SloshCon [Upcoming.org]

Everyone from the Internet will be there. Will you?

Here's the game plan:

• Drinking starts at 9. Events start at 9:30ish.
• BRING YOUR CAMERA. Or microphone. Or camphone. Or camcorder. We're gonna hold a very special event with all this equipment, and it will make you a better person.
• I'll interview programming superstar David Weekly, whose "you call it stalking, I call it preparedness" service SingleStat.us is turning into a microcosm of the Valley. (We'll explain why.)
• Geek Entertainment TV host Irina Slutsky will interview someone awesome. That someone will probably be dragged, screaming, to the stage.
• The rest of the night is yours. It's open-mike night for anything and everything you have to say about the Internet. Meanwhile, just hang out — that's what conferences are for.

So come knock a few back and yell about the Net. But if you're not funny, we'll throw our drinks at you — after all, they're free.

Web Infinity Plus One: The SloshCon [Upcoming]
Photo: Cheers [Ken Douglas on Flickr]

Check out who's coming — Canadian Flockstar Will Pate, Digg hottie Kevin Rose, media maven Irina Slutsky of GETV, and so many more! Sign up or just stumble in!

And thanks to the $100 sloshcon sponsors — which now include WordPress.com owner Automattic, Mena Trott of Six Apart, Gabriel Venture Partners, Digg, STIRR Network, and Laughing Squid. Silver $250 sponsors are Topix.net and Valleywag owner Gawker Media.

Booze! Shouting! TV coverage (no seriously)! Get ready to get drunk and argue about the Internet (and those damn humanity-killing robots) this Thursday night at San Francisco's House of Shields!

Web Infinity Plus One: The SloshCon [Upcoming]

Keeping in the true spirit of blogging, Web I+1 is a SloshCon — if you're drinking that night, you can't be on stage without a glass of booze in your hand. Easy to do, thanks to the open bar.

And we want speakers. That's right — we want you to come drink our alcohol and yell at people from a stage!

So if you have something to say about the Web, the Singularity, how the robots will destroy us all, or how to flip a startup before you even start it, tell tips@valleywag.com. Just list your name, your subject, and anything witty that crosses your mind. (Debate teams are welcome.)

Earlier: Valleywag Web Infinity Plus One Conference — Next Thursday! [Valleywag]
Optional RSVP: Web Infinity Plus One: The SloshCon [Upcoming.org]
Photo: Frank Chu and Prince Charles [Thomas Hawk on Flickr]

No joke, we're holding a Web Infinity Plus One Conference at the House of Shields a week from today! The top room's reserved and the sponsors are ponying up for the bar tab. The deets:

• Where: San Francisco bar House of Shields
• When: Thursday, 8 June, 9ish PM
• What: Live GETV interview by Irina Slutsky; impromptu drunk speeches; OPEN BAR
• Why: To make a paper trail so Valleywag can pull an O'Reilly.
• $100 Sponsors: Automattic; Mena Trott of Six Apart; STIRR Network; Gawker Media ($250)

Oh boy there's more! Watch Valleywag every day til then for updates on the Best Night This Side of the Singularity!

Web Infinity Plus One: The SloshCon [RSVP on Upcoming.org]
HoS photo: Web 1.0 Summit [Scott Beale on Flickr]