<![CDATA[Gawker: valleywag, yahoo, layoffs]]> http://tags.gawker.com/assets/base/img/thumbs140x140/gawker.com.png <![CDATA[Gawker: valleywag, yahoo, layoffs]]> http://gawker.com/tag/valleywag/yahoo/layoffs http://gawker.com/tag/valleywag/yahoo/layoffs <![CDATA[The French Resistance to Yahoo's Cost-Cutting CEO]]> Carol Bartz's lacerating eccentricity may captivate Silicon Valley, where she's cutting costs left and right. Not so in Europe: When Yahoo tried to shut down operations in France, workers made this surreal, defiant video. And went on strike, naturally.

Their point: Yahoo made about 1 million euros per worker from Yahoo France alone last year, and used to hype how "it's important to have [locally] concentrated engineering activities... to innovate" in France, where it would base "one of [its] most important centers in Europe." Yahoo France's engineers will now stop working until Yahoo agrees that they shouldn't have to stop working. At least they're fact checking the internet company's hype along the way.

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<![CDATA[The Year End Party Is Over for Yahoo, We're Told]]> We hear Yahoo is canceling its annual "Year End Party" for 2009. That's quite a change for a company that last year held three company parties and additional bashes at the departmental level, amid layoffs.

The big bashes are off this year, a tipster tells us. Which is just as well: Last year, there were YEPs in New York, Los Angeles and the San Mateo headquarters; these plus the departmental parties meant that many Yahoos easily got to four parties a year, a tipster told us at the time. All the festivities came despite a wave of layoffs, which left Yahoo in the awkward position of having to set up metal detectors at its LA party, and of featuring Vegas-style showgirls in dollar-bill getups at the main headquarters party (see pic above) in the face of all Yahoo's bloodletting.

The 2007 party featured a Neil Diamond tribute band, so at least Yahoos apparently won't have to worry about any such torture this year. Ironically, though, 2009 has been a much better year for layoffs at Yahoo than 2008 was.

Know what any other tech companies are doing (or not doing) to celebrate the holidays this year? We're dying to hear about any conmpany parties: drop a line toryan@valleywag.com.

(Pic by Phil Hollenback)

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<![CDATA[We're Firing! Then, 'We're Hiring!']]> People appreciate of corporate flexibility in a recession. Fire people, hire them back, God bless you. But keep firing and hiring in an endless cycle, and people are liable to think you're as sadistic as Yahoo.

The company is becoming infamous for its bingeing on and purging of personnel. Winter before last, Yahoo laid off around 1,000 employees, then immediately announced 459 new openings. In the spring came more layoffs, followed soon after by billboards like the above, snapped by Flickr user "nfarmer" next to U.S. Highway 101: "We're hiring!"

Now the back-and-forth has reportedly reached the level of self parody as Yahoo toys with its recruiters, the very people who are supposed to facilitate the Web portal's hiring cycles. We hear Yahoo has been trying to hire fresh blood into its recruiting office, including some from Fox Interactive, where recruiting honcho Elaine Fortier used to work.

Fair enough, right? Except that Yahoo has laid off dozens of recruiters over the past eight months, telling them (says a tipster) they are eligible for re-hire and promising they would be notified of new opportunities at the company. None, apparently, were contacted for the latest round of hiring.

This leaves a good number of people out in the cold, since Yahoo has, we hear, reduced the size of its recruiting organization to roughly 40 at the Sunnyvale headquarters from 220 spread throughout the U.S. (including Southern California and New York) in December. Apparently some of these people even left jobs as lawyers to become recruiters. D'oh.

As tough as it is on workers, maybe this will turn out to be a wise strategy for Yahoo; once everyone in Silicon Valley has put in a stint at the company, they're bound to end up using some Yahoo product or another, if only to figure out how much their shares are worth.

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<![CDATA[Yahoo Video: The $6 Billion Black Hole Implodes]]> A source at Google tells us YouTube has seen a rush of résumés from engineers at Yahoo's rival video site, after a wave of layoffs last week that devastated the team. Is Yahoo Video done?

If you're wondering what Yahoo Video is, don't blame yourself. Yahoo's video site, the descendant of the foolhardy $5.7 billion acquisition of Mark Cuban's Broadcast.com in 2000, is a grab-bag of funny cat videos, sports and news clips, and third-rate Web originals.

Yahoo Video has struggled to compete with YouTube's reputation as an all-in-one destination and Hulu's clearly curated collection of primetime entertainment. Its prehistoric video technology and Dallas operations center, a legacy of the Broadcast.com deal, has meant that it costs Yahoo more to serve up a video than Google. It hasn't helped that the video group has had a revolving door of leadership. Onetime Yahoo Music chief Ian Rogers ran it briefly before leaving for a startup last year, handing it over to Yahoo Media chief Scott Moore, who promptly split for Microsoft.

Yahoo has also shuttered Jumpcut, its user-generated video site, in favor of Flickr, which now hosts what it calls "long photos" — mostly personal clips taken on digital cameras. Cuban, the founder of Broadcast.com, predicted that most videos on the Internet would be home movies. Shame he didn't tell Yahoo that before he sold it a $5.7 billion bag of goods.

Update: A tipster at Yahoo points out that Broadcast.com wasn't the only bad investment Yahoo made in video. More recently, its $200 million purchase of Maven Networks went sour:

I'm not sure if any tech news blogs have carried this info but there has been a significant shift in Yahoo! video strategy. For the past month or so, and last week in particular the entire Y! video product management team and key engineers have either moved on, resigned, or let go. For a long time the team has been pushing the management to take on a more "Hulu-like" or premium content approach but with portfolio rationalization and internal politics, the key guys pushing for this change have been moved out. Last year Yahoo! spent almost $200 M purchasing white label publishing company - Maven, that strategy is also out of the door, video is now in a sad state in Yahoo! abandoned and in maintainence mode. The sad part is that folks currently leading the video charge and the ones with poor vision, execution capability, and responsible for putting the company $200M in the hole! Yahoo! continues to amaze me. Hulu, YouTube, and others will now be leaders in video monetization.
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<![CDATA[Google's Still Got a Crush on Flickr, How Cute!]]> Yahoo has started its latest round of layoffs, which hit its pixel-cute photo-sharing site Flickr, a formerly sacrosanct fiefdom. We hear Google has its eyes on some of the Flickr employees Yahoo let slip.

One of those is Cal Henderson, Flickr's longtime director of engineering (left). AllThingsD's Kara Swisher reports that he's left Flickr and is working on a startup with Flickr cofounder Stewart Butterfield, who quit Yahoo with a bizarre resignation letter last year.

That's not all he's up to: We hear he spoke at some length with a Google recruiter at a party Saturday night. In an IM conversation, Henderson admitted he went to a party "with some folks from Six Apart [the blog-software company] and Flickr," but denied he'd spoken to anyone from Google.

Google's interest in Flickr's people is of long standing. Before Yahoo bought Flickr in 2005, Butterfield and his cofounder, then-wife Caterina Fake, flirted seriously with selling to Google. (In the small-world department: Megan Smith, the Google executive who championed a purchase of Flickr, is married to Swisher, the blogger who broke the news of Henderson and Butterfield's new startup.)

So if Google can't have Flickr, why not have its best people? No surprise that they're talking — and no surprise that Henderson's playing hard to get.

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<![CDATA[Why Is Yahoo Laying People Off? The Answer Is on an Engineer's Desk]]> After thousands of layoffs last year, Yahoo's gearing up to cut more staff. Here's an idea: Why not trim outrageous spending first? One Yahoo engineer has helpfully, if unwittingly, shown where to start.

We've never quite figured out what Jeremy Johnstone does, besides critique other people's code, take bad pictures, and trade barbs with gossip blogs. Whatever his official job is, he apparently requires seven computer screens to do it. (In fact, Johnstone has so many screens that they couldn't fit in one photo.)

Memo to Yahoo CEO Carol Bartz: You could save a few thousand bucks, easy, by redistributing five of these screens to Johnstone's colleagues instead of buying new ones.

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<![CDATA[Yahoo songwriter uploads layoff angst to YouTube]]> "Screw You, Yahoo!" is a "9 to 5" anthem for the YouTube generation, a cri de cubicle for a creative class which discovered Internet companies are just as stultifying as the rest of corporate America.

It's also really terrible, in a way that veers on high camp, but doesn't quite cross the border.

Michelle Chappel is a singer-songwriter and "international creativity consultant" who says she's worked three separate consulting gigs at Yahoo, because she "likes the people so much." After turning her recent experiences into a music video, we doubt she'll be getting much more work at Sunnyvale. No worries! "What are you going to do / when we all get jobs at Microsoft?" she sings, taunting Yahoo CEO Jerry Yang for laying off 1,500 people last week.

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<![CDATA[Laid-off Yahoos packing heat for Jerry Yang?]]> Yahoo had set plans for a holiday party in L.A. right after Wednesday's mass layoffs — and it invited the victims. But just in case any were armed, Jerry Yang's guards set up metal detectors.

No one seems to think the right employees were let go at the bloated Internet giant. The more we learn about Yahoo's layoffs, the more we can understand why Yang's security detail feared trouble. Read one Yahoo's account of how the company showered bonuses and praise on what managers said were its best employees — and then put them out on the streets a few month later:

You wanted more baffling stories on Yahoo's lay off? Well, I am one of the laid off employees. I have been with them ever since they acquired my company (Overture), which was over 7 years now.

Here are some good and laughable bits of information:

1. They honored some of us back at the end of September with the Yahoo Superstar award. The cash price for this award is quite big, and the party up in San Francisco was spectacular. Numerous people who received this award (which is given out only to 50 people out of 14,000 employees worldwide) got laid off.

2. After the first lay off in February Yahoo gave out so called "retention bonuses" in April. The bonus was given to those employees who deem so valuable that Yahoo cannot afford to lose them. The bonuses came with a nice letter from Jerry, calling you one of the "most valuable employees" in the company. Some of us "most valuable players" were laid off last week.

3. Yahoo said they wanted to get "fit" but in reality kept a bunch of non-producing, constantly calling in sick losers. It isn't surprising that the company is going down hill. Yahoo has a history of getting rid of the actual talent, while the ass-kissing, incompetent slackers remain around. Problem is, after most of the truly talented people who actually knew what they were doing got laid off, or quit, it leaves the one with fancy titles and no clue in charge.

4. Also, a funny piece of info: Yahoo gave passes for the Southern California holiday party, which took place last Saturday, to laid off employees. I guess numerous "happy" laid off ex-Yahoos went to the party to give a piece of their mind to Jerry, who oddly enough attended. I thought two comments were pretty hilarious:
1. See you at Microsoft
2. You laid off my husband in February, we just had a baby, I got laid off on Wednesday. Now you at least can put a face with some of the people you put out on the street.

I am actually happy about no longer working there. I already have another job lined up with more pay, better people and no bullshit. Most of us feel relieved that we are no longer there. The company has been run into the ground for the past 2 years. The mood is horrible, people are scared and demoralized. What was once a great work environment and such a fun place to work for is now a morgue. Let's hope that the next severance packages will be as generous as these ones.

There are still a few "good" Yahoos left working there. Some of them are simply too scared with the current economy to go and look for something else, especially if they have children and families. Not all Yahoos consist of execs who make enough money to not give a damn. There are some left who simply need a paycheck to survive. To those guys my heart goes out.

Sincerely,
Expelled

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<![CDATA[The craziest Yahoo layoff stories]]> Did you hear Yahoo CEO Jerry Yang had his house lined with Kevlar before he laid off 1,500 employees? No idea if that's true, but that's the best rumor I heard all week.

Nothing sets the office rumor mill going like a layoff. Everyone's jockeying for position and looking for information; no one actually works in the runup to a corporate cull. Here are some of the things I heard in the aftermath of last week's layoffs at Yahoo:

  • At one Yahoo office in southern California, 20 out of 50 employees on a single floor had their mail slots removed from the mailroom and placed on top of a bookcase — a week before the layoffs. "Talk about forewarnings," a Yahoo wrote us. "I thought yahoo had more class than that. I had worked at AOL for many years and they were not as bad as that."
  • A host of small projects launched right before the scheduled layoffs — suggesting that their creators were worried they'd get laid off and the projects would never see the light of day if they didn't rush them out.
  • Saddest note from a Yahoo: "I am currently with Yahoo as QA Lead and looking for opportunities with Valleywag. PFA my resume herewith. I can be reached at 408-XXX-XXXX."
  • Yahoo aid off a bunch of people who had just finished training their replacements in India. A sensible business move, and yet oh so Dilbert.
  • From a fired Yahoo up north:
    I got laid off in the Canadian office a couple of months ago. The idiot HR person followed the script you leaked to the letter.

    Here's some background:
    - My manager went on mat-leave.
    - Her temporary replacement was THE stereotypically awful manager: ignorant, mean, interested only in kissing the CEO's ass by slagging everyone who reported to her, and proposing ridiculous changes to a set of processes that the particular teams had established over three years of development and constant success (really: this particular team was the only team in the entire Canadian and European collection of offices that had this level of success).

    - I was the senior member of the team, and I had been at the company longer than this temp-replacement, so we butted heads.

    - The temp-replacement was close friends with the brand new HR manager.
    - The temp-replacement and her HR friend gave me a disciplinary letter, in which they flat-out lied, claiming that co-workers had said things about my performance that they hadn't. When those co-workers found out, they complained to HR, and my letter was suddenly taken back.

    - After a few months of clashing with the temp-manager, and a few months before the mat-leave was to end, I got the layoff-speech.

    - The temp-manager made sure to re-org (another typical yahoo move), and give herself a new managerial role, so that when the mat-leave does end, that person now reports to the person who was her temp-replacement.

  • And from Southeast Asia, word comes that people had access to Yahoo's Backyard intranet a day before the layoffs. That also happened in the U.S. in February's layoffs.
  • The leaked layoff instructions we ran proved helpful:
    I too received the tell-tale call yesterday, December 9th. It's interesting how the script was posted on valleywag.com, since that is EXACTLY what my manager said to me. LOL! I too find it interesting that the position I was hired for was being cut due to "reduction is workforce" and yet that very same position is currently posted on Hotjobs (which is a part of Yahoo). One would think that if Yahoo is truly making a reduction in their workforce then why would they have a post for the same position which they just laid you off from?
  • Worst reporting on the layoffs: Dawn Kawamoto's breathless piece in CNET News, which reported a "twist" in Yahoo's severance package. The "twist"? Yahoo's 1,500-some laid-off employees would stay on the payroll through mid-February. However, that's not an exciting new severance program; it's simply Yahoo complying with a federal labor law called the WARN Act, which requires 60 days' warning to employees affected by a mass layoff.
  • A tipster at Brickhouse, Yahoo's San Francisco "incubator" office, reports that layoff plans were clear a day ahead of schedule:
    Moving boxes showed up to at the Brick on Tuesday night. if you've ever been to the Brick, you know that there's no receptionist and no way to hide them. Very classy, Sunnyvale, "Don't let the door hit you..."

Did I miss any great Yahoo layoff stories? Let me know in the comments or the tips line.]]>
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<![CDATA[Flickr layoffs could spell a photo finish]]> Every bit of Yahoo got the slash this week. Why should Flickr, the photo-sharing startup it bought in 2005, be any different?

The sacking of designer George Oates and two of her colleagues might seem too minor to note in a week where 1,500 of their colleagues also got pink-slipped. But Flickr has been spared in past rounds of layoffs. And the seemingly political dismissal of Oates, a well-regarded designer and popular figure in the office, has created a stir of more consequence.

Flickr had become the last great hope of Yahoo, the place where talents frustrated with the Web giant's bureaucracy fled. But it was never meant to be a redoubt of cool — rather, it was meant to be the home base of a conquering army which would transform all of Yahoo, infusing its websites with the buzz of user participation.

Didn't happen. For a while, Flickr rode high; last year, Yahoo shut down its bigger Yahoo Photos site in Flickr's favor. But then Flickr founders Caterina Fake and Stewart Butterfield left. They put Flickr in the hands of a Yahoo executive, Kakul Srivastava, who made the decision to lay off Oates, I'm told.

I haven't uncovered the specific reason Srivastava and Oates had a tiff, but it seems impossible to argue that the firing had anything to do with performance. Oates had championed a project to post photos from the Library of Congress's collections; Library officials just yesterday declared it a resounding success.

This is how a team falls apart: Remove a key player, and the social bonds that keep their friends on the job weaken. Before you know it, you've got a group of employees collecting paychecks, not a team working for a goal. Bugs go unfixed; servers crash; the design becomes ugly; and users flee. This could well happen to Flickr. Back up your photos now!

If that happens, what it tells us is that the culture of Flickr was always illusory — one built on personal ties rather than more lasting devotion to a cause. If so, the notion of exporting it to Yahoo was a delusion. That's the problem with turning a community into a commodity: Take away the people, and you have nothing left.

(Photo by martinalvarez)

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<![CDATA[Why the Yahoo feeding frenzy?]]> With camera crews staking out space outside Yahoo's Sunnyvale headquarters, some employees are striking back, uploading photos of the TV reporters to Flickr before the sluggish old media can get their broadcasts together. And that's part of the big story.

With some perspective, the focus on Yahoo seems a bit strange: 1,500 lost jobs are not inconsiderable, but they pale in comparison to the 533,000 shed by the U.S. economy last month. And yet Yahoo's layoffs get all the buzz — 1,933 stories on Google News in the past 24 hours.

Why all the hullabaloo? It's partly because Yahoo's rise and fall has such an epic quality, making it a proxy for Silicon Valley's boom-and-bust cycle. And it's partly because Yahoo, even in its troubled state, has a place at the future of media — through sites like Flickr, the photo-sharing site which turns every person with a digital camera into a news photographer, and Yahoo Buzz, the headline-voting service which opens up the Yahoo homepage to news stories from the smallest of blogs.

It's precisely because Yahoo sits at the intersection of media and technology that it attracts such attention. Google and Microsoft seem content to wage a technological war based on who has the smartest programmers, the best algorithm, the most servers. Yahoo, meanwhile, sees a place for human beings in a future media landscape that is increasingly automated.

That's why the emotion that Yahoo attracts isn't anger, but sadness; not rage, but disappointment. Yahoo could be so much better than it is, if only it weren't saddled with visionless leaders, subpar management, and a do-nothing board. Ah, the irony: The best hope of humanity keeps getting tripped up by its people.

(Photo by cdye1)

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<![CDATA[Yahoos drowning their sorrows]]> Where are laid-off Yahoos drinking away their sorrows? Some in San Francisco, where Yahoo's Brickhouse incubator is located, have congregated at Hotel Utah, a bar South of Market known for its live music. I called the bar and bought them a round of shots — the least I could do after all the fine, fine tips Yahoo employees have provided me over the years. The Brickhouse office will close at the end of the year, one told me. (Photo via 7x7)

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<![CDATA[An instant history of Yahoo]]> With 1,500 employees gone today, Yahoo has surely hit bottom. The company's third act begins today — either an amazing rebirth, a disappearance into Microsoft, or a slow grind into irrelevance. How did those become its options?

Yahoo turns 15 next month. The site first went live, on a Stanford Unversity server, in January 1994. The years since fall neatly into two halves: the first, its dizzying rise from a campus trailer to $100 billion goliath; the second, its equally stupefying fall. Here's a recap of the past decade and a half.

1994


Stanford graduate students Jerry Yang and David Filo create Jerry's Guide to the Web, a directory of links to websites, in January. In April, they rename it Yahoo.

1995
Yahoo incorporates in March. Sequoia Capital, a VC firm which invested in Apple and Cisco, buys in. In August, it starts selling ads. The Web is now a business.

1996
Yang and Filo appear on the cover of Wired; Yahoo goes public, beating most of its Web rivals to the punch. But the early stock offering also means Yang and Filo are now subject to the whims of shareholders. Yahoo Japan, a partly-owned subsidiary, launches.

1999


Yahoo spends billions of dollars on GeoCities and Broadcast.com, acquisitions that later prove a waste — save for turning Broadcast.com founder Mark Cuban into a billionaire, allowing him to buy the Dallas Mavericks and become an ongoing source of entertainment.

2000
Yahoo's market cap peaks in January above $100 billion. The stock begins a long slide after the dotcom bubble pops. In June, it signs a deal to have Google provide its search results. In retrospect, this is where everything started to go wrong.

2001
After a three-month search, Yahoo hires Terry Semel, the former head of the Warner Bros. studio, as CEO.

2002
Yahoo announces plans to buys Inktomi, a search engine.

2003
Semel follows the Inktomi buy with Overture, which sells search advertising, in a strategy to beat Google.

2004
Yahoo hires Lloyd Braun, a former ABC executive, to run its media operations. Hilarity ensues, as Braun proves laughably unsuited to the job and the online medium, and Yahoo's push into Hollywood-style content production proves a flop.

2005


Yahoo has secret talks to buy Flickr, the photo-sharing site. That deal happens. Microsoft has secret talks to buy Yahoo. Nothing happens. Yahoo reaches the peak of its post-bubble influence — but the surge proves illusory.

2006
Microsoft has secret talks to buy Yahoo. Nothing happens. Lloyd Braun "quits."

2007
Microsoft has secret talks to buy Yahoo. Nothing happens. Semel resigns. Yang replaces him.

2008
In a phone call in late January, Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer bids $44.6 billion for the company — sort of. Semel quits the board that night. Yang and the board dither. In February, Yahoo lays off 1,000 employees. Microsoft eventually walks away. Corporate raider Carl Icahn buys shares, raises a stink, and gets three board seats. Yang steps down as CEO, pending a search for his replacement. In December, Yahoo lays off another 1,500 employees — 10 percent of its workforce. There's talk that Microsoft might be having secret talks to buy Yahoo. Nothing happens.

(Photo of Yang and Flickr's Caterina Fake and Stewart Butterfield by Ross Mayfield)

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<![CDATA[Jerry Yang's incompetent layoff memo]]> Yahoo has a strict set of rules to follow in layoffs: No small talk. Get to the point. Don't own the employee's feelings. Did Jerry Yang, the stumbling Internet company's cloddish founder-CEO, follow them in his latest all-hands memo?

Of course not! Check out the unnecessary verbiage — all lowercase letters, as is Yang's too-lazy-for-the-shift-key wont — and the presumptuous empathizing, as Yang sends out a memo about the company's mass layoff of 1,500 employees. Is it any wonder that Yahoo's board has decided to fire Yang, too? He assumes its a "tough time" for all of his charges. It has never occurred to him that many Yahoos might cheer the company's shedding of deadwood — Yang included.

The memo:

yahoos,

today, most of our layoffs in the US are happening, and they've been underway in other regions around the world.

this is a tough time for all of us and i wanted to take a moment to reach out to you.

saying goodbye to colleagues and friends is never easy. they all are dedicated members of our yahoo! family, who worked beside us and shared our passion.

but as you all know, we must take actions to better perform in today's turbulent global economy. while we've found efficiencies in many parts of our business, laying off employees is unfortunately unavoidable. our difficult decision to let colleagues go reflects the changes we're having to make to better align costs with revenues - something businesses in virtually every sector are also having to do.

for those who are affected by these layoffs, i am extremely grateful for your contributions to yahoo!. we realize the impact this will have on you. that's why, consistent with our past practices, we're making every effort to support you with severance packages and other services.

the reductions we're making are very hard, but they are also very necessary - as we focus on the long-term health of our business. to those who are leaving us, i extend my heartfelt thanks on behalf of yahoos everywhere - you will be missed.

thanks,
jerry

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<![CDATA[The long goodbye]]> Everything takes forever at Yahoo, the once high-flying, now famously sluggish Internet giant. Today's layoffs of 1,500 employees have been expected for months. And yet the strange thing is so many Yahoos seem unprepared.

Take this poignant goodbye message scrawled on a whiteboard. It speaks to a culture frozen in time — both the hang-loose Northern Californian waverider, and the frantic Web addict, reloading page after page over a 56-kbps modem. (Yahoo, in its early days, employed a large team of "surfers" who were paid to find new websites and add them to its directory.)

On Twitter and blogs, a fragmentary picture of Yahoo's agonizing cut — 10 percent of its workforce — is emerging. Already we've heard of entire offices closing, like Right Media, the New York online-advertising startup Yahoo bougth for $680 million just last year, and Yahoo Brickhouse, the San Francisco-based incubator launched with such high hopes for spinning out new websites. Nothing memorable has issued from the Brickhouse, and real-estate agents have tromped through, suggesting the office in San Francisco's South Park neighborhood, the historic epicenter of the '90s dotcom wave, is being unloaded.

Even Flickr, once Yahoo's golden child, is feeling pain, with employees being axed and runaway spending on servers and bandwidth being reined in.

What else have you heard? If you work at Yahoo, or know someone who does, share your stories and pictures from the day. We'll publish the best later.

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<![CDATA[Yahoo's secret layoff doublespeak revealed!]]> Yahoo isn't firing people en masse — it's "getting fit." That noisome euphemism for today's layoffs of 1,500 people must have hissed forth from the brain of some overpaid management consultant. Likewise for pages upon pages of instructions on how to sack employees — which Valleywag has obtained.

Thousands of Yahoo employees have been waiting months to find out if they're going to be laid off. Today they'll know for sure when their managers say the magic words.

Yahoo's script for performing the layoff begins when the boss walks up to an employee getting the sack. And then he says, "Thank you, [FIRST NAME HERE], for coming in. I have some information regarding our organization I'd like to tell you in person." The anodyne managementspeak just gets worse from there: "I appreciate what you have done for Yahoo."

We don't think Yahoo's layoff procedures are worse than any other big corporation's. Instead, they're depressingly ordinary for a company which once promised to reinvent the media business. Here's how the doomed will find out they no longer Yahoo:





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<![CDATA[A guide to Yahoo's mass layoff]]> Yahoo hasn't been able to do anything right lately. Why should Wednesday's job cuts be any different?

Mass layoffs are always traumatic. But Yahoo's human-resources department is not approaching this with any particular grace.

December 10 has long been rumored as the date for the layoffs. (We first heard in October.) Nevertheless, some Yahoo employees were in the dark — until they logged on to the Yahoo intranet and noticed that the HR department had booked every single conference room at the company's Sunnyvale, Calif. headquarters. Others are hoping to be laid off, figuring anything's better than Yahoo.

How the layoffs will go down: Commenter yanged describes the process:

There are requests for the little people to be in the office by 9 a.m. If they can't, they must be available by cell for the next 6 hours. Nobody sure what that all means. Are people going to get in early, pretend to do work all day, hoping not to get that knock on the door or phone call from the manager? After waiting for months, are people going to have to sweat it for hours and hours waiting to see if they will be tossed overboard?

Who will get the ax: No one's safe. Upper management at the company insisted that departments across the board make personnel cuts. But finance will be hard hit; a source inside that group says 50 percent of the workforce could go. Likewise HR, since fewer employees require fewer administrators. Kara Swisher, the AllThingsD blogger, thinks entire projects might be eliminated. Yahoo currently lists more than 100 websites and services. Does it really need Yahoo Pets, Yahoo Avatars, Yahoo Ecards? Let me put it this way: If it's a Yahoo site you've never heard of, it may well be on the chopping block.

Will this fix Yahoo? No. Sadly, Yahoo needs to fire another 2,000 people or so to get to a sensible size. If only outgoing CEO Jerry Yang, the indecisive blitherer, had made some hard decisions in his first 100 days on the job, like he promised to do last summer, these Yahoos might not be having to find new jobs in the worst recession in living memory.

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<![CDATA[Yahoo's last hurrah]]> Canceling year-end parties is a hot holiday trend. But Yahoo executives, even as they prepared to put 1,500 employees on the street this week, greenlighted a bash for the troubled Web giant which took place Saturday. The theme: gambling. Appropriate!

Why is CEO Jerry Yang all smiles in these pictures with employees, some of whom he's about to lay off? Well, he's losing his job, too — as soon as the company finds a replacement. (The search is going so poorly that the company may end up tapping a board member out of sheer expediency.) Perhaps that sense of impending loss has allowed the company's billionaire founder to chum around so convincingly with rank-and-file Yahoos at a suburban racetrack south of San Francisco, dolled up to look like a poor imagining of Las Vegas.

The smiles and parties are part of Yahoo's problem. Remember that this company, which started as a collection of links Yang kept online, grew to be worth $100 billion and emerged from the dotcom bust without peer among Internet portals. Back then, a company mandate to embrace fun made up for long hours spent crushing rivals.

But Yahoo is now worth a sixth of its peak price, and its culture has since turned into a toxic parody of the kind of public-school self-esteem programs Garry Trudeau once mocked in Doonesbury. Work and achievement aren't properly celebrated at Yahoo. Instead, just showing up to work seems to be what counts. To keep up with Google, Yahoo lavished salary hikes and raises on employees; it now has an uncomfortable number of the overpaid and underworked. Long before the economy turned sour, Yahoo needed to cut back a good quarter of its workforce. As gloomy as the prospect of its coming layoffs are, Yahoo will still have too many employees. But its shareholders paid millions to throw them a party anyway.

More shots of Yahoo's last hurrah are on Flickr, the photo site whose employees surely wish it wasn't owned by Yahoo.

(Photo of Yang with employee by zhouyaoji, group shot by remfan)

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<![CDATA[E-commerce company sacks 40, posts cruise photos]]> I confess, I'd never heard nor read of Solid Cactus, a company that builds Yahoo stores, before the following cri de coeur dropped into the inbox a few minutes ago. I have no idea if any of the accusations in this email are true. But I liked the part where the CEO blogs his vacation pics. "Time to Get Away," indeed.

Hello,

Solid Cactus, an e-commerce development company and Yahoo Small Business partner laid off 40 people last Thursday. This is in addition to about 35 or so others that have been let go over the last 6 months. They say they still have 150 employees, but I'd guess it to be more like 110. They've axed about 40% of staff (very, very quietly) in the last 6 months.

What is very frustrating is that there is no accountability on behalf of their management. They lie and spin everything and the public and remaining employees believe everything their fed. The owners take weekly vacations to florida and brag about it to the company and then come back and lay people off blaming the economy. One week they ask everyone what they can cut, the next week they add a soft serv ice cream machine and hire people to work in the cafe. They temporarily cut the entire staff's pay by 10% and then took on additional office space and hired executive assistants at the same time. Its terrible...if you can get any of the current or ex-employees to talk to you...there's a real story here.

They control the local media and the only coverage this has gotten is here: http://www.timesleader.com/business/Economy_pinches_Solid_Cactus__40_laid_off_11-07-2008.html There were several negative comments from ex-employees talking about how it wasn't the economy, but management errors - but since they "own the media" they had their friends at the paper take down all of the comments. Personally I think the TimesLeader should be called out on this for restricting free speech and calling themselves responsible journalists.

You won't get a straight answer from the CEO or management on what's really going on, but if you pick enough, this can turn into a really good story. Think about this quote: "It's 100 percent due to the economy. If our customers were still spending money with us, this would not have happened." The company services 3500 e-commerce business - who didn't just stop spending money. They stopped spending money with them because they keep cutting staff and downgrading service...competitors have been flourishing despite economic concerns.

I know you at valleywag has utter disdain for CEO's that overspend and then lay people off...and this is exactly what is happening here. If you look at the reviews on GlassDoor you can see some of the sentiments (although the site is also loaded with shill posts from the owners and execs).

You can also see the CEO blogging about the cruise he just took (look at the size of the suite): http://blog.solidcactus.com/news/reflection-on-boot-camp-time-to-get-away/ and the pictures to boot: http://picasaweb.google.com/ssanfilippo/MsEudoram101508101808# (more cruise pics here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/60073743@N00/)

Please don't let them coninue to pull the woll over everyone's eyes. And please don't disclose my information.

Thank you.

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<![CDATA[Yahoo employee turns to bad poetry]]> What's the only thing worse than another "Open Letter to Jerry Yang?" A freaking poem to Jerry Yang. Shakespeare was so much better at this, plus he didn't put his vanity site's URL in the final stanza.

dear mr. yang,
i am double o'trouble
you may remember me
from the 1.0 bubble

you held on to me then
despite all the chaos
please spare me from
the 2.0 layoff

even though times call
for you to be frugal
don't leave me for dead
like your deal with google

i have little saved
i'm facing foreclosure
i NEED this job
to keep my composure

i've increased in value
unlike my shares
plus i have more skills
than ballmer has hairs

i can save yahoo!
i have vision and moxie
and more plans for business
than guy kawasaki

i stood up for you
called bloomberg unfair
when cuban suggested
that you grow a pair

so please spare my job
from the release
wait, what? googles hiring?
i'm outta here, peace

from double o'trouble,
founder of http://www.stealthyourself.com

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