Gawker: valleywag, you're doing it wrong

Apple shareholders threaten Henry Blodget

Jackson West — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 17:20:00 EDT

After an interview with employee Dan Frommer, Silicon Alley Insider publisher Henry Blodget received a "threat" from an Apple shareholder who didn't like the pair's skepticism about the market for iPhone applications and the stock's performance. But rather than go after Blodget for shorting AAPL, why not mention that the analysis comes from a man who had to settle a fraud suit and was kicked out of the financial business? That seems easier. [Silicon Alley Insider]

LinkedIn needs to sex up its pitch if they want a Facebook-sized valuation

Jackson West — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 10:00:00 EDT

LinkedIn's $1 billion valuation certainly seems low only when compared to the stratospheric $15 billion Facebook is worth on paper. One reason why is because, frankly, college kids are sexy — as the VCs in the announcement infomercial prove irrefutably, business professional who use LinkedIn are not. So if you're going to announce a new round of venture capital with a video on YouTube, why not make it a music video? The kids love music videos. Hence, Valleywag presents "The Upside" featuring Jeffrey "Sand Hizzy" Glass, David "D-Cup" Sze, David "Dollar Billz" Cowan and Mark "Make Money" Kvamme over beats from EPMD. Recognize.

Hookers to techies: "ur doin it rong"

Melissa Gira Grant — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:00:00 EDT

Sex professionals, like every other contractor in the Valley, can and will turn down your propositions. I just did that to a married guy from Apple who thought he'd earned a freebie. At $250 a date, most women don't need to accept all takers. How do the n00bs flub a deal with a pro?

1. Ask for a special rate.At restaurants, do you haggle the menu prices when ordering? Valley guys in particular seem to feel that if they don't wrangle down the price of a date, they're not big men. Yeah, and how about you give your boss a discount on your salary? After all, his company isn't like the other companies — it's special.
2. Speak in acronyms.Talking in code won't fool the law enforcement officers you imagine are spying on you. It's just tacky. Rather than mumble that you're "very oral and looking for a BBBJ and some XPT without the GFE," read her reviews to see if it's what she's good at. That seems easier.
3. Expect to buy 3, get 1 free. The surest way to never get back in my appointment book is to try to get together "for fun" — i.e., for free. Like I told Married Apple Guy this week: Once a client, always a client. If you want to "hang out," try OkCupid .

(Photo from Mistress Ai-Li)

Right call, wrong call girl

Melissa Gira Grant — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 15:00:09 EDT

At last, online data shows at least one reader has attempted to take my advice. He made contact with the original "high-dollar hottie," Anne Marie. But she explains his one big goof.

Anna Marie writes:

Today I received an email from a gentlemen who addressed me as "Lara" asking me about my availability next month. For those of you who don't know I retired yeeeaars ago! I took the time to kindly write him back and say I'm not Lara, I'm retired and have a great day. He wrote back with a link to this article...

Anne Marie and Jet Set Lara were both featured in my post. My reader confused Anna Marie, who's no longer for hire, with Lara, whom you still can contact for a date. Glad to hear a connection's been made. Maybe read Valleywag with both hands next time?