Dec 6, 2006 08:48 PM
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Wed Feb 10
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NICK DOUGLAS — Digg may not be heaven, but it's sure damn close. If you enter this big weird world of Diggers, submitters, and buriers, you'd better know who you're dealing with.
1. The Überdigger. A dude like this works harder getting stories for Digg than you do at your job. In the physical world, he may be a lard-ass earning Cs in history class or that slacker in Accounting, but on Digg he is your overlord and until you too have 922 submissions hit the front page, You. Shall. Bow to him.
2. The Loud Downdigger. Pushes the thumbs-down and won't stop talking about it. "What do you get when you submit a 3 year old website?" "THIS IS BULLS**T I'M GOING FOR A WALK." "I tried the game and it was suckiness."
3. The Spammer. Despite the spam-killing algorithms and zap-happy diggers that immediately crush his little spam empire, the spammer keeps seeding spam stories and spam digging them with spam his spam sock-puppet spam army SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM!
4. The One-liner. Always walks right in with the right thing to say. Often replies to trolls and spammers with some wordplay or a conceptual Monty Python reference. Tagline: "See what I did there?"
5. Kevin Rose's Special Friend. "You mean you don't know who Kevin is?" When he saw the video of the Digg founder and his lady friend Lala going home from a party, he wrote "Rock on bro" or "This is the closest I'll come to digging Lala." Listens to Diggnation, closes his eyes, and pretends he's on the couch with Kevin and Alex. Has never met:
6. A Girl. Ahahahahahahahahahaha, no. Women on Digg are all brilliant, talented, enterprising, and smoking hot. You are not worth their time, and any girl who says you are is a fake.
7. The Mastur-Digg-baiter. Always outnumbered, always outgunned, he spends little time on Digg but spends hours IMing friends with links to his latest submission, pleading "Digg me! Oh you don't have a— I'll help you sign up to the— Oh you don't know what— Well let me explain what Digg is..." He has three life goals: a) to finally make the front page; b) to find the secret formula for doing so; and c) to figure out why no one helps him twice.
8. The Value Adder. You like that horror remix, "Scary Poppins"? He's got 13 more remix trailers and a site with more. If he and the Überdigger ever join forces, they will be unstoppable.
This is the second installment of Diggbait, a daily column about tech and Internet culture begging to make the front page of Digg. Diggbait #1: "Digg this story, give $10 to charity" explains the charity scheme behind every Diggbait story from now to Christmas. For more stories about Digg, check out Valleywag's full coverage.
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