Gawker
Disney's buying 20 Internet startups in the next two years, and suddenly startuppers have a whole new world to imagine. They know about selling out to the same old tech giants: At Google, get rich and leave for another startup; at Yahoo, get bogged down in bureaucracy; at Microsoft, disappear like Haley Joel Osment. But what happens to a startup at Disney? Here's an inside look.
Day 1
Granted security ID, all-parks badge
Orientation led by bitter-seeming guy who did the headlights in Cars
Day 2
Interview applicants for Imagineering Department
Already sick of piped-in music by Hannah Montana
Day 3
Awkward sensitivity training from Princess Ariel reveals that Microsoft isn't the only company with post-op managers
Day 5
In bathroom, accidentally spray water on the guy left in charge of Go.com; walk hurriedly away while foreboding soundtrack by Alan Menken swells in background
Banned from Club Penguin fifty times in one hour, setting new office record commemorated on conference room whiteboard
Day 7
IT finally sets up intranet access; waste all day on MickeyWiki reading gay agenda
Get stuck adopting two Dalmatians left over from straight-to-DVD re-remake
Day 10
Discover you're not supposed to repeat outfits on "Furry Fridays"
Day 14
Tearful call from Mom, who says the whole church in Biloxi is praying for you
Day 15
As ordered in company handbook, hide subliminal sex messages in product
Day 22
Boss fired for taking nude photos with High School Musical 4 star
Day 30
Take Steve Jobs on department tour; he constantly snickers and says "I'm totally blogging this"
Day 41
Visiting niece draws picture of Donald Duck, is ushered out by security for trademark violation
Day 50
Convince copywriters to forgo residuals because "we can't make any money on this Internet thing"
Day 65
Nerve-wracking product demo for frozen head of Walt Disney
Day 94
Google buys Disney; vest early, work on new startup built to flip to Wal-Mart
