Jason Calacanis, who once made a popular thing many years ago and has since been a go-to authority on race relations and poker, is ready with his forecast for the future of Google Glass. There's some bad news: the face computer's ruining his dance floor vibes, and he just might "punch you in the face" over it.

The post, subtitled "Take Those off before I Punch You in the Face!" is classic Calacanis, with all the swagger of a tipsy uncle with frosted tips and all the insight of a calendar—read the full thing over at LinkedIn if you feel like you really must.

Or, if you don't feel like reading 2,000 words about Google Glass today, here are Jason's top three lessons. Read closely, read carefully, and just maybe, you won't get a knuckle download on the d-floor.

Don't Wear Glass With Friends

Jason Sez: if you're hoping to talk to me, don't wear your face computer—this lesson was hard-learned for "a fairly notable person" he ran into at a recent conference:

I asked my friend, “Will you take them off so we can talk?”

“No, I’m running an experiment to keep them on for a month!” he proudly retorted.


At this point, I turned around and walked away. To my mind, this was the douchiest moment of 2013.

Don't Wear Glass at Poker Or I'll Shout in Your Fucking Face

Things went south at a recent Calacanis card sesh:

Immediately, I stand up from the table: “Give them to me!” I shout.

“I’m a Glasshole!” one confesses with a smile.

He complies instantly, as he gets exactly how inappropriate these things are for any social setting. Also, you don’t want to get kicked out of this party — it’s simply too much fun, and too important for deal-making. Seriously.


Don't Wear Glass While Jason Is Trying to Press Up on Some Butts

Dude walks on the dance floor at midnight wearing them. Fairly clear he is taking photos and/or video.

“Dude? You’re killing the vibe!” I cry.

“Really?” he answers.

Note to geeks/dorks: Girls do not — I repeat DO NOT — want to dance with you while you’re recording them.

Lots of good life experience on display here, you geeks/dorks.